The Other Side Of You
by xbitterangelx
Summary: When badass Edward is forced to be tutored by Bella Swan, a geeky yet troubled girl who has a horrific past, will the two be able to go through their trails and tribulations despite their flaws? AH - EdwardXBella
1. The Beginning

**Authors Note – I own nothing. All belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**BPOV**

Charlie welcomed me with opened arms, but I couldn't help but not feel welcomed. Don't get me wrong – Charlie was great, but I knew why he was taking me into his home. After the incident with my mother, the only thing they could have done was put me in the care of Charlie. It seemed wrong of me to think this way, but I just couldn't help it.

It wasn't that I didn't like Charlie, but I haven't visited him in years and he seemed to be okay with that. At one point I thought there would be some line that would be crossed from the amount of times he missed opportunities to see me. But I never let it get to me, because now I was stuck with him.

So for the past two days I have been here, thankfully on a weekend, I've been doing nothing but distracting myself from the gruesome fact that I would have to endure school on Monday. School in general was hard to think about, but a new school was just over the limit. I couldn't even contemplate how bad it truly – No, how bad it **will** be.

Distracting myself wasn't hard though, with the constant books I read, constant music I download, and how I must cook Charlie a decent meal always got my mind off of things. But I knew my memories would always come back to haunt me.

Sleep was a normal routine for me – just like any other normal human being in the world, but the constant panic attacks, well that was normal for me just not for everyone else. I'd always find scratches on my arms and legs, sometimes even across my stomach. Most people would think someone had just hopped right through my window and scratched me with their nails, but what was truly causing this was me.

I've always had panic attacks, but now after the experience of my mother's death they have just intensified. I would constantly wake up screaming, my body sweating with fear as all my bones would lock up. My hair would stick to my wet forehead, my eyes red and puffy from the tears.

It was even worse in public. My fingernails would claw at whatever skin of mine I could get a hold of, if it be my arm, my legs, my neck, even my face. It was embarrassing, but I just couldn't stop them. Like my nighttime panic attacks, my bones would lock up and my view would be completely hazy. Sometimes I'd scream, and quite loudly but those were only with the really bad ones.

I had a really bad one Sunday night, just thinking about School in the morning. I had no idea what triggered my panic attacks. Fear? Memories? I refused to see a shrink though, because that made me look even more pathetic than I already was. All I remember is that horrible nightmare of my mother being literally crushed in front of me from the on-coming car. The sight was horrible and bloody.

I woke up with a frightening scream that woke Charlie up. I reassured him that I was alright, that it was just a nightmare but it was so much more than that. I was surprised I even could talk to him when he barged in my room after I had screamed. I was still in go-mode panic attack. It was one of the worse. But just one of them. I've had worse.

I was jittering in the car, my body feeling like a never ending nerve wire. It always happened when I was nervous, and I absolutely dreaded it. My fingers twitched against my lap as my eyes darted around the green blobs of scenery as they past my window. Charlie sat there and comforted me by saying that I'd make new friends, that everyone would be wonderful to me.

I've learned that not everyone can be good. I twitched slightly at the memory, shedding back my tears as my fingers gripped around my knee cap,_ Ouch, ouch, ouch_, "Bella." Charlie said to grab my attention. My head flung over as my heart raced, my eyes spazzing as I looked to him, "Everything will be alright." I felt the car stop, my feet freezing where they were and my legs standing still. I wasn't about to move, "If you need anything, you have my number." He smiled reassuringly just to help, but it didn't. I couldn't tell him that though, he was just being a good dad.

I stared at him for minutes, finally getting the courage to lean my body over and grab my orange backpack. I looked to the door handle, seeing it covered in old leather that was nearly falling off from Charlie's almost deceased cop car. My fingers slowly slipped over the soft leather and I opened the door, hearing it creak in protest.

_Right foot_, I thought to myself, mimicking my thoughts as my right foot was place out of the car, _Okay now left foot_. I did what my mind told me to do and both my feet were planted on the ground. _Now_ _smile for Charlie and let's get this day over with_. I spared Charlie a smile just to reassure him that I would try and be okay. Not making any promises.

_Alright, you can do this. Just take a deep breath_. And I did what I thought would help and sucked in a deep breath of cold icy air, watching it come out as a small breeze. My protection, that stupid blue and white cop car had drove away and I watched as it made its way over the hill and out of my view. As old and deceased as it my look, I'd rather take that over this.

I looked to the maroon brick building, mold and leafs and vines and all other green things wrapped around the building, my eyes being clouded by the rain drops that soon began to fall down.

_This is now home, get used to it_.

I literally had to drag myself in the building, watching as the different colored eyes stared right at me. It made me nervous, and I could feel my panic attacks building up once again. _No, don't. You're going to make yourself look like an idiot on your first day. At least wait until day two_. I sighed softly trying to find my way to the office, but I was too shy to ask anyone for directions.

Luckily for me, I found a school map which led me straight to the small box room. The smell was of old coffee that had been sitting out for hours mixed with leather chairs. I pressed my fingers to my temples, sighing softly as I reached the woodened desk.

"Bella Swan…" A woman's voice gasped before I even had a chance to say anything. A woman with red, curly hair, freckles that no one could ever miss stood from her chair as she wound a circle around it and towards me, "Remember me?" She asked, getting too close for comfort. I quickly took a step back, rubbing my arm as I eyes fluttered slightly. She had gotten the picture, and I was glad she wasn't offended by my defense against myself.

"N-No. I'm sorry, I don't." I admitted, feeling my cheeks run hot.

"I'm Victoria." She smiled brightly, her body fuming with friendliness. I shrugged again, obviously not getting the picture as I'm sure my cheeks turned a rosy pink color, "A friend of Charlie's. We met when you were just a young little girl." I nodded my head, letting out a small heave, rubbing my shoulders.

"Well, it's nice to see you again." I managed to slip before looking back to the desk. Victoria knew I was here for one thing only, and that was to get my schedule. She mumbled about how much I have grew as she searched her desk for what I was needing, finally finding the blue slip of paper and handing a few books as well. She told me which each one was for and how I must return these at the end of the year. She also mentioned an ambassador student to show me around the school, which I wasn't too thrilled about. _Just get it over with. Stop complaining_. I scolded myself as I watched Victoria punch in a few numbers on the black phone.

I stood back against the wall wishing that this school would just let me find my way on my own. I didn't need some stupid ambassador to show me around to my classes. Moving here to Forks, I only hoped for one thing – And that was solitary.

"Did you call me, Miss. Lassader?" A squeaky voice bolted in through the door. I looked to the short, black haired girl who seemed too peppy for my likings. I stayed in the same place, staring at the red and brown carpet under my feet hearing that Victoria was explaining to the girl how I was new and needed a 'tour guide' which I was opposed for, but apparently here I have no voice in what I what to do.

Her little body jumped in front of me, ripping my attention from the ground and to her pixie-face. Her pointy nose stood out the most, along with her jet black spikey hair. She lifted her small hand out to me and I slowly reached for it – with a motion to slow but never the less I grabbed her hand reluctantly.

"Hi, I'm Alice." Her high voice caused me to shiver, but I had found comfort in her hand. I trusted her, which was very rare considering I had major trust issues, "If you need anything, I'm your go-to girl." Her smile was bright, like a child's and so very innocent. I didn't say much too her considering this girl could just not stop talking.

I listened about the school, about the teachers, and most of all the current gossip – which I wasn't into at all. Alice gushed over how she wished she was as smart as me, I guess after looking at my schedule seeing all Honor classes besides Biology. She told me she always found it difficult to concentrate when there was so much else going on with the world.

Alice took me to my first three classes, always finding me when the bell rang to take me to the next class which was Honors Trig. I never made any friends in the classes – and only found eyes watching my every move. I wanted to find solitude, so as soon as I sat down at my desk I let my hair fall between my face, my eyes down on my papers as I repeated every word the teacher spoke in my mind, word for word and copied them down and onto my notes, _A over Sin A equals B over Sin B over C over Sin C equals two R_…

It wasn't long till the bell had rung and lunch was now in cession. I was uneasy for this lunch experience because this is where my panic attacks usually happened – even at my old school. And this time, the cafeteria here was even smaller than in the one from Phoenix, which meant a smaller space, a smaller breathing room. Unfortunately, I was also claustrophobic which was another way to trigger my panic attacks.

I isolated myself at Alice's table, even after being introduced to Rosalie Hale, probably the most beautiful girls here but probably the most vain and as well as Angela. She was familiar looking, and she had reminded me we were in the same Honor's Trig class. This is where I had also met Mike Newton a very egotistical and touchy guy. But other from the introductions, I kept to myself until it was time for Biology.

How I loathed Science with a fiery passion. Anything that related to science, I hated which included Chemistry, Physics, Geology and worst of all Biology. I nearly failed Freshman Physics at Phoenix and passed with a C in Geology Sophomore year. This was the reason I was in regular Biology and not Honors – Because I merely sucked at it. Alice walked me to my Biology class, wishing me good luck until she departed from whatever class she had to go to. Mr. Banner was my Biology teacher, and he actually seemed rather enthusiastic about the class – though I showed the opposite emotion.

_Oh, no_. I had noticed once I walked in the class that the desks were designed for two people, which made me shiver. I hated tables where numerous or even one more people sat at. A lone and remote desk was completely fine with me. And luckily for me Mr. Banner had sat me at a desk that was completely remote and empty. I had to hide my slight smug as I got my empty notebook out for this specific class, opening it to a blank page with my blue pen in my hand, ready to take notes for this dreadful class.

Time seemed so much longer when sitting at this table and I could hear the constant chatters of the people around me, my hair surrounding my face yet again to keep me away from the rest of the world. I did notice Mike Newton sitting in the front of class, always constantly looking over his shoulder to show me an idiotic smirk. For the most past I ignored it, and continued on with my note taking.

The door had opened and the chuckles of teenagers struck my attention, "Mr. Cullen." Mr. Banner said as he raised a furry eyebrow, "Nice of you to join my class." I looked up from my hair, watching as **he** walked into the door. **He** was beautiful, and was slightly mysterious. I couldn't keep my eyes off of **him** as I watched **his** long rakey fingers ran through **his** greasy hair, **his** leather jacket glinting from the classroom lights. I was in a trance from **him**, and was simply memorizing every part of **him**. A lady behind him crossed her arms over her chest glancing to Mr. Banner as he didn't seem surprised that this boy came in late, but I was certainly surprised when he began making his way to my direction.

_No, No. Please don't sit next to me, please don't sit next to me_. It was the panic attacks, and I did not dare to let this man witness them as he pulled the chair from underneath the desk. Once again, I isolated myself from not only the world but mainly him. I caught a whiff of his smell which mixed with leather and cigarettes which could easily be the best smell in the world no matter how ugly it may sound. But I could feel his eyes burning two holes into the side of my head. He was watching, and I was becoming antsy about it.

**EPOV**

I always enjoyed a good fuck, especially when it came from Jessica Stanely. She had the most luscious ass, especially for a white girl. But today wasn't my lucky day. Damn mother nature and her stupid curse on women. Though Jessica didn't mind us fucking behind the bleachers while she was on her fucking period I said hell no to fucking that.

I may be gross, but I am not stooping down to that fucking level. I wasn't _that_ desperate. So instead she just sucked my dick for awhile until I had enough of her, letting her go galloping off to tell her little friends she just sucked Edward mother fucking Cullen's cock.

If I was a good student I'd be in Geometry class, but like the badass everyone has posed me as I stood behind the football stadium bleachers, just fucking chain smoking like no ones business. I had nothing else better to do, and I have actually been doing very well when it came to school. Last week I only skipped ten times. That's like a fucking record for me. Normally around third period my pussy of a friend Jasper would come out and join me for a Cigg, but I didn't see his face till lunch time that damn fucking wuss.

"She isn't that fucking good." I commented about Jessica and I's little encounter earlier, "She didn't even fucking get me off." I rolled my eyes, lighting up another cancer stick.

"Sucks." Jazz said as he sucked on a menthol.

"You still sleeping around with that Brandon girl?" I asked, always knowing when I used her last name it sparked a fuse or something. Like he was just a fucking bomb and I just loved to tick him off.

"Fuck you, Cullen." Jazz said and I just had to laugh. He was so fucking desperate for some pussy he just galloped right into a relationship. I'm not like that. See, ladies come to me. Earlier with Jessica, she came to me and was being all fucking flirtatious, flickering her eyelashes and making sure I caught a glimpse at her well rounded ass. She wanted me. And everyone knew I couldn't turn down a very hot lady.

"I can't believe your dating that chick." I said shaking my head, hearing the school bell ring for the next class, which was just Biology for me. "Wheres the old Jazz? The one who just fucked around? Not the one who actually gets into a relationship."

"Your just mad cause you chase girls away." He shot back, his glare just all fucking high and mighty.

I choked back a laugh, shaking my head in humor, "Yeah, yeah. You're just fucking jealous I don't have to get into a relationship to get some action." I said like the prick I truly was.

"Fuck you man." Jazz said as he flicked his cigg to the side and walked away. Jasper and I always got into fights, but never ones we would just fucking hold against each other. That was girl shit. We just get annoyed and fucking walk away from each other. Truth is, Jasper is just a dick like I am, and if not then bigger.

I sat against the cement wall, inhaling the smoke as I allowed it to exhale from my nose, my eyes rolling back as I looked to the sky through the cracks of the bleachers. My cigarette was out, and I was pissed but was fortunate to not pull out another one as I heard the clack of the heels coming towards my direction. I quickly spun up, getting ready to shoot for the bathroom but it was all too late.

"Edward Cullen." Ms. Lamaster, or as I like to call, Lamonster said to me as her fucking blue eyes stared at me with accomplishment that she had finally caught me in the act of skipping.

"Lamonster…" I began with a devilish smirk, "I was just enjoying the scenery. You know, it's quite beautiful." I knew I was busted, but I guess I'd just fucking milk it for shits and giggles.

"Mr. Cullen, how many times have I told you not to call me that?" She raised her fucking brow as if she thought I was afraid of her or some shit.

I had told her I just lost count and finally gave up with the whole milking thing. I always was just fucking sarcastic, and that would just get me into more trouble which meant trouble at home with Carlisle. Lamonster took me to the office making me face the fucking principle as he lectured me yet again about skipping classes. They let me off easy with a Detention, which I was just fucking used to these by now. And it wasn't a surprise that Lamonster had to fucking follow me to Biology just to make sure I'd get there.

Mr. Banner was happy to see me as usual, "Mr. Cullen, nice to you to join my class." He fucking grimaced as he then had a little side chat with Lamonster. I slipped my pink detention slip into my front pocket, not only shocked that there was a new student, but that she was sitting at my fucking table.

Mr. Banner always kept me separate from people, always making me work on labs by myself because he knew I'd always get into it with people. Like he paired me up with Newton once, which was just a bad fucking choice to began with. I threw a punch at that spineless fuck for being so arrogant and making me do all the fucking work on the lab.

Then he paired me with fucking Jessica who just wanted to play with my dick from under the table. Though, I would never turn down a good hand job, Banner had caught us once and Jessica blamed it all on fucking me. That's where I got my first suspension my Junior year.

But there she was, just fucking sitting there with her hair fucking curled around her head her face not visible at fucking all. There she was just fucking staring down at her notepad as if nothing else mattered in the world.

I pulled out my fucking seat as if I owned it – which I did and just sat, staring at this girl who was still hidden by her hair and I just fucking stared. Waiting for her to look to me so I could fucking just tell her off. But she never did. She never looked to me, and never looked down from her notepad.

After school had ended, it was the normal crowd around the Volvo smoking ciggs and just having a good fucking time. Jazz, Emmett, Rosalie and I just sucked on our cancer sticks and blew away. Jessica kept eyeing me from across the lot, and I could have sworn she even winked a few times. So fucking sexy, I could just strip her from her clothes right now.

"Jazz!" I knew that fucking voice. That voice belonged to Alice Brandon, Jasper's girlfriend. She was probably the most fucking irritating girl I have ever met in my life, and I had to be nice to her because her mother was dating Carlisle. She wrapped her tiny arms around Jasper, leaning in to take a kiss but instead took a hit from his cigarette. Fucking tease. And what was worse of all, Jasper actually had, dare I say it, feelings for her. I. could. Just. Fucking. Vomit.

But there little sick fucking love fest wasn't what caught my eye, and instead I saw the girl from Biology only a few steps behind Alice. Her arms were wrapped around her chest protectively, and this time I could see her face. She was pale, but her cheeks were somewhat rosy. Her big, brown fucking chocolate eyes stared around, linked away from society. She was in her own world.

Alice introduced her, Bella, but she stayed fucking put as if her life depended on it. Not even a fucking smile from her. She just stared, acknowledged everyone and just fucking looked away. At any other time, I'd say she was just a fucking cunt, but something about her made me bite my tongue for even thinking about it. She was fucking something else.

After Alice left, I heard Jazz fucking laugh, my eyes intent on him as I question what was so fucking funny, "Dude, I've been hearing stories about that chick all day."

"She is weird." Rosalie spat, my eyes quickly glaring to her.

"What the fuck is wrong with her?" I was slightly defensive, and I had no fucking idea why. Jasper, thankfully, didn't notice and just continued on with his story how he heard that her mom died in some fucking freak accident and how she's all spazzed out and shit. He heard it through the 'grape vine' because his mom works with Bella's dad at the police station. He mentioned how she just has sudden fucking panic attacks in the middle of no where and actually hurts herself. As if she had a knife in her back pocket, and was ready to go to fucking town on her wrist or some shit.

"You don't know shit about her." I growled to Jasper who scowled at me.

"Neither do fucking you." He said before flicking his cigarette bud out into the bushes, "What's up your ass, Edward?"

"Fucking nothing." I glowered before turning back to my Volvo. I didn't want to talk about her anymore, and in fact I wanted to fucking get away from the three of them, though I knew Emmett would be on my ass about it fucking later, asking what the hell was up with my sudden mood swings.

The thing was, I didn't know what fucking came over me either. It was just like a fucking plug or something. Jasper pulled on my plug, and I went off. And I don't even think it was about this Bella girl, I just had some random bitch flip. But something about this girl did make me wonder, did make me just fucking think about why I defended her.

She has certainly taking a toll in my fucking head.

**BPOV**

Alice was kind enough to give me a ride home, but I had told her that it was just for the day considering Charlie was fixing up his old truck and handing it over to me. I pulled the extra key from the flower pot that sat outside on the porch, unlocking the door before throwing it back inside of the glass vessel. I walked inside of the empty house, the sound of the quiet soothing me quickly

I looked over to the Grandfather Clock that Charlie had helped make with his father back when he was a kid. I had time for a short nap, since the place was just so quiet. I set my watch to five o'clock, which gave me an hour to get up and make dinner for Charlie.

Unfortunately I had woken up thirty minutes earlier from a panic attack, my body all sweaty and shivering. My bones locked together and I was still for ten minutes, just feeling my body automatically rocking itself back and fourth. Finally after I had calmed myself down, I walked up from the couch and to the bathroom as I splashed cold water onto my face. I noticed my neck was bleeding from a scratched that I had produced through my attack.

I hated the sight, smell, even texture of blood. I was automatically dizzy and I quickly grabbed a towel to add pressure to keep it from bleeding even more. After it was done, I had cleaned it off, noticing the heavy scratch across my neck. I sighed soft as I washed my hands and went off to the kitchen.

Other than my room, the kitchen was one of my favorite places to be. My mother was absolutely dreadful when it came to cooking, and in Phoenix I took an after school program for cooking. Even if it was just the basics, I had fallen in love with it.

Cooking was like breathing for me. It came as a natural ability which is why I always made breakfast, lunch and dinner for my mom.

But this kitchen was too small, and didn't give me enough room to express my creative skills. I made due though, and cooked up Tuna casserole and a side of asparagus and dinner rolls.

Charlie was pleased when he walked through the door, and may I add was content with my dish. Though, I knew he liked the meat I decided to take another route.

After dinner, Charlie had washed up and like normal sat on the couch with a beer, watching the latest Baseball game.

I walked up the stairs to start up a bath, stripping from my clothes as I sat down and into my tub, my head laying back and onto the edge of the tub.

The heat of the water comforted me as my eyes closed, my head slowly slipping under the water like that unfaithful night. And I kept my head under the water for as long as I could, feeling the water wash around my body for as long as I possibly could. The water was peaceful, no sounds and no interruptions.

It was what I wanted. Complete Solitude.

**Authors Note – Hope you guys like it. Sorry if there are errors, I'm currently trying to find a Beta Reader. Be mine? **

**I hope you like my Smokeward. He is amazing3 I LOVED writing from his point of view. So much fun to write a badass Edward. **

**Taha, alright. Review! Please! And answer these questions.**

**Did you like the first chapter? **

**Do you think Smokeward is schmexy? **

**Should I continue?**


	2. The Insensitive

**Chapter 2**

**Authors Note – Thanks for the reviews, to though who did. I'm not one to pressure you into reviewing. And if you read this but don't have an account, but want to review, I set the comments up so you can comment but you don't have to sign in.**

**Sorry the first chapter was all rough. This one should be much better. Enjoy.**

* * *

The water was surrounding my every curve, it slipping past my skin like a tide in the water. Soon enough I found myself gasping for air, but the only thing I could concentrate on was the long object around my neck. It held on tightly as I raised my hands, trying to escape the depths of its frightening dangers. I suddenly shot up from the bathtub, my hair dripping with water as my chest beat up and down in a rapid pace. I felt the small drops of water dew run down my bumpy, discolored skin. My bones froze and my fingers wrapped around my ankles, my nails pressing into my skin as I could see the color red swirl from the water. I whimpered softly between my cold lips as my teeth chattered, my body automatically rocking back and fourth. _It's okay, It's okay, It's okay_. _Breathe Breathe Breathe._

I heard my name being called out in a faint whisper, my eyes still glued shut and down my eyelids. I couldn't concentrate on opening them when I was too focused on trying to breathe. But I heard my name repeating over and over and over again, like a clicking clock that just wouldn't cease its sounds. The voice became panicked and I began to hear knocks, which were just as faint as the stressed voice. I could feel the marks imprinting on my pale skin as I could feel and smell the blood dripping down.

Finally my panic attack was nearly over and the thumping of my heart was down to its normal beat, beating at a pace any normal heart would, "Isabella!" His stressed, overbearing voice screamed, "Answer me!"

"I'm fine, Ch- Dad!" I yelped out instantly so he wouldn't bust the door open. I was more afraid of him seeing the pool of blood in the water rather than my bare body. He would send me straight to the hospital. It was quite, but I knew he was still out there worrying and shaking in his shoes, because that's how Charlie always was. He never hovered, but he worried subconsciously and I don't know if he realized it or not, "It's okay dad. I'm fine." I said again, just to calm him down because I knew he was contemplating on busting the door down anyways.

I reached into the water, grabbing the chain of the plug that kept the water running down the drain. When the plug was gone, the only noise I heard was the water being gurgled down the pipes and I stared, watching my blood spiral down the hole but even that didn't stop the bleeding around my ankles. The clear five marks on each right and left leg was so deep, I was even contemplating on telling Charlie because these cuts may just be deep enough for stitches.

But I couldn't risk it if I wanted to say solemnly sane here, because Charlie would send me straight to the ward thinking that I was intentionally hurting myself. The cuts were sore as I stood from the tub, my lips quickly pressing together so Charlie couldn't hear my painful cries. I wrapped a towel around my body, grabbing the first aid kit from the cabinet as I sat at the edge of the tub, resting my legs onto the woodened stool that had been in this room since I was five years old. I rubbed antibiotics on the Band-Aids as I pressed the firmly against my cuts, in order to help them heal faster. There weren't any footsteps out the door, which meant Charlie was still there listening for anything out of the normal, "Dad. I promise. I am fine." _Now please leave me alone_.

Finally, and not soon enough, he walked away. I could hear the stairs protesting with creaks as he walked down them and back into the living room probably just as antsy as he was before. I stood from my spot, walking to the mirror to glance at my pale face. I was stricken with terror from my latest attack, but I had to get past it for Charlie's sake. I stripped the towel, and put on a pair of new clean clothes and to be exact, my ripped ACDC t-shirt and black sweat pants as I pulled my wet hair up into a messy ponytail. My ankles were still sore, but I couldn't stay hidden in this bathroom forever. I had to face Charlie, which meant I had to suck it all up. I walked out of the bathroom luckily hearing the baseball game from the TV, which meant something good. It meant Charlie was watching it, and I had a free chance to run to my room without being questioned.

I nearly jolted to my bedroom, my ankles protesting as the pain kicked in and I could feel the hot blood pulsing out from my skin. I grabbed the doorknob for security, closing my door as quickly as I could as my back pressed against it, the tears beating me to the punch as they ran down my cold cheeks, my heart racing with a pain that was all too familiar with. I didn't want to be loud and so I quickly pressing my now colored lips back together again, walking to the window to get some fresh air. I lifted it up, leaning my head out as I sucked in the icy air. And as my head hung out from the window, I heard a very distinct and girly giggle from across the street. It was loud and obnoxious and I wasn't the least bit surprised that it was Jessica Stanley.

I never formally was introduced to her at school, but Alice had told me a load of stories about her. About how she was always the guy's favorite, but Alice said more along the lines of 'A whore'. She was running across the street and to the white house that was across the road and two houses down. I spotted the silver Volvo, the dark figure opening the door as it stepped out, "Edward!" I heard her shrill voice scream with excitement as my stomach twisted in knots as his face was lightened up from the street light. She jumped into his arms and he reluctantly wrapped his arms around her waist, my throat tingling with a very odd sensation. I bit down onto my bottom lip watching as his head dipped into her neck, my fingers curling together in balls of fist. I had to look away when they began to make out vigorously in the middle of the drive way, for all eyes to see.

I closed my window harshly, throwing myself down onto my bed. I didn't know why I was acting this way, but there were knots in my stomach. I didn't want them there, but they had made a very nice home in the pit of me. Why I was acting this way was beyond me. And I don't know why I couldn't just let it go…

I didn't get much sleep that night. With the constant nightmares, the late night panic attacks, and the pain coursing from my ankles, I was nearly dead when I walked into the school doors. I was tripping over nothing, sentences coming out as different murmurs. Alice offered to give me some kind of pill that'd help me stay awake, but I kindly declined her offer. Gym must have been the worst, because since I was already nearly dead it didn't help when I had twenty different balls thrown at me. Jessica and her little follower Lauren laughed as they threw a volleyball at my head, and my reaction was anything but funny. I fell flat on my face and I could feel the purple bruise forming on my chin. My palms laid flat on the ground and I heard Angela rushing up next to me to help me up.

"Bella, Bella!" She gasped, grabbing my arm gently as she brought me to the stands, "Are you alright?"

I didn't want to complain about Jessica and Lauren, considering I just couldn't deal with them right now. I nodded my head rubbing my palms from the pain of the impact, my eyes rolling as I heard their giggles fading away. Angela explained to me how the both of them are always like that, and I need to get use to it. For the most part, I ignored them and at least tried to savage the rest of the day. I sat with Alice, Rosalie and Angela again at lunch but kept to myself as I rummaged through an old book I hadn't read in awhile. Alice told me how she heard about what happened in Gym today with Jessica and Lauren. She offered to get 'back' at them, but I told her to just forget it.

As I walked into Biology I was sure my eyes deceived me when I saw Edward sitting at our table. I ran my fingers along the strap of my bag, biting down onto my bottom lip as I reluctantly sat down in the chair next to him. Mr. Banner explained to the class how we were going to study Onion root cells and how we will be having a lab today by discovering which group they belong to. I prayed that he would say it was an individual grade, but luck wasn't on my side today. Mr. Banner said that we would be working with the other person at our table and I quickly tried to hide my flushed cheeks. I hated working with partners especially in a class like this that I was absolutely horrible at.

Mr. Banner passed out all of the materials and my fingers wrapped around the edges of my notebook, my eyes looking down to the different Onion pieces. Once Mr. Banner said go, both Edward and I sat there staring at the equipment. I didn't know if it was because he was waiting for me to go first, or was just as clueless as I was. I hoped it was the second idea. Again, Luck wasn't my friend today as Edward pushed the microscope in my direction insinuating for me to go first. My cheeks became a rosy color as I leaned forward, my eye peaking through the microscope as I looked at the Onion Root and quickly blurted out, "Anaphase." Edward nodded his head writing it down onto his piece of paper. I kept my pen in my hands, not even letting it touch the paper considering I didn't know if that was the right answer.

"Are you going to write it down or continue to sit there and look like an idiot?" He snapped harshly. I wasn't expecting those kinds of words, and I knew that this was a situation I just couldn't get myself into considering I had no chance of defending myself. So instead I opened my mouth, wanting to say something but nothing came out. Edward stared at me in confusion with slight annoyance twisted into the emotion, "Are you deaf?" He roared.

"N-No." I stuttered, feeling the rims of my eyes well up with tears, "I-I…I-I…" I couldn't defend myself and it felt dreadful. Here I was the victim and there he was. He didn't even know who I was and still had the nerve to call me out, "I just guessed…" I admitted as a sharp pain ran down my throat, "I don't know if that's the right answer…" I whimpered softly, letting him see the pain I was going through and I hoped maybe – just maybe he would take pity on me.

"Well fucking great." He grumbled as he scratched out the answer with his pen, "Let me fucking see it." His choice of vocabulary made it even harder to face him. He took the microscope violently looking into it. I knew he was just as clueless as I was though, "I don't fucking know. Let's just go with Metaphase." He said, writing the answer above his scratched one. I didn't say anything, nodding my head as my hand couldn't stop shaking as I wrote the answer down.

"I-I'm sorry." I admitted as I gulped painfully, and hoped that he may take some sympathy on me, "I just don't really know what I'm doing."

"I thought you were some smart ass. All in honor classes and shit?" His elbows pressed against the table as he looked to me, his bright green eyes burning holes into my dark brown ones. I couldn't look at him for more than five seconds without being lost in his beautiful complexion, no matter how much of a jerk he may be. I turned away, looking to my paper as I shrugged; shaking my head. He was silent for a moment and I was just able to catch him from the corner of my eye, his body leaning somewhat close and I became defensive, my body locking up like a panic attack. Edward quickly moved back his eyes glaring back to me, "Well just my luck. I get a dumbass for a partner." I didn't say anything after _that_ comment and Edward just did the lab himself. He didn't ask for help, and just told me the answers for me to copy down. I felt guilty for him doing all the work, but he didn't even give me a chance to redeem myself. He just threw me in the dark like I was some toy that he wasn't interested in. I felt played and underestimated.

After Biology, I felt so small and insignificant. He made me feel this way, and I hated it because I hated myself already, why must he add more pressure on my shoulders? Why must he taunt me about my flaws? I didn't understand how someone like him could be such a jerk.

_Stupid Jessica, stupid Lauren, stupid panic attacks, stupid beautiful Edward_.

**EPOV**

After visiting Jazz for a small hookah visit, I returned home around nine only to find someone very annoying waiting for me, "Edward!" Jessica fucking screamed at the top of her lungs as I exited my car. She ran as fast as she fucking could and flew across that road as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I was confused on why she was all over me, but I couldn't deny such a wonderful fucking sexy hug, feeling her every curve against my body. I didn't care why she was hugging me and I just fucking grabbed her as my lips pressed against the skin of her neck. She fucking moaned in my ear, grabbing my crotch all seductively and shit sending me over the edge. She pressed her hot lips to mine and I felt her tongue skim around my bottom lip as her hips bumped to mine. _Fucking sexy_.

And then right out of the fucking blue she cried in my arms telling me how much she wants to be in a relationship with me and I just fucking rolled my eyes, because what more could I do? Here we were fucking making out and having a good time and she just ruins it with this. I didn't want her as a girlfriend and I slowly and calmly explained that to her, though she didn't seem too fucking thrilled. She accused me of just wanting to be friends with benefits and I told her that would work fucking fine with me. Then I didn't even have to force her home, she just fucking left herself which just put a lot of weight off of my shoulders. Emmett didn't help either when I walked back into the house, clownin' me about how Jessica is all fucking over me and shit. What an asshole.

I didn't want to talk about her anymore so I challenged him in a game of Midnight Madness football on the playstation. There was no fucking doubt that he would win considering he lives off of that thing, but I just had to do something to get him to shut the hell up. When Carlisle came home he was all giddy about some shit probably about him and Esme rockin' up his office, I don't know. He's been in a fucking cheerful mood lately and it's actually rather annoying. He smiles all the fucking time and I'm surprised his mouth isn't permanently fixed like that.

After Emmett crushed me in the game I let him have that stupid victory dance and I walked outside to have a smoke. I looked a few houses down across the street at Chief Swan taking out the trash while I instantly hid the cigarette behind my back as he looked up and waved at me. I cocked my head slightly just to let him know I acknowledged his wave, and once he was gone I fucking inhaled another gust of smoke letting it out through my nostrils. I leaned against the small pillar that held the roof of the porch up, looking at the fourth window on the top floor. I'm pretty sure it's Bella's room considering it was painted a light shade of purple, her bed just a bit visible. I wondered what she was doing, and if she was thinking about me. I don't know why I would want her thinking about me but it was just implanted in my fucking head. I wanted her to think about me. I wanted her to question where I was. And I don't fucking know why.

School fucking sucked because I didn't have my normal routine with Jessica considering she was still all pissed at me and shit. Instead I actually went to my classes – including Biology which I was especially eager for. I was there before Bella but when she fucking entered the room, I could just feel it. I looked up at the doorway seeing that she was fucking biting down onto her bottom lip. _Sexy as fuck_. I could tell she was tense, which made me question why. I haven't even spoken one fucking word to her. Maybe it was that glare from yesterday. That was pretty fucking dumb of me, but I was just ticked that Mr. Banner put someone with me at the table. Her hair covered her face once she was down next to me, and I just wanted to fucking tie it back so I could see her smooth skin.

Her face was fucking hidden and that stung at my very existence and I just had no fucking clue why. But I had to ignore it for the most part once Mr. Banner began to teach, but today I was lucky. Some stupid fucking Onion Roots lab that seemed easy as fuck but I never judge it by how he explains it because Banner always makes it sound easier than it truly is. Once he passed out the equipment Bella just sat there and fucking stared at the microscope like it may come to fucking life and do the lab all on its own or some shit. I didn't know what to fucking do on this lab, and she didn't seem too brave on it either but I heard this girl was all in fucking honors classes. She must have some fucking brains with this. So I slid it closer to her, watching as her deep fucking beautiful chocolate eyes gaped open.

She stared at it for a moment as her cheeks went fucking red which I just thought was adorable as fuck, for the most part at least. Finally she looked through the microscope and stared for a good fucking minute or something. She leaned back her body all rigid and shit as she said, "Anaphase." And for some fucking odd reason I trusted her and wrote it down by the number one on my paper. I set my pen back down and looked to her and her emotion surprised me. She was clueless as she sat there with her fucking blue pen in her hand. She stared at that paper with such a hard intensity that I was actually becoming slightly aggravated on why she was fucking acting like this.

"Are you going to write it down or continue to sit there and look like an idiot?" It was more fucking insensitive than I wanted it to be, but she was truly beginning to tick me off. What the fuck was the matter with her? And she just fucking ignored me and continued sitting there watching the paper as if it was fucking entertaining her! "Are you deaf?" I sneered callously as my fist balled together.

Finally and not fucking soon enough she stammered, "N-No." Her eyes were still on that fucking paper as she continued to talk all fucking dumb and shit, "I-I…I-I…" And I just watched as she stumbled over each fucking word like some kind of dumbass, "I just guessed." She finally admitted, my eyes now fucking burning with some fury, "I don't know if that's the right answer…" She almost _fucking cried_. Like a whiney little baby. A baby I wanted to take in my arms and tell her it was fucking alright because she was just too innocent to be mean too. But somehow that prick inside of me always found a way to be a fucking jackass.

"Well fucking great." I groaned heatedly as I looked down at my fucking answer I just had to write in pen. I scratched it out as I could feel my body heating up with anger, yet again. This shit was just pissing me off, "Let me fucking see it." I grounded as I grabbed the microscope, pulling it towards my side of the table. I looked at that stupid onion root that was just fucking mocking me because it knew I had no idea what it was, "I don't fucking know. Let's just go with Metaphase." I fucking snapped as I wrote my answer above her scratched one. I could see from the corner of my eye that she was fucking writing it down, following my every word.

And as I finished writing, her chest had raised up and down vastly, catching me fucking attention. I didn't want to stare – but I did like the dumbass I truly was. And then I looked away as quickly as possible as she looked to me in a painful way, a way where I wanted to forgive her but that would make me seem just fucking weak, "I-I'm sorry." She gulped as her eyes held some kind of sorrow, "I just don't really know what I'm doing." And like the asshole I was, I showed my true fucking colors even after she apologized.

"I thought you were some smart ass. All in honor classes and shit?" I bellowed angrily, my elbows pressing down against the table as I glared right to her. She stared for a moment – no more than five seconds as she quickly turned away. I notice that she shrugged her small petite shoulders, her head shaking as well as her hair as I caught a whiff of strawberries – the most delicious scent coming from a woman's body. I was afraid she would catch me taking in her aroma, and just like my fear she looked to the corner of my eye witnessing my actions. I quickly pushed back, my eyes a hard glare as I huffed, "Well just my luck. I get a dumbass for a partner." I snapped viciously. Her eyes weren't in the corner anymore, and I couldn't see the chocolate depths of them and that almost pained me. But we only had twenty more minutes left of this class, and I had to do all the work

So I sat there and finished the lab like the good fucking partner I was. I even told her all of the answers. And though it fucking ticked me off that I ended up doing all the work, I couldn't stay mad at her. Not even close. And I felt even guiltier when the bell had rung, her hair finally falling from her face where I detected one single tear running down her cheek as she quickly wiped it off before grabbing her books and jolting out the door. I'm. Such. A. Fucking. Prick.

"Mr. Cullen." I glared up to the stupid fat curly hair fuck that is Mr. Banner who disconnected my view from Bella.

"What?" I growled while packing my shit up.

"It seems that you were doing all of the work. Was Isabella apart of this lab at all?" Mr. Banner asked out as he grabbed Bella's filled out sheet from the desk. He raised a furry eyebrow to me as he expected me to tell him the fucking truth. I wouldn't rat Bella out, there was no fucking chance.

"_Bella_ did most of the work." I corrected him before standing up, handing him my sheet. He glowered at me before I walked past him and back out into the hallway. Bella was already half way across the campus so there was no point in running after her, at least not right now. I will encounter her tomorrow, and I will apologize for being such an insensitive prick.

An hour later school had finally fucking ended and I lit up a cigarette as if my life fucking depended on it. Alice kept jumping around Jasper and I telling him how much she loved him and all that lovey shit that I just wanted to fucking gag over. The good part about the end of the day was that Jessica fucking forgave me, which meant she came to terms with just being a fuck buddy. She was all fucking over me after that, her arms wrapping around my neck as her well-fit body molded awkwardly with mine. Though, she was still fucking sexy. And as she clung to me, I couldn't fucking help but watch Bella Swan walk towards her car, her hood up and protecting her from the rain as she walked through the puddles and opening up the door of her beat-up red truck. I could see she spared me a glance from her side mirrors, but that was it. She just fucking left.


	3. The Backstory

**Sorry guys I've been uber busy, but I hope this chapter forgives me :) **

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**BPOV**

I had to give Charlie some props; at least he was trying to be a good father. Right when he came home from work, he knew that something was bugging me. He never asked though like the good father he was. Instead he told me not to worry about dinner, and he would like to take me out to eat instead at a small café called Carver's Café. I was never the one who wanted to go out to eat because public places always scared me a bit. I didn't like being surrounded by other people, eyes always glancing over me and whispers and talks of 'do you see what she's wearing?' and 'did she even brush her hair?'. It never did spark my interest, but I was being strangely gracious and accepted his offer.

I took a moment to freshen up just so it could cease some talks and whispers before we left. And once we arrived at the Café I heaved with exhilaration when I witnessed that the Café was almost near empty, and just a few grown ups scattered around the tables. We were seated next to the largest window where raindrops fell down the glass, causing it to sparkle from the setting sun that glinted behind the trees. It was extremely awkward at first when Charlie began talking about school. I didn't quite know what to tell him, I mean I didn't want to hurt his feelings and say that I truly did hate the school. The teachers were idiots, the classes were dull, and the students were monsters – except Alice. And the boy that I have too much interest in is the biggest jerk I have ever met in my life – though I can't get him off my mind.

"Is the food good there?" He asked his voice a bit uncertain mainly because he didn't know how to strike up a normal conversation. I shrugged slightly as I played with my straw and fiddled it around the ice cubes in my water.

"It's alright. There are some odd qualities to it." I added before looking up, brushing my hair back behind my shoulder as I watched a young woman carrying out a tray of two plates.

"Your usual, Charlie." The young girl, merely in her twenties, smiled at Charlie as she put his plate down in front of him, "And here you are, Bella." I wasn't surprised she knew my name, considering I was the Chief of Police's daughter and everything. I smiled weakly, but graciously as she sat down my plate of salad with the side of ranch dressing.

"Thank you, Mary." Charlie said before digging into his burger, the man eating as if he had never had a bite of food in his life, "So have you made any friends?"

"One." I said meekly as I pressed my fork into the salad, "Alice Brandon."

"Esme's daughter?" He asked, his eyebrows rising as he finally sat his burger down.

"I think so…" I tried to remember her mentioning something about her mother, and the odd name that she had. Esme sounded about right.

"Good kid that girl is. And her mother has such a big heart." He praised as he ate a French frie, "When I was sick with the flu she brought me over pumpkin pie." He said with a smug smile on his face, "It's good to see her with Dr. Cullen."

I lifted my head up at the name, "Dr. Cullen?" I straightened my back in the chair as Charlie noticed my quick reaction to the name. I cleared my throat, scratching at my temple as I shrugged awkwardly, "Does he have a son?"

"Two." Charlie nodded with a frustrated brow, "Why?"

"I-I…" I began to stammer as I tried to think of ways out of this conversation, "I just think one is in my Biology class." _And he is the most gorgeous man alive and I can't stop thinking about him._

"They are different from Alice. Both were adopted and have a history." His tone was forceful as if he wanted me to question what kinds of history. When he was so willingly offering, I couldn't decline.

"History?" I inquired as I lifted my fork to my mouth, taking a quick bite of my salad.

"Dr. Cullen was a very lonely man. And a few years ago he adopted both his sons. Emmett and Edward both had bad pasts but Dr. Cullen seemed to ignore it and give the benefit of the doubt." Charlie stuffed his mouth before continuing, "Emmett was abused as a child and hasn't really recovered. He takes a lot of his anger out on other things. He hasn't been much trouble as for the other one." He grumbled as he picked at his fries.

"Edward?" I asked, the name causing a lump in my throat.

"Edward was put up for adoption right when his mother had him. He was bounced around from foster home to foster home till he was twelve. When he finally settled into a nice foster home, he got into some real trouble when he went to school. Got in with the wrong crowd, started doing drugs at thirteen and shoplifting at fourteen. He eventually got caught and was thrown into Juvie." I gulped once again, feeling the same lump in my throat, "Carlisle adopted him on his fifteenth birthday. He hasn't done much damage, but he does act out from time to time. Speeding tickets are his specialty. And vandalism, especially around the school. But Carlisle puts up with it."

"Maybe Carlisle sees the good." I added before shrugging my shoulders. _Maybe you should take after him, Charlie._

"Bells, he's a bad egg. Not much you can do about it. Can't change em'" But Charlie was wrong with that one, people can change. I have seen before and it doesn't happen by some miracle but it can happen, "Just don't associate with him Bells. Trust me. You don't want that kind of reputation."

I tapped my fork along the glass of the plate, looking back out to the window as the rain began to fall once again, more water drops adding to the ones that fell down the window pane. As dinner continued on, we became solemnly quiet as we ate our food. Charlie ordered desert after dinner and ordered me a slice of chocolate pie. I ate it slowly and mainly picked at it as Charlie ate all of his own. As we waited for the check, Charlie leaned back against his chair, his hands folding against his stomach as his fingers tapped along the buttons of his shirt.

"Listen, Bella…" He began, my eyes raising up at him with curiosity, "I know this town isn't anything like Phoenix but I'm glad you're here." It was completely random, but totally needed.

I smiled with a nod as I crossed my hand over my chest, rubbing my shoulder as I shrugged, "Yeah. Me too."

"And I know your room is still like it was when you were a kid, but if you'd like to change it I'll give you some cash and you can go to Mrs. Weber's shop down on Maple street. She's got bed spreads there and stuff." He said awkwardly as he shrugged his shoulders, "I'm not really used to all this… Dad stuff." He admitted wretchedly, "But if you want to ever talk… You know… About your mother, then that's fine with me too." I gulped hard as I tried to block the on coming tears. It was a success as I sucked in a deep breath, biting down onto my bottom lip as I nodded my head. Thankfully the waitress interrupted our conversation with the check and had her own conversation with Charlie about installing security systems in homes.

Back at home Charlie asked if I'd like to watch the baseball game with him, but I declined nicely as I told him I was totally wiped out. I took a short shower before climbing into my bed and turning the purple light off next to me as my room then went completely dark. I stared at the ceiling until my eyelids fell over and I drifted into a peaceful sleep until my alarm clock ungratefully awoke me.

This time, I didn't mind the stares when I pulled into the parking lot and instead I went straight to Homeroom. In Honors English we were reading The Great Gatsby, a story of a man who desperately tried to renew his love with a woman who didn't wait for him when he went off to war and didn't want to marry him because of his social status. It wasn't the best piece of literature, but it did show a tragic love story which I always was a sucker for. It wasn't until Gym that I was solemnly upset when I discovered that we would be starting our new unit of Swimming. Our teacher, Mrs. Netler, apparently told the class yesterday to bring their bathing suits but I was off in my own world where I had no idea of this statement. I couldn't even fathom telling Mrs. Netler my secret fear of water, but I couldn't go in and have a level five panic attack in front of everyone.

So I did the last thing I thought I would ever do in my high school career. I skipped class. I hid in the bathroom stalls of the locker room, hitching my feet up on the toilet with the rest of my body as I waited for this hour to end. Near the last thirty minutes, I heard the door slam open a few giggles becoming louder as I saw the feet of girls walk in front of the stalls and near the mirrors.

"I heard that he is just using you." A girl said with a shrilled voice a giggle coming after it.

"Where did you hear that from?" Another voice said as I heard the faucet turn on.

"Oh it's all over school." The first voice sang as I could hint the smirk in her voice.

"Lauren -- " The second voice began, "You can't believe everything you hear."

"Whatever, Jessica." And that's when it hit me. It was Lauren and Jessica who were in the bathroom and if they knew I was here they would completely ruin me and tell the teacher I was hiding out. I wrapped my arms around my knees, holding them up as I continued to listen.

"He is just…" Jessica gasped with a smirk in her voice, "He is just so wonderful. I mean honestly -- When I break him into being my boyfriend, he'll be the best one yet."

"And what makes you so sure he wants to be your boyfriend? I heard he hasn't had a girlfriend ever since he moved here." Lauren snapped.

"Please. After a few fucks, he won't be able to resist me. I just have to play this out coolly." I rolled my eyes at the fact that Jessica was talking about one of her 'boys' that Alice had told me about. But she didn't use the term boys, she used the term 'fuck buddies', which I would never say out loud.

Lauren's feet had disappeared and from the crack of the stall, I could see her sitting onto the sink, "What's it like?" She whispered, and I could see her biting down onto her bottom lip.

"The best I have ever had." Jessica squealed as she brushed her fingers through her hair, "He is just… Just so… Big." She gushed and I felt vomit racing up my throat.

"God, I wish I was you." Lauren said sadly.

"I know." Jessica smiled as she smoothed down her bikini top, "One day I'll have Edward Cullen all to myself." I quickly covered my mouth, my eyes widening. It wasn't just any boy she was talking about, she was talking about Edward. I wanted to stab her in the neck, but I couldn't do it with my hand covering my mouth to keep me from gasping. I didn't even want to hear the rest of the conversation as they walked out – still giggling. Once I heard the school bell ring, I jolted from the bathroom. The rest of the day was complete, dare I say it… Shit. It was absolutely horrible.

I wouldn't dare say a word about it a lunch, because that would only give Alice the indication I had a little crush on her future step brother and that would just ruin everything because no matter how grateful I am for Alice being there for me, she has a big mouth and that would go to Edward instantly. I was terrified for Biology and I even contemplated on skipping but I couldn't do it. Come to find out, Edward wasn't here or he was here he was just skipping. Among other things Alice told me about him, she did mention he was notorious for skipping classes and I was appreciative for that. I just didn't want to deal with him today.

The rest of the day was slow and dull, and I was quite excited to see my beat up truck as I entered into the parking lot with all the other students, "Bella!" I heard the chirpy voice call out to me, my body turning and away from the red truck as I smiled weakly at Alice.

"Hey Al." I muttered softly as she leaned against my truck.

"Hey, listen I know it's only Wednesday and all but Friday my stepbrother Emmett is having this big bash because our parents won't be home for the weekend. You want to come?" She smirked, twirling a small strand of black hair around her finger.

"Uh…" I began, chewing on my bottom lip as I shook my head, "Parties aren't really my thing."

"Oh well it's going to be ama--" Alice continued to gush about Friday and I seemed to have drowned her out. Truth be told, I honestly wasn't the party person. I wasn't social and I wasn't a drinker and you have to be those two things to be able to attend to parties. All I will be is some dumb wall flower where no one will notice me. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

"Well, thanks for the offer Alice. Really, but I just don't think it's my style." I sighed with a soft and sincere smile, "Plus I was going to go to some book stores down in Port Angeles anyways."

"Oh! We can go on Saturday! I've been meaning to go and get some new clothes! We can go together!" Alice invited herself but I didn't mind. Instead I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled.

"Sounds like fun." I whispered.

"Alright, well I will text you!" Alice shrieked as she turned away, jumping away and into Jasper's arms. My shoulder fell against the truck and I watched as they all went to their fancy cars, my eyes straight on that silver Volvo where the young boy with the messy hair leaned against, with a cigarette in his mouth. He looked mournful as if something terrible had just happened in his life.

I turned away once Jessica jumped into the picture, standing by his side as she kissed his cheek. I unlocked my door quickly, and slid into my seat and drove away as fast as I could.

**EPOV**

Fuck Biology. Jazz told me that all we did was write notes and I'll get that shit from him later. All I wanted was the rain and a Cigarette and I was granted for both of them. In my normal spot behind the bleachers I smoked my second to last cigarette, frowning at the fact I only had one left after this one. _Reminder to self, get Emmett to buy more cigarettes. _Plus not only was it the most rainiest day, I didn't want to go to Biology for many reasons. One was Mr. Banner. He never liked me and I didn't want to deal with his shit today. Two was because I would get hand cramps from writing too much notes and that shit just wasn't needed. And three was Bella. I didn't want to be a prick to her, but it seems it's the only thing I could be. It's like my mind wanted to say one thing, but my mouth forced something else out. Something worse.

I didn't even take a glance at Jessica earlier today when she showed off her lovely cleavage to me. I was too focused on Bella and her stupid red truck. Something was seriously fucking wrong with me. Jessica babbled on about being my girlfriend and I declined her offer, once again. That girl was just too willing. She told me to meet her in the hall B closet after fourth period, and which I did. How could I decline such an offer? She sucked me fucking dry and I ate her the fuck out. We almost got caught because the bitch was too damn loud but got out just in the nick of time. And all the while I couldn't stop thinking about Bella. It was really taking a fucking toll on my brain. And not to mention I felt like a total pervert by giving pleasure to one girl while thinking of another.

And then here I fucking was, sitting outside of the football field smoking a cigarette and trying to ignore the one girl who has been on my mind all day. She probably thinks I'm the world's biggest asshole ever after yesterday. I don't know why I constantly must be such a prick to everyone. The minutes were counting down, and I would have to deal with Mr. Banner later, but I wanted to apologize to her. It was this quench that was just burning in my throat; I had to say I was sorry because even though I have no idea who this girl truly fucking is, I just couldn't have her be mad at me.

So I threw that fucking cigarette a crossed the bleachers and stood up on my feet. I've never actually apologized to anyone in my whole entire life so this girl should be pretty fucking thankful. I grabbed my black bag and fucking slung it over my shoulder as I began walking towards the school building.

"And where do you think your going?" The taps of the heels only concluded to one fucking thing. I stopped in my tracks, rolling my eyes as I turned to face the creature that is Lamonster.

"On my way to class Miss. Lamo—Lamaster." I smiled that fucking childish smile that I always knew ticked her the fuck off.

"Come with me Mr. Cullen." And the fucking bitch grabbed my arm and walked me towards the large brick buildings. The time felt slow and dull and as I was being forced into the torture chamber that is called 'Office A' I felt Lamonster tug on me one last time before opening the Principles door.

"Mr. Stuart how nice to see you--" I began before my fucking eyes deceived me. There was fucking Carlisle sitting in front of the Principles desk, his hand tucked under his chin and his eyebrows knitted furiously.

This was it. This was the day I was going to fucking die.

"Have a seat Mr. Cullen." Mr. Stuart said before pointing to the leather chair next to Carlisle. I'd rather fucking sit on a pile of needles than sit next to Carlisle whose eyes just fucking held disappointment. But I had no choice and instead I hastily made my way to the leather chair, blocking myself from Carlisle with my hand, "You realize we have had these talks numerous of times…"

"Yeah, but see you have to say it numerous of times before it actually gets stuck in my head." I nodded in agreement with myself and was shocked as I heard the fist slam onto the arm of the chair.

"Enough Edward." Carlisle scolded me, causing me to slink back into my chair. I'd rather choke myself than disappoint Carlisle. He has been nothing but generous to me, and this is how I fucking repay him. I'm such a fucking prick.

"Your grades are slipping immensely, Edward. Especially in Biology and History. You have F's in both classes Mr. Cullen." The principle said as if he was actually shocked.

"I'll try harder?" I suggested with a shrug.

"Harder can not help you anymore. We need extra enforcement." He claimed.

"Enforcement?" I questioned.

"We signed you up for tutoring, Edward." Carlisle admitted as he sat up straight in his chair.

"Tutoring?! Are you fucking kidding me?!" I babbled without even realizing. Mr. Stuart's eyes widen and Carlisle sighed in disappoint, "I mean – Are you kidding me?" I saw that Carlisle mouthed the word 'sorry' to Mr. Stuart but I wasn't fucking sorry, "Come on you guys. Lets be reasonable."

"We have Edward. As I have heard, they have given you multiple times to bring up your grades, but you have failed." Carlisle said as he turned towards me, "We have nothing left to do."

"Well don't torture me. Come on. I'll bring them up! I promise!" I lied, knowing that even with tutoring I had no chance in bringing them up.

"It's too late. You start Student Tutoring Monday. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday you will have an Honor Roll student here at this very school tutoring you about History and Tuesday and Thursday you will be doing Biology." Mr. Stuart said a slight smirk in his voice. He was finally getting his revenge at me. After all those times I gave him a hard time, how many times I have been in his office he is finally getting back at me.

I leaned back in the chair, raking my fingers through my dirty locks as I groaned painfully, "And what if I refuse to do this?"

"You will fail, and will have to take your whole entire junior year over." And I contemplated Mr. Stuart's remark, but quickly denied it. Another year of this would be just fucking worthless.

"Fine." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"And no more skipping Mr. Cullen." Mr. Stuart said strictly.

"Yes sir." I groaned before hearing the bell ring for the next class.


	4. The Wrong Name

**Authors Note – Hey guys, I know some of you are totally irritated that I haven't updated, but I just finished school on Friday and I was SUPER busy with fucking exams. But now I'm done so I should be updating more frequently. So thanks to everyone who has been waiting patiently! **

**A lot of you have been mentioning about Edward's cursing and how I should tone it down… Well that is how I view my character of Edward and that's how he talks, but I will tone it down, I promise. **

* * *

**EPOV**

Friday

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

How could I even fathom this ungrateful black hole I was being thrown into? Tutoring? Really? They couldn't have just let me off with a warning or some stupid shit like that? Two days had passed since the news, and I was a thankful lucky bastard that Carlisle was leaving this weekend with Esme. And Emmett was throwing one of his famous parties at the house. I needed to get seriously hammered. Especially with tutoring starting next week.

Carlisle assured me he would go easy on me considering that Esme, his current girlfriend, was the president of the After School Student Tutoring Program also known as the ASSTP. Which the name right there either made my skin crawl or made me want to burst out with laughter considering the first three letters were ASS. I was just an immature little bastard like that.

And worst of it all was that it meant that I had to go to class for now on because not only was Lamonster watching my every move, but they had finally put security cameras around the back of the bleachers. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck_.

But it wasn't only that either, I couldn't stand the look of disappointment on Carlisle's face. Again, what an insensitive little prick I was. And it wasn't bad enough with Jazz taunting me and being such a ass about him telling me eventually I'd be caught. What a bastard. And what was even worse than that was that Emmett got onto Jazz's prick-ness and both started to make fun of me.

This whole day was just filled with all kinds of bastards.

It wasn't until Biology until I fully calmed down from my slight 'panic attack'. I raked my fingers hard through my greasy hair, snapping my eyes shut as I took in a deep breath.

It wasn't until I heard the chair next to me squeak that my eyes opened. Bella sat down next to me, not saying a word as she opened up her composition book, beginning to write the notes down on the board. What an over achiever.

But I couldn't stop staring at her. Her face was hidden by a wall of her brown satin hair, her fingers at her pen as she continued writing things down in her scratchy handwriting. Her head would sometimes look up every once and awhile to double check the notes and only once did she look over to me and at that current moment I moved my eye sight to Mr. Banner, hoping to God she didn't witness me staring at her.

"Good afternoon class." Mr. Banner began, entering from the back of the room as he caught my attention by tapping on my side of the table, "Nice to see everyone here today." I shot him a very insolent glare only to see his repulsive stupid fucking smirk brighten around his teeth, "Today we will be working on another lab…" He began as the classed all groaned in unison, as he smirked delightfully at our pain and annoyance. Mr. Banner began talking about our latest Biology lab as he began to pass out the materials.

I looked to that fucking shield of hair, awaiting for her to grab the materials but she seemed hesitant about it. I sucked down a deep and dry gulp, reaching forward until her hand was now in front of mine.

She grabbed the materials and placed them out in front of both of us without even saying a word. And that shield of brown hair disappeared and tucked behind her ear. I didn't even notice that Mr. Banner had stopped talking and other people began to work.

Bella had three different small glass plates, setting a plant on each. She shifted the first one under the microscope and grabbed the plastic pipette to fill it with muggy water. She dropped a few drips of water onto the plant, and watching through the microscope. Once she was finished she began writing down onto her piece of paper, her eyes glancing from the corner.

I opened my mouth to say something, to say anything. But I just felt that stupid word vomit disdain my whole entire fucking body like always, "Can I fucking see it?" I barked at her harshly, her petite body jumping as her jacket gently fell from her shoulders.

"I'm sorry." She apologized, sliding the microscope in my direction. I felt fucking guilty for snapping the way I did, but I couldn't say sorry. I never could. It wasn't in my blood.

I opened my mouth again to at least attempt to say 'it's alright' or 'it's cool' or fucking something. But nothing came out this time. Not even a ruthless and witty remark. It was pure silence.

Pure silence couldn't even describe what really went on that whole hour. Because pure is such a sweet word. Awkward silence fits in perfectly of that hour. Bella would always look first, which I never minded. I didn't even mind her fluttering hands, and her shaky legs that jumped under the table randomly.

She would always slide it to me afterwards so I could take a peak and write down onto my paper. Eventually the bell had rung and Bella was the first one out the door, her head down looking at her feet as that stupid fucking shield covered her eyes.

I handed my paper into Mr. Banner before slinging my backpack over my shoulder and walking out in the same footsteps as Bella.

**BPOV**

"Come on Bella…" Alice pleaded in soft whispers, her hands folded as if she was going to pray for me to actually join her to Emmett Cullen's party.

"Alice, it's a stupid idea that they are even having the party in the first place considering my dad, the sheriff, lives right across the street." I said in response to her desperate pleas.

"Your dad won't even be home tonight." Alice remarked, my eyes widening in shock.

"How did you know that?" I questioned, raising a curious eyebrow.

"Emmett knows your dad's schedule like the back of his hand. He knows your dad has duty on Friday until Saturday morning." Alice smirked, leaning back into the chair.

"That's a little weird that he knows that." I opened my book to pretend I was reading so she could lay off of the subject.

"Bella…" She whimpered, my eyes rolling secretly, "Come on. It'll be fun."

"Thanks for the offer Alice, really." I nodded my head as I began to gather my stuff together, "It's just not me." I shrugged, "But we are still on for Saturday. Right?" I asked, giving her some hope that I wasn't all boredom.

"Yeah." She nodded her head as she stood up, still inches shorter than me, "I'll see you Saturday."

I smiled in reassurance for her sake as I walked out of the class with my head down like every other day. I was completely and utterly dreading Biology after lunch, and not only because I didn't do my homework but because of that Edward Cullen. He made me so nervous that my hands were shaking just before I walked into the class. I saw him already there, which was a complete surprise considering he was only in class at least twice a week. I rolled my eyes as I took in a deep breath, and with my head still down I pulled out that chair, interrupting his thoughts as he quickly stood up straight.

I stayed in my seat, my hair spreading across my face as Mr. Banner began talking about our labs we were doing. I cringed at the word _lab_ considering last time we did a lab, my partner wasn't too happy with me. But I had to make a name for myself, and show him that I wasn't just weak Bella Swan. I was smart, care-free, nice Bella Swan. Even though the care-free part was a complete lie.

Once Mr. Banner passed out all of the equipment, my heart started to race. This shouldn't even be a difficult task to put together, but of course I would make it one. I chewed on my fragile bottom lip that already had teeth marks from me being too nervous when Alice kept taunting me with the party. This was no time for me to be irrational and stupid so I quickly got all of the equipment together in the right place, just before Edward had any chance to pick anything up.

I set it all together as I began the lab, pretending and ignoring that he was there and his presence even bothered me. I set my eye to the microscope, looking at the difference and similarities between the plant and the water and how they were reacting with each other. By this time I had totally forgotten Edward was there as I wrote down my observations.

"Can I fucking see it?" He growled like an angry wolf, and I could feel my body reacting to it as I jumped. I wanted to slap him for acting that way towards me, tell him how incredibly rude that was but I didn't.

"I'm sorry." I whispered instead of beating the crap out of him, even though I know I could never do that, and slid the microscope to his side of the table. Edward's mouth gaped open and I waited for that apology that I wanted to hear him say. Just so I know he wasn't as much as an asshole everyone made him out to be, and that he being like this was just his way to new people. But nothing. He said nothing and looked through the microscope once his mouth had closed.

It was silent for the rest of the period and I would always check the different plants and water first just before sliding it over to him. Once the bell rang, I was out of there instantly and onto Honors Spanish and then eventually home.

Charlie was beginning to get ready to leave for his night shift at the police department. Just before he left he sat down with me for dinner which consisted of Roast Beef and Mashed Potatoes. "You know Bells; I don't feel right leaving you here by yourself." Charlie said with a mouth full of mashed potatoes as I played with mine with my fork.

"Ch-Dad." I corrected myself, "Mom left me home alone all the time. I'll be fine." I smiled comfortably so he could be reassured that I was alright with being home alone, "I promise."

"If you need anything at all Bells, just call me up. I'll even come back and pick you up so you can stay with me." He said like an over-protective father would say.

"What am I, five?" I smiled, "I'll be fine. I swear." I emphasized on the word _swear_ and he had finally gotten the picture.

"Alright," He replied just before eating his last bite of Roast Beef and getting up from the kitchen table, "Remember; call me if you need anything."

"I will." I said with a reassuring smile.

"And would you mind taking out the trash while I'm gone? I'm runnin' a bit late." He asked just before clipping on his badge on his shirt.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of the house." I replied as I stood from my chair, grabbing his empty plate and my half-full one before taking it to the sink.

"You're a good daughter, Bells." Charlie said with a loving tone, pressing his lips to the top of my head, "You have a good night."

"You too." I waved him goodbye as he walked out the back door and to his car.

I began scrapping the remains of food off my plate and into the garbage, where I then took it to the sink and cleaned off all of the dishes considering the dish washer was broken. It had neared at least ten o'clock and the sky was dark and black, and the party across the street had started. I pulled the garbage bag from the can and carefully walked out to the front by the mailbox where I put it in the other trash bin where the garbage men would take it from there.

It wasn't hard to miss the party at the Cullen's house with the loud music, almost thirty cars in the drive way, and the cheering from people in the inside.

My eyes scanned the large front yard in front of the mansion, and I could see that not everyone had made it inside. The brother of Emmett Cullen, and probably the epitome of assholes, Edward Cullen was standing outside the door, smoking a cigarette. And no matter how much of a jerk he was to me, he was still beautiful and was that type of beautiful that you couldn't just look away. But I had to once his eyes met mine, and I quickly and carefully tried not to trip over anything as I walked in a fast pace towards the house, closing the door shut behind me.

**EPOV **

"The Keg goes over here boys!" Emmett screamed beside me to direct the men who carried the very large metal container. We watched as they set it in the corner, and I watched as Emmett squealed like a little fucking six-year-old who just was offered anything in a Candy Shop, "Dude this is going to be the biggest party ever!" He screamed, lifting his arms around my shoulder to pull me into a hug.

"Get the fuck off of me!" I groaned, pushing his much larger body away from me, "Just know I am not helping you with any of this in the morning. The mess is yours."

"Whatever dude. We'll all be too wasted tonight to even remember that we'll have to clean in the morning." Emmett smirked that stupid smirk of his and I just wanted to smack it right off.

"Hey, hey, hey." Jazz said with Alice wrapped around his side like a fucking leech or something, "I'm so ready for this kick-ass party. How many people did you invite Em?"

"The whole freakin' school." He chuckled all masculine like as he crossed off something on his notepad, "Did you guys invite anyone?" Emmett asked just before Rosalie came up behind him, wrapping her tiny arms around his biceps.

"Not me." Jazz replied.

"I invited Bella." Alice chirped, and the name caused my body to flinch. Was Bella, the girl who has completely irritated me for the past week, but constantly stays on my mind actually coming to the party?

"Why'd you invite that freak?" Jazz snorted as if he actually fucking knew her, which caused my fist to clench.

"She's not a freak, Jasper. She's really nice. But she can't come. It's not her _thing._" Alice blurted, most likely quoting what Bella had told her.

"I invited a few of my girlfriends." Rosalie smiled as she wrapped a strand of her blonde hair around her fingertips, "I didn't think you would mind." She smirked to Emmett, pressing her lips to the corner of his own. I. Could. Fucking. Gag.

"And I don't baby." Emmett's voice was all husky and shit as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her up to him just enough to leave her with a soft kiss on the lips.

"Is Jessica comin' tonight?" Jazz asked me and I shrugged all nonchalant and shit.

"Don't know. Don't care." I replied back to him as I slinked into the leather sofa in front of everyone, "She ain't my girl."

"You don't want no action tonight?" Emmett gasped with the most stupid voice that made me cringe at the thought of it, "I thought you and Stanley were hittin' it off."

"And when you mean hittin' it off, you mean fucking the brains out of her?" Jazz countered with Emmett's comment.

"Hell yeah." Emmett howled as the two hit knuckles together like they were fucking tight and shit.

"Yeah, yeah joke about it you stupid assholes." I grumbled just before the doorbell had rang. Another Keg, another fifty dollars down the hole.

"Just about time." Emmett said as he looked down at his watch, seeing that Chief Swan was pulling out of the driveway for his night shift at the office, "Three, two, one." Emmett smirked as he looked back to us, "Let the party begin."

--

The rap music was blaring loud and the middle of our living room turned into a club scene as bodies grinded against each other, and sweat began to produce on the skin of everyone. In the kitchen is where the keg was being used, and the constant roars and cheers only caused me to have more of a headache. I would stick to the old beer in the bottle. As I sipped on my Heineken and bobbed my head to the music, I felt the warm hands of Jessica wrap around my neck, her lips close to my ear as she whispered very naughty things into them.

"Just one moment… I'll meet you up in my room." I whispered to her as I watched a very drunk Jessica Stanley walk up the stairs and towards my bedroom. Normally I wouldn't cave in so easily, but to me this party was completely bogus. It was nothing new to me, and it was all very fucking tedious. I walked past the vast amount of people and made my way to the front door where I stepped out to light up a Cig and to see if there were any of the Neighbors crowding around our front yard, getting ready to revolt from the loud, annoying music. But there was no one.

There was no one until the Swan house across the street lit up with the outside light. The brown hair beauty who has been on my mind for the past week stepped out of the door with a trash bag in her hand. She looked around fairly quickly before taking the few more steps, and I looked away as fast as possible trying to pretend that I didn't know she was fucking there or something.

I continued to inhale on the stick of the cigarette, running my free hand through my greasy hair just before exhaling the smoke. I looked to see if she had left but I had noticed her eyes on me and right when I looked she looked away and walked off as if I was some kind of fucking disease and she didn't want to get infected.

My phone vibrated which broke my trance and I read the really fucking dirty text message from Jessica which only made me want to finish my Cigarette faster. I flicked it to the side, walking back and into the house and made my way past the large crowds and climb up the stairs. My bedroom door was shut which didn't surprise me and I didn't even mind to knock, I just fucking walked in.

And there she was, almost near naked lying on my bed. I set my Heineken down onto the table as I closed the door behind me, turning the lock.

"I've been waiting." Jessica smirked as she ran her fingers through her dirty blonde hair, biting down onto her bottom lip. She laid in her panties and bra, showing off her very define and sexy fucking body. I zipped off my jacket, smirking to her as I felt confident that she wanted me so badly. Jessica came up to me as she ran her fingers through my greasy hair, her free hand clutching my belt as she unbuckled it and then began playing with my zipper, "Mmm…" She moaned slightly as I felt around her back, playing with the strap of her bra, "Take it off." She whispered all seductively and shit.

I did as I was told, peeling off her bra to leave her chest completely bare. Her breasts were plump, and her nipples were hard waiting for me to please her. She grabbed my shoulders, pulling me down and onto my bed as she laid herself on top of me, completely and finally pulling off my pants.

She looked up to me as she leaned down, peeling my own shirt off to kiss my chest and all the way down to the lining of my boxers. I looked up to the ceiling and closed my eyes as I felt her hand down my pants and touching my shaft as her tiny hands began to move up and down against it. I let out a soft pleasurable groan, and then let out a loud moan as she removed her hands, replacing them with her lips.

"Mm…Fuck." I said out loud, hearing that small cackle of hers as she gently let her teeth graze against my dick.

Her lips kissed around the tip before she looked up and whispered to me, "How much do you love this?"

I didn't feel compelled to answer her question and instead, just moaned to reassure her that I was enjoying this interaction we were having with each other. Honestly, did she expect me to answer her in this moment of ecstasy?

"How much baby?" She moaned. Fuck. She actually wanted me to answer. But I wasn't going to, and this time I just moaned her name. Or at least, what I thought her name was.

"What?" I heard her shriek as she sat up.

"W-What?" I cried, wondering why she stopped.

"Did you just call me Bella?" She growled, her hands now on her hips.

"I-I… Wh-.. I don't know?" I said, muttering softly.

"You did!" She yelled as she stood from the bed, "Ugh! I should have never wasted my time in trying to be your girlfriend!"

"Trying. But not succeeding." I smirked, rebounded back from her annoying stop.

"Ahh!" She screamed as she pulled on her clothes, "You are such an asshole Edward Cullen!"

"What the fuck ever." I rolled my eyes, watching as she growled again just before leaving the room.

I laid back fully onto the bed, running my fingers through my hair as I contemplated on what just happened. Did I really call Stanley Bella? It was so fucking unusual of me, but the girl has been on my mind. Here I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why I am revolving my thoughts around Bella. And with one hand running through my hair, I contemplated how to get rid of this boner that Stanley left me with.

What the fuck do I do now?


	5. The Agreement

**BPOV**

I could make out my mothers body figure in front of me, as I could see the cars hood near the front window due to the impact of the other car. The ice cold water filled my lungs, and once again and like every other time, my seat belt was jammed. It wouldn't come off, and I began to panic just like all those other times, my head felt like it was about to burst as the water held me under its gasp.

I shot up; screaming and sweating. My nails were digging into my fragile skin as it broke blood, it dripping down my arm as my body locked in place. I began hyperventilating as my breathing became hitched, a dry and scratchy feeling at my throat like I needed a drink of something. Finally, but not soon enough, I began to feel my body relax and unhinge as I laid back down, my head against the pillow. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, leaning sideways to grab my glass of water I made for myself before I went to bed, having a feeling I would be needing to use it.

I gulped all the water just before laying back down, snuggling under my blankets as I just stared at the wall, too scared to go back to my nightmare. So for the next four hours, I just watched the wall before I saw the sun come up. I scooted out of the bed, walking down the stairs as I made myself a very small breakfast which consisted of eggs, bacon, and orange juice. Of course, I didn't finish it and instead went right outside to receive the mail and Charlie's newspaper. As I picked up the newspaper, I looked over to the Cullen's house. People were stumbling out with headaches and gripping their stomach as if that could stop them from throwing up.

I laughed to myself as I shook my head, grabbing the mail as well as the newspaper as I made my way back to my house. But as I shut the door, I heard the doorbell ring. I turned back around to open it, seeing Alice standing there with a bright smile on her face.

"Hi Bella!" Alice chirped.

"Alice – How did you…" I began, trying to think of how she got here so fast but she quickly cut off my sentence.

"I'm a fast runner." She smiled just before inviting herself in; walking past me as she looked through the walk room we were standing in, "Vintage." She nodded, looking at the walls, "Pretty."

"And you don't have a headache?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I had a little one this morning, but I didn't drink as much as everyone else." She giggled, covering her mouth, "I can't believe you didn't come! It was so much fun!"

My idea of fun wasn't going to the party, getting drunk, passing out, then waking up screaming and clawing at my skin so everyone can see how much of a freak I was, "I got a little sick last night." I lied, biting on my bottom lip.

"Well, it was pretty amazing." She smiled just before twirling her tiny body around to me, "Are you ready to go shopping?"

"It's nine in the morning. The shops don't even open till ten." I remarked, scuffling towards the kitchen as she followed me with a bright smile.

"Early bird gets the worm." She smirked, lifting her body up and onto the counter as she looked down at me, "You're not even dressed yet."

"Again – Nine in the morning. No teenager in their right mind would be up this early." I said just before correcting myself, "Except the crazy Alice Brandon." I smirked..

Alice giggled, nodding her head as her eyes traveled downward, and they quickly widened within a millisecond a frown appearing, "Bella!" She shrieked, pointing to my arm, "You're bleeding!" She jumped off the counter as I looked down to the dry blood that bled through my flannel pajamas.

"No, no. It's alright." I laughed nervously. I couldn't let her see the marks on my body because she would know they were from me considering they were nail marks, "I guess I accidently rolled over my cat." I lied through a chuckle. We didn't even have a cat – but Alice didn't know that.

Alice handed me a warm cloth as I lifted my sleeve in the opposite direction, wiping the dry blood just as quickly as I brought the sleeve back down, "I'll be ready in ten minutes." I said, trying to get out of the room as soon as possible.

--

Alice clicked her tongue as she saw my very tedious outfit which consisted of a blue sweater and an old pair of jeans. I rolled my eyes just before writing Charlie a note, so he knows of my whereabouts if he came home early. I set the note on the counter so he could see it when he walked in and then felt Alice grab my hand, "Come on! The stores will open soon!"

"The stores don't open for another thirty minutes." I sighed, feeling her tug on my arm which was covered with the blue sweater. Alice didn't mind that I was protesting to go on this shopping trip, but it was the only way I could get out of her talking me into going to that party last night. I had to hold up my end of the bargain.

Alice rushed me into her Yellow Porsche, which was a hundred times nicer than my beat-up truck, though I would never trade it in for the world. The seats were leather and heated, which helped because it was only thirty degrees outside. It made me wonder how Esme, Alice's mother, could have afforded this. Then again, they do seem filthy rich. And considering Esme was with Dr. Cullen, who seemed to be the wealthiest man on this block, it probably helped Alice in her case.

We were coming up to Port Angeles, and my eyes were still weak from the lack of sleep from last night. My hand tucked under my chin as I watched the blurs of trees and other cars pass by, the raindrops that fell down the window were making me restless as I counted every single one. My eyes began to shut once again, and I could see the blackness that was quickly replaced with water, and then my eyes opened as I felt Alice tugging on my arm.

"Wake up!" She screeched, letting out a soft giggle, "We are here!"

I looked around, seeing that we were in a parking garage, other people filling in the parking spaces around us. I groaned under my breath so Alice wouldn't hear as I opened the door, my brown bag at my side as I shut the door behind me. Alice had a much quicker pace than I did, her body slipping through the door as I had to fully open it because I couldn't fit like she could.

Alice forced me into stores that I hadn't even heard of before, and it was the same old thing every single time. Alice would grab a pile of clothes and take them into the changing room, coming out to show me every single one. Even once she came out in the shortest pair of black leather shorts you could ever have seen, her butt cheeks nearly falling out.

"A bit scandalous, don't you think?" I added quirking an eyebrow.

"Just because I'm not into sweaters from the 70's and jeans that look like a grandma could wear, doesn't mean that I can't dress like this." She jokingly said along with a smirk. I rolled my eyes as I crossed one leg over the other, tucking my chin into my palm, "Why don't you try some clothes on, Bella?"

"Because, I enjoy the 70's sweater and the grandma jeans." I grinned.

"At least let me get you into a sweater that fits your figure." She pleaded with a whimper.

"No." I replied coldly, "Really, Alice. It's ok. I'm fine." And I hoped to God she would leave it at that, but little Alice Brandon new how to push my buttons.

"Come on." She said with a stupid little giggle, grabbing my hand and pushing me out of the changing room completely forgetting she was still in those leather shorts. I ignored the fact that every straight-guy in the store stared at her, and just followed sluggishly.

"Alice." I groaned, rolling my eyes as she pulled out a blue sweat that hugged at the waist. It was very different than my blue-torn out one that I was currently wearing. You couldn't even see my figure through the one I was wearing considering it was two sizes larger than what I needed, "Alice, I don't really like this stuff." I muttered before grabbing the sweater from her hands, "It's not me."

"How do you know until you try it on?" She asked, raising a curious eyebrow.

--

I have to admit, the sweater did look good on me. I was more of a stick than a curvy, but the sweater made my small curves look exceptionally good. My self esteem boosted as I turned around to look at my butt in the jeans Alice had picked out for me. They looked good as well, which just sky-rocketed my self esteem. But as I turned to look at myself straight forward, I felt this hole in my chest. This wasn't me. It never was. So why should I change what I wear now?

I stripped out of the clothes, pulling on my worn out jeans and tattered blue sweater. I had the clothes folded in my hands as I walked out, Alice's bright smile turning into a frown, "I didn't even get to see you in them!"

"I didn't like them." I lied through my lips as I set the clothes onto the bench just before walking out of the changing room. Alice had switched to her regular clothes as well, but held the shorts and about twenty other things in her hands.

"You're so hard to please." I could detect the roll of her eyes as we reached the counter. The man asked if we found everything alright, and it didn't surprise me at least one bit that Alice leaned forward to show off her chest that peaked through her low-cut shirt as she answered his question with a purr, "Yes we did." She smiled, and I was quick to roll my eyes as I crossed my arms over my chest waiting for her to finish.

**EPOV**

Jazz was nearly dying of laughter at my computer desk as I sunk back against my pillows completely regretting that it told him what happened last night between Stanely and I. Though, I never told him whose name I called out while she was giving me head, my reason for not remembering was that I was drunk as fuck.

"So you're saying that's why she kept complaining about you all last night?" He laughed his hand on his chest to help him stop.

"Yes, I said that for the past twenty minutes you fucking asshole." I sneered.

"Alright, alright." He said, holding his hands up, "I'm done." I didn't say anything, and just instead walked to my open window where I grabbed my cigarettes from my pocket, lighting one up in between my lips, "I'm thirsty." Jasper said, my eyes look at him with complete boredom.

"Then go downstairs and get something to fucking drink." I sneered once again.

"Whatever has crawled up your ass is seriously annoying." He chuckled just before going out of the room.

I rolled my eyes at his idiotic remark, staying at the window as I continued to inhale my cigarette, staring at the sun that was just getting ready to set. I flicked the ashes over the ledge, watching as the trees in the backyard moved from the wind. It was quite peaceful, and even somewhat beautiful to me. But I wasn't the one to get sentimental about that shit.

Five minutes later Jasper walks back in with a Soda can in one hand, "You'll never guess who is downstairs."

I looked up to him just as I was finishing my cigarette, "Who?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That weird ass Bella girl." He said which I completely ignored his 'Weird-ass' remark which in any other time would have ticked me off, but the fact that she was actually downstairs in the kitchen was beyond me.

"What?" I said my jaw dropping.

"With Alice!" He laughed, shaking his head, "She looked at me as if I was the freak." He rolled his eyes as he chuckled, walking back to the computer desk. I flicked the cigarette over the edge, my knuckles balling up as I tried to ignore his insensitive fucking comment.

I shot up as I began out of my room, "Hey, wait!" Jasper called following behind me. It amazed me that Emmett got the entire house cleaned up before Carlisle even got home, but I ignored it for the mean-time. I knew he just shoved every thing in his closet because that's how Emmett fucking worked.

"Really?" Both Esme and Carlisle said at the same time as I descended the staircase with Jasper right behind me.

"What are we doing?" He whispered, my head fucking snapping around as I hushed him. There was a corner right before the kitchen, and I slowly peeked my head around it to see that Jasper wasn't fucking kidding. There she was. The girl who has been on my fucking brain, just standing next to the counter as she talked to Carlisle and Esme. I didn't even process what she was saying, still dumbfounded by the fact that she was standing in the kitchen. In my fucking kitchen. My head came back as it rested again the wall, Jasper staring at me as he shook his head, "What the hell is wrong with you?" He whispered just before I started past him, ascending the stairs and to my bedroom once again, "What's up with you and that girl?" Jasper asked, closing the door behind him.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I replied coldly, looking to him.

"I mean every time I say something bad about her, you just… don't say anything. You usually agree with me when I talk about someone else." He shrugged.

"That's because everyone else we talk about, we know. Like Stanely for an example. We call her a stupid little whore because we know her and she is one. We just don't know this girl." I said simply.

"Don't even pull that shit." He growled.

"What the fuck ever. You get annoyed too when I talk shit about Alice." I replied.

"That's because I'm…Dating…Her…" He stopped mid-sentence, looking at me with the stupidest fucking face ever, "Wait…" He began, shaking his head, "You like her!"

"I don't even fucking know her." I grumbled.

"Don't deny it Edward! You're in love with the freak!" Jasper constantly teased me, the word freak echoing inside my head.

"Don't you ever…" I shot straight up, my palms pushing his chest as he fell back over the chair, it making a loud boom straight to the ground.

"What the fuck, man!?" Jasper groaned as the chair lay on top of him.

"I don't like her. I don't even fucking know her!" I growled.

"Alright, alright!" He yelled.

"Emmett! Edward!" I heard Carlisle yell from down the stairs as I stood and watched Jasper get up, "Dinner!"

"Ok!" I yelled, looking back to Jasper who was now back on the chair, "If she's down there, don't say a word. Alright?" I growled protectively.

"Alright, whatever." Jasper hissed.

We both stood and walked towards the staircase just meeting Emmett there as he pushed me out of the way playfully to get to the food first. I ignored him as I walked down the stairs, taking in a big gulp just before hearing the front door behind me open. It was Bella, who took a glance at me just before shutting the door behind her.

"Where's she goin'?" Emmett asked, digging his hands into the bread. Esme quickly caught him, slapping his hand and giving him the evil eye.

"She had to get home and take care of her father. She's weird like that." Alice said, but all in good intentions as for Jasper who was just about to say something offensive, I'm sure just before I punched him in the stomach with my elbow.

"Will you be staying for dinner, Jasper?" Esme asked as she put the pasta onto the table.

"Yes, Jasper. Will you be staying with us?" Alice fluttered her eyelashes, which almost made me vomit. I hated their relationship. It really bugged the fuck out of me."

"Um… Yes." He said through a hoarse voice from mine punching him. Alice patted the chair next to him, and as the fucking little dog he was, he sat there.

"Come on, Edward." Carlisle said with a smile.

I took a glance back at the door where Bella had just left, and looked forward back at the dinner table as I took my seat.

**BPOV**

By the time it had struck four o'clock Alice had dragged me into thirty three stores, ten outlet stores, and five food stores and she had ended up buying one thousand two hundred and thirty four dollars worth of clothes and I ended up buying a used book called Darkness Calls that only cost three dollars at the outlet store.

We were back in the car, and my bag was in my lap, her wheel turning as we could both see the Mercedes in the Cullen's driveway, "Carlisle is home. You mind if I see if Esme is there?" She said with a smirk, but I quickly shook my head knowing that if we go into the Cullen's house, undoubtedly, Edward will be there.

"No, no. I have -- " I began but was cut off.

"Come on, Bella! I really want you to meet them! I mean if we are going to be best friends, you have to meet my mother and most likely my future Step father." Her smile was sincere, and I couldn't compete with that. Hopefully Edward would be gone, but I know luck was never on my side.

As she pulled into the drive way, I felt my body began to shake. My hand set against my forehead as I let out a long and heavy sigh, my heart pounding as I shook my head. I wasn't even in the same proximity as him, but yet I couldn't help but act like this. Alice led me up the large steps, and past the boulders. She opened the door to let out a loud shrill that sort of came out as a 'Hello!' I cringed at the sound, but then was distracted by the pure beauty of the house. There were sculptures, like a museum and paintings like an Art gallery. Then, my attention looked at the corner as I heard the heels that clicked on the marble floor; Esme, I presume, with her caramel hair walked out with the brightest smile.

"Mom!" Alice chirped, running towards her as they enveloped each other in their arms. A sting of jealousy washed over me and I had to look away at this mother and daughter moment, "How was your and Carlisle's business trip?" She asked as she took a step away to stand next to me again.

"Eventful." She smiled, her eyes moving to me as I was quick to look down, "And who is this?" She asked, my eyes trailing back with to her as I smiled.

"Mom, this is my friend Bella. She's new here." Alice answered.

"It's so nice to meet you, Bella." She leaned forward, holding out her hand. I stepped forward to grab it, shaking it gently as I smiled.

"You too Miss. Brandon." I said weakly.

"Please call me Esme." She said.

"Esme." I corrected.

"Well, come on into the kitchen. We just got done making dinner." Esme smiled, gesturing with her hands for us to follow which we did. I'm guessing, Carlisle was at the stove, taking the silver pot and dumping it into the strainer so all the water could seep out, "Carlisle, this is Bella. Alice's new friend." Esme said as I looked to Carlisle who turned to smile at me, reaching his hand forward and for a shake.

"A pleasure, Bella." Carlisle said, shaking my hand.

"You too." I smiled politely. And just then a familiar face walked down the steps, turning the corner and into the Kitchen. My heart pumped at the thought of Edward might be coming behind Jasper, but he didn't.

"Jasper!" Alice squealed as she ran to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. It made me think back to when she was flirting with the employee at that store. I wondered why she did it if she had Jasper. But that thought completely left my head as I saw Jasper look at me. His expression was dumbfounded and somewhat angry as his eyebrows knitted together. He whispered into Alice's ear, which she quickly scolded him as she hit his chest.

Alice whispered to him, and I could have sworn I heard her say 'Don't say that. She's my friend.' Jasper didn't like me, and I could tell with just the look he gave me.

"Well, I'm only here to get a Soda." He said just before Alice walked in front of him, grabbing a Soda from the refrigerator and handing it to him, "Thanks babe." He smiled just before pressing a kiss to her forehead before leaving.

Once he had left, the room got surprisingly quiet, but Carlisle quickly covered it as he cleared his throat, "You are Charlie's daughter, right?" He asked as we shook hands.

"Yes." I replied quietly.

"Well it's nice to have you in the town. We needed some buzz around here." He said with a chuckle, as with everyone else. I let out a weak one, rubbing the back of my neck, "How is he doing these days? I have only seen him taking out the trash. Never have gotten around to talking to him lately."

"He's fine. Still writing out those tickets." I said in a very not-funny way but they all laughed causing me to stand their in an extremely awkward position.

"Of course. I know he has gotten my boys a couple of times." Carlisle laughed as well as Esme who nodded.

"And caught Alice." She said, looking down at Alice who hid her face in shame.

"That was one time, mother. And I wasn't even speeding." She said, looking to me, "I parked my car on the wrong side of the road. Apparently the car is supposed to be facing towards traffic." She rolled her eyes and I couldn't help but laugh. Only Alice would get a ticket like that.

"Still, a ticket is a ticket." Esme said with a scolding voice.

And Alice was quick on her feet to change the subject, "Mom – did you know Bella is a straight A student?" She began and I wanted to cut her off but just stood there in all my awkward glory, "She takes all Honors class."

"Besides Biology." I corrected, biting onto my bottom lip.

"Really?" Esme and Carlisle said both at the same time, now interested.

"Esme, she could help you with the student program." Carlisle mused.

"Student program?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Well, I have conjured a little thing we call the ASSTP. Also known as After School Student Tutoring Program. We take all the honor students in the school, and if they will, sign them up with one other student who isn't doing too well." She continued, "I still need one more slot. And I guess it's just a miracle Alice has befriended you. Now, you don't have to…"

"I don't know…" I began, running my fingers through my hair nervously.

"It will get your community service hours over." She smiled, trying to pressure me. That's one thing our old school didn't have. Community Service hours. And I had to have it in this school in order to graduate. So maybe this wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe I could just tutor someone for awhile, and get my service hours.

"I mean… Okay?" I said, letting out a weak chuckle.

"Do you have any preferences on what you want to tutor?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"History and English are my strong subjects. Biology is my very weakest." I nodded, biting onto my bottom lip, not going on without noticing that Carlisle had whispered into her ear, Esme quickly nodding. And all in this time, there was a loud noise from upstairs, each of us looking at the ceiling just before Carlisle shook his head to continue to whisper in Esme's ear.

"Yes, yes. And I'd rather have her tutor him." She whispered just before looking back to me, "Tutoring starts Monday. Just come find Alice on Monday and she'll have your paperwork for you." Esme smiled.

"Alright." I agreed, taking in a deep breath.

"Well, dinner must be ready. You want to stay for dinner, Bella?" Carlisle asked, "I hope you don't mind, it will be a crowded table with all of the boys." Carlisle said, it echoing in my mind. All of the boys. That included Edward, I just know it, "Let me just go get them."

Carlisle began walking away, and I was nearly choking on nothing, shaking my head, "Um… Um… I… No… I have to get back to Charlie." I muttered as I heard Carlisle yell 'Emmett' at the top of the stairs, and then _'Edward'_. I began to freak as I watched Esme stare at me dubiously.

"Well, that's alright sweetheart. If you ever want to come by Alice's and mine place, your more than welcomed." She smiled just before shaking my head, "And thank you so much for doing this program. It means a lot to me."

"Your welcome. I'll see you Monday. Bye Alice." I said quickly as I passed Carlisle by the stairs, hearing the footsteps descending the stairs which caused me to quicken my pace. And just as I opened the door, I looked behind me to see Edward just at the bottom of the stairs, staring at me before I left.

--

**MONDAY**

It was the end of a long school day, and I was so determined to come home just before Alice gave me the paper work. It had slipped my mind about the whole tutoring thing, but I faced it anyways. I read through the paper work, seeing that I would be tutoring someone Monday, Wednesday and Friday on History and Tuesday and Thursday on English from three o'clock to four o'clock after school. It wasn't exactly how I wanted to spend my days after school, but I honestly had nothing better to do.

As everyone geared up to get into their cars, I walked to B building where I saw several students walk into the B96 room. I followed them, seeing several students sit at the two-student desks and all the honor students at the front of the room with Esme.

"Bella!" She called out with a smile as everyone began filing in, "I'm so glad you could make it." She smiled just before looking out to everyone who was coming in, "Alright everyone. Settle down, settle down." There weren't many kids here. About seven at the desks, but I noticed there were eight Honor students. I chewed on my lip as I thought there must be some kind of mix up, "Welcome everyone. I know most of you do not want to be here, but we are here to help you pass. Now each and every single one of you was picked to be tutored by one of our Honor students." I watched the other students in the desks seeming completely oblivious, and not wanting to be here, "I will call off your tutor's name and then your own name, and after that you will be assigned to a room to yourself, so they can teach you without any interruptions. And tutor's you will be given new paperwork of your student's, and what you need to help them with."

I leaned back onto the chalk board, letting out a loud sigh as I looked around the room again just before Esme began calling off names, "Frankie Dupoint and Genna Baker. Josephine Coor and Sally Brock." I watched as Esme as she looked through the list, "Bella Swan…" She began as I felt a lump in my throat, hearing Esme sigh as she paused. And just before she began to speak again, the door slammed open, my eyes laying on the greasy hair green-eye'd beauty that came in fashionably late.

"Sorry." Edward said, dragging his book bag to the back of the class.

"Ah. Bella Swan, you will be with Edward Cullen." She said just before my jaw completely dropped. _Great_.

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**Authors Note: I would greatly appreciate reviews. They are my favorite!**


	6. The Tutoring

**Author's Note: Sorry I haven't been around much guys. I'm having some family issues, and I know it sounds totally fucking cliché, but it's true. So thank you for being more patient, and I'm trying my hardest to get these chapters out to your guys.**

**Thanks again, and enjoy this chapter. You've deserved it.**

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**EPOV**

I made my cigarette last me at least another seven minutes before heading to the hell chamber they so wittily call ASSTP. The fact that I'm going to be stuck with two people for the next four months is completely and utterly baffling. I know now I'm regretting every bit of slacking off, always thinking I can make it up. I knew it was my own fault, but of course dumbass fucking me would point fingers at everyone else.

"Shouldn't you be getting to your tutor thing?" Jasper asked as Alice clung onto him like a fucking leech or something.

"If you would have just done your --" Alice began before I cut her off with a simple lift of my hand.

"It's so imperative to your future that you don't finish that sentence." I growled just before grabbing my back pack to sling it over my shoulder, "Peace the fuck out." I said irritably as I walked past the two of them and Emmett and Rose, making my way towards B building. I knew I was already exceptionally late and I'd be hearing the hell out of it from Esme, but truthfully I didn't want to fucking be here. I'd rather be hung from my balls then go through this thing. For fucking four months. _Four months._

"Josephine Coor and Sally Brock." I heard Esme's voice faintly say as I reached closer to the door, "Bella Swan…" The name was completely meaningless for me at the time, and it didn't even hit me until I pushed the door open. Everyone turned their heads as if a ticking bomb had just gone off in the doorway. I looked to Esme whose expression was anything but delighted, my eyes quickly looking away

"Sorry." I muttered as I looked across the room, finding an empty desk in the back corner, making my way quickly to it as if my life fucking depended on it.

"Ah. Bella Swan," The name quickly clicked in my head as I looked up, seeing that the pair of big chocolate eyes were staring at me, her tiny back against the chalk board, "You will be with Edward Cullen." Esme said.

My eyes lit up as I caught Bella's stare for just a second. I could see her bones locking in place, as well as her jaw and her face go completely white. Considering I was late, I had no fucking idea what they were talking about, but I wouldn't be opposed to being with her, but I still had to ask, "What do you mean, 'be with'"? I asked, raising a curious brow as I continued to stare at Bella who curled into herself by the corner, all insecure and shit.

Bella was looking at the ground, her eyes very solid but yet beautiful as she played with her tattered sleeves, "Well since you have failed to make it here on time…" Esme began, walking back to me as she handed me a few pieces of paper, "You have missed all the rules I laid out. Bella Swan will be your tutor for history for the next four months." I looked up to Bella, seeing her completely still. As if something had fucking froze her in that spot, "Ah, now back to our list…" Esme began, but I drowned her out, watching Bella intently as her eyes stayed away from me, her cheeks filling quickly as I could see her chest raising up and down.

As Esme came to a finish on her long fucking list, I couldn't seem to stray my eyes away from Bella, though she never even took a pity glance to me. She was still hidden in the corner, blushing away as she stared at the ground. Esme gave everyone room numbers, and finally looked back to me and then to Bella which we were the only ones left in the room, "I'll walk you to your room. Follow me." Esme gestured for Bella to go first, which she did as she glanced at me for a second as I sat up, the three of us leaving the main room and to our room which was ostensibly right across the hallway, "And this is your room." Esme said as we both walked in, but I felt a tug at my collar, it pushing me back and away from Bella as she looked behind her at us, and then continued walking to the desk where she began to set things up which consisted on books and notepads.

"Edward, may I have a word with you?" Esme said, all fucking nonchalant and shit.

"Well, I guess so." I said in an irritated tone as I rolled my eyes all fucking ticked.

"Listen, I know you don't want to be here, but it really means a lot to Carlisle." She began as I pressed myself up against the wall, my eyes looking away as I nodded, "And Bella…" She began in a whisper, my eyes traveling up to hers, "She's a nice girl. Please don't give her a hard time."

I stared at Esme, my eyebrow raising as I clicked my tongue, "Wouldn't dream of it."

Esme stared all fucking dubiously at me just before looking up to Bella who sat at the desk, her eyes all connected to the window and shit as she finally looked down at the desk, "Really, Edward. Please."

"Alright, alright." I repeated, nodding my head, "I'll try the best to please you and Carlisle." I gave her my asshole grin, watching as she raised an eyebrow just to look back at Bella, waving goodbye.

And instantly as that door clicked shut my douche switched turned on as I glared at the poor girl who sat in the desk. Bella shifted uncomfortably in her seat, continuing to play at her tattered sleeves as her eyes stayed disconnected from mine. I swayed over to her, as coolly as possible as she looked at me from the corner of her eye, "Alright, let's get this fucking shit done." I muttered, sitting in the desk across from her. She stared at me for a moment, my eyes hard and fucking cold as I looked back.

"Don't you want to know…" She began before she gulped, "I mean… We'll be spending four months together. Is there anything you want to know? About me?"

I looked at her curiously, knowing she was only trying to be polite and shit. And it was common curiosity that I would show her the same respect, but of course I had to be difficult, "I already know about you."

She looked at me, somewhat surprised as she widened her eyes, "You do?"

"Alice has a mouth. Can't trust her with shit." I began, running my fingers through my hair. She stared at my fingers for a split second before looking back to me, her little arm shaking as she crossed them over her chest.

"Wh – What did she say?" She asked, looking at me through the brown shield that was her hair.

"Not what she said. What she told her boyfriend, my best friend, Jazz. And he said you're some kind of freak. And after that shit you pulled for the past week in biology… Well I can't disagree with him." I growled, looking away with that cocky attitude I always flaunted exceptionally well. Bella sunk back into her chair, letting out a soft sigh as she nodded her head

"I can be… Shy." She whispered her eyes straight down in the books in front of us.

"Yeah, fucking obviously." I said, staring straight into her fucking eyes even though she wasn't looking directly at me. And I could notice her lips turning downward slightly, but you could still notice her dimples. Her eyes were a chocolate brown, which made me want to just fucking indulge myself in them. But I would never allow myself. I didn't go without noticing that her cheeks burned with the color red as she quickly set books on top of my desk, as if she actually thought that I was going to read out of those fuckers.

"We should start at page forty." She murmured, grabbing her own book as she sat back into her seat, "That's the Boston Tea Party." Her hair now blocked the view of her eyes, which slightly frustrated me. Why was she so blocked off, and so damn shy? It aggravated me to no end.

"You really think I'm going to learn?" I asked, raising a curious brow and letting out a dark and hefty chuckle.

"That's the whole point of this, don't you think?" She asked as I began to sense that this girl really did have a spine. I showed her a grin for show just before replacing it with a frown, my fingers lacing together as I glared at her for no apparent reason, but for me that was normal.

"You're not going to be able to teach me, you know. I'm a hardass. The last tutor I had gave Carlisle his money back plus some more just so Carlisle didn't have to beg him to come back." I chuckled darkly, remembering the times with the old Mr. Paterroni. It was Sophomore year and I was failing Math, and at that time of my life I was even worse than I was now, though I'll never admit I had lightened up between then and now. Mr. Paterroni was in his mid-forties with a horrible comb over and yellow teeth, and I was at the peak of being sixteen, and had a horrible addiction to marijuana which every session I went to I was undoubtedly stoned off my fucking ass. With that and the combination of being an asshole already, I sent Mr. Paterroni driving by the fourth session.

Bella stayed silent as if she ignored my comment, her lips moving softly as she whispered, "The Boston Tea Party started in Seventeen Seventy Three…" And I had to fucking chuckle at her. She was ignoring me, and was cantering on about the stupid English or Red Socks Tea Party, fuck if I knew. I really wanted to cooperate, I wanted to sit there in silence and read the book with her, but that fucking monster of me wouldn't have it. It forced me to slam my book shut, shoving it onto the ground as it made a loud clamp, Bella's small body jumping as she pushed her hair back so her face was now visible, "The Boston Tea Party was the key event in the growth of the American Revolution…" She continued on as I sat back into my chair, crossing my arms like a fucking five year old throwing some temper tantrum.

But as she continued to talk to me about the pointless facts of that lame fucking Tea party, I couldn't help but stare into her chocolate eyes, they were bringing me closer to the point where I felt myself leaning forward. I quickly brought myself back, shaking my head as she continued to talk through trembled, beautiful lips.

**BPOV**

"The Boston Tea Party was a direct action protest by colonists in Boston, a town in the British colony of Massachusetts, against the British government." I continued on, ignoring the fact that Edward was completely ignoring me. I already felt uncomfortable as it was, did he really have to make it so difficult? I bunched my sleeves together as I looked at the almost broken book that sat on my desk as I took in a deep, sharp breath, "On December 16, 1773, after officials in Boston refused to return three shiploads of taxed tea to Britain, a group of colonists boarded the ships and destroyed the tea by throwing it into Boston Harbor." I looked up at Edward who stared down at the desk, his eyes quickly looking up to me and at the same time we looked away. I cleared my throat, flipping the next page as I continued on reading, "The incident remains an iconic event of American history, and has often been referenced in other political protests."

"You know, if they would have just lowered the fucking taxes, the British wouldn't have that problem. They are all about the fucking money though. And then they lost almost all their fucking tea. Dumbasses." Edward grumbled and I couldn't help but smile as I bit down onto my bottom lip.

"So you have been listening to me." I whispered as my fingers pressed into the book.

"Please, don't get used to it. It's not like I have anything else to do." He rolled his eyes, looking away quickly as he tucked his hand under his chin. I didn't want to ask anymore questions, and I couldn't help but notice Esme as she peaked through the small window that rested on the door. Edward looked back at her, smirked and waved annoyingly. She waved back, glanced at me, which I smiled to her giving her the indication that I was okay. She was probably worried I couldn't handle someone like Edward, and truth be told I didn't think I could, "She's like a fucking hawk."

I nodded slightly gulping because I had no idea what to say, "Maybe…" I began, shrugging my shoulders, "She's just protective of you."

"That's not it." He let out a hefty laugh, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his messy hair.

"Isn't she your stepmom?" I asked curiously, watching as his innocent eyes turned into a glare fairly quickly.

"Soon to be stepmom." He said, his glare still there. My body tightened as my throat went dry, and finally he looked away and back down to his closed book, "I don't really give a shit. I mean Carlisle is happy, and that's the first time in a long time. And she's nice and all. Just a pain in the ass. Along with her daughter." He groaned, shaking his head, "I'm gonna hate living with that bitch."

"Hey!" I scolded quickly, watching as his eyes looked up to me. I cleared my throat, brushing my hair back slightly as I trembled, "She's not that bad." I said, watching as he rolled his beautiful green eyes.

"Doesn't matter anyways, I moving out of there when I turn eighteen." He muttered under his lips. I felt an urge to ask him why he was so eager to get out of the house, but I kept my mouth shut.

I looked back down at the text book, my eyes narrowing at the words as I cleared my throat, "Parliament responded in 1774 with the Coercive Acts, which, among other provisions, closed Boston's commerce until the British East India Company had been repaid for the destroyed tea." I said with a shakey tone, looking up to see Edward staring at me. My eyes adverted downwards as I looked at the textbook, running my fingers along my flat hair, "Colonists in turn responded to the Coercive Acts with additional acts of protest, and by convening the First Continental Congress, which petitioned the British monarch for repeal of the acts and coordinated colonial resistance to them. The crisis escalated, and the American Revolutionary War began near Boston in 1775." I reached forward and to the stack of papers Esme had given me when I entered into the classroom across the hall, "I think I have a paper…"

"I'm not doing no fucking paper." Edward growled, my eyes looking up to his Green ones. They were fierce, and they weren't taking me seriously at all. I felt like that puny bug that didn't mean a thing to anyone.

"But Esme…" I began, biting on my bottom lip. Edward's fist slammed to the desk, my body shaking as I watched his violent side come out.

"I don't give a rat's ass about what Esme wants me to do. You just be fucking lucky I'm here." He sneered. Was he serious? Only minutes ago he was completely fine, besides the glare. What had happened within minutes that made him so angry? Did he have multiple personalities, was he bi-polar? I was just at lost, and my mind made my arm grab the piece of paper out and before I knew it, the paper was on his desk. Edward glared deeply at me, shaking his head as his fists were clenched together.

"Well I'm trying to help you." I muttered between tight lips.

"I don't need your help." He snarled.

"Your grades seem to say otherwise." I blurted, my eyes widening at my own comment. Edward shook his head, letting out a dark chuckle as he stood from the chair, "Wait… I'm sorry…"

"Fuck it." I heard him mumble as he grabbed his back pack, slinging it over his shoulder and walking out the door, my body slipping farther into the seat as my cheeks grew red.

--

I had another nightmare tonight.

But this one was different, more… Off?

It started out the same. My mother, Phil and I driving along the road. Phil was yelling at us, smacking my mother in the passenger seat until he lost control of the car. It wasn't like a nightmare, it was more of a reoccurring horrible memory as the water filled my lungs. My seatbelt was stuck, but I knew if I reached down to the ground, I could find the knife I had so conveniently found from Phil's hardware store. That was a part of my memory that was different. Even though I knew in reality, I found the knife there on the ground, it wasn't there in my dream. My mother was already gone, and I didn't dare look at her in the front seat. Phil was out of the car, all the way to the top of the water and completely forgetting about me.

But as I looked to the side, my throat burning for air I saw something that had never been in my dream before. It was Edward. He glared at me, his hair moving around from the water as I tried to reach for him, tried to save him. But he stayed still until his eyes rolled back, bubbles producing from his lips.

My eyes shot open, the sweat beading down my forehead like bullets racing across to its target. My clock read four o'clock AM, and I was burning from the heat in this room. I panted softly as I lifted myself from the bed, running to my window as I quickly lifted it open, taking in the fresh air. I felt my eyes were baggy, my arms and bones weak as my hair fell down my face. I let out a soft cry, wiping my eyes from the tears that shot down my cheeks just before I looked up to notice the Cullen's house. One light one despite the others were dark.

School made me sick to my stomach, and although Edward ignored me throughout the movie day in Biology, I couldn't help but think back to the nightmare. His eyes rolling back, his face turning completely pale. I shuddered at the thought of it, my eyes escaping to the side as I looked to him. His arms were crossed in front of him, laying on the table as his chin sat on top of his folded arms. I kept my distance as we watched some video about dissecting Frogs the right way, because apparently more than fifty ways to dissect a Frog.

My fingers ran fervently through my hair as I let out a soft whimper, trying to get rid of the nightmarish pictures that drifted in my mind.

For the second day of Tutoring, I luckily didn't have Edward this time but I was unfortunate enough to be stuck with Mike Newton. Him and I, Angela Weber and Edward and Jenny Stapleton and Jessica Stanley were are crowded into one room due to there not being enough rooms for all of us, so Esme assigned us to each a corner.

I ignored the constant remarks of how Mike thought how beautiful I was, and I tried so hard for him to keep his distance as I taught him Poetry by Edgar Allen Poe. We read through many of Poe's creations which included the Raven. I could over hear Angela teaching Edward about Biology, which gave me a sense of jealousy. He put with her seemingly well, and I even glanced over as I chewed on the tip of my eraser that he was giving her his full undivided attention.

I didn't realize that the pencil had snapped in half, my eyes glaring down at it as I brought my hands back, smiling faintly at Mike who read some more poetry.

"Isabella, this is so boring." Mike groaned, biting onto his lip.

"Bella." I corrected him firmly, watching his arms go up in self defeat.

"Come on. Why don't we just sneak out of here? Go out to Carver's Café?" He smiled, his elbow touching my arm as I quickly flinched, shaking my head.

"No thank you." I stuttered just before I heard him laugh, shaking his head. I could feel a set of eyes on me, and I didn't even have to look to know whose they were. I flinched again as Mike tried to come up with him joke, hitting me gently on the arm as if he thought I would enjoy that kind of thing. I laughed weakly at his punch line, not even really paying attention to it as I stared at the broken pencil sitting on my desk.

"You know, your not that bad." Mike said, chewing down onto a potato chip.

I looked up to him as I organized our papers, pushing my hair back as I shrugged, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, people talk about you all the time." He laughed coldly, nodding his head in agreement with himself, "I mean all the time."

"Thanks…Erm… That make's me feel a whole lot better." I snapped saracasticlly, as I shook my head, grabbing myself a new pencil as I handed him a piece of paper to work on.

"No… No… I mean that's good. You can show people your not such a freak that we all thought you were." I said, not even realizing he had just dug himself a hole.

"You thought I was a freak?" I asked, raising a brow.

"Everyone did. I mean no offense. You were kind of weird. Like the clothes you wear. I mean come on, have you ever heard of a mall?" He laughed, pressing his palm against my back as I let out a soft chuckle, shaking my head, "And your always so distant. Like don't shake when I touch you. That comes as a turn off." He nodded his head quickly as his hands reached my shoulders, rubbing them a little to softly and too close for comfort.

"Okay…" I said, shrugging my shoulders to get his hand to move away, "That's a little too close.

"Come on… No one will know…" Mike whispered to me as he leaned his body forward, his lips gently pressing to my shoulder. And as I quickly moved away, I heard a pound from across the room that even scared the kids next door.

"What do you think your doing, Newton?" Edward growled, standing from his chair. I watched as Mike stood up from his, the two of them glaring at each other as I just began packing my book bag.

"None of your business, Cullen." Mike shot back, grinding his knuckles together in order to get them to crack.

"She obviously didn't want your affection. So why don't you just back the fuck off." Edward snarled as Mike stepped closer, the two only inches away.

"Come on you guys!" Angela yelled, "Esme will be back any minute! You'll both get suspended if you fight!"

"Make me, Cullen." Mike said as he pressed his palms to Edward's chest, pushing him back to tempt him to throw a punch.

"STOP!" I yelled just as Edward was about to throw a punch right into Mike's jaw. I dropped my book bag, running in between the two just before I felt being pushed across the room. As an attempt to push Edward again, Mike accidently pushed me, and just as I fell to the ground, another thump wasn't far along after mine.

I looked over to see Mike already on the ground, blood pooling around him which I couldn't see what part of his face had been cut, "Oh my god, Bella!" Angela screamed as she leaned down to me, "Are you alright?!"

I looked up to Edward who had a look of pain on his face, his knuckles deep and red as he took a short glance down at me, and then to the opening door across the room. Busted.

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**Author's Note; Hope you liked the chapter. If you liked it so much, then just fucking comment! Please and thanks bitches.**** Sorry for the mistakes. Still looking for a Beta.**

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	7. The Crumbly Cherry Pie

**Author's Note; I know this chapter is up fairly early, I just felt a tad guilty that you guys had to wait so long for my last update, so I am giving you a early chapter. And I am proud to say, I officially have a Beta. So let's all give Jenn (Also known as ****SPOONS Secret Agent Alice****) a round of applause for helping me with this chapter. **

**Alright, enough chit chat. Go and enjoy this chapter, and remember to review. Peace Motha' Fuckaaaaaaas'. P.S. Spread the word around on The Other Side Of you. I'd love to have more readers! :) **

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**EPOV**

MOTHER-FUCKING-STUPID-ASS-MIKE-NEWTON.

He was getting on my last fucking nerves as I sat on the opposite side of the room of Bella and him. I could see him getting closer, and I could see her moving away. Why couldn't that prick understand that she just wasn't fucking interested? I didn't just want to burst in, considering I threw a complete fit yesterday as Bella only suggested I do a paper on the Boston Tea Party. I mean, I was a bit out of control and I was already fucking annoyed that I had to be there; just the fact that she actually wanted me to do shit sent me off the fucking edge. I was like a ticking time bomb.

But now, I wasn't ticking anymore. My tick was corrupted, and no one would have any idea when I would fucking blow. Mike was getting too fucking close for comfort for not only just Bella, but me as well. Angela snapped her fingers, my eyes quickly turning to her as I witnessed her fierce stare, "Come on Edward. Focus." She said just before continuing on with Biology shit that I wasn't paying attention to. I looked back up to Bella and Mike, seeing as Mike scooted closer to her, her face burning red as she tried to ignore him as he read from his text book, and then looked up at her. I noticed the silver chain on her neck, the heart shining from the sun that gleamed off it, catching my eye, "What are you looking at?" Angela snapped me back into the reality, my eyes quickly diverting but it was all too late. She tsked at me slightly as she let out a small laugh.

"Shut up." I muttered, shaking my head. Angela and I have been good friends for years now. She was the only girl, besides Bella, who I didn't find completely annoying. I'd never thought that I'd actually have a friend who was a girl, but when Angela and I were partners for a project in History almost three years ago, I had to take some liking into her considering she did all the work. And it turned out that she had a sense of humor that I really enjoyed. We never hang out, or text, or iChat or whatever the fuck people do these days, just merely say hi to one another every once in a while.

"I thought you and Jessica were a thing." She said, looking over to Jessica who took a short glimpse at me. I snorted, shaking my head as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Fuck. No." I growled, shaking my head fervently, "That bitch is too possessive, and too clingy."

"Well…Let me tell you something about Bella," Angela began as she bit down onto her bottom lip, "She's a sweet girl. Really. She sits at my lunch table." Angela continued, a light bulb going off in my head. Maybe Angela could talk to Bella for me, ask her how she felt about me. But as they say, curiosity killed the mother-fucking cat, "But she's…different, Edward."

I ran my hands along my pant pockets, ignoring the word _different_. I always knew Bella was different, because she wasn't like the sluts and whores here. That's how she was different. She was sweet, simple, and beautiful. I quickly shook my head pressing my lips into a hard line as I looked to Angela, "What do you mean different?"

"I've heard things, Edward." She said, biting onto her thin pink-glossed bottom lip.

"What things?" I shrugged.

"Well, you know how my father is a policeman? Well as you know, Bella's dad is the chief. And he told my dad that Bella was abused, like, hardcore abused, Edward, by her stepfather. They got into a car accident because her stepdad was drunk. Her mom died." Angela said to me, my eyes traveling to Bella who held what looked like a crushed pencil in her hand. I looked back to Angela, and over her shoulder and Jessica who stared at us. As if she heard everything.

"Got a problem?" I growled to her, watching as she cowered away and looked back down to her paper.

"What I mean is that she's had a bad past. And to be honest…you're not the nicest person to confide in." Angela said with a shrug, before giving me an honest stare.

"Who even said I was interested in her?" I said smugly as I crossed my arms over my chest, leaning back into the chair as it tipped back slightly.

"Oh, please." She rolled her eyes letting out a small laugh as she switched the page in the book. She began reading about different organisms or some shit like that, to hell with listening to her. All I could think about was that poor girl being beaten. My fist balled up as I could only imagine what she must have been going through, and this was why she was so shy and timid around people. And I didn't make things any better. Why the fuck was I cursed with such an acid tongue? I must have made her first day miserable.

"…That comes as a turn off." I heard Newton say, my head quickly turning as I witnessed his hand on Bella's tiny shoulder. She flinched away, muttering something to him as I was guessing was something along the lines of 'back the fuck off.' But he didn't, instead he leaned in closer, whispering something that caused my poor Bella to move even further away. My fist pounded loudly onto the table, as my face was engulfed with fury.

"Edward." Angela gritted her teeth, her eyes widening as I just stared at Newton who had this fucking smirk on his face. I wanted to wipe it off with one punch, and I was so tempted to not just fucking throw his head and bash it to the mother fucking ground.

"What do you think your doing, Newton?" I snarled, standing from my seat, watching as he stood from his own. His blonde hair was gelled back, as if he thought he was some hot ass for doing it as he ran his fingers into his pockets, smirking just slightly.

"None of your business, Cullen." Mike jerked his hand into the other, his knuckles cracking as if he thought it would fucking intimidate me.

I looked to Bella who stared at me with wide eyes, as if she thought I was out of my fucking mind, and to be quite honest I think I was, "She obviously didn't want your affection, so why don't you just back the fuck off." I growled, stepping closer as we were just inches away from punching distances.

I heard Angela say something, but my mind was too focused on knocking all of Newton's fucking teeth out, "Make me, Cullen." And just like fucking that, Newton pushed me back. It wasn't hard, and it inflicted me in no way, but the fact that he put his dirty hands onto me just completely infuriated me. And just as I threw my arm pack to punch him right in the fucking jaw, I heard Bella scream 'STOP!' it caught my attention as I heard her running towards us. It was the perfect time for Newton to punch my lights out considering I was too focused on Bella running in between us, but instead of pushing me, he ended up pushing Bella. She was too quick for me to grab, but I knew what happened and by the time Bella hit the floor, I threw back my fucking arm in such intensity, that when it flung forward and hit Newton in the nose, you could hear the defined crack as he fell onto the floor.

Traces of his blood were on my hands, and I heard Angela scream for Bella as she ran towards to attend to her, and Mike screaming from his broken nose. My hand was singeing with pain as I quickly bit onto my bottom lip to help me from screaming. I was sure I broke a finger or two, but I didn't mind that as of now as I looked to Bella who laid on the ground, staring up at me. And just as I stepped forward to ask if she was all right, the door flung open, all of us besides Mike turning around to see who walked through the door. And as if this was already a fucked up day as it was, there was Esme. And not only Esme, but Carlisle by her side. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. Newton's body, withering on the floor with a pool of blood on the ground next to him, and my knuckles beating red.

"What is going on in here?!" Esme's shrill over-powered the room, and all of us–including Newton flinched at it, "What happened?" Everyone stayed silent as Carlisle quickly tended to Newton who still cried helplessly on the floor. I couldn't help but chuckle at his bitch-ass tears, shrugging as I looked down to my hand, "Edward, what did you do?"

"Why do you automatically think it was me?" I yelled at Esme, holding my arms up defensively.

"Come with me." She said with a tight voice, Carlisle helping Newton up as they both walked us out. I looked back to Bella just before leaving, her eyes pleading with worry as I turned the corner.

--

"Three broken fingers. Lovely, Edward. Just lovely." Carlisle mused, shaking his head as he aligned my fingers together, setting them in casts. I ignored him and his doctor's uniform, twitching slightly at the pain, but let out short breaths to relieve the pain, "Esme is really upset."

"Fuck her." I grumbled, shaking my head, "I told her what happened. And she didn't fucking believe me."

"Watch your mouth." Carlisle shot, not being a big fan of my fowl mouth, "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

I groaned softly, tilting my head back as I closed my eyes, "Newton was giving Bella a hard time. He kept getting into her space when she clearly told him to stop. He got too close and I felt like I had to do something." I lied. I knew I had to do something, and it felt so good to punch that fucking ass in the face, despite the pain I was in now, "Bella got in the way of Mike and he pushed her. I was protecting her Carlisle." I said sincerely, looking up to him, "Isn't it you who tells me to respect women?"

Carlisle looked at me dubiously as he continued bandaging up my fingers, "I thought you never listened to me."

"Figured." I scoffed, shaking my head annoyingly, "You would agree with Esme."

"I didn't say that…it's just…odd…" Carlisle said as he finished putting the finger casts on, "Seeing you care so much for someone."

"I don't care about her." I quickly spat out, a growl rolling with it, "I just couldn't let him hurt her. God damn, Carlisle I don't know. Maybe I was just feeling a tad guilty for her, that she had to deal with that mother fucking piece of dirt."

"I suppose so." I could sense the smirk in his voice, my eyes quickly rolling as he began to put his supplies away and into his desk.

"So…" I said, looking around curiously, "How's Newton?"

"Broken nose." Carlisle mused, placing everything in its rightful place like the OCD mother-fucker that he was.

"Serves him right." I nodded with a smirk, pleased that I broke a bone. Carlisle looked to me with a very intense glare, shaking his head.

"Your still at wrong, Edward." He said.

"Whatever." I growled, looking away.

"You'll need to keep the cast on for a good four weeks in order for the bones to heal properly." He told me as he placed the drawers back into the desk. I jumped from the chair, running my good hand through my hair, "And I'll need to talk to Bella."

"About what?" I asked, my eyes widening subconsciously.

"To hear her side. Maybe Esme will pity you some if Bella says you were only trying to protect her." He raised an eyebrow before picking up his briefcase, "See you at home."

And as Carlisle left the room, I was stuck here counting the number of tiles on the floor as I ran my fingers through my hair, glancing down at the fingers in the cast. Carlisle suspected something was up – including Angela. But I was at a crossroads on how I felt for Bella. I've only known the girl for two weeks, but yet I could still feel for her. Especially after hearing what she went through before she was here, and I couldn't help but think of my attitude towards her when she arrived. I was disgusted with myself, but I knew I couldn't change the way I was. Because when I say the shit I do, it's like fucking word vomit. Like I can't say anything peaceful or pleasing, I always have to be the fucking asshole, which is why I couldn't be around Bella anymore. I didn't want to cause her anymore fucking pain, any more disappointment. I didn't want to hurt her.

Twenty minutes or so alone to myself, I finally walked out of the room, running my good hand through my hair once again, racing for the door because all I wanted right now was a fucking cigarette. But as I came closer to the door, I felt something pull on my jacket, pushing me back as I caught the sight of Esme and Carlisle. I groaned inwardly, crossing my arms as I quickly snapped, "What?"

"Carlisle was just telling me about what you told him. Is this true?" Esme asked, her caramel hair flowing down to her chest as she pushed it back behind her.

"I mean, if you think it's a good excuse, then yes." I smirked devilishly as I bit down onto my bottom lip, hard.

"I mean it Edward. Were you just protecting her?" She asked, raising a curious brow.

"What was I suppose to do, Esme? Let him go without any punishment for pushing her?" I said, holding my arms out as an indication that she should have gotten that from the start. Fuck her for being a dumbass at this moment.

"Do you realize what trouble you have put yourself in?" She snapped and I watched as Carlisle put his hand to her back, trying to soothe her, "All we wanted you to do is to succeed. And this is how you repay us."

"Listen, I'm sorry." I said just to get this mother fucking bitch off my fucking back. I was tired of listening to it, "I will understand any punishment you and the school give to me."

"One week, suspended." She said through tight lips. I nodded my head, agreeing to myself that I have suffered worse, "Mike is getting a month, considering he pushed Isabella."

"Bella," I told her flatly, correcting her.

"Son, please just don't let it happen again." Carlisle said just before I rolled my eyes as the two walked away. I needed a fucking cigarette. Pronto. I grabbed my carton before even leaving the hospital, sticking the cancer stick between my lips and lighting it just as I stepped outside the doors.

Hours later, I was back home. No one was home besides Emmett, and I sat alone in my empty room. I leaned back against my headboard of my bed, strumming the guitar that sat on my lap. I played a few chords just before I had the notes stuck in my head. I was glad I threw a punch with my right hand and not my left, considering it be very hard to play a note with three broken fingers. This way, even with the casts all I had to do was strum. I leaned forward, grabbing my pencil as I wrote the notes between the lines. I stuck the side of the pencil into my teeth, holding it there as I played notes to come after the six I had played before, smiling as I felt inspired. I leaned forward, writing in the few new notes just before leaning back to look at the ceiling. I knew Carlisle was disappointed in me, but Newton had it fucking coming. He deserved every ounce of pain I gave to him.

"Dude!" I heard the scream from all the way down the hallway, my lips tightening as I groaned to myself, my door slamming open, "Edward, you're the man! Punching Newton right in the face." He said, mimicking a punch in the air, "I wish I was there."

"Too bad you missed it; it was the highlight of my day." I snickered to myself, just remembering how Newton's crunching nose felt under my fist.

"Looks like you didn't get off too easy though." Emmett said, grimacing at my hand and the three broken fingers.

I shrugged quickly, setting my guitar to the side as I let out a hefty chuckle and threw my notebook filled with music notes to the side, "Yeah and I got a week's worth of suspension, but eh…" I began, shrugging my shoulders, "Shit happens. It was worth it though." I smirked inwardly, nodding my head.

"I bet." Emmett pounded just before the doorbell downstairs rang loudly. I stood from the bed, walking past Emmett and descending the staircase into the hall which led me to the front door. I opened it cautiously, hoping it wasn't Mike wanting another round of ass whippin' from me. But instead there was no one. I took a step out, looking around just before my eyes trailed down to the porch, a covered pan sitting on the 'Welcome' mat. I leaned down, grabbing the pan to open it and see a fully baked cherry pie. I licked my lips at the smell of it, noticing the white piece of paper that was attached to the inside of the lid. I grabbed it, holding the pie in the crook of my arm as I folded it to see the scratchy handwriting.

_Edward,_

_I'm sorry._

_- B_

**BPOV **

"Vitals look good. No signs of any head trauma. I think you'll be just fine." Carlisle said to me as he clicked the flashlight off. Charlie stood by my side, rubbing my arm soothingly as I flinched slightly.

"Bella, I'm so sorry…" Mike said as the nurse attended to his nose. Charlie grabbed the screen between our beds, closing it shut so that his voice was blocked off.

"You know, it would have been a whole lot worse if Edward wasn't there." I said, scratching at my elbow as I watched Carlisle stare down at his notepad.

"Were he and Mike engaging in any conflictions before? Maybe before tutoring started?" Carlisle asked, looking from the notepad.

"What?" I asked, shaking my head, "I mean…I don't know…All I know is that Mike was getting too close to me. And I guess Edward sensed it…or something… He told Mike to back off, but Mike refused. I tried to stop, but I got in the way and Mike pushed me."

"He what?!" Charlie yelled, his veins sticking out slightly from the skin of his neck, "Newton!" He shouted just before I grabbed his hand to pull him back.

"Dad, please." I said, slightly embarrassed as I looked away, "It was an accident. I just think Edward thought he meant to do it…"

"He was protecting you." Carlisle said, looking down at me as I shrugged. I rubbed the back of my neck, not really calling it 'protecting' maybe just a reflex or something. I bit down onto my bottom lip, watching as Carlisle wrote onto his notepad once more. I noticed he had glanced at me, as if he was studying me, as if he knew something that I didn't. I raised a curious brow, but looked down quickly at the bed below me as I picked at the sheets, "Well, all seems to be well. I think it's all right for you to go home." Carlisle smiled just as I watched my father attend to Mike, most likely to question him for his actions.

"Wait," I said, reaching out for Carlisle as I jumped from the bed, "He's not going to get in trouble, is he? He was just…" I began, gulping dryly, "He was just helping me."

"I'm not sure, Miss Swan." Carlisle mused just before letting out a soft sigh to see my sorrowful gaze, "I'll tell you what, I'll talk to Esme about it. We'll see what we can do."

"Thank you." I said, watching as Carlisle smile at me reassuringly, but I was not reassured at all, in fact I was still worried. I ignored the fact that Charlie was interrogating Mike, and instead walked to the door with my jacket in one hand and my back pack in the other. As I was getting ready to turn the corner, I heard Edward's familiar voice.

"What was I suppose to do, Esme? Let him go without any punishment for pushing her?" Edward growled as I looked around the corner to see Edward, Carlisle and Esme all standing near each other. Esme muttered something to him, which sounded like 'You don't know how much trouble you put yourself in' I gulped again, looking back and forward at me as I felt a horrible sting at my stomach. I knew what it was right away. It was guilt. The guilt festered at me because if I hadn't gotten in the way, none of this would have happened. Or if I had let Mike have his way by taking me out, this could have all been avoided.

I then heard a whisper, which sounded like 'One week, suspended.' And the guilt trickled back to me. I had gotten Edward suspended. I sighed softly, grabbing onto the heart shaped pendant from my necklace, the words 'I love you' spilling across the silver heart. It was a gift from my mother, and I always wore it and if for some reason I didn't have it on, I didn't feel like myself. My mother had a matching one, this is the only way I still feel connected to her. I held it for luck just before swallowing hard. I looked back over to see Carlisle and Esme going their separate ways, and Edward pulling a cigarette to his mouth as he walked out of the opening doors.

--

Charlie was already on the couch, eating at a bowl of popcorn and sipping on a can of beer as he watched the baseball game. I tried to remember my mother's recipe for her Crumbly Cherry Pie. I closed my eyes, trying to remember what to add into the mixing bowl. As I felt confident enough to trust my own memory, I added the tapioca in, and then the salt, sugar, cherries, almond extract, vanilla extract, and then the butter. As I let the bowl sit for fifteen minutes, I began getting the crust and oven ready, heating it up to four hundred degrees Fahrenheit. When the crust was ready enough, as well as the oven, I put the ingredients in the mixing bowl and the aluminum foil at the bottom as I set it in the oven, setting the timer on the microwave to fifty minutes.

I walked up into my bedroom, letting out a soft sigh as I crashed onto my bed, staring up at my ceiling and the blue dots from when I was younger painting across them. I ran my fingers through my clean hair, my hand slipping to the necklace that sat across my neck. I tried to not well up in tears, but it didn't seem to work as they began to spill out and over my cheeks. I turned on my side, staring at my window seeing the Cullen's house clearly. The lights were all on, and I could see the shadows of someone walking around. I felt a twinge at my heart, my eyes welling up again as I turned around. I felt absolutely dreadful about this, and as I stood up to go to my desk, I grabbed a slip of paper and a pencil, writing my short apology as I folded the piece of paper. I waited for fifty minutes before letting the pie cool off, and setting it into the pan. I grabbed a piece of tape, taping the note to the inside of the lid.

I heard Charlie snoring on the couch, which was my perfect time to get out. I stepped quietly out of the house, making my way slowly to the Cullen's as I tried to watch my step so I wouldn't fall and ruin the pie. The smell was delicious, and I even argued with myself to just opening it and taking a piece. But I never did as I walked across the street after looking both ways, opening the black gate to walk into their yard, stepping up to the porch and setting the pie down on the front step, on top of the welcome mat. I quickly rang the doorbell, sprinting away and trying to watch my step as I opened the gate and closed it behind me. I made it to my own yard, stumbling on the first front step of my porch just before opening the door and shutting it behind me.

My breaths were quick, as my heart pumped up and down, my lips producing soft gasps as I turned around, looking through the peep hole of the door to see Edward holding the pie in his arms. I couldn't tell what he was doing, but he looked up, glancing around the neighborhood just before walking back inside, shutting the door behind him.


	8. The Pleading

**Author's Note: Hey guys, I know it's been forever since I updated. Long story short, I took my laptop to the beach, thinking I'd get some writing done for you guys and my cousin took my laptop down to the beach and it got all wet and fucked up. So I've been spending extra time at my job to buy a new computer, for not only writing this fanfic for you guys, but also for school. So this isn't a very long chapter, I just wanted to get something out to you guys as fast as I could. Sorry for the delay, and sorry for ranting. Enjoy the chapter! P.S. Thanks to my lovely Beta, and sticking with me even if I haven't updated within a month. Ha. Thanks Jenn!**

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**BPOV**

As I shifted the truck into park, I grabbed my bag to sling it over my shoulder just before stepping out of the rusty old truck. It was snowing, but by the time it even hit the floor it was rain, which most girls in the parking lot were gasping and running about because it was ruining their perfect hair. As for me, I just put my hood up and began walking towards the entrance of the school, feeling a small bump against my shoulder with a shrill voice that screamed "Bella!" I quickly turned around to see Alice, a smile from ear to ear which made me cringe on the fact that she was always so happy.

"Are you okay? I heard about everything!" She screamed in my ear, causing me to shiver. I nodded slightly to give her the indication that I was all right, but she put her hand on my shoulder, hoping for words.

"I'm fine. I think it was just all a misunderstanding." I choked, nodding my head as I began walking through the hallways with her.

"Oh." She muttered, I'm sure, too pre-occupied with other things.

"Isabella!" I heard, Alice and I both spinning around to see the Principle, Mr. Stuart, gesturing for me to come to him. I looked back to Alice, smiling weakly as I rolled my eyes.

"Good luck." She said as the last bell had rung, everyone running off to their class. I walked down the almost empty hallway and towards the office.

"Hello, Isabella." Mr. Stuart said, holding the door open for me. He was very kind and gracious, but I didn't want to deal with this today. Not after what happened yesterday. I don't even want to hear it being mentioned, but undoubtedly whatever Mr. Stuart wanted was probably related to the problem.

"Bella," I corrected shortly, squeezing my way past him and into the office. My eyes widened as I saw none other than Edward sitting on the chair in the waiting area, right next to Carlisle. He didn't look up at me, and instead stared down at the ground. I felt a twinge of guilt spread through my body, which quickly erupted, spreading across from the tips of my fingers all the way down to the tips of my toes. He was in trouble. Not far from where Edward and Carlisle were sitting was Mike Newton, and a lady I presumed to be his mother.

"This way, _Bella_." Mr. Stuart corrected himself, and I could see Edward's face pop up. His glare stared intently at me as I walked past him, and I knew the blood under my cheeks was boiling, "Have a seat, please." Mr. Stuart said as we walked into his office. He shut the door behind him, and I could smell the scent of leather and roast beef itching at my nose as I rubbed it quickly. I sat down across from his desk, grabbing my book bag before I sat down to put it on my lap; letting out a soft sigh as I tried to distract myself while Mr. Stuart went through papers, "I see you engaged in some kind of riff yesterday at the tutoring session?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it a riff, but yes." I muttered quietly, running my fingers nervously through the tips of my hair.

"Is it true Edward Cullen punched Michael Newton in the face?" Mr. Stuart asked, looking down to his papers and back up at me as I stayed silent.

"Yes…" I finally whispered, but quickly corrected myself, "But he was just trying to protect me. Mike was getting too close. And Edward just told him to back off."

"And did Michael back off?" Mr. Stuart's eyebrow rose, and I twitched slightly at his gray hairs, running my fingers back through my own.

"No. That's why Edward punched him." I said a-matter-of-factly. Mr. Stuart looked at me quizzically, as if he suspected I was just covering for Edward. In any other case, I would be but this was true, Edward truly did save me. It's odd, looking at it from that point of view, but the truth is the truth and there is no way around it.

"And nothing else happened?" He looked at me with one gray eyebrow raised. I nodded my head quickly, pushing my back pack closer to my chest as I felt I was being interrogated. It was heinous. I've never felt this way before, and he was treating me as if I was actually lying. I guess it comes with being raised to always tell the truth, so no one ever had problems with me lying. Considering I was new here, and Mr. Stuart didn't know me as well as my last principle could be the case on why I feel so incredibly insecure.

"All right, but if anything else comes to your mind, please let me know." Mr. Stuart said, calming my nerves. My muscles relaxed, but still I tensed at the thought of what may or may not happen to Edward.

"Mr. Stuart, if you don't mind my asking, where does this put Edward?" I asked, biting onto my bottom lip nervously as my hands connected together, against my book bag.

"Its official school business, but I can assure you, you're savior will not be prosecuted." He smiled brightly, easing some of the nerves, but not all.

"He'll still get in trouble, won't he?" I asked quietly, slouching in my chair, "Please, Mr. Stuart, you have to understand…" I began rambling, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want Edward to get in trouble for saving me, "He was merely just helping me, really. He doesn't deserve to be punished. If anything, put the punishment on me. I'd rather take it then him."

Mr. Stuart grazed the small gray hairs on his chin with his fingers, looking at me with his hazel eyes. He knew I was troubled, and let out a soft blow of breath, "Miss. Swan, Edward Cullen has a reputation around here. It's nothing against you, and it's not that we can't take your word for it, but this isn't the first time Mr. Cullen has done something like this. And since we have no seeable proof, he'll have to take some time out." I nodded, glancing down to my bitten fingernails just before standing up from the chair my hand setting on the knob of the door, "It'll only be a week, Miss. Swan." He murmured.

I stared down at the doorknob and decided not to say anything else. I twisted the doorknob, opening the door and walking out, not taking a look back to Edward as I passed the different seats, setting my hand on the doorknob of the office to the hallway. It opened before I twisted it, my mouth producing a loud gasp as I saw Esme in front of me, "I'm so sorry sweetie, I didn't mean to startle you." She smiled, setting her hand to my back.

"No, it's all right." I gasped, pressing my hand to my chest to reconcile myself. Esme looked over my shoulder, I'm sure to see Edward and Carlisle, but instead of moving out of my way, she took my hand and dragged me to the hallway, glancing over my shoulder once again and then back at me.

"Bella, I have a favor to ask of you. And if it's too much, please don't feel obligated to accept it." She said, and I kept quiet, looking up to her brown eyes as she stared down at me, "Though Edward is suspended for two weeks…"

"A week." I corrected her quickly, watching as her eyes slightly widened.

"A week?" She questioned, looking a bit stunned, "I could have sworn Mr. Stuart said two weeks."

"I was just talking to him. Gave him my side of the story," I whispered softly, shrugging my shoulders, "It's just one week."

Esme had a giant smile on her face, her breathing slightly easing up as she set her hand onto my shoulder, "You are one of a kind, Bella. Really. I'm sure Edward would appreciate that." She smiled brightly, and I returned it, it being slightly weaker though, "I was hoping you could come over to Carlisle's tonight, to still tutor Edward. And since he'll be missing the whole week, you'll be able to catch him up. Remember – You don't have to do it. I understand if you wouldn't."

I contemplated her offer for a moment, taking in a deep breath as I looked her dead in the eye. I finally looked behind me and through the open door where Edward stared straight down on the ground. I looked back to her with a nod, "I'll do it."

"Thank you so much, Isabella." Esme cheered. I was going to correct her, but what's the point now? I just shrugged my shoulders, smiling at her as a 'you're welcome' and went about it my way.

**EPOV**

I heard that unfaithful door swing open, my eyes squinting as I moved uncomfortably in the chair, "Mr. Cullen." His voice was like fucking nails on a chalk board. Who knew what Bella said to Mr. Stuart, maybe just to save her own ass? Carlisle tapped my shoulder, and I stood up with him, walking into the office that I was too well-known with. I sat uncomfortably in the chair, dipping my fingers into my hair to ease my nerves. Esme told me I'd only get one week the other day, but when Mr. Stuart examined the whole situation he was planning on giving me a month's worth just like Newton. Carlisle told me if I got a month's worth, my life would go down the fucking drain. I'd be grounded for even longer than being suspended. Stupid prick.

Mr. Stuart looked through his papers, as if he was trying to act like he knew what he was fucking doing. Why couldn't he just tell me my punishment like every other fucking principle and that'd be it? Must he linger around this tortured moment? Just tell me, so I can get the fuck out of here and start my year long grounding, "Going under the circumstances of what really happened," Mr. Stuart began, and then stopping as he gazed to the paper work. _Get on with it you fucking douche_, "You will be getting…" He paused again to just fucking make me go insane.

"Just tell me. A f—," I quickly stopped myself, trying to avoid cursing for Carlisle's sake, "A month. I already know it!" I finally couldn't take it anymore, and didn't even mind the fact that Carlisle was grabbing my arm to make me stop.

"One week." Mr. Stuart said as Carlisle and I sat in front of him in the grain-feeling like chair. My eyes slightly widened, remembering that just last night Esme had a long conversation with Mr. S on the phone, describing my punishment and I was supposed to be suspended for two weeks. The sudden change just flew over my fucking head, but still I was grateful, but I couldn't seem to help but wonder why there was a sudden change.

"I thought it was—" I began, but the fucking prick cut me off.

"Don't question it, Mr. Cullen. I've been feeling nice lately." He said through his tight, cracked lips. I scowled at him angrily, gritting my teeth as I shook my head. What a fucking ass, "But if you must know, Miss. Swan's sincerity really helped your case out. And to be honest her pleading was quite agitating, I felt that you didn't deserve to be punished. At least for a month. A week will get your head back in the game, don't you think?" He tapped his pen against the desk, and I sat against the chair, completely dumbfounded. She pleaded for me? It wasn't a surprise, to be honest but the fact that she didn't want to see me in trouble just stunned me. She fucking pleaded. For me. And I have been nothing but an asshole to her, what are the odds?

"Well, thank you Mr. Stuart." Carlisle said, rubbing his knees as he looked to me, "Edward," He said, gesturing for me to stand up. I ran my fingers through my greasy locks, standing up as I just nodded to Mr. Stuart. The prick didn't deserve a thank you from me. Carlisle and I walked out to the Mercedes, considering I couldn't be anywhere near a fucking hundred feet to the school. The car drive was silent, which didn't surprise me the least bit. Carlisle was a man of little words, 'cept if he was with Esme then he talks non-stop, it's rather fucking annoying if you ask me. But the two of us were just too fucking stunned to even say anything right now. He was stunned that I got out of a month's worth of suspension; I was stunned that Bella was the one who got me out.

No matter how much of a fucking douche I am to that girl, she seems to be getting closer to me.

--

I strummed against the strings of my guitar, groaning as I couldn't get the right note because of this fucking cast. I wanted to just rip it off, not even caring that my bones would probably be completely fucked if I did so. I carefully, but still forcefully put my guitar to the side, groaning as I looked up to the blank ceiling. I heard a knock at my door, and I grunted as a ticket to come in. It was Emmett, all sweaty and dripping on my floor. Fucking disgusting.

"What do you want?" I growled under my breath, glancing back at the ceiling to continue to glare at it.

"Bella is here." He said simply, as if it was fucking part of his everyday vocabulary. I shot up from my bed, jumping off like a fucking firecracker. He moved out of the way as I ran down the stairs, stopping just before turning the corner to see Bella set up at the table. Esme was talking to her about non-sense and Bella seemed only semi-interested.

"I'll see if he is ready, sweetie." Esme smiled, patting her back as she turned around to walk towards my direction. I then popped from the corner, smiling smugly as Esme's smile turned hard, "She is here to tutor you."

"Yeah, I can see that." I whispered, watching as Esme's eyes went dull.

"Be nice. And don't forget to thank her." She said quickly, her eyes quickly turning solid to make sure that I knew who she was talking to, but of course I'd be a fucking douche.

"For what?" _Of course I'll be fucking thanking her. I'll get on my knees and kiss her feet if I have to._ But, I know I actually wouldn't say that because I was a douchebag, and douchebags never put down their fence for anybody. Especially someone who was as nice as Bella.

"Edward." Esme retorted, opening her mouth to say something else but stopped herself. She grumbled under her breath and walked away, probably too agitated with me. Hey, at least she doesn't have to be me. Now that's a fucking challenge. As Esme climbed the stairs, I slowly turned around to see Bella at the marble table her back towards me. My feet wanted to move, but I felt like I was planted there. And to be fucking honest, I felt guilty for letting her sit there, waiting for me. I felt guilty for getting her into trouble, and troubling her life even though I've only fucking known her for a few weeks. But I don't think I could apologize, because I was too much of an asshole, and I hated myself for it.

I quickly turned around to move back upstairs, but something stood in my way and I bounced off of it, "And where do you think your going?" Carlisle retorted, looking down at me with his arms crossed over his chest. What a fucking prick. He knew I'd be too chicken shit to apologize, and I needed a push. That's what he was here for, even if I hated it, "Go. And while you're at it, you better thank her." He said, pointing towards the dining room. I rolled my eyes, shoving my fingers into my back pockets as I walked further into the dining table. My head dipped down, as I sulked to the table, watching as her body tensed slightly as she could hear me coming closer. I grabbed the chair next to hers, pulling it out to watch as she looked up at me with a very weak and dull smile. I didn't react to it, and instead sat down next to her.

It was severely fucking awkward at first as we sat silently at the table. I looked to the corner of my eye, seeing Carlisle finally walking away and I felt myself letting out a deep breath. I wanted to thank her, I wanted to kiss her hands and tell her I'd do anything for her for helping me get out of a month's worth of suspension, but it wouldn't come out. It was like the words were there, but I was some fucking mute or something. I growled under my breath, shaking my head as I finally looked up into the chocolate brown eyes.

She was waiting patiently, perfectly. But underneath those big brown beautiful eyes, I knew she wasn't at all that perfect. She was broken. Sort of like me. No, a lot like fucking me. Angela told me why she was broken, and she had every right to be. And she is nothing but the sweetest girl, and I was nothing but a douche who couldn't thank her. I gulped dryly, shaking my head as I ran my fingers through my hair. She got the picture, grabbing the books in front of her as she past one to me, "Let's continue on the Boston Tea Party." She muttered quietly, painfully. I was such a fucking asshole.

Through out the whole hour she was here, I couldn't keep my fucking eyes off her. Like she was some refrigerator and I was the magnets, attracted to the metal. It was fucking stupid, ridiculous, and quite embarrassing. Bella would never look up to me, and continued reading about the after-math of the Boston tea party, as if I was actually listening. I let out a painful sigh, hearing that she stopped for a moment to turn the page.

She had me do a worksheet on it, and I did it obediently because I owed her that much. And as I worked on the sheet, I noticed that she was looking around the dining room, I'm sure, amazed by its great beauty. I felt like I needed to say something as she looked around, and then up at the giant crystal chandelier. Her eyes gaped open, and I could see the reflection of the crystals in her eyes, making them sparkle just slightly. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, plus her fucking adorable reaction to how big it truly was. I looked up as well, letting out a soft snicker to break her trance. Her cheeks went red as she found out she was caught, as her hand dipped under her chin.

"You like this old ancient shit?" I asked, looking around the different objects of the house. Carlisle was into shit from Greece and all way back in the day with Gods and Goddesses and all those fucking weird ass philosophers. When I was invited to stay with Carlisle, along with Emmett, the both of us were completely stunned by the beautiful house, but after awhile it get pretty tedious. This entire ancient shit gets too old, and the marble floors, tables; countertops get pretty dull after awhile.

"Yeah." She muttered softly, her fucking hair hiding her face again. So she was interested in ancient shit? She'd get along with Carlisle perfectly.

"Done." I said, shoving the paper to her. A ringing came from her watch, and she turned it off slowly, grabbing my paper, setting it into her book as she closed it. She began packing up her things, and finally stood up to look down at me. She smiled weakly at me, shrugging her shoulders to indicate that the hour was up.

"I'll see you later." She said, grabbing her book bag to sling it over her shoulder as she turned away. And the pit in my stomach was gnawing at my fucking existence, encouraging—no—forcing me to do something, to say anything. That gnawing caused me to stand from the chair my fists clenched tight to my side as my mouth opened.

"Bella!" I screamed, watching as her hair flipped over as she turned around to look at me, her lips staying still but her chocolate brown eyes waiting for me to say something. To say anything. She stood still, in her blue sweater which made her skin look even softer than before, and all I wanted to do was just fucking touch it. I quickly shook my head, letting out a soft groan as I gritted my teeth, "Thanks…for the pie." I said, acknowledging her making the pie for me the other night.

I could see the smile play on her face, it knocking back and fourth between her lips and it caused this kind of feeling in my stomach. It was uneasy, but it felt somewhat good. She bit down onto her tender bottom lip, causing me to shake slightly as I watched, "You're welcome." She said sweetly just before turning around. She knew that I meant thanks for everything; I could just tell she knew. And she also knew how hard it was for me to let my guard down like the way I did. She appreciated it, and didn't question it.

No matter how many flaws it may seem like she has, she was perfect in my eyes.


	9. The Hallucinations

**Author's Note: Wow you guys. My friend posted my story on lions_lamb livejournal and nearly within thirty minutes more than a hundred people added my story on their favorites/alerts. It's flattering really. Now all you people who added me to their favorites, review! But seriously, I'm flattered. I honestly didn't think anyone would read this.**

**OH – **

**And I'm really sorry for not updating sooner guys. Seriously. I'm currently writing two stories right now, and I don't know why I decided to start writing this in the middle of the others. And I've come down with the cold and I've been out of school for the whole week so I have a lot of stuff to catch up on.**

**I'm REALLY REALLY sorry. It doesn't mean I'm stopping, it just means you'll have to wait a bit for chapters (No more than a month. I know that's long, but I'm super busy.)**

**Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate it. When I'm done with my other stories which should be in the next two-four months, I'll put all of my free time into this story. Okay – well not all of it but MOST of it. Sorry again guys. I love you all!**

**Oh and thanks again to my wonderful Beta who is sticking through this with me, even if I take months to update XD**

* * *

**BPOV**

I walked into my bedroom, shutting the door quickly behind me as I leaned my back against it. I was giddy inside and out. It was actually quite pathetic to be honest. And I didn't know what I was more excited over: the fact that Edward and I actually engaged in a humane conversation, or the fact that he was actually nice to me. Both left me stunned, but I didn't question it. What was the point? Knowing my luck, this would just be a mood swing, and next time I tutor him he'll give me some lame excuse on why he was so nice, maybe aliens invaded his body or something. Despite the fact that Edward was being punished for saving me and the guilt still riding my every pore, I felt that I had accomplished something with him tonight. And maybe, just maybe, he felt that way too.

I felt a vibration at the door, noticing it was someone knocking, "Bells?" Charlie said as I took a step back, allowing him to come in, "How was it over at the Cullens?"

I rolled my eyes, turning around to grab my bag from the chair and setting it onto my bed, "Eventful."

"Good…" He said in a questionable tone as I shoved my hands into my pockets. It was moments like these where I wish I still had Mom. She would always light up the awkward moments with a stupid joke—one that only she found funny, "Well, Bells, listen…I don't want you getting yourself too attached over there."

I quickly looked up at him, my eyebrow raising, "Attached?"

"Look, like I said, Carlisle and Esme are good people. But his kids aren't any good for you." His finger rubbed under his chin as he tried to make this very obvious bad situation seem somewhat good, "It's just those boys I don't like."

"Dad, come on." I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Please, Bells. Alice Brandon's got a good head on her shoulders, but Emmett and Edward Cullen…they are just trouble makers. I don't want them influencing you." He rocked back and fourth on his heels, making this awkward situation even weirder.

"And when they offer me candy, I won't take it and I wont get in the car with them." I smiled lightly, rolling my eyes once again, "Dad. I know how to handle myself. I'm seventeen; I know how to keep myself in check."

"You've only been here for three weeks. You don't know the way them boys work." He said again, as if I didn't hear him the first time. He insisted on repeating himself, "I just don't like them."

"I'm only Edward's tutor. It'll be done in four months." I smiled, trying to comfort him. He let out a deep breath, nodding his head as he began to turn around.

"I trust you." He muttered, shutting the door behind him.

I sat down onto my bed, trying to think what the Cullen boys could have possibly done to make my dad so opposed to them. I ran my fingers through my dry hair, thinking to myself. I then took a strand of my hair, sticking it in front of my face so I could get a better look at it. It was arid: brittle, and the split ends were horrendous. I stood up from my bed as I walked to my door, grabbing the bag next to it as I opened the door slowly and peaked down the hallway. Charlie was already on the couch, trying to rebound back from the conversation as he chugged on a beer and watched the baseball game. I slid my way down the hall and to the only bathroom we had in the house.

As I stepped in, I took a look at the mess Charlie had made. He was lucky I could be such a neat-freak. I unzipped my bag, noticing all the makeup my mom had given me almost two years ago. I never wore makeup, never thought it was necessary and especially didn't like how it felt on my skin. I stared down at the blush I picked up; it was a cream color that would probably make me look better instead of me in my normal pasty skin. These were the times I wish Alice was here, because clearly that girl could do wonders with eyeliner and mascara. I, on the other hand, didn't have the slightest clue what I was doing, or why I was even doing it. The boys at school, even back in Phoenix loved it when girls wore makeup. It made them something they weren't, something better. Guys hate dating an ugly girl, which is probably why I never had a boyfriend. Or the fact that I didn't even try.

Back a few months ago in Phoenix, before everything happened with Phil, it was homecoming and my mom desperately wanted me to go. I was never one to dance so homecomings and formals and proms never appealed to me. I would always hide the fact that homecoming was coming around, because I knew how much of a girly girl my mother was. She always dressed me up in pink fluffy outfits when I was younger. I couldn't do much about it then, but the moment I hit thirteen I was out of that stuff. It broke my mom's heart a bit because I didn't wear the things she wanted me to, so occasionally I would wear pink just for her benefit. When my mom found out homecoming was coming around, she really wanted me to go. At that time I only had about one friend, who was going with her date. Showing up by yourself, is even worse than showing up without a date. But I gave my mom a chance and allowed her to dress me up.

She put me in a pink dress with black lace around the middle of it. She curled my hair, and put make-up on me and when I entered into those doors, everyone just stared at me. They couldn't believe that average little Bella Swan could actually be pretty. I was praised all through the night, and was even asked to dance a couple of times. I rejected every single offer because I absolutely hated it. I hated everything about it. I hated the way my dress felt on me, the way my hair smelt like cherries and the way I felt like I was wearing pure powder on my face. But it was worth it. It was worth it to see my mom light up with happiness when she saw me come home. I told her I danced with a lot of boys, and even though I lied I wouldn't take it back. She was just too proud.

I was never one to care about my looks, or care about who didn't like me. But since I was in such a different mood, a happy mood, what's the worst that could possibly go wrong? I accidently poke myself in the eye with eyeliner? It was a test run. I saw my mother do it to me, how hard could it be for me to do it? And maybe, just maybe, if I do this I will be giving my mom some justice up in Heaven.

I worked on my hair first. I was quick in the shower, just running the shampoo and conditioner thoroughly through my hair trying to avoid any kind of flashback or panic attack. I put my hair up into a bun as I began to work on my makeup. I glanced down at the cream concealer, putting a dab of it onto my finger tip. I looked up at my face, trying to depict where I would put it. I smacked it in the middle of my cheek and began to rub it in. It made my pasty skin look somewhat lifelike as I began to add more to it. I grabbed the newly opened powder kit, putting it around my face to make the concealer look more evened out. _So far so good. _I finally brought out the eyeliner and ran it under my eye. My hand was unsteady, the black line slightly going under one of the bags under my eye. I groaned softly, wiping it off as I tried it the second time. Successful.

I began blow-drying my hair, it falling down nicely just below my shoulders as the waves began to turn into slight curls. Finally I added the last touch-up, the lipstick. It was a very light shade of red and as I put it on, I smacked my lips together. Finally I took a step back and looked at myself in the mirror. I was different. And I could feel it. My hair was nicely brushed, my face clear from any red spots I would sometimes have, and my chapped lips covered over with red. It wasn't me. Though my mom always loved to dress me up, she would always tell me that no matter how I looked I would always be her little girl. Mom wouldn't want me to wear make-up just for her sake, and to be perfectly honest it felt like I had powder caked onto my face. I quickly groaned, running the water as I began to wipe it off. Different colors ran down my face and into the sink, swirling down into the hole as my face was quickly cleared from any kind of makeup. I looked back up at my regular self and couldn't help but frown. I wasn't happy with or without makeup. Even if this day was great, at the end of it, I would always feel useless.

I shoved all the makeup into the bag as I walked out of the bathroom, throwing the bag into my room. I ran down the stairs, seeing as Charlie shoot up in alert, "What's wrong?"

"I'm going for a walk." I said, looking back to him. His eyebrows knitted together as he slowly rubbed his mustache.

"At ten o'clock at night?" He questioned.

"I'll be safe." I replied, grabbing my jacket and zipping it up before putting my hand on the doorknob.

"Bella." Charlie said, causing me to stop, "If you need to talk to me about anything. You know I'm here."

"I just need to get some air." I replied quickly, avoiding eye contact as I walked out of the house. I couldn't talk to Charlie about this, about my depression, and my panic attacks. He'd think I'm crazy. He already thinks I need to go see a shrink. There were enough problems I had to handle on my own; I couldn't bring another one upon my shoulders. I couldn't deal with a shrink, someone suggesting me to do things I know wouldn't work. Like write a letter to Phil, but don't send it to him just so I could get my anger out. Or even begin taking some type of sport to take my mind off of things.

Nothing could work. There was no point in trying.

I stepped down the stairs as I began walking down the sidewalk. I glanced to the Cullen's house, seeing the lights still on. I gripped my coat tighter to myself, as I walked farther down the street. I was already out of the neighborhood, and near the next neighborhood over. I tried to avoid it, considering it looked like the type of neighborhood you don't want to get yourself involved with. The wind kicked harder and harder, my cheeks turning red without warning. The wind couldn't knock out the sound of the footsteps behind me though. I stopped for a moment, hearing them stop as well as my eyes began to widen. I slowly turned around, looking over my shoulder to see the group of men. They looked to be a little younger than twenty five. I could see all six of them from the corner of my eye, but I turned around again to continue going on the path. Their footsteps followed as well.

I began walking faster; now hearing them laugh and chuckle at the sight of me getting faster. They whispered to each other, but I couldn't hear the words clearly, "Where you going, babe?" One shouted, but I ignored them as I turned the corner. I saw the local gym on the side of the street, and I began running towards it, my breathing increasing as my pace quickened, "Come back!" They all shouted at different times. I looked behind me to see them not far behind. I walked up to two doors, trying to open them but only finding them locked, "She went this way guys!" I quickly stepped down the steps, and ran to the side of the building, finding the side door. I opened it up, relieved that it was unlocked. I ran into the entrance, seeing all the lights were off. I looked down the hallway, noticing the signs that said 'Weight Room' 'Pool' 'Restrooms'. I could see the weight room light on, my eyes instantly widening as the door behind me opened. I ran as fast as I could, hearing the footsteps behind me. The weight room was too far, and in order to find a decent hiding place I opened up the other door, seeing I had made my way into the pool area.

"She went down this hallway!" I hid next to the door, seeing the shadows from the window in the door fly by, "Dude there's someone in the weight room!"

"What do we do?" Another voice yelled.

"Let her go. James is waiting. Come on." And the footsteps slowly began fading away as the shadows passed the window again. I sniffled slightly as I began backing up from the door, hoping it wasn't a trick. I turned around, running around the pool to the other door, attempting to open it. The door was locked. I whimpered softly as I began walking backwards, looking for any kind of window I could crawl out of. Not watching where I was going, I had slipped on a puddle of water, quickly falling back and into the pool. My arms reached out for the edge but I was already completely under, and quickly finding out I was on the deep side. My eyes opened wide to see a body next to me. Her brown hair flowed across her face as I noticed those freckles from anywhere. My mom was pale, her lips bright blue, as she was slightly transparent. My body floated with hers, calmly and quietly.

The last thing I remember is my mother's eyes opening wide, blood shot and dark.

**EPOV**

"Well I just got off the phone with Rosalie." Esme said as she descended the stairs, "She said Emmett left her house two hours ago."

"Where could he possibly be?" Carlisle rubbed his chin, all confused and shit as Esme went straight back to sitting on the chair, knitting away a fucking scarf or something dumb like that.

"Did you try the gym?" Alice chirped, Jasper by her side like the little dog that he was.

"The gym is closed by this time." Carlisle added, just before looking towards me, "Do you have any idea where he could be?"

"I don't keep tabs on him." I scoffed, just before standing up to grab my pack of cigarettes out of my pocket. Carlisle ignored the fact that I had them, and allowed me out to the front porch as they continued to freak the fuck out about Emmett.

He was a big boy. Nobody would mess with him unless they wanted to die. They were literally freaking out over nothing. He was probably at some strip club joint getting laid because Rosalie wouldn't give him any. Fucking sex addict. I leaned against the large white pillar, taking in a hit of my lit cigarette and allowing it to exhale from my nose. A door opening and closing caught my attention as I could see Chief Swan with a flashlight and his jacket lock up the house. He stepped down the steps, glancing up and down the street just before calling out, "Bella?"

My eyes widened slightly as I watched him get into his car, turning on his lights and pulling out of the driveway. I threw my cigarette to the side as Charlie turned on his bullhorn, "Bella!"

I then heard the door open behind me, Carlisle stepping out in his white jacket, "Where are you going?" I quickly said.

"I got a call from the hospital." Carlisle said with a raised eyebrow, "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing." I quickly replied, "I guess the Swan girl is missing."

"Isabella?" He said, glancing up to her house.

"Bella." I corrected, watching as he looked back to me. I avoided eye contact as we both watched the cop car go down the road.

"Hm. Well let's be sure we keep an eye out for her." Carlisle mused just before stepping down the steps. I glanced back down to the cop car, feeling my heart beat rapidly, and my palms sweating as if something was trying to tell me something. I stayed fucking still though as I nodded my head, "See you later." He said just before stepping into the Mercedes. My eyes traveled up to the cop car at the end of the neighborhood, I could see Chief Swan turning the corner into Grigory Park, the bad neighborhood around here. The thought of Bella stupid enough to walk in there crossed my mind. I knew the type of people who were there, I knew them well enough to know they would show no mercy for anyone who walks in. I wanted to go in and follow the cop car, because I knew exactly who to go to if something had gone down.

But I ignored it and turned around, walking inside the house and shutting the door behind me, "What's wrong with you? All out of cigs?" Alice said as both she and Jasper came towards me.

"Not in the fucking mood, Alice." I grumbled as I watched Jasper glare at me. I shrugged my shoulders and moved past them, finally stopping a few steps behind, "Alice. You have Bella Swan's number, right?"

"Why?" She said, setting her hands onto her hips.

"Call her." I demanded, hoping she wouldn't question me. But luck was not on my side tonight.

"What do you want with her, Edward?" She snapped, glaring hard at me.

"Yeah, I thought you were done with that freak." Jasper added and Alice quickly hit him in the chest.

"I was never doing anything with her to begin with, you fucking prick." I growled, looking back to Alice who stared at me.

"Will you tell me what you want with her? Because I'm not going to call her if this is some lame ass joke of yours. She's already suffered enough." Didn't Alice think I knew that? I mean, what happened with her and her family. She shouldn't have to deal with anything more, especially none of my shit that I give her all the time. But this was serious, and I was on the point of strangling Alice and kicking Jazz in the sack.

"Will you just fucking do it?! I never ask anything from you." I shot back, watching as she didn't even flinch. She reached for her cell phone, opening it and dialing a number. She put her phone to her ear and waited a few moments before saying, "Got the answering machine."

"Fuck." I muttered just before turning back around and ascending up the stairs.

"What did you want with her!?" Alice shouted up the stairs, but I ignored her as I opened the door to my room. I laid flat down onto my bed as I grabbed my Guitar on the side of it, setting it on my stomach as I began strumming. It was still hard to do with my cast, my eyes closing quickly as all the scenarios past through my head.

_Raped. Shot. Beaten. Mugged. Killed. Murdered. _

Every possible situation went through my head, causing me to fucking cringe. I felt myself drifting off into a sleep, which I knew would quickly change into a nightmare. I was half asleep for a good two hours until I felt my shoulders be pushed, my eyes quickly opening wide, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" I screamed just before I noticed that Emmett was standing in front of me, "Where the hell have you been? And what the fuck are you doing in my room you asshole?!"

"It's Bella…" He said just before my mind became clear of everything but her name, "She's in the hospital."

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	10. The Hiding

**It only took a little over a week for me to update! That's fucking review-galore worthy. Ha. I guess I was just inspired so I neglected my school work and just went to town on this fucking chapter. Legit. Not much to say here, except you guys are the best. Seriously. Keep reviewing and cheering me on, because that is what seriously gets me to update faster, no joke. Knowing that so many people want to read this, and want to know what happens next just does something to me. And I don't like keeping you guys waiting.**

**Couldn't do it all without my wonderful Beta, Jenn. So make sure you give lots of love to her too.**

**So here it is. Enjoy it.**

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**EPOV**

"_It's Bella…" He said just before my mind became clear of everything but her name, "She's in the hospital."_

My eyes wanted to widen, my mouth wanted to fall open, but I stood still. My eyes drifted off to the sheets pretending that I didn't care, because that's the kind of asshole I truly was.

"Why?" I muttered as I looked back to Emmett whose eyebrows rose. He always knew when something was different about me. As dumb as he is, the fucker can read people.

"Well, you know how Rose's parents own the gym? And they gave me a key? Well I was able to stay as long as I wanted, as long as I closed up…" He was continuing on with pointless things, things that truly didn't matter like how much he was benching and shit I just didn't care about.

"Emmett." I growled, but tried to stay composed, "What happened?" I gritted my teeth, my knuckles fisting up.

"I heard the front door open and then a splash. Someone chased the poor girl into Gym and the police think she slipped into the pool. She almost drowned. You know…up until I saved her." His snarky remark didn't get at me because that's just how Emmett fucking was. What got me was just the fact that the word _drowned_ kept racing through my brain. Bella almost fucking drowned, and I didn't do shit. I knew I should have gone out looking for her when I saw her dad looking for her. But I didn't, because I'm a fucking jackass.

"Well the girl is okay. Right?" I asked in a hard tone, still trying to cover up the fact that I may actually care. Emmett looked at me with a disapproving look as his arms crossed over his large chest.

"Yeah, she's cool. No real damages, at least that's what Carlisle said." He shrugged for a second just before he began walking to the door, "I thought you would want to know."

"Why?" I quickly snapped, because now that I knew she was alright I could go back to making them think I still didn't give a shit.

"'Cause you act like you have a thing for her. I just thought you cared, or something. But forget I said it." Emmett said with a grumble as he left the room. My back pinned up against the headboard as I looked around my fucked up room. I let out a loud groan, running my fingers through my hair and pulling on it gently. I didn't know why I couldn't show that I cared about someone, or something. I always had to be a hardass, and that shit is just pissing me off. But I couldn't seem to stop. I felt like that was the only emotion I had, or the only emotion I would let myself have. I cared for Bella, because she wasn't like Jessica or Lauren. She was just Bella. She didn't care how she looked, didn't care what she said, and was trapped in a shell and too afraid to come out. A bit how I was fucking acting as of right now. I couldn't come out of this hard shell, but I hoped to God, if there is truly one, that he would let her help me out of this. I wanted to care. But something wouldn't let me.

The week passed like a blink of an eye. Bella never came back to tutor me. Her father kept her locked up in the house, determined to find who was chasing her before he let her out of the house. Instead they sent Angela to help me with History. She didn't really bring up the situation with Bella, which I was grateful for. After tutoring, I'd always find myself on the porch step, smoking a cigarette and watching the Swan house carefully. I had no doubt in my mind that the group that chased Bella was the group I was familiar with. I would confront them, but that would only give them a reason to go after her again. I had to protect her, even if she didn't know I was doing it. Occasionally I'd see Bella move past her window, my eyes widening every single time. Her hair was always down in front of her face, covering her beautiful eyes. It's something I would have to deal with.

Monday rolled around faster than ever, and my punishment was up and I was back to school. Jazz welcomed me with a punch of the knuckles, and Alice just snorted at us. We stood in the parking lot, and I watched as different sets of eyes glanced back at me. Fuckers wanted to get punched today. I sneered at every single one of them as I made my way up the stone stairs and into the doors. I wasn't surprised that Mr. Stuart wanted to go over my warnings with me, considering I just got off suspension. After the first few periods of trying to turn in my make-up work, I couldn't help but look for _her_. Especially at lunch.

Jazz and Alice were all over each other, no fucking shock there. But Emmett and Rosalie had joined our table which was a very unusual and unwanted surprise. It's not that I had a problem with them, considering Emmett was my brother and Rosalie was his girlfriend but the fact that I had to watch these four swap spit was something I just didn't feel like doing, especially in the shitty mood I was in. So I ignored them for the time being, glancing from my tray full of pizza and a cup of coke and up to the tables, scanning them carefully. I made sure Jazz's eyes didn't even come close to mine, and when they did I snapped my vision right back to that fucking pepperoni on the pizza. The third one down on the left, near the pointy end of the pizza. When he looked back to Alice, I looked up and finally saw _her_ at the table all the way to the corner.

She didn't have a tray on her table, which slightly worried me. She had a book instead, her small hand tucked under her chin as she read through Emily Brontë's _Wuthering Heights_. Her long, brown, tangled hair fell in front of her face as I could only see her right cheek and eyelashes. I huffed softly, but watched as she sat peacefully at the table. She didn't make a flinch, and only moved when she had to turn the page and then went right back to being still. It was quite fucking fascinating though, how into the book she was. I've never seen that with anyone before, but that's probably because I hang out with fucktards and none of them would be caught dead reading.

And out of the corner of my eye, I could see the table diagonal from Bella's. Jessica and Lauren were whispering into each other ears, looking like two lesbians as they stared at Bella, like she was fresh meat. But they weren't looking at her in desire, because I knew that look. Jessica was a cold-hearted bitch and she was just going to keep talking smack about Bella. But haven't they realized that Bella didn't care? Obviously they didn't as they giggled to themselves, catching Bella's attention. She looked up to them, her hair falling so I could now see her left cheek. It went red instantly as she looked back down, avoiding eye contact. In this moment I hadn't realized my fingers penetrated the Styrofoam cup of coke in my hands, it spilling everywhere and directly onto Rosalie. She let out the loudest shriek which caught my attention, her body instantly flying up.

"Edward, you fucking idiot!" She screamed as she pushed her blonde hair back. Alice covered her mouth as the dark brown stained Rosalie's perfect white pants. Emmett quickly grabbed a couple of napkins as he began dabbing at the stain, which caused Jazz to let out a loud laugh.

"It was an accident." I merely said, because it was. I wasn't paying attention, which lead to the accident. But Rosalie Hale wouldn't let that fucking slide as she sneered at me.

"These are Gucci! Probably more expensive than anything you own right now!" She growled as she began dabbing the napkins on her pants with Emmett.

"I said it was a fucking accident, now move on." My fingers balled up into fist as I watched her roll her big blue eyes.

"When I get through with you, it won't be an accident." She promised, shaking her head. When Rosalie promised something, that meant she would keep it against you for a good five minutes until Emmett bought her something expensive to make her happy again. It didn't always used to be like that though. Rosalie Hale used to be a stone-cold bitch. A real one. Before Emmett and she were a couple, she was the first Jessica Stanley. She made sure that if you did something to her, she would hit you back ten times fucking harder. Then Emmett changed her, gave her some dick and she calmed down.

The ending lunch bell had rung and I was up faster than any mother fucker in this cafeteria. I waited at the table though, watching as Bella had finally noticed people were standing up. I didn't want to seem 'stalker-ish' but that's how I was being. I followed her into Biology, but not like a stalker this time. Like a little fucking puppy that just wanted to be rubbed, no matter how fucking weird that sounds. I also kept an eye on Stanley, making sure she made no attempts to harm Bella.

Bella sat down at our desk, the book instantly opening up again as she nearly had her nose in it. I clutched my book bag strap as I pulled the chair out from next to her. She didn't move. I sat down slowly as I watched her from the corner of my eye. It was like I was fucking invisible to her or something. Her hair fell down as a mask, covering her eyes as they went from left to right, reading the text in the book. I had to do something, had to say something, had to make sure she was alright, "Hello," I said as I cleared my throat.

**BPOV**

My eyes opened up to the white light shining in my face. I squinted quickly, feeling a bit light headed as I heard someone softly call my name, and hand stroking the side of my face, "Bells?" I heard him say, the only person who called me by that name.

"Dad?" I muttered, my eyes trying to get used to the lights.

"I'm right here, honey." He said softly as my eyes became more adjusted to the light. I heard the monitor beeping next to me as I quickly looked at it, watching the green line move up and down, "Don't move…" He said as my head went back to the normal position, looking forward. I saw paintings in front of me, as well as a TV playing a baseball game, "How are you feeling?" Charlie asked, but I didn't comprehend the question.

"What happened?" I asked, feeling a bit of amnesia. I looked down to my arms, noticing a scrape along my right arm that reached down to my wrist.

"Don't you remember?" Charlie asked, but I slowly shook my head, "You fell into the pool at the gym. You almost drowned." He said softly and calmly. I blinked a few times, trying to remember the bits and pieces that were flowing around my head. But it seemed like I couldn't put one piece with the other, "You scraped your arm on the pool side when you fell." He said, looking down at my arm. My eyes drifted to the side as I saw the bed-side table and a bouquet of daisies in a vase, "Emmett Cullen found you, and gave you CPR."

"He did?" I muttered as I brought my hand up to my eyes, rubbing it gently. Charlie nodded his head as I brought my hands down, still trying to find my memory.

"I've already thanked him for you, though he still insisted on getting you a 'feel-better' present." Charlie said softly as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. The door than opened wide and a blonde-haired Dr. Cullen walked in with the brightest smile on his face. I shrunk into the bed, not being able to handle that giant smile at this current moment.

"Ah, Bella. You seem to be a big fan of my hospital." He smirked jokingly as I let out a soft snort.

"Yeah, get used to it. I'm pretty clumsy." I said in a sarcastic tone, hearing him laugh.

"Well, that's why we have this place for people like you." He smiled as he began writing down onto his notepad, "Do you remember what happened?" He asked, his eyebrow raising as I then slowly shook my head, "Do you remember bits and pieces, or is it all fuzzy?"

"It's all fuzzy." I instantly answered, watching as Charlie looked up at him with a worried look.

"You went through a traumatic experience; memory loss is one of the symptoms of it." He began as he wrote down onto his notepad, "You seem to be just fine though, minus the cut on your arm. It isn't too bad, no stitches or anything." His smile beamed across the room, and this time I couldn't help but smile. You just had to when you were around him.

"Will her memory come back, Dr. Cullen?" Charlie asked; hopeful.

"I'm sure in a couple of hours she'll be back to normal. Then she can answer your questions." He nodded as I then quickly looked back to Charlie.

"Questions?" I asked, watching as Charlie nodded his head. He set his arm onto my shoulder, as if he had bad news to tell me and I honestly don't think I could handle that as of right now.

"A witness said that you were being chased…" Charlie began, his eyes simmered but still looked worried, "It seems you ran into the gym for cover, which is where you fell into the pool. The men who were chasing you must have ran off."

"And that's where Emmett found you." Carlisle added in as I looked up to him, "If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be alive right now. Good thing I taught him CPR." Carlisle mused beautifully, causing Charlie to chuckle.

"Yes, thank God." He nodded in agreement.

"I'd like to speak with you outside, Chief Swan. Paper matters." Carlisle assured me as Charlie looked back to me.

"You'll be out of here soon, Bells. Just get some rest now." He said as I rested back into the hospital bed. Charlie leaned forward and pressed a warm kiss to my forehead just before standing back up and walking out with Dr. Cullen.

I situated myself to lie on my side, my hands tucked under my face as I tried to remember everything that happened. Things were becoming clear, and I could almost hear the footsteps behind me. My eyes quickly widened as I remember the men chasing me into the gym, where I hid in the pool room. I remember falling in, and seeing my mother, seeing her blood-shot eyes, and her pale body. My body began locking up as I felt the panic attack coming on. The tears instantly rolled down my face as I shut them quickly, holding onto the sheets of the bed trying to calm myself down. I let out small pants, my body jerking as the panic attack came on even harder. I whimpered loudly, and quieted myself just before anyone heard me. My body began relaxing as I took in slow breaths, the face of my mother disappearing from my mind. I wept into my pillow, hoping to God that I would never have to go through something like that again.

I don't think I could handle it.

The next day I was out of the hospital and back at home. I kept up with my amnesia story just so Charlie couldn't question me on what happened. I felt that if I remembered back, I would only remember my mother's face in the pool and then that would only trigger a panic attack. Charlie kept me in bed for most of the week, keeping me from school and everything. He felt that I needed a 'break' from my hectic life, that maybe why I couldn't remember things was because I was stressed from school. I remembered things, I just didn't want to hash the wounds back open again. When Charlie would go to bed, I'd find myself sitting near my window, watching the Cullen's house across the street. If I was lucky, I'd catch Edward a couple of times but once he stepped out of that door, I was away from the window in fear he may see me.

Emmett came by a couple of times with different presents, I'm sure Carlisle bought. I had to be nice to my savoir though, and accepted every single gift. Alice even came by a few times and showered me with gifts. The week went by like a blink of an eye, and I had finally convinced Charlie to let me go back into school. Staying in this house was running me short and I needed human interaction. I was a bit too eager to go back to school, because I know that I'd step out of the truck and wish I was back home in my bed. I knew people knew what happened considering their stares never stopped.

It wasn't till lunch until I finally felt at ease. Alice wanted to sit with Jasper today, who conveniently didn't enjoy my company. I thought I needed human interaction, but I was wrong. I told Alice it was alright, that'd I'd just be reading anyways and she skipped off with her boyfriend who had a strong dislike for me for no reason. I didn't mind though, because I knew that's just how teenagers could be sometimes. I sat with my favorite book and almost nearly stuck my face into it. The relationship between Heathcliff and Catherine was amazing. I couldn't keep myself away from this book no matter how much I tried.

I was so into it, I failed to notice anything that was going on around me. That was up until I heard the giggles and laughs of Jessica and Lauren. I ignored it for the time being, up until the part when I heard Jessica make a comment about what happened last week, "I heard she was almost raped." Jessica sneered as Lauren quickly gasped.

"Who would want to touch that?" Lauren squealed as both of them began laughing. I looked up quickly, as my cheeks stained red. They turned away before I even had a chance to look into their eyes. And within those measly two seconds, the whole cafeteria heard a loud shrill, everyone looking to the table that Alice was at. Rosalie Hale stood up and began yelling at the person in front of her. Considering I was on the other side of cafeteria, I couldn't hear what she was saying but whatever it was, she was clearly angry. It wasn't until she moved slightly that I saw Edward's face, and he was calm and collected as she yelled at him. He muttered something to her, but I then looked down, shaking my head as I continued on reading.

It wasn't until I felt a book bag push my side that I noticed people were leaving the cafeteria. I hurried as fast as I could, not wanting to be late to biology as I shoved everything in my bag and headed off. I made it just in time and sat myself down at the empty desk, pulling out a book again. I kept my hair around me as a shield as I read about Heathcliff, my eyes completely consumed by the book.

"Hello," A calm and sweet voice said to me. It was a familiar voice. A voice I rarely ever heard that was so calm, merely because it was always yelling or angry. I looked up to Edward who smiled weakly to me. I nodded my head, letting out a deep breath as I could feel my heart racing in my chest.

"Hi." I answered back, looking back down into the book.

"I heard about what happened…" He said as my body froze. My eyes closed quickly as I took out a deep breath, "Are you alright?"

My eyes instantly opened as I looked over to him, gulping slightly. His deep, green eyes were right on mine. And for a moment, he actually acted like he, dare I say it, cared. It was not like Edward Cullen, but maybe I was wrong about him all this time, "Yeah…" I quickly said, clearing my throat, "I'm alright."

"Good." He then said with a stern voice, "Because, I know Alice would be a fucking wreck if something happened to you." He growled, and I couldn't help but smile to myself, "I mean it's not like I fucking care or something." He said.

I looked up to him, shrugging my shoulders, "It would be nice if you did." I said softly as I shrugged again.

"Well, don't get your hopes too high." He sneered as my expectations of him went falling down. We both looked away and down at our books. I let my hair fall down the side of my face as a shield. The rest of the period was quiet between us, even when Mr. Banner had us work with each other in an activity. We worked separately, and just shared the microscope. I didn't like that Edward acted like this towards me, but I couldn't change his mind about me. He thought of me as some freak, just like Jasper did and just like ninety-eight percent of the school. I was just the "freaky panic attack" girl. I wasn't normal, because no one would view me that way. Because no one cared to look at me for who I am, and not what has happened.

But unfortunately, I can't change the way the look at me. The only person I wish would look at me differently is, regrettably, Edward. For some reason I wanted him to see me as a normal human being, and I was determined to have him look at me like that during our tutoring session tonight.


	11. The Blue Sweater

**Authors Note; I'm on a fucking role with this shit, guys. I guess I just found my center with this story, which helps me write more. And of course all these reviews you guys are giving me. I feel loved. This is a very epic, long chapter. So enjoy the fuck out of it, and as always, review.**

**P.S. My beta, Jenn fucking owns me. If not for her, this story would suck. I'm pretty sure with all my horrible errors.**

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**BPOV**

I nearly jolted into my house, running up the stairs and into my bedroom ignoring the mess of clothes that lay on the ground. I threw my book bag to my bed as I ran to my closet, beginning to peel through every single piece of clothing possible. Mom always got me some nice shirts for Christmas or my birthday, in hopes I'd wear them but if I did I'd just cover it with my hoodie. I went through multiple shirts, because there had to be _something_ cute in here. But the only thing I could find was black shirts, black hoodies, torn pants, white shirts. Finally, at the very end of my closet I saw it. The sweater was a light blue, and the V went all the way down above my chest. It was a little too revealing, but nothing that a white tank-top couldn't handle.

I shoved off my black hoodie, putting a tank-top over my body and then the blue sweater. I didn't have any nicer kinds of jeans, but the ones I was wearing were only ripped at the bottom, nothing too harsh. I figured while I was at it, trying to look good, I ran the brush through my hair a couple of times, just to make it a bit silky. I didn't even think about putting any sorts of make-up on considering what happened last time with it.

I had no clue why I was going through with this. Normally, I'd ignore Edward's snarky remarks and continue on teaching but today I felt like I wanted to prove to him that I was more than some shy little girl. Esme didn't feel comfortable having the tutoring sessions at the school, because even though Mike was still suspended she didn't want anyone else to piss Edward off as it was. So I agreed on tutoring Edward at his house while Carlisle was there, considering he was usually home at the times I'd be tutoring Edward. I grabbed my 'Strawberry and Champagne' perfume from Victoria's Secret, one of mom's other make-up items that I never used, and squirted it on my neck.

I finally reached down and grabbed my book bag, slinging it around my shoulder and running down the stairs. I had stopped instantly, noticing the door was opening to see Charlie walk in, wide eyed and everything as he looked at me, "Jeez, Bells. What's the occasion?" He chuckled, but I could sense the confusion. Charlie knew I was never a girly girl, and this stuff was way off my scale.

"Um…I just…Well…" I began stuttering, as I chewed on my bottom lip, "Everything is dirty. I haven't gotten to change the laundry yet…It's the only thing I had." I lied, but I lied with courage, not that faulty voice I usually get when I lie. My mom always said I was like an open book. When I was up to no good, she could tell instantly. When I lied, it took her no longer than two seconds to pry the truth out of me. She knew me all too well, "What are you doing here?" I finally breathed, knowing Charlie didn't come until later.

"Well I was in the neighborhood, and decided to get something to eat. I'm taking the night shift tonight anyways, but I gotta leave in an hour. Where are you going?" He asked curiously, a furry brow raising, "Shouldn't you be at the school tutoring?"

"Well, Esme wanted me to tutor Edward at his house." I said, chewing a mark on my lip as I watched Charlie heave a big sigh.

"Bella…." He quickly said, but I raised a hand to stop him from talking. He was warning me, but I already knew what he was going to say. _The Cullen boys are no good, you need to stop tutoring Edward.  
_

"Carlisle will be there, alright? Don't worry." I smiled, watching as he glanced down at my attire again, knowing that Edward would definitely be shocked that I was wearing something different than my actually hoodie, "There is pizza in the fridge. Warm it up for a minute in the microwave. And I'll see you tomorrow." I stood up on the last step to press a kiss to his cheek just before slowly walking past him and out the door. I made sure I watched my step down the slippery stairs, and looked both ways before I crossed the street. I looked back to my house again, sighing softly at the comparison between the Swan's old shaggy house and the Cullen's mansion. It didn't really bother me that their house was bigger, and in fact I didn't mind at all, I always felt better in a smaller house.

I felt like this street was all messed up. On our side, the houses were dirty and old, and on the Cullen's side they were mansions. Whoever did this street was seriously screwed up, because the houses couldn't be any more different. I walked up the steps of the mansion, noticing they were salted so the ice could melt just before ringing the doorbell. It didn't take long until a very tall and large Emmett answered the door with a sandwich shoved in his face. A very bright grin appeared on his lips as he dropped the sandwich on the little table near the door, "Bella!" He yelled, it echoing inside the house, "How are you feeling?"

"Better." I smiled, taking a step inside the house. Emmett was just smiling as the door closed as he shoved his hands into his pocket. I knew what he wanted, and I was willing to give it to him, "I never actually got to fully thank you Emmett, for saving me." I said, watching as his smile calmed down as he nodded.

"No problem. I guess it was one of those right place, right time kind of things, you know?" He said with a cute grin. I nodded quickly with a smile just before he directed me down the hall, "I'll go get Edward. Carlisle had an emergency call, so he won't be here but he told me to tell you that you can use his office." I gulped at the fact that Carlisle wasn't going to be here, but I walked with him anyways and watched as he opened the wood doors. The office was gorgeous, the wood bright and dusted as marble statues filled the room. A small table on the side resided in the purpose of my tutoring session with Edward, but what caught my eye was the stack of books piling behind the desk in an orderly fashion on the shelves, "Make yourself at home."

"Thank you." I muttered, hearing his footsteps faded as I quickly walked to the books, reading every spine that I could. _Macbeth, Cyrano de Bergerac, Half Broke Horses, The Glass Castle_. It was beautiful. It was a dream come true for me, and I almost felt like I was about to cry. Having such breathtaking books all to yourself in such a perfect place must have been wonderful. It wasn't until I heard someone clearing their throat behind me that caught my attention, bringing me back to reality. I turned around to see Edward, in all his dark glory leaning against the door way, "Hi." I managed to say through my cracked lips as Edward avoided eye contact with me.

"Let's just get this over with." He barked in a stern voice as he walked to the table on the side of room. I was slightly upset he hadn't seen the front of me yet, and it felt like he was trying to ignore me with every fiber of his bone. Maybe I had no luck with him. Make he was just not interested. And I wasn't interested either, or I don't think I was. I just wanted him to see me as something else, not the little girl I was displaying myself as.

"Okay…" I began, chewing on my bottom lip, noticing that he looked up to me with wide eyes. I let out a deep sigh, grabbing my book bag and spilling out my binder for History, and noticing that he brought his out too, "I guess we never really got to finish the Boston tea party."

"That shit is old. Can we move on from it?" He asked, but I shook my head and bit down on my tender bottom lip. I heard the anger in his voice, but I didn't let it phase me because I knew by now that this is just how he was.

"I'm sorry. The guidelines say…" I began but Edward growled in fury.

"Fuck the guidelines." He muttered, his hands clenching at his side. I gulped, my throat moving up and down as I finally opened my book.

"I guess we can come back to it." I whispered, looking up to him to see his eyes advert quickly away. I couldn't help but peak a smile, because this is what I was trying to do, "We can start on the Battle of Lexington and Concord." I said, turning the pages in the history book. I felt slightly uneasy that I had to stoop to this level, the level that both Lauren and Jessica lived on to seek attention from boys, but my intention was far more different than theirs. I wasn't very sure how I felt about Edward at this point, but all I knew is that Edward just had to look at me differently. And I didn't know why I wanted him, out of all people to do this. My heart was just telling me to do this, and for the first time in my life I chose to follow it.

"April 19th, 1775. The battle at Lexington and Concord was the first military engagement of the American Revolutionary War." I began, hearing Edward grumbled something incoherent under his dark voice. He wasn't enjoying this, but I couldn't make this any easier for him. I leaned forward, squinting my eyes to read the fine print under the pictures. I could sense that Edward tensed next to me as I continued to read, "The battles marked the outbreak of open armed conflict between the Kingdom of Great Britain and its thirteen colonies in the mainland of British North America."

I continued on for a good hour, and even got Edward to start on a paper that he would need to finish for extra credit to bring his history grade up. I played with the strings of my hoodie subconsciously, even looking up to see how far along Edward was at. But every time I looked back, I figured he had been staring at me, as he adverted his eyes quicker than anything I have ever seen before. While he worked on that, I sat on the opposite side of the table, my eyes continuing to look back to the book shelf Carlisle had behind his desk. I felt like they were calling my name, they were beckoning me to come to them. It wasn't until I heard a define clear of his throat that caught me off guard, "Are you finished?" I asked, sitting up as I crossed my arms over my stomach.

"Oh, no." He said quietly, shaking his head, "I just saw you staring at the bookcase." He mentioned, his eyes down as his pencil tapped along the paper. I bit down onto my bottom lip, feeling like I could go right through the skin, "You can go look at it…I'm sure Carlisle wouldn't mind if you borrowed one or some shit like that." He said, his eyes finally looking up to me. I haven't really noticed how green they were until this moment. Edward usually didn't look at me for such a long period of time, and I never got to really and truly look in his eyes. They were a sparkling, deep emerald. I felt like I was in a beautiful trance by them, but quickly disconnected as he looked back down to his paper.

I stood up from the chair slowly, seeing that he was almost halfway done with his paper. I walked over slowly and timidly to the bookcase, looking behind me to see Edward staring up at me. I finally got to the bookcase, picking up _The Glass Castle _by Jeannette Walls. It was such a lovely story, but such a tragic one at the same time. A woman who lost her way, and somehow ended up in a lovely home and with a lovely job while her parents were homeless, digging through trash to find dinner and her trials and tribulations to come to terms with her past and how her family truly were. It was one of my all-time favorite books, and I flipped it open to only smell that old book smell. It was musty, yet you could barely detect the new paper smell. I opened to a random page and began reading, biting down onto my pinky finger as I sighed, feeling at ease when it came to this book.

It could have been twenty minutes, even an hour for all I knew. I was so caught up in the story; it didn't even register in my mind that Edward had finished. But he didn't even tell me he was done, because I had gotten to the end of the book and turned around to see him leaning against his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he eyed me carefully. I cleared my throat, it coming out as a slight cough as I closed the book. I set it back onto the shelves and made my way back to the table as I pulled my chair out, reaching for his paper. Instantly his hand fell on mine, and hard as I could almost see the darkness in his eyes as I gaped up to him, "What are you doing?"

"C-Checking…your work?" I gulped; hard. His eyebrows knitted together as he slowly shook his head, throwing my hand off the table, "What's wrong?" I asked, my mind trying to keep up with my words as I watched him pull the paper into his binder.

"You don't need to check my fucking work." He growled fiercely, causing me to shudder as I brought my right hand, the one he grabbed, up to my chest as I rubbed it with my left.

"What is your problem?" I sneered, watching as his eyes widened, "I'm just trying to help you."

"Well I don't want your fucking help." He breathed.

"Why are you like this to me? Why are you such an arrogant asshole? I'm just doing my job." I barked at him, watching as his eyes widened. Yeah I cussed, it's not like I had a disability to it.

"Like I said, I don't need any fucking kind of help. Especially from fucked up people like you." He said blatantly, like he didn't even regret the words. My eyes instantly widened as my mouth gaped open. And as I stared at him, his eyes didn't change. They were almost hollow; the green was hard and strong as I knew he wouldn't take the words back. I didn't want to cry, but I already felt my tears spilling over my face before grabbing my backpack, not even caring if my binders were still sitting on the table, because I had to get out of here.

I ran out the door, wiping the tears from my cheek as I passed Emmett. I heard his loud voice call my name, but I ignored it as I ran right out the door. I passed the street, the sounds of honking horns blaring in my ear as I finally reached my driveway. It didn't surprise me that I slipped up the stairs from the ice, but quickly picked myself up as I grabbed the key from my pocket. My fingers were frozen from the ice, and my hands were shaking from what happened. I could barely get the key into its lock, but I finally made due. I unlocked the door and made my way inside, throwing my empty bag to the side as I ran up the stairs and into my bedroom. I tripped over the pile of clothes, but finally made it to the bed. I hated crying. I hated the way Edward treated me, and I hated the way how I thought I could have changed the way he looked at me. It was a failed experiment and it would never work out. Edward's shell was too hard to bust through, and I couldn't do this anymore. I don't even think I could continue tutoring him.

He made me feel that weak.

About an hour or so later, my cheeks were stained with tears. I wiped them away, and I pulled on my old black t-shirt, as well as a pair of grey shorts as I pulled my hair up, walking myself down the stairs and to the kitchen as I began making myself dinner. Considering Charlie wasn't here, I didn't have to make anything he liked which mainly consisted of some sort of meat. After a little while, steak can get somewhat bland. I made myself spaghetti from scratch, something I learned to do from Renee back in Arizona. I felt slightly awkward as I grabbed myself a bowl and sat myself down on the couch. I spent little to no time down here, and watching TV was even worse. I felt I was invading on Charlie's privacy, even though it was just a TV. I shut it off quickly and shuddered, leaning forward to see the different kinds of magazines Charlie had on the coffee table. It was all car magazines, and I quickly rolled my eyes as I lay back on the couch, rolling my fork around the spaghetti. I thought back to earlier, because my mind wouldn't let me do anything else, and just then I lost my appetite. The doorbell rang behind me, and my lips slightly curved down as I thought about who could be here at this time. Maybe Charlie came home early and left his key. I sat the bowl down on the coffee table as I rose from the couch and made my way to the door. I unlocked the first two locks, and then the one on the door knob.

I don't think I have ever been as surprised as I was right now, because there was Edward Cullen, standing on my porch, his hair slightly damp from the ice rain and a box in one hand and my binders in the other.

**EPOV**

That. Fucking. Sweater.

I could feel my dick twitch at the sight of blue, something other than Bella's normal black. And I haven't even seen the front of her sweater yet. I was just looking at her back, noticing how the sweater hugged her small curves, watching as she looked through the books. This was too much for me, and I knew I couldn't stare because if I did a beat longer than I was, I knew I would get a fucking boner, and that shit just wouldn't suffice right about now. I looked away and cleared my throat, and Bella instantly turned around. She let out a soft, "Hi." Which sent a shot of electricity through me. I went along with being an ass, like always and even argued with her when we started studying. I couldn't find anything else to fucking say, it was that ridiculous. I remember glancing to her, her brown hair all shiny and shit as it rolled down to her chest, and my fucking god, that chest…

And when she was reading out of the book, she fucking bent over. The V in the sweater showing off the mounds of her breasts, and that fucking did it for me. I was gone long before I even sat down in this chair. My eyes slightly widened for a second as I leaned back into the chair. Bella gave me a worksheet to work on, and normally I'd be fucking opposed from that shit but I had to get my mind off of my boner. I did the worksheet with the book in my hand, and I couldn't help but look up to Bella. She was all looking at the bookshelves, being all distracted as her arms fell forward, the mounds of her breasts peaking up again. I quickly offered to let her go look at them, and she got up in a beat. And when she got up, the scent of Strawberries caught my nose, causing my eyes to shut quickly. Fucking beautiful.

I watched as she looked through the books, stopping at _The Glass Castle_. I haven't read it yet, but I remember they almost made us read it in American Literature back in sophomore year when we were on our poverty unit. I didn't fucking read that shit though. I couldn't help but stare at her at the curve in her back. Gorgeous. Only ten minutes had past, and I found myself biting at my lip and just staring at her. It wasn't until she turned around that she caught my attention, asking me for my paper that was covered in things that reminded me of her, like Castles, and Strawberries, and blue sweaters. I was so fucking afraid that she would find me weird, or even see through my shell and that shit wasn't going to happen. Instinctively, I grabbed her arm and hard. She was so lucky that Carlisle was able to take my cast off early, because that shit would have hurt ten times worse if I grabbed her with it. She stared at me in disbelief, and it was accidentally, but I couldn't take it away now.

We argued, and she broke down. Even called me an asshole. It made me question what she was actually capable of. My words were harsh, but it was all fuzzy to me. I was just too afraid for her to see the paper, that I resorted to being a dick. But this wasn't out of the normal for me. Bella ran off, crying her pretty chocolate brown eyes and a twinge of guilt hit my chest, and then an actual hand hit the back of my head, "What the fuck?!" I screamed, standing up to see fucking Emmett all glaring and shit.

"What the hell did you do?!" He blurted, and I quickly walked past him, "Don't you fucking walk away, Edward. What the fuck did you do to that poor girl?!"

"It's none of your business, Emmett." I growled as I walked past him and up to my room, as quick as I could so Emmett wouldn't see what was going on under my pants. It took me ten seconds to strip and get into the shower, where I beat off instantly. I couldn't help it. Bella was fucking beautiful, especially in that sweater. God, that fucking sweater. It didn't take me long to explode. It, in fact, only took me less than a minute. That was a fucking record for me; I was never an 'early' kind of guy if you catch my drift. I stepped out of the shower and clothed myself quickly just before walking to my bed. I ran my fingers through my hair as I groaned to myself, lying there for a good forty minutes. I didn't know what to fucking do. Apologize? I'd do that shit at school.

I've never felt so, so sad for someone before. The way her tears spilled out from her cheeks. It wasn't the 'be sad for me' cry that Jessica always did when she wouldn't get her way, but the 'why am I not enough for you' tears. It ripped my fucking heart, and I was nearly sick of myself. Sick of this stupid hard-ass attitude, sick of everything I have been doing. I pushed myself off the bed, as I ran myself downstairs. Emmett sat on the couch, eating out of the cereal box as his laugh boomed through the house. I rolled my eyes as I opened the fridge. I remembered Alice made some kind of fucking cookies the other day for shits and giggles, so this would be a good enough apology. I shoved them into a box, setting the lid on top of it. I grabbed Bella's binders that she had left, and didn't even bother to say anything to Emmett.

It was fucking freezing, and the rain was almost painful considering it was almost ice. I ran across the street and to Bella's house, stepping up onto the porch, minding the ice that sleeted across the first two steps. My fingers touched the doorbell, but didn't push. I couldn't believe I was doing this, I couldn't believe that mother-fucking Edward Cullen was apologizing, or at least attempting. I took in a deep breath as I pushed the button, hearing the chimes from inside. For a moment I contemplated just leaving the shit on the porch and running, but it was too late because the doors began to unlock. My body stiffened, and the door swung open and what I saw was fucking unbelievable.

Bella wore a tight black shirt, her fucking short shorts showing her thin legs. _Fuck, here comes another boner._ But it wasn't until I saw her face, which the boner subsided. Her hair was pulled up, and I could finally see her face clearer. Her eyes were red and puffy and all fucking deep brown and shit that made me just want to melt in them. Her lips slightly curved down as her eyebrows dropped, "What are you doing here?" She whispered, and it surprised me because I never thought Bella was the one to fucking step up to the plate and say the first thing.

"No." I said quickly, "I came to apologize." And her fucking face just smoothed out, a smile hiding beneath the frown, but I knew it was fucking there, "I brought you some shit." I said, and I watched as she just stood there, completely dumbfounded, "Are you gonna let me come in, or are you going to let me freeze to death?"

"Oh. Sorry." She said quickly, opening the door wide for me. I stepped in, glancing around the house. It didn't surprise me that Chief Swan had guns hanging up against the wall. I looked back to Bella, handing her books to her and she took them quickly, leaning down to set them on the stairs that was near the door, giving me a perfect view of her ass. _Easy boy_.

"These are for you." I muttered, all fucking quiet and shit as I handed her the box of cookies, "Alice cooked them a few days ago, but I figured you would like them or some shit. I don't know." I said awkwardly, setting my hand to the back of my neck as I rubbed it softly. She peaked through the lid, a smile spreading across her face as she nodded her head.

"Thanks." She whispered and then silence fell upon us. I know what she wanted to hear, but I didn't know if I could quite do it.

"Look…" I began, feeling my lips tremble, "I'm not used to this sort of thing…" I said, watching as she watched me with those deep eyes. They were fucking gorgeous, and I just wanted to stare at them all fucking day long, "You know, apologizing and shit…"

"Oh." Her mouth was round, and I couldn't help but imagine the things I could do with that mouth. I quickly shook my head, trying to get the pictures out of my fucking head.

"I was…out of line. And I'm…" I began to stutter, my eyes watching as she waited silently; perfectly, "I'm fucking sorry."

And no matter how I said it, the fact that I said it made her smile. She nodded her head slowly as she batted her lashes all fucking cute and shit, "I forgive you." She whispered just before walking away. I didn't know what to do. Follow her? Leave? My feet went with following her, and I did like some little fucking lost puppy. We finally walked into the kitchen, and the aroma made me quiver. _It smells so fucking good in here_, "Yeah, I just made spaghetti." She said, and I didn't realize that I said the words out loud. She set the box down on the counter, and looked back up to me, "Do you want some?"

"I don't know. I don't want to intrude and shit." I said, and watched as she smiled, shaking her head.

"It's not intruding if I ask you." She giggled, and I nearly died because it was just that fucking cute. And without hesitation, and without me answering Bella grabbed a bowl and began pouring spaghetti into it. I couldn't help but lick my lips, because it looked that fucking delicious. Once she handed it to me, I grabbed it fairly quickly and began to dig in. I was starving considering I ate no lunch today, and I never ate breakfast. She watched in amazement as she then tilted her head, "Do they not feed you, or something?"

"Well…" I began, licking my top lip to get the sauce off. Bella cracked a smile as I did this, "Carlisle is never home to cook, and Esme cooks too much healthy shit. Nothing this good." I said, putting the fork faster into my mouth to try and taste ever sweet and salty bit of this sauce. It was just so fucking delicious, who knew Bella was capable for this kind of thing. It didn't take me long to finish, because I was that fucking hungry. Bella gave me a napkin when I gave her my dish, watching as she began washing it. I glanced back into the living room, the brown couch stained with what looked like beer, the wood on the coffee table dusty and cracked, and the kitchen looked like one of those before pictures before they re-made the kitchen. It was much different than my house, which I didn't fucking mind. It seemed homey and not huge like the mansion. I could get used to this.

_What the fuck was I thinking? _

"Well, I guess I should be going." I said quietly, watching as Bella turned the faucet off. Her hand began rubbing her opposite arm, her skin all smooth and white and just by that fucking turned me on. I was pathetic.

"Okay." She whispered as she walked in front of me, all fucking proud of herself, I'm sure, to get me to apologize. She walked me to the front of the door, but I stepped in front of her, allowing myself to get it myself. I mean since I was apologizing I guess I'll just be nice or some shit as it is, "I guess, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." I began, pausing as we stared at each other. And it wasn't that kind of fucking awkward staring. It was that legit, deep staring into each other's eyes. I don't know what the fuck came over me, but I couldn't stop staring at her. Her cheeks flustered into red, all cute and shit as she finally looked away with a smile, "See ya." I said, turning around to step outside the porch.

"Edward." She instantly called out and I turned as fast as I could, my eyebrows rising. _I was fucking ridiculous_. She shrugged her tiny shoulders, as she bit down onto her bottom lip. I could feel the heat beneath my pants; this was fucking torture, "Thanks. For coming over here."

And a small smirk covered my lips and I nodded my head, "Thanks for the food." And I gave her a wink, because I was just going to go all far out with this shit. She nodded with a smile and I took a step out, closing the door behind me and made my way back to the mansion. It was different stepping into it this time. Like I've been in a threshold and now I'm back to reality. And I've finally know what's been going on in my fucking head, because just visiting Bella's house fucking made me realize that I may actually have some sort of feelings for her. It was weird, but I couldn't deny it. Not this time.

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**Smokeward can't help but like Bella, but isn't that how it always goes? Epic chapters to come soon.**


	12. The Screw Up

_**Authors Note; Hello my lovely readers. Before we get started I wanted to say thank you so much for supporting me thus far. Really, this story is only ten chapters in and so far has more than a hundred reviews. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but I'm just glad there are people reading this. **_

_**I won't keep you much longer, but I want to say thank you to my lovely Beta Jenn. Seriously, she keeps this story good. I come up with the ideas, she corrects the errors. Really, without here this story would probably be shit. **_

_**Already, I know your dying to read it. Go at it already.**_

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I pressed my back up against the door, and I couldn't help the smile that crept on my lips. I let out a loud, content sigh as I began up the stairs, playing with a strand of my brown hair. I slipped into my bed and looked to the side of me, seeing a picture of my mother. My hand tucked under my chin as I thought about her, thought about what she would say if she were here, "You've got him to apologize to you. I 'm sure that's one big step for him. Now play the game like I taught you." I heard her soft voice say in my head, "Don't come off to him too much, but just enough so that you drive him somewhat wild." She said. My mother dreamed about me having a boyfriend, but when she was alive and I was living with her it never happened beside once. It was when I was six years old and I came home from Charlie's. I told her that I had a new boyfriend named Jacob Black, and we made mud pies together. Mom began listing off rules, as if I actually knew what I was  
doing when I was six years old. The fling with Jacob never lasted, just like every other elementary relationship. I felt my eyes becoming weary the image of my mother slowly faded as I fell into a deep sleep.

My eyes opened wide as I looked around my surroundings. I saw my mother in front of me, her mouth moving quickly as I heard her screaming, "Stupid bastard! Don't you touch me!" She said, and I mouthed it with her because I knew exactly what she was going to say.

"You don't talk to me like that!" Phil and I both said. He was yelling, and I was whispering. I was becoming too familiar with this dream of mine. I watched as the back of Phil's hand struck my mother, it seeming harder than I had remembered.

"Stop!" I screamed in the back, watching as a drop of blood fell down my mother's cheek. I let out a wail as he struck her again, this time even harder than the last. I looked out the window, noticing we were closing in on the bridge, "Stop!" I screamed again, grabbing my head and looking down as Phil continued screaming. The tires squealed quickly, and I could feel the car was airborne. It took little to no time that we were already in the lake, the car filling up with water. My mother was passed out, and I was reaching for my seat belt but it was stuck in the latch. I cried out for help, for anything but my words were soon filled with water. My palms sat against the top of the car as I tried to get my last breath, my eyes now looking through the water as I watched Phil swim out of the car.

And like every other time, I didn't even bother reaching for the knife that was really there when the event actually happened. My dreams made the knife go away, and allowed me to drown. My mother was already gone, and I watched as her hair floated peacefully, her eyes closed as bubbles rose from her mouth. I could have cried, but there was no point. I looked to the side of me, and I saw Edward sitting in the seat next to me. His eyes bloodshot like my mother's in the pool. My chest was tingling with the attempt to breathe, but there was no air. My eyes rolled back in my head.

I woke up quickly, my heart pounding as I felt like I was having a heart attack. My body jolted as I gripped the sheets under me. The weight on my chest was unbearable, my eyes producing tears as my hands shook, my body tensing as I gasped for air. I knew in my mind the panic attack would subside after awhile, but it was too much right now. I turned my head into my pillow, and let out the loudest wail. I cried to myself, knowing no one could hear me because I was the only one home considering Charlie was now taking the night shifts.

The sheets slipped from my hands, my nails now digging into my skin as I could smell the salty smell, feel the wetness in my palms. Finally, and not soon enough my body began relaxing, my breathing becoming normal again as the weight was pushed off of me. I let out another wail, crying to myself as I brought my hands to my face, smelling the blood even more. My eyes opened as I looked at the deep cuts.

And for the rest of the night I stayed like this, bags forming under my eyes as I stared at the pillow. The sun arose quickly, my eyes staring up at it when it shined through the window. I decided in all my wallowing, I would go to school and act like this panic attack never happened, like all the other times. I walked to the bathroom, feeling the tears slip down my cheeks as I noticed the amount of blood on my hands. I set them under the faucet, letting the cold water hit them as the dry blood slipped off.

I opened the glass mirror, seeing that there was gauze rolled up in the corner. I grabbed it, wrapping it around my palms to hide the cuts. I heard the loud snoring from Charlie's room, giving me the indication that he was home. I would try and avoid him as much as possible so he couldn't question my hands.

I arrived at school with gauzed wrapped hands, my long black jacket, bags under my eyes, and my hair covering my face. I didn't want to deal with school, but I couldn't stay at home. I locked the truck up, watching as the Volvo had arrived the same time I did. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want him to see me like this. And throughout the whole day, I attempted to avoid everyone. I just wasn't in the mood. I skipped lunch and sat behind the school where no one would find me, where I could just read and be by myself. I opened 'The Glass Castle' and began reading to myself. All up until I heard footsteps, my eyes wary as I watched the corner.

"Bella?" I heard a familiar, soothing voice say.

"Over here." I answered, my eyes widening as I covered my lip, surprised I had just said that out loud. I tucked my hands into pockets so that he couldn't see the gauze, the open book sitting in my lap. Edward came around the corner, a cigarette hanging from his mouth as I watched a smirk play at his lips.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, taking the cigarette from his perfectly shaped lips to let out a cloud of smoke. I watched; amazed by his every move as he moved towards me in his jeans and t-shirt.

"Just reading." I stuttered, looking away and down at my book, "I really didn't feel up to watching Alice and Jasper make out." I said quietly, hearing him huff slightly.

"I know how you feel." He said, setting the cigarette back into his mouth. I watched as his eyes scrutinized me, his lips pressing together and around the cigarette as he pulled it out, the smoke now coming out from his nose, "No offense, but you look like shit."

I quickly looked down, nodding my head as I read a line from the book, "Thanks?" I whispered, keeping my hands tight in my jacket.

"I mean... I meant you look like..." He stopped, groaning at himself as he shook his head, "Fuck, Bella. You know I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah I know." I said, letting out a soft smile to comfort him. He watched me with his piercing green eyes, letting out yet another drag.

"You look tired." He said sympathetically, "Have you been getting enough sleep?"

"Probably not." I said, my head going down as I let out a deep breath of air, the moist vapor blowing out of my lips, "What are you doing out here anyways?"

"I couldn't skip out to go smoke behind the bleachers. I made a promise to Carlisle I wouldn't ditch class anymore." He rolled his eyes, taking another hit of his cigarette. He waited a moment before talking, "This was the only fucking place to have a smoke without getting caught." He said, his mouth pouring with smoke.

"You know, you really shouldn't smoke." I told him with a raised eyebrow. He looked back at me, a chuckle forming at his lips as he took another hit just to spite me. I rolled my eyes as the bell rang overhead. I stood up quickly, reaching down for my book to bring it to my chest.

"Fuck." Edward said quickly, putting the cigarette to his mouth as his hand gently grabbed my wrist, "What happened?" He asked sternly, my hand instinctively pulling back as I hugged it close to my chest.

"I forgot the oven mitts." I said quickly, letting out a weak chuckle, "I can be forgetful." I whispered, grabbing my book bag and slinging it over my shoulder as I began walking. I closed my eyes tightly, hating the fact that I really was forgetful and I allowed him to see my hands. It was such a silly thing to get so worked up over, but I didn't want him to see this side of me. And I hated lying to him.

"Wait, Bella..." He said quietly, my body turning around to look at him. He was closer, a strand of greasy hair hanging over his face as he watched me with his piercing green eyes, "I was wondering...that possibly...we could... Well when we are at my house, I feel a bit more...pressured. You know with Carlisle fucking watching me and all."

"You want to do the tutoring at my house, don't you?" I said with a smile, bringing my bag closer. Edward nodded shamelessly as I shrugged my shoulders, "Well Charlie doesn't really like..." I began, not wanting to hurt his feelings, "The company."

"You can say he hates me." Edward chuckled darkly, "I'm not too fucking fond of him either." He said with a smile that caused my heart to miss a beat.

"Well, he has the night shift now. He leaves at six. So maybe, six thirty tomorrow?" I questioned, raising a brow, "Of course you have to ask Carlisle."

"Carlisle will be fine with it." He mused quickly, "And if he isn't then fuck it. We'll do it anyways." His voice had a slight hint of rebellion that I didn't question. Edward seemed like the type to go against the rules and just doesn't care about what the consequences may be.

"Alright." I said with a smile, nodding my head. Edward flicked the cigarette to the side of the building, my eyes watching him carefully as he took a step closer to me. I could smell the mixture of cigarettes and axe fill my nose, my eyes looking up to his as his proximity was almost too much for me to handle.

"You know..." He began, "No one has ever stuck it out this long with me."

"Well, I guess I have a high tolerance with people." I smirked, watching as he reflected it, "Come on, we have to get to Biology."

Edward smiled as I began walking backwards. He looked over my shoulder for just a split second and just as quickly as his smile came, it was gone in an instant. He shook his head as he took a step back, "You go ahead. I'll catch up." He muttered, and I looked behind my shoulder to see Alice and Jasper coming near. I nodded slightly, getting the point he didn't want to be seen with me. I looked back to him with a frown.

"Bella, it's just..." He began but I cut him off with my hand.

"It's alright. I'll see you later." I whispered and turned around, walking by myself and past Alice and Jasper. Jasper glared at me, and Alice smiled. I shrugged it off and continued walking with the dignity that I had left.

Edward didn't talk to me in Biology. I wanted to say I was surprised, but I honestly wasn't. He was at the opposite end of the desk, just sitting there and staring at Mr. Banner. I glanced at him a couple of times, but they were useless. He never looked over to me, never looked out the corner of his eye and just stared at the whiteboard. The rest of the day was meaningless afterwards. When I returned home, Charlie was watching baseball on the TV. He didn't even notice that I had walked in. He only noticed I was there when I made him dinner, his eyes widening at the sight of his favorite. Steak and mashed potatoes. He licked his lips and said thank you numerous times. I walked away, and made my way up the stairs and to my bedroom. Once I was at my bed, I looked down at my hands, looking at the gauze over my skin. It was pathetic really, the fact that I couldn't control these nightmares. I'm sure they had some sort of medicine for it, but then again it would probably be prescribed and I didn't want to see a shrink. I want to have at least some normality to my life and not feel like I'm just a screw up.

Then again, that's what I have always been. Just a screw up.

**EPOV**

I wanted to just fucking touch Bella. I wanted to grab her in my arms and hug her until I smothered her. But I couldn't. I just couldn't fucking get myself to do it. We stood outside behind the building, and I remember I found her behind there because I could smell her strawberry scent. Her scent was covered with my smoke aroma, and I cursed myself for ever smoking in the first place. She watched me with a smile, ready to walk with me to class but I couldn't. Once Jasper's face came into view I had to fucking step back, because that shit wouldn't go down well with him. And I hated myself for disappointing Bella, and I hated myself even fucking more when I saw her face. She was so innocent, so fucking beautiful, and so fucking sad. It tore me apart.

I couldn't bring myself to talk to her in Biology because I was too ashamed of myself. And though I was beating myself up about it, I figured it was for the best. Jasper was a straight up asshole with a background to prove it. I was never this fucking whipped by a friend but I gave Jasper such a fucking hard time when he began seeing Alice, even before she became my stepsister. I would taunt him, taunt her, and make their lives a living hell. He probably had every right to shoot me down if he saw me walking with Bella and I was afraid that she couldn't handle that shit. Alice was small, but she put up with me. Bella is fragile, and she couldn't take Jasper, but I wouldn't let her.

School had passed, and I pulled into the driveway with Angela who was tutoring me today. Once we got out of the car, I heard a door open, my eyes moving to the Swan's house as I watched Bella flop out of her truck across the street, her hood up to block the rain as she pulled her key out to open her door. She looked so fucking lost, "Edward." Angela called out to me, breaking my trance. I ran my fingers through my hair and walked up the steps with her.

Through out the tutoring session, I'd check out for minutes. It was like someone was turning a switch on and off, and I just couldn't fucking concentrate. I kept thinking back to Bella, her frown as she looked back at me. Her fucking deep brown eyes just wanting to be loved. I couldn't even fucking explain why I couldn't be seen with her. She seemed to know why. She thought I was ashamed. She thought that people would fucking look at me differently if I hung around the new freaky girl. If she only knew that I didn't care about the other people, what a difference it would make.

"Edward!" A screaming voice caught my attention, my eyes widening quickly as I looked at Angela who held a piece of paper in the air.

"What?! Jesus fuckin' Christ!" I bellowed, watching as her eyebrows knitted. She hated when I used the J word. Her frown became even deeper as she groaned in anger, her head shaking as she began packing up.

"Thank God this session is almost over. You've been completely out of it the whole time!" She yelled, throwing her hands up, "What's the point of me even being here if you won't pay attention?!"

"I'm sorry." I said sincerely, and I watched as her body relaxed. She huffed slightly as she grabbed her pen, "I've been…distracted."

"I can see." She said, rummaging through her book bag, "Anything you want to talk about?"

"No." I quickly said, shaking my head, "I don't talk about my feelings, you fucking know that." I sneered at her, watching as she rolled her eyes at me. That's the one thing about Angela that I couldn't stand, the fact that she knew me better than myself.

"I saw you with Bella Swan today behind the school." She said, my eyes looking up at her; widened. She smirked and shrugged her petite shoulders as she fixed her glasses, "Is this about her?"

"No!" I screamed like a little child, listening as she laughed.

"It is! You like her!" She snickered, pointing at me like I was some kid in the corner who just got yelled at.

"Fuck you, Weber!" I spat, watching as her eyes narrowed down on me. She became silent, studying me carefully and I became slightly wary.

"It's not a bad thing, Edward." She told me sincerely, and my eyebrows knitted together. I'd never fucking admit that I may have some kind of fucking feelings for Bella, because that would just fuck up my whole entire reputation. Not for everyone else, but myself.

"You know how I feel about that shit." I commented, standing up and walking to the opposite side of the table, "I don't let my wall down for anyone."

"Edward, how long have we've known each other? Four years now? And I have yet to see you with a significant other. Who cares what other people say?" She whispered to me with a smile, "Do you think Bella cares?" She asked and I watched as she stood up, placing her things in her bag, "Think about that." She smiled just before turning around, "See you tomorrow." And just like that she was gone, leaving me in the dining room by myself to think. Did Bella care about what other people thought about me? Surely she must. She must have heard something from Alice, or Lauren or Jessica, or someone. That I was a fucking bad seed, I was a mistake and my mother gave me up for drugs. There had to be something. I looked to the window, seeing the police car pull out of the driveway, the light at the top floor on as I saw a shadow moving behind the curtains.

"Edward." Carlisle walked into the kitchen still in his doctors outfit, his blue eyes to mine as he had a wide smile, "How was tutoring?" He asked and I shrugged, watching as he began pulling out pots and pans, "What did you learn?"

"Sorry. I don't study and tell." I smirked inwardly as I began around the counter.

"Witty." Carlisle replied, "Are you staying for dinner?"

"Depends. What are we having?" I asked, leaning up against the counter as I could feel the urge to go smoke a cigarette.

"Esme is making tofu." He said, and my smile quickly turned into a frown. Esme and her dumb fucking healthy cooking.

"As delicious as that sounds," I said sarcastically as I shook my head, watching as Carlisle's lips hardened, "I think I'm going to go out and chill with Jasper."

"Isn't he with Alice?" Carlisle asked, raising a curious brow.

"I figured it'd be nice to hang with my stepsister." I smirked, watching as Carlisle still wasn't convinced, "And when I say hang I mean torture." I remarked and Carlisle finally believed me.

"Home by midnight." He stated and I nodded. Lucky enough, Jasper only lived a street down which gave me the advantage to not having to hide the Volvo. I grabbed my jacket from the coat rack and zipped it up, finding my cigarettes in my right pocket and my lighter in my left. It was only twenty-two seconds and a maximum of forty-six steps to Bella's house. I counted because I'm a stupid fucker like that. And within those twenty-two seconds I had gone through one cigarette, right down to the mother fucking filter. That was a record. I stepped up onto the porch, looking at the doorbell that mocked me mercilessly. I gulped, not really sure what I knew what I was doing. My finger went forward, but didn't press the doorbell and instead pressed the space next to it. I was a nervous fuck.

It wasn't until I heard a door close behind me, my eyes quickly widening as I turned around at the sight of Carlisle who was bringing out the trash. I panicked, fearful that Carlisle will see me and will judge me just like everyone else, even though I knew he wouldn't. So I acted upon this, opening the door myself to find it unlocked. That shit worried me. I shut it behind me, getting the whiff of steak. I licked my lips subconsciously as I began walking down the hallway, my eyes traveling to the wall as I saw pictures of Bella. It was baby Bella and she was fucking cute as hell with her rosy cheeks and bright brown eyes. The smile was something I had never seen before, but I'm sure there was a reason for that. My feet had moved towards the kitchen as I heard my stomach grumbling. I turned the corner into the kitchen, watching as Bella sat against the counter, a bowl of salad in her hands as she ate it slowly. Her eyes were closed, her cheeks red as she hummed slightly to the radio that was playing next to her. She wore her torn up jeans, and a tight black t-shirt that hugged her hips. Her foot tapped to the beat of the music and I smiled at her fucking cuteness.

I cleared my throat quietly, trying not to laugh. Bella's eyes flew open, all fucking cute and shit as the plastic bowl dropped, her voice producing a gasp, "What are you doing in here?!" She yelled at me, my hands throwing up defensively.

"It was unlocked." I defended my case, but she narrowed her eyes at me.

"But that doesn't give you a reason to just walk in!" She bellowed, standing up from the counter to begin cleaning up the salad that dropped to the floor.

"It gives everyone a fucking invitation to walk in, Bella. Leaving your house unlocked is stupid." I muttered, watching her hands went straight to her hips.

"Thanks, Dad." She rolled her eyes and grabbed a towel as she dropped to her knees, wiping off the dressing in the cracks of the floor. I dropped with her, and helped her pick up some pieces of lettuce, setting them back into the bowl, "What are you even doing here?"

"I'm sorry. I must have missed the 'No Edward Cullen Allowed' sign." I smirked inwardly, watching a small smile peak at her lips but she hid it quickly.

"You could have knocked." She whispered, looking up to me with her big brown chocolate eyes. They were fucking beautiful.

"I'm sorry." I apologized sympathetically. She looked at me in awe, just like the other night. Edward Cullen had apologized for a second time. I guess I did have a good bone in my body, and even I was shocked about it, "I just stopped by to…hang out." I said as we both stood up.

"Hang out?" She raised a brow as she walked to the garbage can, throwing away the food, "I didn't know Edward Cullen 'hung out'." She smirked and I rolled my eyes, sarcastically laughing at her.

"Very funny." I remarked, "I just felt bad about earlier today. I wanted to make it up to you."

"You don't have to do that, Edward." She smiled, shrugging her shoulders, "I understand. You don't want to ruin your reputation with the freaky new girl." She laughed, but I could sense the vulnerability in it, "I understand." She whispered.

"No, you don't," I said, wanting to get her to understand that I didn't give a fuck about the other people. It was her I was worried about. I didn't want her to get my reputation, and I certainly didn't want Jasper getting to her, "It's hard to explain, Bella. But it's not how you think it is." Bella rolled her eyes, not buying the story one little bit. She turned around and began walking towards the door. I reached forward, grabbing her wrist gently as I brought them to me, her body turning around as her eyes were widened. Her palms were wrapped up, and I looked at it carefully, bringing her hands softly to mine, "What did you really do?" I whispered, feeling her fingers wrap around my own.

"I burnt myself. I told you that." She gulped, and I could tell by the tone of her skin that changed colors that she was lying to me. I shook my head, watching as she knew I was smarter than that, "I had a nightmare." She confessed.

"About what?" I murmured, glancing down at her finger.

"It's hard to explain." She repeated my earlier words, my eyes now darting to hers. If I couldn't explain to her why I was so against people seeing me with her, then I surly couldn't allow her to tell me about her nightmares. I nodded my head, bringing her hand to my lips as I fucking kissed the surface of it. This was so new to me, but I seemed to know what I was fucking doing, "Do… Do…" She began, her throat gulping, "Do you want something to eat?"

"You don't have to ask me twice." I smirked inwardly, watching as her blush came back to spread across her beautiful cheeks. She was simply gorgeous, and she had no clue. No fucking idea. But I would change that, I would let Isabella Swan see what I saw when I looked at her.

Bella made me a plate that consisted of steak, mashed potatoes and a salad. Though I ignored the salad for the most part and dug into the main food, I found myself stuffed by the end of the hour. We sat down on the couch together where she took my empty plate, setting it on the coffee table in front of us. I had to admit, sitting in Chief Swan's, my long-time enemy, couch felt odd. But the weird feeling always went away when I looked at Bella. She gave me that stupid warm fuzzy feeling people always talked about when they looked at someone. It was so fucking weird, because I've never felt this shit before. It was foreign to me, "Was it good?" She asked sweetly, picking at the pillow that sat at her lap.

"Where the fuck did you learn how to cook like that?" I asked her, watching as she giggled softly.

"When I lived in Phoenix with my mom, she taught me how to do the basics. I just grew up watching her, and I guess it just rubbed off." She shrugged sweetly as she looked up to me. I had an urge to ask her about her mother, but I figured it was a soft spot just like my parents were.

"You know, Bella, I think people just get you all fucking wrong. You aren't as much as a freak as I thought you were." I smirked, watching as she laughed, shaking her head.

"And you're not as scary as people make you out to be." She smiled, tucking her gauzed-wrapped hand under her chin as she bit down onto her bottom lip. _Down boy_.

"Well. I can be quite scary." I said, and I wasn't sure if I was joking or if it was a true fucking warning. I knew I could be scary, I knew the things I could do.

"I'm terrified." She said sarcastically, her brown hair bouncing in a way I haven't seen before. I watched as if I were in some kind of fucking trance. _Beautiful_. And then the room went silent, and I watched as her chocolate brown eyes widened.

"What did you just say?" She asked, and I fucking panicked. I didn't answer, and found myself choking on my words, "Did you just…call me beautiful?"

I felt all fucking choked up, and my fingers went to my hair instantly. I hadn't realized I said the word out loud, "Uh, yeah?" I said in an unsure tone. I was letting my fucking guard down, and I felt myself tensing. I then saw her rosy cheeks turn a new shade of red, which caused my heart to miss a fucking beat, "You are." I admitted, watching as she shook her head.

"Thanks." She whispered as she tucked her hair back, "No one has ever said that to me before."

"Really?" I asked, all fucking surprised.

"Well my mom. But I think she was supposed to say that." She smiled as she let out a deep breath, "You really aren't that bad, Edward." She stared at me for the longest moment, her top row of teeth biting down onto her bottom lip, "I think people misunderstand you."

"No. I'm just an asshole." I corrected her.

"Well, I don't think you're an asshole." She said, all fucking brave and shit. I smiled inwardly at her as I nodded my head. It became silent again. And then I fucking saw it. I saw her leaning forward, and towards me. I fucking panicked again. She wanted me to do something I wasn't quite sure I thought I wanted to do. Of course, if I could, I would jump all over her. But I knew how I was. I was a fucking asshole; I wasn't a relationship type of guy.

"Bella," I quickly said, watching as her breathing hitched, "I don't…" I shook my head. I couldn't fucking shatter her heart. Her heart was already broken enough, I couldn't damage it anymore, "I just…"

"I'm not good enough." She quickly said as her hair cascaded down to her cheeks.

"Don't fucking do that." I argued with her, wanting to put her hair back away from her face. Her face went red, and she was embarrassed that I had rejected her, "I'm not good for you." I whispered, watching as she looked up to me.

"Then why do you make me feel whole again?" She whispered to me. A fucking broken whisper. And it broke my fucking heart, and I could swear I felt it shatter in my chest. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her, but I was pushing her away. _It's for the fucking best. You can't break her heart. She's too fragile._

"Bella, you barely know me." I argued with her, and I watched as her tears welled up, "No, please don't. Don't cry." I whimpered, feeling too much of an asshole already.

"I'm sorry, I just… You need to go…" She said quickly as she stood up. I stood up with her, getting ready to bring her in my fucking arms because I felt that fucking guilty.

"Bella, please, I just… I want to be friends with you. I like the way you make me feel. But if we go further than just friends, I know I'll fuck it up. Please. Just be friends with me. Please?" I pleaded, hoping that she'd forgive me for breaking her heart.

"No, Edward, you don't understand." Bella's eyes widened, "You really need to go home."

"Bella, I"— I began, but she quickly cut me off.

"Charlie is home!" She screamed in a whisper as we both heard the car door close. I looked back to Bella, both of our eyes widened and this is when I knew we were both thoroughly fucked.

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_**Authors Note; I love a good cliff hanger, don't you? Probably not. **_

_**But seriously you guys, I love reading your thoughts about the story. I'm not kidding. Please review if you can, because it means a lot to me to know what you think about the story, how your liking it so far, what are some things I could possibly improve on (BESIDES Edward's cussing, because I've toned it down a lot and if your still bitchin' then move on. This Edward cusses like no ones business. If you don't like it, then in the words of Edward 'I don't give a flying fuck.') **_

_**Seriously, review you guys. It really helps me push myself to getting the next chapter out. **_


	13. The Giving In

**Author's Note; Sorry for the wait you guys. I've been out sick from school with a monstrous cold and now that I'm 100% better, I have piles of homework to deal with. But we are now on Winter Break so in my free time I'll be able to get more writing in. **

**Not much more except for the fact that I must thank, like always, my beta Jenn who's caught up in this Holiday madness just like I am. **

* * *

**Chapter 13 - The Giving In**

**BPOV**

My heart was racing, pumping, erratic, and I felt a rush of energy flow through me like the blood that ran through my very veins. Edward came over out of boredom, or maybe even possibly because he just wanted to see me, or even just came over to pound on my food, but either way I was fine with the company. It beats being alone. But when I heard Edward call me beautiful, out of all things he has ever called me; my heart probably stopped a beat and then gained ten more. No one has ever said that. And it just fell from his lips. There was no 'I think your beautiful.' It was just 'beautiful.' And I could feel my eyes widen by themselves. Edward Cullen wasn't the monster that everyone made him out to be, and I honestly think he had a soft spot. You just had to dig a little deeper. And I don't even think Edward noticed he had said it. He just stared at me, his green eyes blazing into my brown ones. I never noticed how green they were, to be honest. They were like sparkling emeralds, with just a hint of a clover green around the sides. They were stunning, and I found myself getting lost in them.

I quickly shook my head though, because I needed to snap back into reality. Edward just called me beautiful, and I have to just know what he meant by it, because I pried that much, "What did you just say?" I asked, feeling a smirk on the tip of my lips. Edward quickly quivered slightly, his eyes widening as he just realized he had said the words out loud, "Did you just…call me beautiful?" I asked, biting down onto my bottom lip.

Edward opened his mouth, his fingers running through his sticky hair as he began to tremble. He was nervous. And I couldn't help but smile, "Uh, yeah?" He said, not very sure if he wanted to admit this to me or not. I could feel my cheeks heating up and I quickly looked down, trying to hide them, "You are." He reassured me and I looked back up, shaking my head slowly.

"Thanks." I shrugged, even though I completely and one hundred percent disagreed with him, "No one has ever said that to me." I shrugged.

"Really?" He shot back, his eyes melting as if he were surprised. No one else would be.

"Well, my mom. But I think she was supposed to say that." I smirked, sighing softly as I continued to look at him. There was something about him, something that I couldn't put my finger on but I was so close that I could almost taste it, "You really aren't that bad, Edward." I stuttered, biting down onto my bottom lip, "I think people misunderstand you." I commented, watching as his face didn't move, like he wasn't phased by my comment or even heard it in the first place.

"No. I'm just an asshole." He said strictly, but calmly.

"Well, I don't think you're an asshole." I argued with him, and I watched as a smile quickly played on his lips. It made my heart melt. Everything about him just…wasn't perfect. Of course he looked perfect, but he just wasn't. He was broken, just like me because he wouldn't have come over if he wasn't. He was coming to me because I knew he knew we were alike, because we were. We were broken and shattered in our own way but similar at the same time. And for the first time in my life, I felt that even though I don't know why he is broken, I still could feel his pain, and feel everything he went through. Momentarily, I felt myself leaning in out of instinct, my eyes closing as I just wanted to kiss him. I didn't feel anything, and instead heard his throat clear.

"Bella," he said, my eyes flying open as I saw the fear in his eyes, "I don't…" He began, and I could feel my cheeks turning red once again. I had embarrassed myself completely by thinking that just because we were alike, meant that we wanted to do the same thing. I felt a pain coursing through my chest as I tried to deal with this denial, but I only brought it on myself, "I just…"

"I'm not good enough." I muttered, my hair spilling in front of my shoulders as I looked down to Charlie's old couch.

"Don't fucking do that." I heard him say, but I stayed still. I wanted to crawl under a rock, and hide myself from civilization. It would save me all of this embarrassment, "I'm not good for you." I heard him whisper close to me, but I looked up to him with hardened eyes. Did he not understand what he did for me? Even if we have known each other for only three weeks? I've never felt so alive with someone before, because no one has ever taken the time to come and see me, to come and be with me.

"Then why do you make me feel whole again?" I whispered in a hard tone. I held my tears back, but they were fighting against me like an army, and they were winning. But both my tears and I were shocked with what we saw. Lights flashed in the window, and my heart nearly stopped.

"Bella, you barely know me. No, please don't. Don't cry." He begged me, but I was too shocked from the lights in the window to even care about what he just said. I finally got the courage to build up my words, my eyes widening.

"I'm sorry, I just… You need to go." I said, standing up. He followed me but I was too busy looking out the window. If Charlie saw Edward here, we would be dead. Well more Edward than I, but I would feel so guilty.

"Bella, please," He begged, "I just, I want to be friends with you. I like the way you make me feel. But if we go further than just friends, I know I'll fuck this up." He confessed and my eyes finally connected back with his, "Please. Just be friends with me. Please?" He entreated, his eyes wide and green.

"No, Edward, you don't understand." I said with widened eyes, "You really need to go home."

"Bella, I…" He began, but I held up my hands.

"Charlie is home!" I finally yelled in a soft whisper, a car door over hearing up as we both looked to the door. Edward finally looked back to me, his mouth gaped open as we both waited for the door to open, Charlie with his gun ready. I shook my head at the thought, and even at the thought of Charlie strictly forbidding me to see Edward. I reached forward and grabbed his hand, running him to the kitchen. My eyes quickly widened as we both stopped dead in our tracks to see Charlie in the back, getting ready to put the trashcans near the door. Charlie wasn't paying attention to the glass door; as he was too busy carrying the can, "This way." I whispered, grabbing his hand again as we ran around through the kitchen and back to the living room.

He opened the front door first, but froze quickly. I looked over my shoulder to see Carlisle on Edward's front porch, walking out to check the mail, "Edward, go!" I yelled as I got in front of him. He pulled me back, shutting the door as he pinned me against it, his eyes blazing and green. I could feel his warm breath against mine as he gazed deeply into my eyes, "What's wrong?" I whispered.

"Do you have a closet?" He asked me and I slowly nodded my head, "Take me there." We both heard the back door open and close.

"Bella?" Charlie yelled and we heard keys hit the counter. Edward looked back to me with widened eyes and I grabbed his hand again, taking him up the stairs, "Bella is that you?" Charlie was getting closer and as we neared the top step I pushed Edward to the corner where he couldn't be seen.

"Yeah, it's me Dad." I replied, Charlie just now coming into view at the end of the stairs. I looked up to see that Edward was hidden, and then back down at Charlie and smiled, "Why are you home so early?"

"I didn't feel too good. And what good am I if I'm sick, hm?" He said, scratching his mustache. I nodded my head with a weak smile, feeling my legs shaking in fear of us getting caught.

"Yeah, well… Got to go!" I said quickly, as I ran up to the top stair.

"Bella," Charlie said, and I stopped, looking back down to him, "you alright?" He questioned, his eyebrows rising curiously as I quickly nodded. I seriously sucked at lying.

"Mhm, yeah. I just, have to do…homework." _Nice one_. I ran up the extra step, finding that Edward was gone from around the corner. I heard a footstep go up a step, and I quickly slithered into my bedroom, finding it empty, "Edward?" I whispered, "Edward?!" I whispered, but yelled at the same time.

"Who are you talking to, Bells?" Charlie said behind me, and I let out a loud gasp turning around to see him standing in the doorway.

"Don't do that!" I yelled quickly, watching as Charlie seemed motionless by my scream, "You scared me." I said, my hand over my chest as I felt my heart beating. I saw movement behind Charlie and in the hallway. I saw a terrified Edward over Charlie's shoulder, not sure where to go. I looked back to Charlie who eyed me carefully, "Well, Dad, I'll make you some soup, downstairs." I emphasized on the word downstairs, hoping Edward would get the hint, but he looked at me, still confused, "Downstairs… And you know you probably got sick from being outside too much. So no going through the back door…to the backyard…where it's cold…" I emphasized again, and finally watched as Edward's head nodded and he quietly stepped down the stairs. Charlie turned and looked over his shoulder, his eyes gazing the empty hallway. He finally looked back at me, and I smiled brightly.

"If I didn't know any better, Bella, I'd say you were hiding something." Charlie said as his furry eyebrow rose.

I shook my head innocently as I smiled, "Nope. I think it's just really stuffy in here." I laughed nervously, watching as he turned around and muttered 'girls' as he headed down the stairs. I ran to the window, opening it quickly as I could see Edward crossing the street. I sighed softly, thankful that he had gotten out but upset that we couldn't finish our conversation. I bit down onto my bottom lip, watching as he jumped onto his front porch. He began to open the door, but suddenly stopped. My eyebrows rose and I watched as he turned around to look up to my window. I froze, watching as his hand lifted as he waved at me slowly, smirking. I smiled, waving back and watching as he opened the front door.

I had a nightmare that night, which caused a panic attack. The nightmare was exactly how it's been for the past few months minus Edward always interfering into it. He always sat next to me, and always opened his eyes to show me that they were bloodshot. My own eyes flew open as the panic attack began covering my body. This time I let out a loud scream, and even Charlie came in to check on me. I stayed calm for his benefit, but when he left it happened again. I shoved my head into my pillow and wept, because that always helped them leave faster. Like the attacks felt sympathetic when I cried and just disappeared. My body was sweaty, and my tears were sticky. I had woken up at six o'clock, which was my normal time as I got ready for school. I unwrapped the gauze over my hands, to see that my cuts had healed and scabbed over.

It was good news that I didn't have to wear the gauze anymore, but bad news that people had to see the scabs. I dreaded going to school, but I forced myself and throughout the whole day I kept to myself, and even stayed away from Alice who tried to give me a hug. Edward didn't say anything to me in Biology, but I didn't know if that was his choice or he just didn't want to talk to me. I knew he could sense I was emotionally drained. When I returned home, I made dinner for Charlie which was made up of soup considering he was still sick. He went to work anyways though, and when the clock struck six thirty the doorbell rang. My eyebrows furrowed quickly as I stood up, setting the book I was reading on the coffee table and walked to the door. I opened it to see Edward, ready with his book bag around his shoulder.

**EPOV**

I was all kinds of fucking sly at Bella's house. When Charlie was at the back door, and Carlisle was on our front porch, I hid up in the upper level of Bella's house. I first hid in near the corner, but I knew Charlie more than anyone and knew that the son of a bitch would come up here. I bet he could just smell that something was off. So I hid in the bathroom like a fucking coward, but I had reasons to fear Charlie. He had so much shit over my head that if I made one more mistake, it was back to juvie for me. And just like I said Charlie came up here and I made my way down the stairs as Bella made the point very clear to me. I was lucky enough to see that Carlisle was back inside, and I didn't have to sneak around the back of the house. I felt fucking invincible when I reached the house, and even turned around to give Bella a victory smile. Carlisle was on my shit that whole night about spending time with Alice, that I actually had to go to Alice and tell her to pretend I was with her tonight. She, of course, wanted something out of it, so I gave her thirty bucks to go waste on some clothes.

I laid onto my bed, grabbing the guitar as I began strumming to a beat that had been inside my head for so damn long. The guitar didn't give it justice though, because the song was too soft. I walked to the electric piano in the corner of my room, setting it to a grand piano setting and began playing. The song was sweet and engaging, something that wasn't like me at fucking all. I wrote all the notes down into my journal, and titled it 'Untitled' for right now. I fell asleep on my computer chair, and woke up to Emmett who pushed me off the chair. Stupid insensitive prick. School was, like always, fucking lame. I was in an exceptionally good mood though. But of course, I never showed it. At lunch, I watched as Bella sat by herself. She was extremely distant today, and even turned down Alice who only wanted to cheer her up. The gauze was off of her hands though, but I could see the cuts which made me cringe. Those were not burns, which only meant she lied to me, which only meant that she didn't want me to know something. She sat at the table and read her book the whole time, and didn't even look up to me. I felt my lips turning into a frown and then felt a roll hit my head.

"The fuck?!" I screamed, grabbing the roll and throwing it to Emmett who looked the most suspicious, "What the fuck do you want?"

"Rawr." Rosalie hissed, "What crawled up your ass and died, Edward?"

"Shut the fuck up, Rose. Not in the mood." I growled, but I was actually in a great mood, just not in the mood for her bullshit.

"You know Edward," Emmett began, stuffing his face with mashed potatoes as he it spit out of his mouth as he began to talk, "you seem really distracted lately." And even Rosalie had to groan at his lack of manners.

"Yeah dude, what's up with you?" Jazz added as Alice pressed her body to his side. Alice stared at me, and then over to Bella. Though Alice was incredibly and exceedingly annoying, she always knew what was up. I'm sure by now Alice already knew I had some interest in Bella by the way her eyes gleamed at me. But fucking Alice was good at keeping secrets, which was one of the few things I respected about her.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong." I finally said, my voice calm as I looked down to my food, taking a bite out of the piece of pizza, my eyes glancing back to Bella until I looked back down at the piece of pizza in my hands. Lunch had rolled out, and Biology rolled in. Bella was calm next to me, staring down at her notes as she read. She usually looked at me at least once, but not this time. She stayed completely still and it bothered me. I had a temptation to ask here right then and there what was fucking wrong, but I knew it wouldn't have been good.

When I arrived home, I couldn't fucking wait 'til six thirty. I paced around my room, because Bella's behavior today was so unusual, because though she was very shy she didn't seem that depressed. It was six o'clock and I looked out the window to see the cop car leaving. I knew I shouldn't go over early, just in case he comes back. I sighed under my breath as I sat at the end of my bed, grabbing my guitar to distract myself. I then heard a knock on my door, my eyes looking up to see Carlisle, "Edward," Carlisle said softly, and I looked at him confusingly, "is Bella sick?"

"No," I said, because I knew what he was referring to. Bella didn't come over at all today, and today was the day of our tutoring, "we are just…changing plans."

"Edward," Carlisle scolded, not knowing the whole plan but already knew that he wouldn't like it.

"Carlisle, Bella is much more comfortable at her house." I lied, because Bella was comfortable anywhere if I was with her, I just enjoyed it more over at her house, "I don't want her to feel nervous when she's here. Then nothing gets accomplished." I stated as I looked down at my guitar and strummed against the strings. I didn't hear the door close, but heard footsteps coming closer. I looked up to see Carlisle looking down at me, his face pale and his eyes wide as if he had just seen a fucking ghost, "What?"

"N-Nothing. It's just," He began, and I heard him laugh. He fucking laughed, "I've never seen you care so much about someone."

"Please, don't fucking start." I growled and turned around, away from him.

"It's not a bad thing, Edward! Not at all!" He said with a bright smile, "This is what I've wanted you to do for years now! Care about someone else."

"Carlisle, I don't care. I'm just, I'm… God, just get off my fucking back." I argued with him, feeling my eyes harden.

"There's nothing wrong with caring for her, Edward. She actually deserves it. Charlie has talked to me about her before. She suffers from anxiety and depression. Of course he loves her, but that's expected from a father. But maybe she just needs someone else." He whispered to me as he patted my back, "You'll get all of this eventually." He smiled at me warmly as he began out of my room, "Be back by eight."

--

At exactly six twenty five I stepped out to have a cigarette, my book bag slung around my shoulder. I watched the Swan house like a hawk, and I wasn't even disturbed by my new fondness for Bella. It was so fucking weird. I couldn't tell if I was nervous for nothing, or excited for something. It was all too fucking foreign to me. But maybe Carlisle was right. It isn't so bad that I could actually care for someone, for anyone. It probably would be good for me, but I'm not sure if it would be good for her. I mean, of course I feel _something_ for her; I just don't want to get her mixed up in my fucked up life. She deserved to be loved, but not by me. I was too fucked up. It was six twenty nine when I headed to Bella's house. I felt my gulp roll down my throat as I reached her door. I felt it stuck in my throat as I lifted my hand to the door. _Just do it you fucking pussy_. I knocked on it loudly, and I instantly regretted it. Why the fuck do I feel like this? It took Bella awhile to answer which made me slightly nervous, but when she did I could see the bags under her eyes. They were much more defined and dark up close. My eyebrows knitted because I was fucking confused. She depressed and an insomniac?

"Edward?" She questioned, "What are you doing here?" Her bottom lip trembled as I watched her carefully, her stringy brown hair falling in front of her face. At first, I thought she must be joking but her face expression didn't change. She really had no idea why I was here.

"Tutoring…?" I trailed off, her mouth turning into the shape of an 'O', "Did you forget?" I chuckled and watched as Bella set her hand to forehead, rubbing it gently as she nodded her head.

"Jeez," She began as she opened the door wider, "I don't know why I forgot. Come on in, please. I'm not prepared though."

"Eh." I shrugged as I walked in, all fucking proud of myself for actually doing it. Bella walked around me as she reached for her bag on the ground. She gestured with her hand for me to follow, and I did like a fucking dog. She took me to her kitchen, and she began taking plates off the table.

"I have some leftover pork. Would you like some?" She asked innocently as her finger twirled around her brown hair, her chocolate eyes gazing at me. I gulped again, shaking my head as I couldn't even think about food at a time like this when I already felt my dick twitching with hardness.

"Already ate." I softly said, producing a gasp as I quickly sat down. _Not the fucking time for this shit_. Bella nodded as she set her bag onto the table, pulling out the chair in front of mine.

Bella pulled out her very organized binder, opening it up to date. I watched, my eyes scrutinizing her. She pulled her pencil out and began writing in some notes. I felt the need to look away, because I'm almost felt like I was invading her privacy. She looked up to me with a tired smile and I sighed. The bags under her eyes were just fucking horrendous, "We'll start with the Revolutionary War." She said softly as she pushed her dry hair back.

I didn't say anything, and just watched as she continued to talk about pointless stuff, about things that didn't matter. Bella read straight from the book, telling me things like how American militia defeated British regulars in 1775. Bella glanced up occasionally, probably confused on why I was staring at her. Fuck, I was confused on why I was staring at her. She seemed so innocent though, with her blue plain t-shirt and her ratty old jeans. She just seemed so fucking…soft. I remember when Angela told me that Bella used to be abused. How could anyone abuse her? I guess there's just more fucked up people in the world, "Edward?" Bella said quickly, snapping me back into reality, "Are you paying attention at all?"

"No." I answered bluntly, watching as she let out a soft giggle. A fucking giggle. It made my dick twitch, and I felt myself tensing.

"Am I that boring?" She whined, and I shook my head with a smile. A fucking smile. How much lamer could I be?

"No, it's not that. It's just…my head is fucking somewhere else." I laughed under my breath, running my fingers through my hair as I watched her relax into the chair. And she was truly relaxed because I could see her eyes sparkling, her breathing calming and her face softening even more than it already was. I had to smile even wider for it.

"I know this is boring." She whispered, her arm reaching over her stomach as she rolled her eyes, "But maybe if someone learned it in the first place…" She jokingly said as she bit down onto her bottom lip.

"Funny, Swan." I remarked with a smirk watching as she smiled. It was a sincere smile, one I have been hunting for the past three weeks. I let out a deep and calming breath as I knew what I wanted to ask her next, "Bella," I said her name, and my voice became slightly jumpy. This was Bella's private life, and I had no reason in meddling and she could easily hate me for just asking this question, but I have to take a chance, "Have you been sleeping?"

Bella froze, and I instantly thought of the worse. She looked back to me, her fingertips pushing under her eyes as she stroked the bags under the round chocolate circles, "You can tell, can't you?" She muttered and I slowly nodded my head, feeling that my throat was fucking dry, "I don't sleep very well."

"Why? You know that shit can fuck you up, right?" I asked, all fucking ballsy and shit, "Why do you do that to yourself?" I questioned, leaning forward to see as her eyes widened. I fucked this shit up.

"It's not my fault." She shrugged, "I have, I have nightmares. I mean I get a pretty good amount of sleep, a good two hours a night, maybe. But they always wake me up, and they keep me up." She looked up to me, all fucking helpless.

"Oh." I said, feeling like a complete asshole. We fell silent and I watched as she stared down at her books, her hands coming together as she finally looked up to me, "You know, we can completely just forget about this shit." I smirked, watching as a smile appeared on her lips, "What Esme doesn't know, won't hurt her."

"I am pretty tired." She nodded and I did as well, fucking thanking the gods that my boner was gone. I walked around the table, my hand reach for hers as I lifted her up. She was confused, but she wasn't the only one. It's like my feet and hands had a mind of their own, and for some odd fucking reason I decided to follow with them. And they led Bella and I all the way to the living room where they sat us down next to each other. I was beginning to understand why I was doing this though, because Bella was like a scared little girl. She needed comforting for the one who she wanted the most. It didn't matter if I thought I wasn't good enough, or if I was only going to fuck it up. Bella needed me now, and I needed to be there for her. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, and she curled up next to me as her head nuzzled into my chest, "Edward?" She said quietly and I looked down to her, "I have never told anyone about my nightmares."

"You can tell me." I whispered to her as I tried not to be too upfront about it. I wanted her to feel comfortable, because I know she's been suffering, "Only if you want."

"Sometime, I will. Not now, I don't want you to," She stopped as her head went further against my chest, "I don't want you to think differently of me." She whimpered softly, and I looked down to her as my eyebrows knitted.

"I could never think differently of you, Bella." I whispered. I felt utterly guilty for the things I have done to her, for the things I have caused her. She was just too innocent, and I was too fucked up.

"Thanks." She smiled and I nodded my head as I allowed her closer to me. Something I never allowed from anyone. I always had a wall, always had a cage blocking my feelings but never my actions. Now my walls were both down, and I was letting her in because I needed it to happen. I wouldn't let anyone fuck with this girl, not while I was around. And though I didn't deserve her, she deserved me. And I could give her everything while she gives me nothing in return. I could protect her.

And though I couldn't stop the nightmares, I could certainly fucking try.


	14. The Party

**Author's Note; Yeah I know, it's a real fucking long time since I've updated. School has it's fucking hands on my throat, allowing me to do very little things outside of it's work. I apologize completely, and if I could get my school to apologize to you guys, you bet your asses I would totally do it. **

**So I made this chapter extra juicy-ness just for you guys because I know you have been awaiting for this chapter for a fucking long ass time. Again sorry for the wait.**

**  
OH. F.Y.I. if I haven't updated in awhile go to my main page and I have like story notes on there and it tells you exactly where I am with a chapter so you know how much longer you have to wait for another chapter and yadda yadda. I'll eventually make a twitter account because I find that a lot easier to just update a status and there you go. **

**P.S. Jenn, my beta, is amazing and I know I say this in every chapter but this story would be nothing without her. **

**Alright, enjoy the fuck out of this chapter. **

* * *

**Chapter 14 – The Party**

The scent of cigarettes, leather, and axe filled my nose as my eyes closed softly. It made my head whirl, my body instinctively moving closer to it as I felt my hand set against something cold. My eyes opened just to see what I touched, my hand covering a necklace that had a ring attached to it, an 'M' carved in the middle. My hand jumped back carefully as I felt Edward tense, my hand moving down to my lap as my eyes closed again. I was so tired that I didn't keep my eyes on the clock, or even thought about the fact that Charlie was still sick -- and if he was sick enough he would come home early. Edward had been so kind -- something I really wasn't used to with him. I felt his chest heave against my head, my body falling with him as I let out a soft sigh. My mind wandered to last night -- to my panic attack. It was just like the others but sometimes individuals hit me at my hardest -- causing me to be scared more than I usually am. I predicted everything that would have happened last night in my nightmare, but it still got to me. And the way I woke up, the way I cried to myself and let out a loud wail. If anyone, besides Charlie, would see my panic attacks -- well they may just think I'm crazy.

Edward and I were finally going somewhere. I wasn't quite sure where but the wheels were moving and we were going in some random direction, but we were going with each other. But all of this could be easily corrupted with just one panic attack. Edward could see what I'm truly like, how much of a freak I really am and run. This should all be normal to me though, the whole running away from me. But I felt something with Edward. It could easily just be a friendship that I would enjoy being in. Someone I finally found that could easily relate to me. I had Alice, but I couldn't relate to her in anyway. I didn't like shopping or make-up, and I was too much of an anti-social for her. Edward just understood me and thought of losing even someone like him caused me to shudder. This fear consumed me instantly, filling me to my deepest core. My eyes stayed shut, but I didn't sleep like Edward wanted me to. Instead I stayed awake, pretending to be asleep as I tried to calm myself.

Edward was surprisingly still next to me, his breathing staying the same as he would sometimes scratch under his chin. The only thing I could hear was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the background, it ticking so loudly that I began counting the seconds, and the minutes. I pretended to be asleep for an hour and three and a half minutes. I finally 'woke' up, my eyes looking around as if I were dazed and confused. Finally I looked to Edward whose eyes were closed and content. I looked to the clock, it reading eight thirty. My eyes wandered back to Edward and I contemplated waking him up. Charlie wouldn't be home until early in the morning due to his night shift, what's so bad in letting Edward getting a little shut eye? I stood quietly from the couch as I tipped toe into the kitchen and I poured myself a glass of water.

I felt it was convenient for me to start working on my homework, considering I was behind on it. I sat down at the table as I pulled out my English and began writing up a synopsis for Romeo and Juliet -- the book we've been reading. Romeo and Juliet was one of my favorite books of all time, and the synopsis would easily take me ten minutes. After that was math, which was easy but the two page paper could take thirty minutes. I used the end of my pencil to type in my calculator and I wrote in answers, showing my work as usual. My head was in math, and I was too concentrated on getting this homework done. I didn't even notice that Edward was standing in the doorway of the kitchen until he cleared his throat. I looked up to him, his eyes hooded and restless, "Did you even fucking sleep?" He said instantly and I dropped my pencil and nodded, "Good." He muttered, walking towards me as he pulled out the chair in front of me, "What are you workin' on?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Math." I grumbled, rolling my forehead softly as I heard his stifle a laugh, "What's so funny?" I questioned, raising a curious brow as I looked to him.

"Nothin'." He replied shortly, the grin across his face telling me he was lying through his teeth. I smirked inwardly as I bit onto my bottom lip, shaking my head, "It's just..." He began, "You scrunch your nose when you're all annoyed and shit." He said and my eyes shot up to see that he was kidding around, he was seriously saying this.

"Are you picking out my flaws?" I question with a smirk, and watched as he reflected it.

"I never said it was a flaw. Actually -- it's pretty fucking cute." He said, and I had no emotion on my face because Edward Cullen just called me cute. He called me both beautiful and cute, and I was starting to think that this guy wasn't all the hype people put him out to be. I let out a soft laugh, shaking my head as I let my hair fall down as I felt my face turn red. Edward had gone silent, my eyes looking up to him again to see that his eyes were staring behind me, "Please..." He began, "Tell me that clock is wrong." He whispered, and I looked over my shoulder to see the clock read nine thirty.

I shrugged slightly, looking back to him, "Uhm, it can be a few minutes late..." I said and Edward shot up so fast from the table, it caused me to jump. He pushed his chair in forcefully, it making a loud banging noise that made me drop my pencil. He gripped his hair quickly as he let out an aggravated groan.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me?! Why didn't you fucking wake me?!" He growled and I cowered like I always did into the chair, my eyes looking for something to distract me from his angry face.

"I'm sorry, I..." I began, feeling my throat dried as I began to shiver, "I didn't know." I whispered, finally looking up to Edward whose face was flushed with anger, my face going white as I gulped.

"Carlisle is going to fucking kill me! I have to go." He said, grabbing his binders from the table as he walked out just as fast as he came in. The last thing I heard was the door slam shut, my body jumping as it did, and I looked toward my homework. The tears didn't come out, because they were useless at this point. The damage was done and over, it was just the lingering loneliness I had to suffer with. It pulsed in my body as the house was silent, but the scent of cigarettes still filled the air. My body jolted quickly, and I could feel the panic attack rising up.

--

My panic attack last for thirty-two minutes, and I was thankful that I was alone so my screaming wouldn't bother any one. I curled up into the couch, my fingernails digging into the cushions as I tried to keep calm. My body jolted, sweat beaded down my forehead, my heart was pumping, my body tensing, and the feeling of weights pressed against my chest. There was no way that I was sleeping tonight. When the panic attack subsided, I laid on the couch, trying to catch my breath as I flipped through the channels. Finally the tears overwhelmed me, my lips quivering slightly as I let out a soft and breathless whimper. When it struck three o'clock in the morning, I decided to head upstairs knowing Charlie would be home around four or five. I sat on my bed, my legs to my chest as my head lay against my knees. I could see out the window, the lights of the Cullen's house where out and my head looked back down so I was facing the blankets on my bed.

I heard the door open and close downstairs, footsteps going up the staircase and I quickly leaned forward, turning off my lamp as I set myself under the covers. And in that exact moment, Charlie opened the door, I'm sure to check on me. When he thought that I was all right, he shut the door and went straight to his room. I stayed where I was at, my eyes staring at the wall in front of me as I let out a soft breath and my fingers going through my hair as I waited for the sunrise. I decided to stay home today. My panic attack had really consumed me, leaving me with the thought of my mother lingering in my mind. I couldn't face anyone. Not my teachers, my classmates, Alice, or even Edward. I curled up in my bed, telling Charlie I was too sick to go to school. He let me be, deciding that whatever he had he passed it on to me. I laid under the covers for most of the day, wiping the tears that would randomly slip down.

The day went on slow and painfully, but I endured the pain as I stayed in my room the whole time. Charlie would occasionally knock, asking if he could get me something but I would never answer, giving him the hint I was sleeping or lack thereof. The sun was setting, and that only meant that Charlie was leaving. I heard the door open and close, the cruiser outside turning over and pulling out of the gravel. I stayed still though – like every other minute and second that ticked by. I stayed still, and finally fell asleep by seven. Luckily for me, the panic attack was only mild but I still woke up. I got an extra two hours of sleep and instead slept for four hours. The morning came by too soon, and I already began getting ready for a day I knew would be terrible.

I stepped out of the house, ready and willing for school because anything could beat the loneliness at home. I got into the truck, setting my book bag to the seat next to me as I reached for my keys. I absently looked out of my rear view mirror, catching a view of Edward and stopped looking for my keys as I saw him with Jasper. They stood behind the silver Volvo, and Jasper opened a box -- showing whatever was inside to Edward. Edward's eyes lit up as he reached in for something, pulling out a little baggy of something I wasn't familiar with. Both boys spun around quickly, their eyes darting to the house where I saw Dr. Cullen walk out, fixing his scarf as he turned around to lock the door with bags at his feet. He waved to the boys -- Jasper waved back nervously as Edward popped his head. The two got into the Volvo, the car instantly starting up as it pulled out of the slippery drive way, and shooting off down the road. I grabbed my keys and started the car, carefully pulling out.

As I reached school, I parked in my normal parking spot as I began getting my bag ready, always putting my binders in order of my classes -- it was an OCD thing. I suddenly heard a knock, my eyes catching Alice's head next to my window with a bright smile plastered on her face. I reflected on half of the smile, bringing my bag around my shoulders as I stepped out, "Hey Bella." She smiled brightly and I nodded towards her, brushing the hair out of my face. Alice didn't even give me time to respond to her, her mouth opening instantly, "Emmett is having a party again tonight! You need to come this time!" She squealed, grabbing my wrist as she jumped. I stood still, rolling my eyes as I shrugged, "Please, Bella, please!" She cried and I opened my mouth but was cut off once again, "Bella! You need to go to this party! It's, like, vital!"

"I'm sure it's not vital, Alice." I told her, finally getting a word in as I rolled my eyes. Alice whimpered under her breath as I locked my truck, the two of us beginning to walk towards the school.

"It is Bella! You haven't been to one party yet!" She cried, and I shrugged.

"It's not my scene. I told you that." I said, looking over to where the silver Volvo usually parks. It wasn't there. I chewed on my bottom lip, looking down to see Alice raising a small eyebrow as she set her hands onto her hips, her flowery dress flowing in the wind as well as the spikes of her black hair.

"Edward will be there." She said with a smirk, my breath hitching as I could hear the slyness in her voice.

"I mean..." I began, shaking my head quickly, "He lives there, I mean, I guess he'd be there..." I shrugged, feeling incredibly stupid. I was too much of an open-book.

"Bella. I'm not blind." She giggled, "You've tamed the beast that is Edward."

"I really don't know what you're talking about." I said, the two of us stepping on the stairs as we entered the school building. Alice moved in front of me, walking backwards so she was facing me. And like she was psychic, she darted students and teachers, doors and trashcans.

"He lied to Carlisle and told him he was with me while he was really with you, he's nicer -- well semi, not much of a douche anymore. And he can't wait to get to your tutoring sessions. And I see the way you look at him." She smirked, her hands going across her waist as her eyebrows popped once again.

"I don't like Edward...like that." I stated quickly as I looked away, my face blushing instantly. I just couldn't lie -- and it was so frustrating. I reached my first class, my body sliding against the door way as I felt my face cool down -- it was now safe enough to look back at Alice. She stared at me, long and hard and I knew I didn't win her over. Alice was smarter that I gave her credit for, she wasn't just all about shopping, "And even if I did...like him...like that…it's not like he has any feelings for me."

"You don't know that." Her voice went up a few octaves, her smile widening as I shrugged. She finally sighed, her bottom lip quivering as she shrugged, "Bella, it's not bad to like someone." She said, her lips popping together as we awkwardly stared at each other. I shrugged to cut the tension and Alice nodded, "Just think about the party. All right?"

Lunch came around and I decided that I needed to eat something throughout the day so again my will -- I attended. I walked into the lunchroom, my eyes scanning some sort of empty table and today I got lucky. After getting my food, I sat at the deserted table in the corner of the lunch room, my fingers picking at the turkey sandwich I had picked out. It looked nothing but disgusting as I pushed it away, only grabbing the apple. I already had my book out as I took a bite out of the apple, the juices falling down my chin as I wiped it quickly. As I began reading, no one could have missed the loud boom from the door of the cafeteria, everyone looking to see Jasper, Rosalie, and Edward stumbling in. They laughed at each other for some reason -- probably something that happened before they walked in as they found the table Alice and Emmett were at, the three of them plopping down. Everyone went back to talking, the scene done and over but I stared at the table. Emmett looked jealous and Alice looked annoyed, and Edward couldn't stop laughing next to Jasper. I had never seen him like this before – and it made me slightly worried. But nevertheless lunched dragged on, and I'd always glance up to the table across the room just in case Edward had looked toward me. But he never did, and soon lunch was over.

I walked into the Biology room, seeing that Edward was already there, writing things down in his notebook. I dragged my feet along the floor, my head down as my hair shielded my face. I pulled out the chair slowly and quietly, seeing that Edward had tensed. I sat down, unpacking my bag to put my books onto my desk. It was particularly awkward sitting here, seeing Edward still from the corner of my eye. He didn't look, and just stared at whatever he had been writing in. Mr. Banner came sauntering in, always giving Edward the look of 'Glad you could make it to my class' considering Edward's previous behavior of skipping. Edward grumbled something that sounded like 'Fucker' under his voice, his hands going through his hair as it all stuck to one side.

I heard him clear his throat and my body stiffened, "Bella?" His voice was slightly different, but it was something I couldn't put my finger on. I looked over to Edward, seeing something I didn't notice in the Cafeteria. Edward's eyes were extremely dilated, red and slightly glassy. I wanted to tell myself that it was because he could have been crying, but who was I kidding? Those were the same eyes Phil looked at me with when he abused drugs. I quickly looked away, my fingertips playing with the corner of my notebook as I tried to stray away from the memories, "Bella, I was just wondering…" He began slandering his words and I stayed still, "Could we not do the tutoring tonight? Carlisle is going out of town, and Emmett, well, the fucker puts on some good parties." He laughed huskily and dry, my body twitching as I nodded.

"Yeah, whatever." I said, making sure I made no eye contact with him whatsoever.

"Cool." Was his only response, his lips turning into a smirk as I could tell from the corner of my eyes. He went back to whatever he was writing down in his notebook, and I turned my attention back to the center of the room, Mr. Banner shortly beginning class as my mind wandered off to what I had just experienced. I set my chin into my palm as I felt the emotions wash over me. I was getting worked up over something so small and over someone who just didn't care about me or anyone else for that matter.

--

My body was restless against the chair as I stared down my unfinished homework. I could hear Charlie moving about upstairs, the TV only a few feet from me talking about the big baseball game, and the scent of cigarettes still lingered in the air. If Charlie didn't smoke – then he would have been on my case about why the house smells like it. I brought my fingertips to my forehead, the stairs creaking in protest as Charlie came down. I didn't look at him, and took deep and staggering breaths as I couldn't help but think about Edward. I could possibly be taking things out of context, and Edward could have just had an allergic reaction to something thus giving him red, itchy eyes. But I knew better than that, I just didn't want to hear the truth, "You're not going out on a Friday night?" Charlie said, interrupting my thoughts as I looked up to him. I tried to process his words, missing half of it but then put two and two together.

"Oh…" I said, shaking my head, "Um, no. I'm really tired." I lied, because I knew tonight I'd be getting no sleep with my panic attacks and the party going on across the street.

"A girl your age should be out, Bells." Charlie said, sitting down on the couch to the side of me. I looked away as I stared down at the coffee table, beginning to count the cracks in the table one by one, "You should be with your friends, ya know?"

"I am with my friends…" I sighed, lying to his face. He knew me too well and shook his head, his fingers to his mustache as he looked away. I knew he felt sorry for me but he really shouldn't. I'm the one who chose to be this way; he had nothing to do with it. If I was smart, I'd go to a shrink and make myself better but I couldn't. I knew a shrink wouldn't help, and make problems worse. And Charlie just doesn't need that right now.

"All right." He said standing up from the couch as he headed towards the door to grab his jacket, "You know where I'll be. If you need anything, just call." He said and I nodded, still staring at the coffee table in front of me as the door opened and closed. I sighed softly; feeling a rush of pain hit my stomach. I took in a deep breath, running my fingers through my hair as I laid my head back into the chair. To distract myself from the pain, I began on my homework but was quickly disrupted when the doorbell rang. I got up from the chair, walking towards the door as I opened it slowly to peak through to see Alice. She had a large and bright smile on her face which made me slightly worried. She had clothes laid over her right arm and a box of something in her left hand.

"Ready for your makeover?" She smirked deviously.

**EPOV**

I ran out of that house like it was on fucking fire, passing the cars and jumping over the fence, feeling the ice-rain hit my face like little tiny daggers, and finally on the porch. I knew I was busted the minute I walked in, and I could already imagine Carlisle reading a book, sitting at his desk, waiting for me to pass up to my room. I slowly unlocked the door for the chance that I may get away with being an hour and thirty minutes late. Carlisle was a devil when it came to time. He lives by schedules and if someone goes off that schedule he will flip a fucking bitch. I was surprised he didn't come over to retrieve me himself considering I was only across the street. The door clicked behind me as I felt the hot air fill around my frozen cheeks as I could hear the classical music fill the house. Not far was rap music, but came from downstairs where Emmett worked out. The classical music was coming upstairs, and I decided that instead of being scared of what I may encounter – just fucking deal with it. I ascended up the really long and agonizing staircase. Note to self, staircases are a big fucking no to smokers.

I could see the light shining out from the crack of the door of Carlisle's study. I could see the corner down the hallway, the corner I had to turn to get to my room up in the attic. It was so close, but so fucking far. I even contemplated on crawling past Carlisle's study but I knew I wasn't that pathetic. I walked slowly, and my feet touched the light that shined on the floor. If he hadn't seen me by now, maybe I could really get away with it. I walked forward and just my luck, the floorboard creaked loud and proud, giving me away, "Edward?" Carlisle called out. _Fucking busted_.

I stepped back on the same floorboard, and this time it made no sound. My head popped into the door and I smiled impishly at Carlisle, "'Sup?" I asked, raising a curious brow trying to play this shit cool, because right now that's all I had. Carlisle gestured with his head for me to come in and I sighed quietly, swinging the door all the way open as I stepped in. I went closer standing in front of his desk, watching as he slid his glasses off, setting his papers down. I was going to get it. And it wasn't that Carlisle was too mean or too much of a douche or anything – he just had the power to tell me what I can and cannot do, that's never stopped me before, but he also has access to my car, and I need that thing. Carlisle always pin-pointed my favorite things, like my guitar he got me when I was sixteen. I went out and got drunk – got caught by Chief Swan and got my car, and guitar taken away. It was the worst six months of my life. I gulped slightly, watching as he scrutinized me, as if he was contemplating on what my punishment should be. He let out a deep sigh as his lips opened, and I don't think I was thoroughly prepared, "How was studying?" He asked and I was fucking taken aback.

I was out of words but before he could even question me on it I answered, "Fine." I lied, because it was fine up until I blew up on Bella. At the time, it seemed like it was necessary. I mean how could she just let me sleep? But looking back, Bella didn't know that I had a time to be home – and quite frankly I didn't blame her not to know. Who tells a seventeen year old to be home at eight? I was a fucking jackass and I can't even get the image of her scared face out of my mind. I had to make up for that shit. But that had to wait.

"As you know…" He began, "Esme and I are leaving for the weekend." He said. Of course I fucking knew because Emmett was counting the days for one of his epic parties. The last one didn't turn out so well, with Jessica leaving me with a boner after I accidently called her Bella. I had to redeem myself. I had to get so fucking drunk – not wasted – fucking drunk and yes, there is a difference, "I want you and Emmett to be on your best behavior when we leave on Friday."

"Aren't I always?" I smirked inwardly and Carlisle rolled his eyes.

"Edward. I'm serious. I know I give you these talks every time I leave…" It's true, he really does. And later he'll set Emmett and I down in the living room, talking to us about how our house is our sanctuary and how we should treat it with respect and so on. Emmett will always lie out of his ass, telling Carlisle he'll be at his friends' house all weekend so this way Carlisle won't even suspect a party. I always go along with it, saying I'll be at Jazz's but in reality Emmett is throwing a badass party and I and everyone else will be attending. After Carlisle's 'talk' I made my way to my room, shuffling up the extra set of stairs as I laid myself flat on the bed. I couldn't get Bella out of my mind – the way her face looked when I yelled, the way I could see the tears behind her eyelids. I felt a surge of pain rush through me and I turned my body around, knowing exactly what I had to do tomorrow.

Thursday was a mother-fuckin' bitch. Not only did I have a math test I had no idea about, but Bella wasn't at school. When I didn't see her at lunch, I decided to go behind the school just to see if she was there like last time. She wasn't. Then I made my way to the library, getting sideward glances from the librarian because she had never seen me before in her life because truth be told I've never been in the library. When there was no sign of her there, I ran out to the quad but saw no one. The bell rang and I shuffled myself to Biology, alone doing a partner project. It made me worried Bella wasn't there, but I decided that she probably had gotten sick or something. When I arrived home, I saw her truck in the driveway along with Chief Swan's police car. I decided I'd make my apology when he left, and I counted down every minute until six o'clock. Unfortunately at this time Carlisle decided to grab Emmett and I to have the talk I knew was coming. He told us about how we need to be responsible, and we replied by saying we wouldn't even be at the house.

It took an hour for Carlisle to talk to us about how we are grown men, and we should be able to choose what we want to do and what we don't want to do. It's like those fucking movies they make you watch in middle school about saying no to drugs. Don't they know that shit never works? And don't they know that some kid wouldn't be smoking a blunt at school, asking other kids to join him? That kid would be busted in a second. When Carlisle let us go, Emmett was off to invite other people and I was walking out the door. I had a cigarette already in my mouth as I walked across the street to Bella's my knuckles already at the door. I was desperate to talk to her. I stood there for five minutes, but no one came to the door. I even pressed my ear up against it and all I heard was silence.

I stepped back, looking at Bella's window to see the lights off. She was either not home or was sleeping. A rose fence went up the side of her house, just at the corner of her window and I was so fucking tempted to climb it. The guilt was eating at me, and I had to get rid of it. But I shrugged it off and walked back to my place, throwing the cigarette onto the black pavement of the road.

The blaring of my buzzard plus the fifty plus more calls from Jasper woke me up. I slammed my alarm so hard that a piece flew off. I finally picked up my ringing phone, setting it to my ear as I groaned.

"You wanna get fucked up?" He asked me in a sly voice. I looked to the clock, it saying six o'five. I groaned again and this time even more painfully. What was it this time?

"What is it this time Jazz? Some of Rose's home made weed or beer?" I groaned, hating the taste of that shit. Rose was some kind of pothead too. People never suspected the beauty queen at our school to be into that kind of shit, but Rosalie was the one who got Jazz and I into it. She gave us so much shit for the past four years, ever since eighth grade. She was a little devil.

"How about some Coke-A-Cola?" And I could hear the smirk from his voice as I instantly sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"No shit?" I questioned into the receiver. Jazz chuckled.

"I'm on my way." He said before hanging up. And I was up instantly getting ready and super fucking excited for this shit, because truth be told I haven't done Cocaine in about a year. The shit got intense a lot but I loved the thrill. I ran down the steps, the crack of dawn just outside the horizon as I saw Jazz running up the sidewalk with his backpack. We stood behind the Volvo and Jazz smirked impishly as he pulled out the famous box we liked to call the 'Drug Bug Box' because whatever he had in there latched onto you like a fucking parasite. I smiled wide as I pulled out the bag of coke, my eyes widening just before we both heard the door open. I put the baggy behind me, twirling around to see Carlisle locking the door. He picked up his bags and waved at us, I nodded.

"Have fun." I said under my breath and he smiled, thanking me and reminding me he'd be back on Sunday. I nodded and began walking to the Volvo as both Jasper and I got in it. I quickly pulled out, the tires squealing as I could nearly hear Jasper's heart pounding from almost being caught, "Get some balls you pussy." I chuckled and Jazz shook his head, letting out a heated sigh.

Fifteen minutes or so later we ended up at the old abandoned warehouse and I wasn't surprised to see Rosalie waiting for us. We both got out and I rolled my eyes, "Of course I'd be here." Rosalie sneered and I rolled my eyes, because it was true. She was like a drug dog, except for trying to find drugs and disposed them, she wanted to find drugs so she could do them. Though I have to give her credit, Rosalie was great at having the right shit. The stuff that was almost celebrity-like in the drug world. And I had no doubt in my mind Jasper got this shit from her, "I bought the stuff. It's not like I was going to let you two have all the fun."

"Let's just get to it." Jasper said eagerly, and I knew the fucker was ichin' to have some coke in his system. He threw the box to Rosalie who brought her math book out of her bag, setting it on the hood of her car. Rose was a master at this kind of stuff and all Jazz and I did was step back and let her do her thing. It took her exactly thirty seconds to get everything together. She was a pro. Rosalie was the first to go, setting the pen tube one side in her nose, the other on the coke that lay on the math book, and inhaled. I was shaking, because I needed to have this shit in my system. She turned around, her blonde hair spilling perfectly over her chest as she handed me the pen tube. I reached for it instantly and took my turn, the pen in my nose, the other side on the coke. I inhaled a big breath, and then breathed in through my nose. The rush was already at my head the minute the coke touched me. It was amazing, and it was fucking needed. Now I remember why I love this shit so much.

Later that day, my brain was literally fucking pulsing against my skull. I groaned loudly, setting my hand to my forehead as I just wished I could do more coke to take this pain away. The fall of the high is the worst thing I have ever experienced, and Emmett's constant booming of rap music wasn't making anything any fucking better. But I knew this was my fault, and there was no reason I should yell at Emmett because I had a headache due to the coke. I walked outside, chain smoking like a fucking bitch and realized I was down to my last five cigarettes. I stuffed the pack into my pocket, walking back into the house.

Before I knew it, people were already spilling into the house, the music up ten times louder than it was before and shit just wasn't necessary. I begged Emmett, ready to fall onto my knees and kiss his feet to turn it down, but he wouldn't budge. I couldn't leave the house, because I had nowhere to go. I sat on the couch, people crowding around the living room, dancing and drinking. I closed my eyes, trying to find some kind of median in this fucking chaos. I instantly felt a ton of weight being pressed on me, my eyes widening to see Stanley on my lap. I growled under my breath, eyeing her stupid smirk.

"Hey, Eddie." She said in a high pitched yell so I could hear her over the music. Truth was, I could hear her considering she was right next to me. Her voice fucking carried across the room and only intensified my headache.

"I told you not fucking call me that." I growled and she rolled her eyes, her hands on my face as I swatted it away quickly, "Get the fuck off." I spat, pushing her off. She whimpered and I ignored her quite thoroughly as I walked to the kitchen. I sat down onto the kitchen counter, watching as Jasper came around the party, his eyes just as darkened as mine. He rubbed his temple and I laughed at him like a prick, nodding my head, "We should have waited for that shit tomorrow."

"Fuck yeah." He groaned, leaning onto the counter, sipping away on his beer.

"Where's your fuck buddie?" I questioned, grabbing the beer he handed me. Jazz shot me that "shut the fuck up" look but shrugged it off.

"At the freak's house." He said and I instantly knew who he was talking about. I was surprised my beer can didn't burst in my hands at the rate I was holding it. I looked away from Jazz though, not even caring that he had walked away. I hated the fact that he referenced Bella as 'The freak' she wasn't even half as bad as what I used to be. Jazz was just all kinds of pricks today and it was pissing me off. I looked over my shoulders, hearing Jazz call out Alice's name. I turned to look down the hallway, Jazz walking towards someone. He moved out of the way, and now Bella was clearly in view. My jaw fucking dropped because she was something different tonight. Her hair was all fucking shiny, her makeup was done and she wore a sexy tight shirt. It made my dick hard so fast that I barely had time to cover that shit up. Bella looked back at me, and I realized I was still fucking gaping. Bella turned around, and I knew her cheeks were red because that's how Bella fucking worked. I slowly stood from the counter and began walking.

She looked at me, her eyes widening as she saw me coming near. I couldn't go to her with Jazz being right there so I turned the corner, in hopes she'd follow me. She never did. I stepped through the back door, pulling out a cigarette. Four more to go. I smoked it half way, all the way to the point where I looked through the window to see if I could see Bella. And though I did, I wasn't happy at the sight. James had her arm, and I couldn't see Bella's face. Whether she wanted that to happen or not wasn't the case here, I was still fucking fuming. I threw my cigarette out half way, which was not something seen with me. I always finished my cigarettes to the filter, but I was too pissed to even think about that shit right now. I charged into the house, my body moving quickly through the crowds of people as I finally got to them. I acted out of instinct, my arms around Bella's waist. She jumped slightly, caught off guard and I knew James was just fucking sneering.

"Bella." I whispered as I kissed her temple all fucking basking in this shit and what not, "I finally found you. Where have you been?" I questioned and Bella was almost speechless. Almost. I reached for her hand, gingerly taking her fingers into mine.

"Around." She whispered and I finally looked up to James as if acknowledging him for the first time.

"Well, well, well. Long time no see. Hm, Cullen?" James asked and I sneered at him, my hand squeezing at Bella's, "How is your old ma and pops? Hm?"

"Shut the fuck up, James." I growled, "And I know Emmett didn't invite your sorry ass. What are you fucking doing here?"

"Just decided to drop in. Check on you guys, you know." He smirked inwardly and I let out a soft huff, "I think things went terribly wrong with us, Edward. I'm really reconsidering having you back with me and the boys."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I have a life now. Smoking and shooting up heroin isn't the way I go anymore. I have priorities." I said, looking to Bella. She stood there motionless, as if she wasn't even listening to us. Finally I looked to James again, the fucker with a smirk on his face.

"Priorities, hm?" He laughed, "I'll remember that." He said in a scheming tone. I brought Bella back a bit, the same height as James as I shook my head.

"Don't fucking come near her again, or I swear James-- " I began, but he cut me off.

"Or what, Edward? It's bad enough you're dating the pig's daughter. We all know it's so he can drop charges on you." He laughed, a very deep and throaty laugh. I wanted to rip out his fucking throat.

"Get out. Now." I sneered, and James back up with a smirk still plastered on his face.

"My offer is still up, Edward." He winked at me, and then at Bella and I wanted to fucking tear him apart. But I held back for Bella, turning her around and determined to get my mine off of James – and do something that I've been needing to do for a long fucking time.

**BPOV**

I stayed behind the boulder of the Cullen's porch, my body feeling the bass of the drum beat against the house, each beat causing my heart to speed up faster, like a rocket. I heard the cheering, the yelling, the talking from inside the house and I could feel a panic attack creep up. I took slow, and heavy breaths as I shook my nerves out. It didn't work, not one bit, "Psst!" I heard a tiny voice say and I rolled my eyes, "What are you doing?" Alice asked as she stepped back out of the house and down the steps to look at me hiding behind the boulder.

"Alice, I really don't think I should be here. I just don't fit in." I said, reminding myself I really don't fit in now that I look like this. Alice dressed me up in a pair of super skinny jeans, some comfortable lace flats because I refused to wear heels, and long sleeve tight shirt with roses and wings on the front. She straightened my hair, giving it a bit of a lift at the top and decked my face out in eyeliner, blush, eye shadow, and whatever else Alice thought I needed to hide my face. I had to admit I looked good, but that wasn't the point. The point was I wasn't comfortable in this, but Alice just pushed me.

"How do you know until you try?" She questioned as she reached for my hand. I groaned in agony, and I knew I was giving her a hard time but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to hold up without having a panic attack. And the thought of having one in front of all those people -- well it just made it creep up even more. Before I knew it, Alice had pushed me in the house, and I instantly took a step back before a football almost nearly hit me directly on my cheek.

"Sorry!" Some guy called out and I looked to him with a frown, and Alice pushed me on. People were drinking and smoking and I couldn't believe they weren't worried about getting caught. I looked to see Emmett over by the keg, and I rolled my eyes as he started to scream 'Chug! Chug! Chug!' it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, though the blasting music was giving me a headache. Alice gasped at my side and I turned to see that Jasper came into view. I looked away cursing myself for even coming because now Alice was going to leave my side. But she made Jasper come to us, which was even worse considering Jasper hated me. He just stared at me with a look I've never seen before. I looked away as I crossed my arms around my waist and scanned the room. My eyes instantly stopped at a pair of emerald eyes gaping at me.

It was Edward as he sat at the kitchen counter, a beer in his hand. Once he noticed I was looking back, he looked away and I blushed as I began chewing on my nail. I felt a slap from a hand that caused me to flinch, "Don't bite your nails! That's so bad for you!" Alice screamed as I rolled my eyes, looking back to Edward who was on his way to me. I stopped in my place, holding my breath as I smiled. But before I knew it, Edward had turned the corner and my smile faded. I walked forward as I went to see where he had gone, and for a second I completely forgot about what happened the other day when Edward just left like he did.

The rap song significantly turned into metal as I stood there, looking at the corner, hoping Edward would come back. He never did. I felt a tap on my shoulder, my face turning to see a man who I had never seen before in my life. His blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail, and his blue eyes were drastically light, almost like crystals. He wore a brown jacket; it completely zipped up as his jeans hung slightly low, just to see his hip lines. He held two drinks in his hands and I scrutinized the yellow-ish color very carefully, "Hello." He smirked, his teeth widening as I could smell the stench of cigarettes on his breath.

"Hi." I muttered as I began walking away, but he stepped in front of me. I stopped quickly, eyeing him as I paused, "Can I help you with something?"

"Oh…no. I just thought a girl like you shouldn't be alone at a party like this." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes at how stupid that line was. And even I, someone who has never dated before, knew that.

"I'm not by myself. I'm with my friend Alice." I answered as I began walking past him again. This time he grabbed my arm and I felt a panic attack creep up on me. I let out a soft breath of air, knowing this wasn't the time and place as I brought my arm back quickly. The man still had a smile on his lips, and I wanted to smack it off.

"Let me introduce myself. I'm James. You must be Bella." He softly whispered and my eyes narrowed at him.

"How do you know my name?" I question, taking a step back. I looked around and Alice was no where to be found, neither Jasper who I was so desperate to see because I knew that even though he hated me, he wouldn't let this James character do anything – or at least I hope.

"Nothing goes on in this town without me knowing. I know every single face." He smiled and I relaxed for a second, just a second until I felt his hand back onto my arm, "I brought you a drink."

I looked at the drink again, see the bubbles on top and I quickly shook my head, "No thank you. I'm not a drinker." I stated as I began to walk around again, his arm flying forward and against the wall keeping it up as a guard so I couldn't get through.

"Bella." I heard a voice behind me, and before I could even turn around I felt an arm around my waist, my head turning and to my surprise I saw Edward. Edward leaned forward and kissed my temple, and for a second I thought I was gaping but I really was just motionless, "I finally found you. Where have you been?" He asked and I looked to him, seeing his eyebrow raise. I looked to James who grumbled something under his voice and I felt my voice crack.

"Around." I said softly, watching as Edward turned to look at James who looked to Edward as well.

"Well, well, well. Long time, no see. Hm, Cullen?" He smirked and Edward pulled away from my waist, grabbing my hand and linking his fingers with mine. They had a conversation amongst themselves, talking about how each other has been but I could hear the hostility in Edward's voice and the annoyance in James. All the while, I couldn't help but feel Edward's hand in mine, it fit perfectly. His fingers felt strong near mine, and for once I felt safe. I looked to Edward who continued to talk to James, about how he doesn't want him near me again. Edward's hair was wind blown, and my eyes looked to his cheek to see they were red, his body reeking of cigarettes. He must have been outside.

Finally James walked away, winking at me as he did so and I cringed to Edward's side. Edward didn't look at me and instead turned around, our hands still connecting as he took me towards a staircase. We climbed it, together hand in hand until we hit a smaller staircase which led up to the door. He opened it, allowing me in first. I stepped in to see the black walls instantly; covered in different posters which included the bands, Red, HIM, Ill Nino, Linkin Park, Ozzy Osbourne, and tons more that I have never even heard of before. His bed was a mess in the corner, clothes scattering the room and a balcony just off to the side. A guitar leaned against a desk that was on the opposite corner of his bed, and a small keyboard set up next to the desk. Edward shut the door behind me and I stepped out of his way, allowing him through. He ran his fingers through his hair and I sighed softly, his proximity making me weak in the knees, no matter how cliché that really sounded.

Edward walked up to me, his hands on my shoulders and it took me by surprise. I looked up to his emerald eyes, feeling a hand come down the side of my face as he stared down at me. I bit down onto my bottom lip as I sighed softly, taking in the scent of cigarettes and leather. His hand snaked to the back of my neck, his body towering over me and my hands almost had a mind of their own. They wrapped around his shoulders, my fingers running down the back of his Metallica shirt. And ever so slightly his lips skimmed mine. It wasn't enough for me though. My hands gripped his neck and I pushed my lips to his, feeling ever single crease of them, the warmth against mine as I breathed against his mouth. It was blissful, and tranquil. There was no tongue, just a simple kiss that was hardened by my stubbornness. Edward pulled away, his forehead against mine as he shook his head, "Do you know how incredibly stupid you are?" He breathed and I gaped up at him.

"I didn't think I was that bad of a kisser." I sighed, and he laughed softly shaking his head as his arms went down my shoulders.

"James is a…well, he's not a good person. Don't go near him. At all." He said and I stepped back, my back hitting the wall as I tried to decipher what he was saying to me. Edward looked down to me, his eyes sparkling as if he knew I couldn't get mad at him, but even if there was a chance I could – he just stared at me getting me lost. I snapped out of it quickly, my eyebrows creasing as I shook my head.

"I don't think you can tell me who I can and cannot be with." I began. Edward opened his mouth but I quickly stopped him, "I will be with whoever I want to be, Edward Cullen. And for your information, Jack or whatever his name was, was hitting on me. And I never once gave into him, though I probably should have 'cause I'd rather be with him then sitting here listening to you tell me who I can and cannot hang out with." I finally let out the breath I was holding in, my body tensing. I had never acted this way before, especially around Edward. He's made me mad before – but not like this. It was like he was telling me what to do – and that would not fly.

"Do you really think that?" He questioned with a smirk, pulling me into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around my waist, "I never said you couldn't hang out with him. I just wanted you to know that he wasn't a good person. But by all means, go ahead." He stepped away from me, his hands off of my body and I felt lost. I shook my head quickly and Edward chuckled under his breath, "Good fucking choice. I wasn't going to let you go anyways." He smirked and I smiled at him, hitting his shoulder lightly.

I pulled away from him, taking a closer look at his room. I turned to see him staring at me, my eyes looking down to the guitar. I touched the neck of it, plucking at the strings as I then looked to his bed. I turned around to him, crossing my arms over my stomach as I raised an eyebrow, "So why did you bring me here?" I questioned and watched as Edward came closer.

"Well, I brought you up here to apologize." He began, but paused. I waited patiently, not pushing him at all because it seems that Edward was new at these kinds of things, "For the other night… For leaving the way I did. The whole fucking kiss was just a whim kind of thing, though I've wanted to do it for a really, _really_ long time." He laughed and I couldn't help but blush.

"Yeah, me too…I mean you kissing me. Not me kissing myself." I stuttered, cursing at myself for sounding like a complete idiot. Edward just laughed as he walked towards me, my eyes watching him carefully as he sat both of us down at the edge of his bed. I had never seen him so -- caring before. He brushed the straightened hair out of my eyes and I could feel a tingle of sensations run up my spine.

"I don't know, Bella. It's just when I'm with you…I'm really fucking protective of you. It's weird. I've never felt this way before." He sighed and I nodded, feeling a ball in my stomach grow larger, the butterflies bursting with happiness, "I've never met someone like you."

"You've never met someone as screwed up as me." I corrected him, raising a brow. He laughed, shaking his head as he leaned forward kissing my forehead.

"That's why I fucking love being with you. Because you're just as screwed up as I am." He whispered and I smiled, looking up to him. For once in my life things felt right, and felt somewhat whole. Not complete, but almost there. Edward wrapped his arms back around my shoulders, laying me down as he hovered his body above mine, his kisses sprinkling across my neck as I giggled softly as it tickled. He kissed me on my lips, and I kissed back. It was still soft and caring, but I knew one day – hopefully – it'd be much more than this.


	15. The After Effect

**Author's Note: Yes, it's true. I am back in the game. After finishing school and having free time I was able to fit writing in, and quite honestly once I started I couldn't stop. So hopefully this lives up to the potential and again I am sorry for keeping you guys waiting for so long! You know how it is, school, life, everything. I just needed a break. But I'm back in the game, hell yeah motha fuckas! **

**Couldn't do it without my Beta Jenn who edited this at three in the effing morning. Props to Jenn, because I wouldn't have been able to do this. Thanks for everything, hun.**

**Alright, I know you've been waiting due to your comments, now go read! **

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**EPOV**

It was fucking bliss.

My lips fervently attacked Bella's as we tangled ourselves on my bed. For such a quiet girl, she knew how to kiss which really made me wonder. Who else has she kissed? I suddenly got mad, cursing any other dirty lips that had touched her perfect ones. Bella's hand caressed my cheek. Fucking caressed it. No girl has ever caressed my cheek, and it may sound stupid to obsess over but I actually liked it. I was usually the 'fuck and duck' kind of guy, but this was different. I was settled in between Bella's legs, the only thing between us was our clothing. And she let out the cutest little moan against my lips, our tongues knotted together. And I was never sentimental about this shit, I never thought about the kissing, I just did it so I could gain the girl's trust before I fucked and ducked. But I just wanted to kiss Bella. Just kiss. No fuck. And especially no duck.

Bella's head pulled back as she took a deep breath before bringing her arms over my neck and kissing me rather deeply. My chest pressed against hers and I swore I could feel her nipples against my chest. And I didn't want it to happen, but I knew it was going to anyways. I fucking went hard and thanked God I was wearing a pair of tight jeans that kept it hidden…for the most part. Bella's fingers went through my hair, grabbing different strands and pulling them as it caused me to groan.

And then out of nowhere a loud boom echoed in my room, both Bella and I jumping as Emmett walked through the door, "Edward, where the fuck is the extra keg-" He stopped himself, his smile turning slyly as I threw daggers at him with my eyes. Bella shied under me and I covered her with my body, "Sorry to interrupt your love fest." He smirked.

"Get the fuck out!" I growled and he did as he was told, but did it with a fucking grin. That stupid grin he always gets when he finds something out. And then I realized that Emmett might tell Jasper, and that just wouldn't fly. But I couldn't concentrate on that for the moment because Bella was trying to get out from under me. I looked down, my eyes slightly widened as I tried to comprehend what she was doing.

"I should go." She said, and I let her out but I didn't know why I did. She grabbed her coat, her hair was bouncing and the inside of my head was telling me to say something but I was so mesmerized by her. Finally I snapped out of it.

"Wait… No." I said quickly, sitting up as I grabbed her hand, "Don't go. Not yet."

"But Emmett –" She began.

"Emmett is a stupid fucker. He won't come up here again. And I'll lock my door, all right? Please, don't go." I pleaded. She was contemplating this. Her eyes glinted and I couldn't help but smile, "Please…"

"Charlie, I mean, my dad. He'll be home around five. I have to go soon." She said, now just making excuses.

"Then we'll go over at four thirty, and I'll drop you off and everything… But if you want to go," I said, standing up allowing her to the door, "I won't keep you here."

And Bella paused, looking up to me as her fingers touched her lips. She sighed softly her chest going down but I was trying not to concentrate on her chest. She looked at me through her lashes and I smirked at her. She smiled back and I grabbed her by the hands, pulling her to me as I sat at the edge of my bed, my legs making enough room in between to let her body stand in front of me. My hands went to her waist. Her fingers went through my hair as she sighed, her breath hitting my face, "Edward…" She said sweetly and I looked up to her after kissing her wrist, "You know you don't have to pretend to do this."

"Who's pretending?" I quickly said, sounding a bit defensive. She shrugged her shoulders and looked at me with a look that was common on her face. She was scared, and I could tell that she was scared of me, "I'm not pretending Bella. Why would you think that?"

She stayed silent, thinking of her words. And as she was silent my hands went through her soft, curly hair, "I see the way he looks at me." She whispered and my eyes narrowed at her.

"Who?" I questioned.

"Jasper." She whispered so softly, I almost had to ask her to repeat it. But I understood what she said, and I felt instantly guilty again, "He's your best friend… And I know he thinks I'm some…weird girl. I just…I don't want you to think you have to like me because you feel bad for me."

I was quiet for a moment, because I didn't want to tell her that I was ashamed of her. I wasn't. I was afraid for her. Afraid of Jasper. Afraid of what he may fucking do. Jasper was the one person I didn't fuck with and not because he could kick my ass, which isn't possible, but he was like my brother. I needed his approval; I needed him to be happy for me. It was like a mother not liking her son's wife. You learn to deal with it, but you have to see their face every fucking holiday and every time you see them a little part of you dies inside. I didn't want him to be like that, "Just forget about Jasper." I said, and she looked up at me with a look of shamefulness. I smiled at her, and kissed her lips hoping she'd forget the subject. She did.

Her fingers went through my hair as I kissed her, her legs moving so they wrapped around my waist as she sat on my lap. My hands went through her hair as she withered against my body. My tongue was lapping in her mouth, her fingers running down to my shirt as she clung onto it tightly. I groaned against her mouth as we went down, her tiny body on top of mine as we continued to kiss. Her lips were so fucking soft. Almost like velvet and I was completely turned on. I was almost surprised she knew how to turn me on like this. She seemed experienced, but I was always under the impression that she wasn't.

Whatever the fucking case – It was good. Her lips against mine, her body on top of me, the only thing going through my mind was her. Just her. No one else.

Bella awoke in a hurry, the both of us forgetting that she had to be home before five. I dropped her back off at her house, leaving her with a kiss goodbye before returning back to my house. It was a fucking disaster. There were red cups everywhere, trash all on the floor, but the music was turned down due to me telling Emmett. People were passed out on the floor, the beds, the couches, and even the kitchen table. Jazz and Alice had disappeared, I was assuming to the guest bedroom. Emmett and Rosalie were in Emmett's room but when I opened the door to get Em, only Rosalie was in there. I turned around to see the bathroom light on and stood next to the door awaiting him to get out. When he opened the door and stepped out, I grabbed him by the shirt pulling him to the side.

"What the fuck man?" I groaned, barely awake.

"What you saw tonight… Did you say anything to anyone?" I gritted my teeth, watching as Emmett rubbed his eyes. He probably didn't even know it was me. When his vision came together he chuckled softly, hitting me with his hand against my shoulder.

"Gettin' it on with the Swan girl? I feel it, I feel it." He smirked and I glowered at him, almost snarling under my breath.

"Did you tell anyone, Emmett?" I actually did snarl that time, but Emmett wasn't affected at all. He paused for a moment, trying to remember back to last night_. Great. This fucker told everyone when he was drunk_.

"No…?" He said, slightly confused.

"No?" I questioned.

"No." He said, now with self confidence, "I think by the time I was at the end of the steps, I already forgot. I was trying to find the Keg. James and his groupies stole it, the fuckers." He growled and I remember that James was there.

"You know how I feel about that guy. Why was he here?" I asked angrily.

"The fuck if I know. I kicked them out though, and I guess James was pissed, thus he stole my keg. What a little pussy." Emmett chuckled, shaking his head as his broad arms crossed over his chest.

"Emmett—as your brother—please, for everything that is fucking holy, don't tell _anyone_ about Bella and me." I pleaded to him, my eyes brightened with vulnerability. I needed him to agree with me, I needed him to believe me.

Emmett looked confused as he let out a soft chuckle, "Why not?"

"Just… Trust me. I don't want to put her in any kind of situation that will overwhelm her." I said, automatically thinking to Jasper. And I guess Emmett thought of it too, his eyes looking over at the end of the hallway where the guest bedroom was and presumably where Jasper and Alice were. I nodded my head just so he knew that what he was thinking was correct.

"Why does it matter what he thinks, Edward? It shouldn't matter to you." He said, pointing out the obvious but I already knew the obvious.

"I know, and it doesn't… It's just… It'll get to her, the way he feels about her, she knows about it. She already feels bad that he doesn't like her. And if he finds out, I will only get shit and then…" I stopped myself, not trying to think of hurting Bella. I didn't want to think about it, "Please… Man… Do this one fucking thing for me."

"So you're just going ignore her at school? Pretend like nothing happened?" He asked and I gulped, "That's fucked up man."

"I don't know what's going to happen… I'll think of it when I cross that bridge." I said and Emmett rolled his eyes, and I knew he didn't understand why I couldn't just come clean with Jasper. Jasper wouldn't accept it, thus hurting Bella even more than she already is, and I couldn't deal with her being hurt. It had to be a secret. It just fucking had to be.

Emmett patted my shoulder and stalked off into his bedroom and I slowly, but surely made my way up to my bedroom where I passed out instantly, still thinking of Bella and still stressing over the fact that I will have to hide this, and that might possibly ruin or bring Bella and I together.

Later as the morning went on I ended up on the front porch at around six in the morning. I was smoking my cigarette as I saw that Chief Swan was home. Bella's light in her room was still on. I inhaled my cigarette, letting it come out through my nose as I closed my eyes. I wished she was here. I wished she was right next to me, lying up against me as I smoked my cigarette. It would make everything so fucking better. But when the door opened behind me, my reminder on why she wasn't here walked out on the porch. Jasper sat down next to me, pulling out his cigarettes as he held one in between his lips and lighting it. He was shirtless and I looked at him as if he was fucking crazy. It was only thirty degrees here in forks, what the hell was this fucking kid thinking?

"Hey." He muttered as he inhaled his smoke with me. I just nodded to him, my eyes adverting from the Swan's house but I could tell Jasper was staring at it, "How did you know Swan's schedule anyways?"

I shrugged, covering myself fairly quickly, "It's not hard to find out when you live across the street from him." I said sarcastically as I took a drag.

Jasper chuckled at me, in one of those 'I know your being fucking sarcastic you dick' chuckles. I stayed still though, staring at the dew on the grass, "So that Bella girl." He said, and I instantly frozen, "Alice says she has a thing for you. And you have a thing for her. I told her it couldn't possibly be true."

I quickly turned to Jazz, my eyebrows narrowing as I laughed, "Your girl has no idea what she's talking about."

"That's what I thought." He snickered under his breath, "You would never stoop that low." He laughed but I didn't move. I was clenching my fists so fucking hard that my knuckles turned white.

"Jazz…" I gritted through my teeth, "Why don't you like her? What did she ever do to you?"

"You know when you get that feeling when someone is just…off?" He asked but I didn't say anything, "I get that with her. She's already fucked up as it is, with what happened to her mom. She's fucking psycho, goes crazy when someone tries to talk to her or something." He shuddered, "And her fucking scream. Like nails on a chalkboard man. She's just crazy. That's it. No way around it."

I stayed quiet. How could I possibly tell my best friend that the girl he was talking shit about was the girl I was fucking crazy for?

"Where did you disappear to last night anyways?" He questioned and I stayed still, looking up to Bella's window. I thought about my answer, just wanting to tell him where I was, what I was doing because I owed Bella that.

But I chickened the fuck out, "I was around."

**BPOV**

I could feel Edward's chest going up and down, my palm laying flat onto it as I drifted with him. The party downstairs didn't concern us as we lay peacefully on the bed. I was slightly worried about falling asleep and waking up with a panic attack, but tonight I felt like I could handle it. It was odd, but I liked the feeling. The feeling of not having to worry about waking up in the middle of the night, screaming and sweating. It made me feel good, and it made me feel real. I went to sleep next to Edward, and not one single panic attack consumed me that night.

My eyes were groggy as I opened them, and I could see the window in the corner of the room. It was still dark, and the music was still pounding downstairs. Edward's arm was around my waist, my body looking back to see him sleeping soundly, unaffected by the music. The red blinking lights caught my attention, my head looking up to see the clock. The red lights were bright on my eyes and I had to squint them carefully reading out the numbers four, five and eight. The numbers went together in my mind and my body sprung up like a spring taking off. Edward gasped, rolling around at my sudden movement and nearly falling off the bed. I jumped out of the covers, finding my bag as I made sure everything was together. Edward groaned about the music, rubbing his eyes as he saw me grabbing my jacket.

"Where are you going?" He mumbled softly, his hair such a mess but yet still so perfect. I pulled on my shoes, tripping over a pile of clothes but catching myself quickly, which scared both him and me.

"My dad will be home at five. I have to go." I said, heading towards the door as I was recovering from my fall. I heard footsteps coming towards me, my body turning to see Edward now directly in front of me. His hands went into my hair, my body going limp as I could feel his lips on mine. It was a sweet goodbye kiss, one that I only dreamed about. He pulled back with a smile and I couldn't help but smile back, "You might want to tell your brother to turn it down."

"I'll tell him when I come with you." He said and I smiled. His fingers laced with mine as we walked out of his room and down the steps. I glanced around his house, and the once clean how I have been in before was terrorized by teenagers. I looked down to Edward's hand which was loose in mine as we walked through the house, as if he was going to let go. I had to step around nearly four bodies before Edward and I reached the door. He opened it for me, and I could see the bags under his eyes. I wanted to tell him to stay, but apart of me did want him to come with me. He reconnected with my hand as we walked across the street. I grabbed the key under the welcome mat and shocked it into the lock. Once the door swung open I turned to him, stopping him outside because he looked like he was going to walk in.

"What?" He questioned and I just smiled, shaking my head.

"My dad will be here soon. It's probably not a good idea if you came inside." I whispered, my fingers running along the side of his face. He nodded in agreement, grabbing my fingers as he pressed a kiss along each tip of my finger.

"Come over later. Carlisle will still be gone." He told me, taking a step forward as I could feel his cigarette breath against my neck as he kissed it gently. I laughed at the feeling of it, nodding my head.

"Alright." I told him, looking down at our hands. He had grabbed mine, his fingers lacing with mine as I smiled behind his head. His head lifted up from my neck as he pressed a kiss to my lips, letting go of my hands. He turned around and put his hood up and began walking, "Hey!" I called out, watching as he turned around and stopped, "We should study. I mean, we did miss yesterday's tutoring session."

Edward smirked inwardly, "Like we'll study." He said sarcastically and I laughed, seeing him turn around and head back to his house. I shut the door behind me, still smiling.

When I walked into my room, I stripped down into just my t-shirt, finding a pair of shorts for me to sleep in. I curled up in my bed, the sun already peaking through the window. I smiled to myself, reflecting back on this night. It was a great night, and I finally got to see the Edward that I've been waiting for and knew was there. It was wonderful and for the first time in a long time – I felt happy.

"Bella…" Charlie said hours later, my eyes flying open as I looked to the side of me. It was noon already and I sat up, rubbing my eyes, "You gotta get up sometime."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." I groaned softly, my hair a mess as I tried to pat it down some how. I noticed Charlie still staring as I felt his eyes on me. I finally looked up to him and he was just staring at me, "What?" I said softly and he finally looked away, leaning against the door frame as he shook his head.

"I called you a few times last night. To make sure you were all right. You never picked up." He said and I froze. I nodded my head slowly as I let out a soft breath, nodding my head.

"I went to bed early. I had a long day yesterday…" I said weakly. I really sucked at lying. I was horrid at it.

"Are you sure you weren't at Emmett Cullen's party?" He questioned and my eyebrows rose. I wanted to say something but I didn't because I knew I would stutter. I took in a deep breath in order to save my ass from getting in trouble.

"He had a party?" _Good. Play dumb._ I cocked my head to the side, to make it look like I was sincerely lost, that I had no idea there was sex, music, keg across the street let alone that I was even there in the first place.

"We had some complainants in the early morning. Around three. My partner went over there, your friend Alice answered the door. She said there was no party, but I knew. I knew." He chuckled, "Emmett is known for his parties."

_This really is a small town_, "Well I didn't know. I was asleep." I said confidently, even though I knew I was breaking inside. Charlie shrugged.

"Al lright." I knew he knew because he had to know. And when he turned around, I went back into my bed, sighing as I tried to get myself over from the fact that I just lied to my father, and got away with it. My mother – she knew when I was lying. She had a gut feeling before I even lied, and told me to think about what I was going to say because in the end I always get caught. I never lied to Renee.

After a few minutes of lying in bed, I finally got up and had begun to get ready. I washed out all the hair product in my hair from last night, completely knowing that the hair product is what caused my hair to stick together this morning. It was nice to just let my hair flow the way it was suppose to, not too curly but not too straight. A nice wave. I let my hair air dry as I pulled on my holey jeans and an ACDC t-shirt, one that was tattered slightly on the sleeve. I walked downstairs with my book bag and headed out the door before Charlie stopped me.

"Hey, hey, hey!" He said and I took a step back, my almost dry hair freezing in the cold weather when the door was opened, "Where you going?"

"To the Cullen's. Edward missed his session last night, so we are making up for it now." I said and Charlie stood up, his hands in his pockets as he tried to look at me, but listen to the game on the TV at the same time.

"Bells – I know Carlisle isn't home. And I just don't feel comfortable with you going over there." He said honestly and I had to roll my eyes, because honestly – how many times have we had this conversation before.

"Dad, I'll be fine. If anything goes wrong, I'll come right home. I promise." I answered with a smile, walking up to him and pressing a kiss to his cheek. He smiled down at me and nodded, letting me go on my way. I stepped outside as I looked both ways before passing the street and walked up to the Cullen mansion. I rang the doorbell and took a step back. And waited – and waited. Finally the door opened and my least favorite fan besides Jasper stood in the doorway. Rosalie glared at me, but I couldn't help but notice how much of a mess she was. She wore Emmett's jersey that went down to her knees so she didn't have to wear any kind of shorts or jeans. Her long legs almost made me hate her before; they were so lean and exotic. Nothing I had. Her hair was tangled up like mine earlier but she had hers back in a messy bun. She was beautiful – even if she did have a hangover.

"Sorry, Alice isn't here." She said with a tone, getting ready to close the door.

"I'm not looking for Alice." I quickly said before she closed the door all the way. She laughed softly as she looked at me, perplexingly.

"Well surely you can't be looking for Emmett or I…" She laughed, her beauty mark right above her lip only making her look that much more beautiful. I hated it; I hated the way she smiled, the way she talked, the way she laughed because she was just too gorgeous.

"I'm looking for Edward." I whispered and she stopped laughing and went dead silent. She moved away from the door and opened it wide.

"Oh right, I forgot. Tutoring." She smirked and let me in, "He's in his room. Go on up, but I would knock first." She said, closing the door behind me. I nodded as I went through the house, seeing it still a mess with just less bodies lying on the floor. I walked to the staircase that led up to Edward's room, my feet going up and making loud creaking noises. I stopped behind his door, knocking on it softly as I heard rustling inside the room.

Edward groaned, and I laughed. He must have been sleeping, "Who the fuck is it?" Yes, definitely sleeping. I opened the door to see him shirtless on the bed, looking as if he didn't even get up at all. He opened one eye to see me. I shut the door behind myself, setting my book bag down by his guitar. Edward sat up slightly, just in pair of boxers and black sweats, his abs prominent. I didn't even know he had abs, "Lock the door." He said and I did. I walked to the bed watching as he leaned forward and pulled me onto the soft cushions under us. I laughed as I lay next to him, feeling as the covers went over both of us. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, his head nuzzling into my neck as I could tell he was getting ready to fall asleep, "You're so fucking warm."

"Thanks?" I laughed, feeling his lips against my neck. He sighed on the spots he had kissed, his fingers running up and down my sides that my shirt slightly hitched up. He put his face into my hair, inhaling the scent as we went mad.

"You smell like strawberries. It smells good." He laughed and I just smirked, looking to the side to see him still inhaling the scent, "I could lay here forever." He told me, but I turned my body towards him as my hands went to his face. We were eye to eye contact and I could feel the pricks of his facial hair underneath my palms. I liked him like this, unkempt and slightly wild looking.

"We have to study." I told him and he groaned trying to lean forward and kiss me but I moved away, smiling as he glowered at me, "Trust me, you'll thank me for this one day."

"I can thank you later, let's kiss now." He said but I pulled away, getting out of the bed, escaping from his grasp. He pulled the covers off to see me standing in the middle of the bedroom. I looked down to him, seeing him now in the full light. His emerald eyes were the right shade of green, and I could have sworn I saw specks of blue in them. The crack of his curtains let in just enough light to glow over his face, causing him to look more colored than he usually is.

"I'll be downstairs." I said, finding the words as I tried to ignore his perfections around his face, "Don't keep me waiting too long." I finally said and turned around, grabbing my bag as I headed out of his room. I found the kitchen, Rosalie and Emmett in a strong embrace as they drank coffee. I was thankful enough I was only in the corner where they couldn't see me, because I couldn't help but watch. Rosalie – well she always came off as a bitch and seeing her smile this sincere and not one of her devious smirks, well it was new to me. And Emmett always seemed rough, someone who just wants to kiss and not just kiss but heavily make out. He didn't seem the 'forehead kisser' type. But there it was. He leaned down, his lips against her forehead as she smiled. It felt wrong to intrude on their moment, but I had to do it in order to get to the dining room. I cleared my throat, and Rosalie's smile quickly dissipated as she glared at me. Emmett, luckily, was still all smiles.

"Hey, Swan!" He roared and I nodded, smiling weakly at him because I had just remembered he had walked in on Edward and I last night. He knew, and Rosalie – she had to have known. I mean couples tell everything to each other, right? I began walking past but Emmett stopped me as he stepped in front of me, "You had a good night last night, B?" He asked, his eyebrow raising and I nodded once again. Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest, looking away as she drank her coffee, "Don't worry." He whispered leaning in so Rosalie couldn't hear him, "I didn't tell anyone." He smirked and winked at me.

"Thanks." I smiled, a little more comfortably as I walked past him and into the dining room. It was the only room that was clean, and I had forgotten how large it was. It was so large it fit not only a full size table, but a grand piano in the corner. I set my book bag down onto the table and began taking things out. I set the history book onto the table, and opened it up to the rightful page of the defeat of the French Empire. I heard Emmett loudly laughing behind the closed door of the kitchen, my head turning back as I sat down pulling out pieces of paper. The door of the dining room slid open and I could feel the electricity going to my body. It was Edward and he shuffled his way to the table, pulling out the chair from under him as he sat down. I looked over to him, his hair still a mess but he had shaven. I frowned slightly, but smiled again as I looked to the papers, "Ready?"

"Do I have a choice?" He questioned, his hand going to my waist as he looked at the papers with me as I shook my head, "Where did we leave off?" He asked, rubbing my side gently.

"With the tutoring or the kissing?" I queried, raising a curious brow as I looked to him and then down at his hand on my side, "Because I hope you know you're not getting off that easily." And he smirked at me, leaning forward as he pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"Alright, let's get this shit done." He said and I couldn't help but grin. Finally we would get some real work done, and this was all because Edward and I had finally taken that step. It was going to be easier to get his work down and as I talked about the French Empire's defeat, he seemed semi interested and if not interested than just listening for my sake. He was easier to work with, which made the stress less visible and me happier. It took us two hours to finish up, and I even got Edward to do a small quiz. He didn't do too hot on it, but this was why I was here and I knew he was getting frustrated.

"Don't worry; you'll get the hang of it." I told him as he ran his fingers through his tousled hair, shaking his head with a groan. I felt bad for him, I really did because obviously he wasn't used to all of this studying.

"I don't know how they expect me to remember all of this shit." He growled between his teeth and I sighed, feeling bad for him but I couldn't reflect that. I had to be strong, had to tell him that it'll pay off in time. I shut the book, sliding it to the side as I picked up our papers.

"That should be it for today." I told him, sliding everything into my book bag. I then looked over my shoulder at the piano and then back at Edward whose eyes were sunken in, and I knew he was tired, "I didn't see this last time." I said, gesturing my head to the piano.

"It's new. Carlisle bought it for show." He said, shrugging his shoulders. I stood up from my chair and walked to the bench across from it. I almost didn't want to sit because everything was so…white, and so cordial and perfect. I felt if I sat on it, it would be tainted, but Edward followed me, sitting right before I did. I sat down next to him, pressing down on a key.

"I saw a piano in your room. Can you play?" I asked him and he shook his head, but stopped to shrug, "So, yes or no?" I laughed at his weird reaction to my question.

"I know how to play a little bit. And the piano upstairs is electric, nothing like this. What I play up in my room, and play down here is completely different." He said and I grabbed his hands, wanting to hear what he could do. I set his fingers to the keys and urged him with an encouraging look. He looked at me uneasily, but his fingers flew across the keys slowly, the song meshing together. It was beautiful – almost heartbreaking and I wondered how a kid like Edward, who only showed up here two years ago could know how to play the piano. Or did he know before when he was bumping from foster home to foster home? I watched as Edward played the piano and suddenly felt bad for him. He was a foster kid, the worst kind of kid ever. Knowing that someone put you there because they didn't want you anymore – that must have been hard. But Edward seemed to be getting along quite nicely now that he was with Carlisle. His hands slowed down and I set mine on top of his. Edward looked to me, a smile on his lips, "What?" He questioned and I shook my head, not saying a word.

Edward turned his hands, so his palms were collided with mine. His fingers laced with mind and I didn't really notice that we were in a super awkward position. Edward leaned forward, his forehead against mine. Our fingers moved away and he brought me to him, our lips connecting like a wave crashing into the sand. It was hard at first, but as we continued it became softer. His lips caressed mine as they fit perfectly together. My hands went around his neck as we continued our strong embrace, his hand touching the small of my back as he pulled me closer. And for a moment we pulled away and smiled at each other, my body leaning closer as I sat my head against his chest, and I could feel his heart beating. After a few minutes we pulled away and luckily we did because as Edward laughed at me for the way my hair had become slightly tangled the door flew open and both turned to see Jasper in the doorway, and Alice peaking up behind him.

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**Author's Note; Hey, what are you doing? I just left you with this cliff hanger and you are going to exit? No. Review. Please? Smokeward loves the reviews! **


	16. The Secret

Authors Note; Yeah, didn't take me that long to update, hmm? Less than a month, is that a new record I see? Haha. Well this chapter is really long, probably the longest I have written but it took me less time than any of the other ones as impossible it seems.

**So I totally want to shout out to my beta, Jenn who likes owns me at this point because I wouldn't be able to do this without her. **

**Alright, go read. I know you've been itchin' to do it.**

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**EPOV**

Jasper stood in the doorway, his eyes scrutinizing everything that was going on and, to him, everything that was wrong with this picture, "Hi, Bella!" Alice chirped behind Jasper, finally getting out from behind him as she then threw me a glance, a tiny smirk playing on her lips. Bella didn't say anything and just turned when she noticed that Jasper was glowering at her. I wanted to fucking punch him flat in the face for staring at her like that, "What's going on here?"

"Nothing." I quickly spat, turning with Bella as I stood from the piano. Bella stayed still, looking down at her hands as she sighed softly, biting at her bottom lip, her cheeks flooding with pink, "Bella was just leaving. Right?" I had a poisonous tone with the comment as I looked to Bella who looked up to me, as if she couldn't believe I said it. Her lips parted and it almost looked like if she was going to shed a tear. But she didn't. My girl knew how to be strong, even if I was being a fucking douche bag. Bella stood from the piano and walked to the table, grabbing all of her shit and piling it into her book bag. There was no doubt in my mind that she was pissed, and she had every right to be.

"C'mon Bella. I'll walk you out." Alice said as I stared at the wall, knowing that Alice was frowning at me. The noise stopped and I looked down to Bella who had her bag around her shoulder. Alice was trying to push her on but she wouldn't budge and she turned to look at me to say something but Jasper cleared his throat like the fucker he is. Bella froze and turned around, heading out the door with Alice. My fingers went directly to my hair as I turned around, hating myself for being such an ass.

"What the fuck was that man?" Jazz said just as Bella walked out, and I knew she fucking heard it, "Did you fucking lie to me this morning?" He spat, referring to this morning when he asked me if I had a thing for Bella. I stayed quiet, contemplating on telling him. I mean what's the fucking harm? He'd eventually get over it, right? I walked to the table, grabbing the scrap pieces of paper and crumbling into a ball, "You do like her, don't you?"

"No!" I finally sneered, turning to him as he tensed at my voice, "I didn't want to fucking study anymore, so I tried to get her to do something else. I just… I didn't want to do my work, alright? So get off my fucking balls." _Fucking pussy._ I turned around and walked out of the dining room and into the kitchen. Alice and Bella were already gone and I could see from the side window that Bella was opening her house door, closing it quickly behind her, and I could have sworn I heard it slam, only giving me the indication that she was fucking pissed.

"Oh." Was his answer, and I knew he was regretting yelling at me, "Listen man, I didn't mean to… I just thought because they way you guys were staring at each other." He stopped to laugh, "You almost looked like you were in love or something."

"Love?" I asked, the word was mysterious to me and even felt awkward when I said it, "Fuck that." I spat but something felt wrong. I didn't want to reply with that, because even though it was foreign to me, I just… I don't fucking know. I don't love Bella. But that's because I don't even know what love even feels like. It was a difficult subject for me.

"Well, hey, listen… I've got a proposition for you…" He said and I turned to him, leaning against a chair as I laughed to myself.

"This'll be good." I grinned, hoping to hear what he had to say as my arms crossed each other over my chest, waiting for him to tell me this _proposition_ he had in mind.

"It's James." He said, my grin fading as quickly as it came. My body tensed just at the sound of that fucker's name, "He wants us to come by. He said he wanted to talk to you."

"Well you can give him a message from me saying 'go shove your fist up your fucking ass'." I smirked inwardly and Jasper sighed deeply. He just didn't understand the immense hate I had towards James and his stupid fucking pack groups he carried around with him, "Why the fuck are you even friends with him anyways? He'll just screw you over like he did with me because he's a pussy."

"I think he wants to make amends." Jazz shrugged and I looked at him with a smirk, letting out a soft laugh. Jasper didn't know James like I knew James. He didn't know that if they were doing something bad and the plan went down wrong James would sell you out like some good weed. He didn't give a fuck about his friends and brotherhood meant nothing to him. He was only concerned about himself, "Come on. It's been months. Just hear what he has to say." I stayed quiet, "Please? Please? Come on Edward, for me. You don't know how fucking hard it is to be friends with the both of you when you hate him."

"Cut the soap opera shit, Jasper. This isn't the _Bold and the Fucked Up_." I said and he looked at me questioningly how I would know a soap opera name like the _Bold and the Beautiful_. When you get suspended as much as I do, there isn't anything on TV but fucking soaps.

"Edward, do this for me. Come on." He pleaded once more and now I was getting fucking annoyed.

I was quiet for a moment, contemplating my answer. What was the worst that could happen? James begging for my forgiveness and then I tell him to fuck off? I didn't even want to deal with this shit. To be honest, there was a pit in my stomach that I knew was from what happened with Bella; I had to fucking apologize to her. But I couldn't do that with Jasper on my ass all day, "Fine." I answered, "I'll go. But if any shit goes down, I'm out. All right?"

Jasper didn't say anything. He only smiled.

I turned the Volvo into Grigory Park, my gut tensing as I saw the sign. I just had a really fucking bad feeling about this. James never cared about me before, never cared our friendship had a fallout. To him I was just a guy who hung around him, he couldn't care less. And as I pulled up to the familiar house I wished to be anywhere but here, but mostly at Bella's because I knew I fucked up with her with the way I acted. Jasper was out before I even turned off the damn car. I reluctantly got out of the car and followed him into the house, not surprised when the door opened that a cloud of smoke pooled out. We walked past many people who just sat around, doing nothing as they smoked. This place was the epitome of failures. They sprawled everywhere and when we went back into the main room I saw James turn around with the brightest yellow grin ever.

"Edward!" He called out for me and walked forward wrapping his arms around me as I tensed not moving, "Good to see you here, I was afraid we ended on a bad note back at the party." He smirked and I just stood still, feeling a hand wrap around my shoulder.

"Edward…" A slurred voice said to me and I didn't even have to turn to see the person who the voice belonged to.

"Victoria." I muttered and she just planted a kiss against my cheek and I winced because I didn't want her fucking dirty mouth anywhere near me. She turned and moved to James, her arm wrapping around his middle as he smiled down at her. And no matter how fucked up those two were they looked at each other so lovingly, and it was the last emotion I'd ever see on James face, "Why did you want me here? You know I have no interest in joining your cult."

"Cult?" He questioned, raising a curious brow as if I offended him but he just shrugged it off, "I remember you once used to be apart of this cult." He said and I looked over him to see Jasper deluge into the coke. I had an urge to join him, remembering the times I was apart of James' group. He had the best coke around. But the memory of me high off my fucking ass and loving every moment was replaced with Bella.

"That was a long time ago. Then you fucked me over, remember?" I sneered and James just shrugged as he peeled Victoria off, allowing her to go mingle with some other guy, something I could never let Bella do due to my protectiveness of her.

"Walk with me, Cullen." He said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder urging me forward. I shrugged him off, walking forward with him as we went into a private room. There was mold on the walls which made me fucking cringe at how dirty he kept this place and cringe even more at how much I use to love being here, "I want to apologize. And I know it's late, it's just I never knew you were so upset with me."

"You let me take the blame for something you did, James. Why the fuck would think I'd be okay with that?" I scoffed and he just shrugged as if he didn't fucking know, "You let me rot in house arrest and told me I was taking one for the team!"

"In my defense you could have told them I did it." He told me as he walked to a chair sitting down in front of me as he grabbed a blunt out of his pocket lighting it up with the matches that were in his other pockets.

"You know I wouldn't do that." I told him through gritted teeth. I wanted to tell on him, like a fucking little child but I had some kind of brotherhood tactic with him, "I thought you would have had the balls to come clean, it's not like you would have gotten in that much trouble."

"Yeah, right." He laughed as he shook his head, "Swan's already got my balls on a leash, why would I tempt him even more? As for you who he barely cares about."

I groaned as I shook my head, getting annoyed, "Now he does. He's breathing down my fucking neck twenty four seven."

"Is that why you're with Bella?" He asked and I froze instantly. How dare he fucking bring her up in a conversation, something that has nothing to do with her, "Because Swan is on your back? You think getting with his daughter and show him how _gentleman _you are will get him to back off?" He laughed as he shook his head, "That's fucking low, Edward. Poor girl."

"You know nothing. And don't you fucking dare bring Bella into this. She has nothing to do with our past, and you fucking know it." I told him, my finger pointing as he just fucking chuckled. _Just chuckled_.

"Look, Edward… She has everything to do with this. She's the reason why I came to you in the first place. To see if she was really yours or if she's on the market." He smirked his yellow teeth glowing as he took a hit of his joint. My knuckles clenched together, turning white as I swallowed hard.

"Don't even fucking think about it." I told him through clenched teeth, just wanting to knock all his fucking teeth out.

"I wouldn't dream of it Edward." He said, lying to my fucking face, "But considering she is off the market, that doesn't mean you can't take up my offer." He said and I just stared at him questioningly, "I want to offer you a clean slate here, Edward. We can start over. We really miss you being around. Especially Victoria." He said and I just shuttered at the thought of what I used to do with Victoria, and how James just willingly let us do it, "Come on. Be a man. Come back. We've got plenty of girls and drugs. A dream come true."

"No thanks." I said with a forced smile, "I have everything I want." I said before turning around.

**BPOV **

"Bella was just leaving. Right?" Edward said sharply and I stared at him, my eyes slightly widening. But it took me no more than two seconds to decide that I didn't want to stick around if he was going to act like that, and I wanted to say something to him but I didn't… I just didn't. I walked to the table, throwing everything into my book bag harshly so he would get the picture that I wasn't the happiest person right now. I began walking towards the door and Alice reached out for me, her hand on my shoulder.

"C'mon Bella. I'll walk you out." Alice urged me forward and I walked at first but then the anger built up inside of me. Why was he so embarrassed by me? Especially with Jasper? Why was he okay when Emmett came in and found us? Why is it just Jasper? I stopped and Alice tried to push me but I just wouldn't move. I turned to see Edward looking at me and I wanted to tell him a piece of my mind right then and there but Jasper turned to glance at me, his throat clearing as he glared at me. I glared back and he looked surprise. That was all I needed to do in order for me to walk out. Alice patted my shoulder as we walked through the house and she led me to the front door, "You know he's not as bad as he seems…Jasper – I mean."

"He looks pretty rude to me." I sneered and turned to her afraid I may have offended her, "No offense…" I quickly said but she laughed and hugged me. _She hugged me_. It was the most awkward hug for me, but she seemed to enjoy it, "Uh…" I muttered as I patted her back slowly, "Thanks?"

"Sorry, it's just…I thought you needed it. I know Jazz can be a jerk, but he really is a sweet guy." She told me and I looked back towards the kitchen where it led to the dining room, and then back at her as I rose an eyebrow, "I know he seems hard but he's really a great person. You should have seen how he treated me when we first met. He was horrible. He just doesn't know you Bella…after awhile…"

"Awhile will be too late, Alice." I said angrily, seeing her understand where I was coming from, "I did nothing to him yet he is still under the impression he can be like this to me. And Edward isn't making it any better… He should be defending…" I stopped looking as Alice rose a curious brow. I shrugged it off; stopping as I turned and left the house.

I walked across the street, stepping into my house as I closed the door behind me. I leaned against it, dropping my bag as I could hear shuffling in the living room in front of me, "Bells?" I heard Charlie call out and I walked forward to hearing a define click. I stopped instantly as I saw the gun in his hand. He shoved it into his gun holder and I missed a breath, "There was an accident down past Grigory Park. I'm leaving early to go scope it out." I stayed silent and just nodded my head. Charlie came up to me and kissed my forehead, "Lock the door behind you, alright?" He asked me and I nodded. He walked past me and left where I followed, locking the door instantly.

I tried to open my eyes. Her body came closer to mine as my lungs filled with air. This never happened before, she was never this close. My mother came closer and closer and finally her eyes flew open, blood shot and glassed over. Blood began coming out of her mouth as she opened it and I tried to scream, but I couldn't. I wanted to cry as her hands touched my shoulders and I flinched away.

"Bella…" She whispered and I opened my eyes to look at her, "Bella…" She said again, blood slipping out and floating above us. I cried out, my body jumping up as I was sweating, sitting in my bed. I let out a wail, my hand going to my chest as my heart was pounding. I moved away from the position I was in, crawling at the end of my bed as I continued crying.

A knock from the door caused me to tense. I didn't want to get up but whoever it was, they were continually knocking. I stood up from my bed, my bones still a bit tense and hard to move. I walked down the steps cautiously, looking at the window connected to the side of the front doorframe. I only saw a shoulder. I stopped at the last step, staring as the body moved and Edward's face came into view as he looked through the glass. He smiled at me and I sighed, stepping down onto the floorboard as I unlocked the door, opening it to see him drenched in rain, "What time is it?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Two." He repeated quickly. I rubbed my eyes shivering as I was only in a tank top and sweat pants, "May I come in?" He asked and I nodded my head, allowing him in as I closed the door behind him, locking it, "I didn't mean to bother you," He muttered as I turned around. He was tugging off his drenched coat, hanging it on the banister of the staircase, "Did I wake you?"

I shook my head, my arms going across my chest as I rubbed my shoulders, "I actually just woke up." I exhaled, noticing he seemed happier than last time I saw him with Jasper in his kitchen. It went silent and Edward moved his feet, causing a squeaking noise against the hard floor. I flinched at it and he took note into it because he was glancing at me curiously.

"Bella…" He began reaching out for me but I turned, not wanting to be touched right now. Edward sighed, nodding his head as he looked away, "I deserve that." He muttered to me and I looked at him curiously. I just didn't want to be touched, he must be thinking of something else, "What happened earlier…with Jazz…" He began and I finally realized that he felt guilty for his harsh words.

"You can say it." I sneered, not knowing why I was acting like _this_. He paused and just looked at me, as if he was lost, "You can tell me you're embarrassed by me, it's okay." I nodded my head, "Just better you tell me now so you can leave."

Edward was silent and his chest heaved as if I had punched in right in his abs, "Is that what you think?" He laughed, covering a groan as if he was frustrated with me, "You think I'm embarrassed by you?"

"I can see that you are." I laughed hard at him as I walked past and into the kitchen. He followed me as I put my hands on each side of the sink. I turned on the water, and it was as cold as ice. I cupped my hands, putting it under the water and gather it to put it on my face. It felt good, and refreshing. I could feel Edward though. The electricity that ran through me – I knew he was watching. I jumped at the feel of his define arms, wrapping around my waist as his chest pressed into my back, his chin setting onto my shoulder.

He pressed a kiss under my ear, and I could feel his breath against my skin. I wanted to push him away so badly, but I just couldn't, "I don't know how you could think I'm embarrassed by you. I want you to know that if I thought it was a good idea, I'd tell everyone that your _mine_." He told me and I closed my eyes, loving the contact between us, "But it's not good. Not now. Not just because of Jasper. Because of everyone else." My eyes widened open as I pushed him away, the electricity removing.

"Who cares about what they think? This is why I'm under the impression that you are just humiliated by me." I cried, stopping before I got too ahead of myself, "Though I wouldn't blame you." I looked to the ground, my fingers running through my hair, "I am a _freak_."

Edward smirked as I looked up to him and he stepped back to me again. I didn't move, and stayed put. He kissed my nose as his hands gather my chin, "And that's why I am so highly interested in you. Because you're not normal. You are weird. Fuck, Bella. You don't know how turned on I get by how weird you are."

I laughed, shaking my head at his stupid comment as he snickered. I grabbed his hands as I pull them down so he wasn't touching me anymore. He watched me carefully and my smile faded, "Why, Edward? Why is it that you cringe every time Jasper or anyone for that matter walks in the room and sees us? Even if we aren't all over each other, just why? Please give me a reason, because I feel like we are hiding it because you are mortified by me." I pleaded and he just smiled at me, kissing me again on the nose.

"I could never be mortified by you… Unless you end up having a dick. Then I'd be mortified and scarred for life." He told me and I laughed, shaking my head at his ridiculous comment, "It's not just Jazz. It's Carlisle, and your dad. They just don't understand. Carlisle has always wanted me to be happy, and he knows I care for you. But he doesn't know I feel the way I do for you. To him you're so innocent. He'd think I'd corrupt you…and your father. We'll let's just say him and I don't see eye to eye."

Edward let go and I watched as he turned around. I followed him, my hand skimming his back as I blocked him from going any farther, "So something happened between you two?" I chuckled shaking my head, "And all this time I thought he just didn't like you for no apparent reason."

"No, something happened. I can assure you something happened that made your father fucking hate me." He said as I just looked at him, waiting for him to explain why this hatred was so strong between my father and him, "I just…I don't want you to think badly of me when I tell you this." He mumbled and I crossed my arms over my chest hearing him sigh as his hands went into his hair, like they always did when he felt overwhelmed, "A long time ago, I was friends with James…"

"The guy at the party?" I inquired and he just nodded his head, his fingers causing his slick hair to go back. Was it wrong to think I was slightly turned on by this? I bit down at my lip, watching as he turned away from me and then quickly turned back and his hands at his sides.

"We were really close. And we were fucking stupid. Just downright stupid… And we did a lot of shit, drugs, alcohol, you name it. A year or so ago we were just really fucked up one night and James decided to light a trash bin on fire. And not just one of those cans, a whole fucking bin." He tried to show the size out with his arms, but obviously couldn't do it, "The fire spread to a building, I mean the building was already fucked up as it was and no one was in it, but it's still vandalism. And we were stupid enough to stick around. And the first sign of a cop, James was gone. He was more coherent than I was that's why it took me awhile to get away." He stopped, and I could tell we were getting to the part he didn't want to tell me, "Days later your dad showed up at my house. Carlisle wasn't home. I thought I had nothing to hide because I didn't do anything, but your dad interrogated me, blamed me because some people saw me there, and my alibi didn't match up. And I wasn't just going to fucking rat James out. I was more than that. Your dad wanted to cuff me but I refused and I…" He stopped, gulping hard, "I punched right in the nose, and broke it."

I froze, remembering the time when Charlie had told me over the phone that his nose was broken from some drugged up kid. At the time of the phone conversation, it sounded serious so I was sympathetic towards him. But now, knowing that the kid was Edward all I wanted to do was laugh, "You're the one who broke Charlie's nose?" I stifled a laugh and Edward nodded shamefully. I than began laughing, almost hysterically and Edward just looked at me; dumbfounded. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I laughed, my arm crossing my stomach as I began to relax, "It's just that… I saw him with his nose brace. I tried not to laugh when I saw him, but I couldn't help it sometimes."

"I'm glad this is funny to you. Because I did that, your dad breathes down my neck all the fucking time." He groaned, "I had to drive him to the hospital and I apologized over and over again and when we got there, Carlisle talked to him alone. And because he and Carlisle were good friends and someone else claimed they saw someone else at the scene Charlie let me off the hook. I was on house arrest for two months and Charlie said if I ever step out of line again, he'll send me straight to jail. And being with his daughter? When he knows my past? He wouldn't approve, Bella."

"It doesn't matter if he approves." I told him strictly walking up to wrap my arms around his, "I don't care what he thinks."

"You should. He's your father." He spat and I let go of him, watching as he walked to the counter. My hand pressed into the opposite arm as I stared at him dubiously. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose as if it was to calm him.

"What about James?" I asked and Edward froze, looking up and past me as if he was staring at someone behind me, though I knew no one was there.

"James got away with it. They couldn't prove it was him. I even called him when I was on house arrest. He shrugged me off and told me at least someone was taking the blame, the fucker. I expected he would come forward, let me off the hook but he didn't. This is why I freaked the fuck out when he was at the party. Because James is relentless and if he wants something, he'll take it. I had to protect you." He growled, shaking his head. I walked up to him, but stopped to just stare at him. He looked down at me, looking past my shoulder as he sighed, "It wasn't a big deal…setting a bin on fire… Then the building that was already deserted; it wasn't like anyone was killed. But Carlisle, he has never looked at me the same again. Especially after I punched your dad. He was so fucking disappointed."

"He loves you." I told him, my hands going to his shoulders as I rubbed them gently, "No matter what you do. I can tell that he loves you because you're his son. Adopted or not." Edward looked down to me before his arms wrapped around my waist, "And he may be disappointed, but it won't change how he feels Edward." Edward leaned down, his forehead against mine.

"We have to keep it a secret. At least for now. Work our way into it." His voice was pleading, almost desperate. I could tell he didn't want to mess anything up, which made me sympathize for him. I nodded, my hands cradling his cheeks as I brought him in for a kiss. The kiss was urgent and fervent and before I knew it Edward had me backed up in a corner where his tongue nearly slid down my throat. He picked me up, his body and the wall holding me above the floor as his tongue slid over my bottom lip. I let out a soft moan, my hands tangled into his hair. He stopped for a moment to take a breath and let me go. I grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the staircase.

We went upstairs and he stopped at the doorframe of my room. I turned back to him, my head cocking to the side, "Are you sure you want me in here? Charlie will be home…"

"Around five. I'll set my alarm." I told him as I played with my alarm setting it for four thirty and he walked in, eyeing my room as if he was studying it. He kicked his shoes off and took off his plaid shirt, leaving him in his white v-neck and pants. I laid on my bed, watching as he continually looked around my room, "Something interesting?" I smirked inwardly and Edward looked back to me and chuckled, his hands deep into his pockets.

"No, no. It's just, last time I was here, I was running from Charlie. I didn't _really look_ at your room." He paused looking around once again as if he were analyzing it, and then his eyes faded back to me, "It's not…what I imagined." He scoffed and I was confused. Did he expect me to be the kind of girl with pink walls, posters of the latest teen heartthrob and diaries everywhere? He couldn't expect like that, because I never wore any pink, I didn't read or catch up on the latest gossip in the celebrity world and I certainly didn't have enough time to write, though I probably should. Maybe it would help me release the emotions I kept in front of me so blatantly clear for the world to see, "It's just, I figured you as the pink wall kind of girl. Not green." He shrugged and I rolled my eyes at how predictable his answer was, "I like it."

My fingers had fallen to my bedspread as I then looked to my window seeing Edward's house across the street, the lights out and looking somewhat eerie, "Don't worry." He told me, sitting at the end of my bed, "Carlisle doesn't come on my side of the house. He won't even notice." I looked over to him, tucking my hair behind my ear as I could feel the electricity pulsing between us. And I wanted to just grab him and kiss him until my lips started hurting but I knew I couldn't, or at least I thought I couldn't. I nodded to him, smiling as I leaned against my pillows that were bunched up behind me, "Are you tired?"

"A little bit." I responded in a slight whisper. He scooted closer to me and my hands went out instantly, and even scared me at the sudden movement. But Edward only smiled, his hands grabbing mine as we lay down next to each other. I leaned away for a moment, turning off the lamp to look back at him. He was dark but I could feel him there, and could see his emerald eyes staring at me. I let out a soft breath, staring down at his chest. I didn't want to fall asleep but the mixture of the electricity and heat bouncing from Edward and I and the dark room was causing me to go weak.

"Bella?" He whispered and I muttered a 'Hmm' to him, it sounding more like a moan. His fingers traced along my cheek and I finally looked at him to see his eyes pained. He had my undivided attention now as my hand went to his shoulder, "I don't want to hurt you. But I'm afraid." He told me, and I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. I had to hear what he had to say, "I'm no good at a relationship."

"I didn't know we were in a relationship." I said quickly, and it hit him hard. His eyes narrowed and I quickly took back my words, "It's just…I didn't mean it like that…" I whispered, cursing myself silently, "I never knew we were officially in a relationship. You just never told me."

"Because I'm not good at it. This whole boyfriend thing? I'm new to it, Bella." He told me with a sigh, his eyes smoldering and his lips perfectly plump.

"Does this mean you're my boyfriend?" I asked him eagerly and he just smiled and nodded his head. I smiled back at him, my fingers tracing down his bicep as I let out a big breath of air, slightly overwhelmed by all of this but in a good way. I finally had him, even though we couldn't share it to the world just yet, but I knew that he was mine as I was his.

His smile quickly faded though and I looked up at him in worry, "I don't want to break your heart. But I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore." He sighed and I just looked at him, my hand running down his cotton shirt as my eyes looked down to watch my fingertips fall to the bed.

"Then don't." I told him simply.

Edward just looked at me and I was beginning to get a bit fidgety with the way he was looking at me. No one has ever looked at me like that before. With such pain but at the same time such care. His arms slipped down to my waist and he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I closed my eyes as he just rested his lips against my skin, my hands going around his back and interlacing behind him. His forehead finally went down against mine and that's how we fell asleep together. It was nice and romantic, and best of all? My nightmares didn't come back.

When my alarm went off two hours later Edward and I both groaned. I turned around to hit the snooze button but Edward was already crawling off my bed. I turned to him, quickly moving towards him as my arms wrapped around his shoulders. He smiled and turned to me, kissing my lips softly as his hands went into my messy hair, "I have to go." He muttered against my lips and I nodded, "I'll see you later today?"

"Can't." I told him and he looked at me like I was crazy, "Charlie will be home all day. He wants to spend father daughter time. Whatever that means." I smirked and shrugged. Edward sighed as his fingers tapped along the skin of my arm.

"Well, good fucking luck with that." He said and I just smiled, not wanting to let go because I didn't want to see him go but also because he was warm and my room was cold and letting him go would mean me having to crawl into this empty bed by myself.

"I'll see you Monday, though." I told him and he went tense because he knew I was talking about school. I ran my hand up and down his back to reassure him that I knew that our relationship was meant as a secret, "At tutoring."

"At tutoring." He agreed as he gave me a goodbye kiss.

All Sunday I spent working on homework I was sufficiently forgetting, doing it in the living room as Charlie watched the game chugging down beers. It wasn't exactly father-daughter time material but we had fun. At the end of the day I made Charlie his favorite meal which was steak and baked potatoes, and I felt good about it. The whole sneaking around with Edward thing was beginning to bug me because I had to lie to Charlie about doing the tutoring sessions at the Cullen's instead of here. So making him his favorite dinner made me feel better. By the time Monday rolled around I had a good two hours and thirty eight minutes of sleep which is thirty eight minutes more of what I usually get. I slipped on jeans and a black v-neck sweater with a hood that I eagerly put up. As I hopped out of my truck and grabbed my book bag slinging it over my shoulder it wasn't a surprise that I saw Edward with his normal crowd of Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper and even Jessica and Lauren. I looked at them for a moment before turning around and heading into the school with my hood up.

The first half of the day was pretty slow and Gym was even worse. We were playing basketball, red versus blue, and I was on red with Jessica. She threw me the ball, well aware that I was no good at sports and when I missed two open shots due to having no clue what I was doing, Jessica laughed at me as the rest of the team whispered about how bad I sucked.

Finally it was lunch and I was ready to just deluge into my book. I was reading _The Glass_ _Castle_ for the eighth time during the past two months. I sat at the corner table like I always did chewing and swallowing a few fries but was too into my book to even finish the sandwich that was on my table. I heard a familiar laugh, it echoing through the already noisy room. Rosalie had the best laugh ever. It wasn't too much but it wasn't a little giggle that was just as equally annoying. It flowed beautifully as she walked with Emmett and Alice. Jasper and Edward were behind them talking about something. I watched as Edward walked to his table sitting down across from Jasper, and in the view to see me.

I looked down before he looked to me, because I knew that if we shared a gaze Jasper would probably notice. So I went back into my book, ignoring my food as I laughed at part, knowing that people were looking at me for laughing at myself. I didn't mind though and before I knew it the minutes were ticking by and we only had fifteen minutes left of lunch. As I flipped a page I heard someone behind me clear their throat and I didn't turn to know it was Edward. He was at the silverware cart behind me and I'm sure not looking at me as I could hear him clacking around metal.

"You should be eating." He whispered and I glanced around to see that no one noticed us. Jasper and Alice were holding hands and talking to each other as Rosalie and Emmett laughed about something. I looked down to my book as I smiled inwardly, pressing my hand into my cheek to hide my moving lips.

"I'm reading." I told him honestly as I flipped another page.

"Please eat, for me." He said with sincerity and I nodded as I began chewing on a French fry. He chuckled to himself but wasn't the least bit amused by my one French fry. I set my book fully down and picked up my sandwich as I began eating it. I put it down and wiped my mouth with the napkin and continued reading, "I can't wait to be with you tonight. You don't know how fucking badly I just want to kiss you right now."

I smirked as I brushed my hair back, trying not to look at him. I looked up to see Jasper looking at Edward and his gaze went down to me. We both looked away and I cleared my throat, "You should probably get back." I said but Edward was already gone, like he knew Jasper was looking at him too. I watched as he sat down next to Jasper the two engaging back into conversation as I sat at my empty table, looking back down to my book.

When I walked into Biology I saw Edward sitting at our desk, trying to finish up last the weekend homework. I laughed to myself as I walked to the desk, pulling out the chair as I set my bag down and pulling out my homework that was completed. I slid it over to Edward secretly and Edward tensed up but looked at it anyways, filling in the empty boxes he was suppose to do last night. When he was finished he just looked up and at Mr. Banner who began class before going around and looking at everyone's completed homework. He then told us we'd be working with our partners on a new activity including yeast and determining if it's alive or not.

When we got all of our equipment Edward and I didn't speak a word to each other unless it was about the project, and quite honestly I didn't care. I knew that this whole secret was important to him, so I just played along. We finished early and Mr. Banner told us to just work on the homework separately. Halfway done with my homework I heard someone giggling and I looked up to see Mike Newton whispering to some girl, the girl looking at me as she covered her mouth and laughed. My cheeks went red and I looked back down to my homework instantly. My body tensed as the girl continued laughing and Mike surely joined. Then the laughing stopped and I looked up to see Mike looking right past me, at the seat next to me, his face unreadable as he then looked away. I'm so sure Edward shot them a look which caused them to go silent, but why would Edward do that when he's trying to keep us under wraps? I then felt a hand exchanging electricity into my leg and I looked down briefly to see Edward's hand rubbing my knee soothingly underneath the table.

"What's this?" Charlie asked as I sat the large bowl of salad in front of him with a few pieces of steak mixed in with the green leafs, "Salad?" He questioned, his fork moving it around to see that there was some kind of meat in there, "And steak? Not a very good mix together." He said unwillingly and I rolled my eyes as I sat down at the table with him, eating my own salad.

"It's steak salad. It's good. Healthy." I told him and he just grunted under his voice and I crossed one arm over my stomach as I continually ate the salad. I thought it was good and I'm sure Edward would like it when he comes by for his tutoring session.

"I'm as healthy as a horse." He told me as he popped a piece of steak in his mouth and grinned at me, "And before I go into my hefty duty as chief of police you feed me a salad?" He asked raising a brow and I rolled my eyes once again at him being so juvenile, "Where's the manliness in that, Bells?"

"And to think I didn't have to make anything at all, but yet I did anyways for your benefit." I told him with a smirk, "And it's not like you do much here in Forks, right? The most crime you get is an impatient grandma driving ten over the speed limit."

Charlie frowned at my sarcastic tone and his eyes narrowed, "Ha, very funny Isabella." He used my full name for the first time in years, and I just smiled as I continued eating, "And for you information we are working on a case right now. There seems to be some drug dealing going on, or an anonymous source tells us." He said and I just nodded as I have heard this going on around school because this is where most of the kids are getting their drugs but the source is top secret, "I'm so close to breaking the case. And I'm almost ninety five percent sure Edward Cullen has something to do with this." He said and I coughed up a piece of steak quickly grabbing my water as I took a swig, "Bells? You okay?"

I nodded quickly as I froze taking a deep breath and remembered that Charlie was watching Edward carefully, wanting to bust him if he went out of line so it only makes sense he would make up such an assumption, "Why do you think Edward is apart of this?"

"He's dealt with drugs before. Numerous times. I just never actually caught him doing it. I've seen him on drugs before, but you can't bust someone unless you have proof." He shrugged and I was frozen in my chair the only thing moving was my hand as my fork played with my food, "And even if it's not him dealing the drugs, I'm sure he has _something_ to do with it. Anything." He whispered as if he was trying to keep that certain information to himself but I heard him, "Bells?" He asked and I looked up to see him staring at me in concern.

"I'm alright." I lied as I stood up with my half filled bowl and took it to the sink. This was it hit me that Edward was right. Hiding our relationship is what's best for right now in the interest of Charlie who I'm sure would not be happy with Edward being my boyfriend and would forbid it all together.

An hour or so later Charlie left for work, eating all of his dinner just like suspected he would even though he had doubts about it. I walked up to my room as I switched out of my sweater and jeans changing into a black tank top and some girl gym shorts. As I put my hair up into a messy bun the doorbell rang from downstairs. I walked to my window looking out my window to see Edward standing at the steps with his book bag. I smirked as I nearly bolted out of my room but casually walked down the stairs opening the door to see Edward smiling but it quickly fading as he saw what I was wearing. My cheeks flushed as he eyed me up and down but his smile instantly returning.

"Hey," He finally said and I smiled in return allowing him in the house. I closed the door behind him turning around to only feel his arms wrap around his waist. I let out a soft yelp in surprise but smiled when he kissed me so tenderly. He pushed me gently against the door as my hands went into his hair my eyes closing as his tongue brushed against mine. And when he pulled away he only looked at me and I couldn't help but smile.

**EPOV**

Just the fact that Mike put Bella's name in his mouth fucking set me off, and I had to use all my strength to not get up and punch him straight in the nose once again, and thinking that healing bruise from last time I clocked him just reappearing made me satisfied imagining it. I knew he was talking about her even though I couldn't exactly hear him, and I knew she knew it too. She looked to him and the girl he was talking to, the two of them laughing and looking at her already making my Bella that much more sensitive. My glare went right to him and I threw fucking canons at his head with my eyes and when he caught my gaze he quickly looked away like the fucker he was. I set my hand secretly onto Bella's knee feeling her tense body relax as she continued on what she was doing, and I thanked God that no one was sitting behind us to witness us.

When I got home from school I was patiently waiting for six to pass around so Charlie could just fucking leave and I could be with Bella all to myself. Tutoring can wait, right? I just wanted to hold her. I went through a pack of cigarettes, happy that I had a second pack ready for me when I ran out of my first. I walked inside, finally going back into the house for the first time all day to see Carlisle at his desk in his office, "Edward!" He called happily and I just smiled forcefully as I walked into his office.

"Hey, C." I told him as I sat in front of his desk on the leather chairs, his office seeming more like a therapist's room, which is probably why I'm so used and comfortable with it seeing many shrinks in my time, "How was your weekend?"

"Very long. But very educational. I always love those conventions, always learning new things." He smiled brightly his enthusiasm for his job just glowing off of him, and it was almost slightly annoying to see someone so passionate for something, "How was your weekend? Did you and Jasper do anything fun?" I was confused for a moment, forgetting what happened this weekend all together but the thing that brought me back was Bella, our first kiss in my bedroom as Emmett had a party down below us. Normally I wouldn't waste my time with a girl at a party except if I was really sex deprived and really, really fucking horny but with Bella we had all clothing items on and just kissed. It could have been marked as lame, but I fucking enjoyed it and I knew she did to, "Edward?" Carlisle asked and took me out of my trance.

"Nothing special." I told him instantly my knuckles clenching in my pockets as I began to stand up, "Just chilled mostly, you know there is nothing much here to do in Forks." I shrugged and Carlisle nodded in agreement, "Well I got to get to tutoring." I said, turning my back on him as I began walking out.

"How is Bella?" He asked curiously and I froze but had a smile playing on my face.

"She's good." I answered truthfully as I walked out, the stupid grin still slapped on my face.

I watched as Charlie's car left and I waited for a few minutes till I went over, but couldn't wait for too long. I had this fucking pulling feeling inside my stomach, like that stupid butterfly feeling girls get and talk about. But it didn't feel like fucking butterflies, and it felt like someone was pushing me towards the house. I finally felt it was all right for me to go over and I stepped outside with my bag and looked both ways before crossing the street. Not for cars but for a certain motorcycle or a yellow Porsche that belongs to Jasper or Alice. When the coast was clear I jumped onto Bella's front steps, knocking on the door as I waited patiently. It took her awhile to open the door, which made me slightly worried but when she opened the door I just smiled at her beaming face, but my smile was quickly changed into just wanting to kiss her right then and there. And fuck me, she was wearing little to nothing and I knew I was going hard at that current moment. I checked back in for a moment, my light coming back on as I smiled, "Hey," I said as she allowed me inside. And I was becoming hard fast and right when she closed the door and turned to me I brought her into an embrace. It probably wouldn't help my cause but I didn't want her to think that I got a boner all the damn time.

But it felt so fucking good to have her in my arms. Not to mention to witness her in a tight tank top with a pair of short shorts. I could see her fucking thighs and I knew what was behind the fabric, which made me shudder as I kissed her, pressing her against the front door. I pulled away to only pull back in and kiss her again but I saw her smiling at me with such a fucking huge grin. She was happy, and I was happy and I would never ask for more. I laughed at her smile because it was so fucking dorky and her smile faded as she was embarrassed but I shook my head, leaning forward as I pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"You're so goddamn cute." I told her honestly, my lips slipping to her cheek as I kissed her dimples. She sighed under my arms and I couldn't tell if it's an annoyed sigh or a swoon kind of sigh.

"Well, I wasn't really going for cute." She told me honestly and I just smiled as I pulled away feeling the heat and my pants going away. It put me in the clear to back off but I knew not to glance up and down if I wanted to get through this without another boner.

"You're so goddamn beautiful." I re-corrected myself and I'm sure that was a pleasant answer, but not the one she was looking for. She wanted me to tell her she was sexy and though I agree a hundred percent that she was fucking drop dead sexy, saying that to her would only ignite something between us that I can predict wouldn't go very far, what's the point in getting another boner? So beautiful would have to suffice, but I knew she was happy either way.

"I made you something." She smiled as she pulled me into the kitchen sitting me down at the table as she set a salad in front of me. Though it had pieces of steak in it I just fucking eyed her and she groaned, "Charlie gave me that same look. Just try it, you'll like it!" She said giddily and I shrugged as I looked to the salad, something I don't usually eat but she was so sure I was going to like it. I took a bite out of it. And I did like it, because it had the right amount of steak in it to pass over the lettuce flavor, which, though had no flavor, the texture had always bothered me.

"This is really fucking good, babe." I told her and she just smiled with a nod of accomplishment. She was proud of herself, as cheesy as it may fucking be.

After I finished dinner we went straight to studying and though I got a few notes stuck in my head we mainly just fucked around, talking about pointless and useless things, but it was nice talking to someone about that. I never had someone like that, where we could talk about nothing but still have fun doing it. After the failed attempt of studying, Bella and I laid on the couch, watching TV. She lay against my chest, my arms wrapping around her as we laughed at stupid moments from the show Family Guy. It was one of my favorite shows though and made me fucking ecstatic that she enjoyed it too. After it was over, Bella reached for the remote and turned off the TV as she looked down to me, her hands playing with the hem of my shirt.

"You know, we can't screw around when studying." She told me and I nodded in total but slight disapprovingly agreement, "They wont let us work together if you don't get better in history." She told me and I smiled, forcing a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"Don't worry, babe." I reassured her as I pressed a kiss against her forehead, "We'll take it serious. Starting next month." I said jokingly and she just rolled her eyes at me but still smiled. She went silent though and it made me worried at what she truly was thinking. I picked her chin up, smiling at her as she returned the grin, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know." She laughed weakly as she looked back down to my chest, "I guess this feels weird to me." She said.

"Weird?" I questioned.

"I've never been so happy. I mean I have. But not for a long time. I haven't been this happy at all since I've been here." She chuckled as she looked up to me and I could see the worry behind her face, "I feel like it's too good to be true, you know?" She said and I nodded. She went silent again and I slowly stood up, sitting her next to me.

"Bella… Can I ask you something?" I said and she looked up to me with a nod, "What happened? To your mom? If you don't mind my asking. And if it's too much of a question for you, you don't have to answer at all." I told her honestly as she stared down at her hands and I could see a tear falling down her cheek, like just the mention of her mom caused her to cry, "No, Bella. Fuck. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no." She told me, brushing my helping hand off. I moved my hand away as I just looked at her, "It's okay. I knew it would come up eventually, you know? The whole subject of my mom." She shrugged, "I know they talk about it at school. So I guess I should ask you, what have you heard?"

I paused, remembering what Angela told me. _Her stepfather a drunk. Bella abused. Her mother dead_, "Nothing really."

"I'd like to deny those rumors going around but most of them are true." She told me as she looked up, the saddest look on her face. I wanted to just turn back time and force myself not to ask, because seeing her like this just was a fucking blow to the chest, "My mom married Phil. He was some kind of baseball player. Getting popular. And it was good for the first two years. We were happy, you know? Then Phil broke his leg and shoulder in an accident. After he healed he found out he could still play, but it wasn't the same. He couldn't run for very long, and his pitch was terrible because of the bone in his shoulder not healing right. The doctors said they could fix it," She paused as she took a big breath, "But he said it was no use. He started drinking after that. And we tried our best to help him, to make him feel better but he just wouldn't stop drinking. He got so bad that he became abusive. First to me, then to my mother." Her voice began to choke up and my hand went around her shoulder rubbing it soothingly.

"Bella, you don't have to -" I began but she cut me off with her hand.

"No, its better you hear this from me rather than someone else." She said, and I felt terribly that I already knew where this was going because here she opening the truth to me and I already knew that she got in a car accident and her mother died and I was too pussy to tell her I knew, "His addiction to drinking got really bad, really fast. And last Christmas Eve we were on our way to my Grandma's, Phil was driving… And we didn't know he was drinking until we were half way there.

"My mom screamed at him to pull over but he didn't. They started fighting and as he was hitting my mother we were on a bridge. The wheel turned uncontrollably and we went into the lake." She paused for a moment to catch her breath because I knew she was close to balling. I wanted her to stop, but she just wouldn't, "We were completely underwater. Phil got out of the car easily, and I tried but my seat belt was stuck. I found one of Phil's knife tools under my seat to cut myself free and I wanted to go for my mom but something told me she was already dead, that there was no point. But I tried anyways. And I knew I was going to die soon if I didn't get out because my lungs were collapsing…"

She paused again as the tears went down her cheeks as she stared straight ahead, "I left her. I left her there to either die or just rot. My window was open and I swam out. Someone jumped in for me and that's really all I remember…" She choked.

"Bella…" I began but she stopped me once again, like she didn't want to hear it or something.

"Don't be sorry. I have enough charity to sustain a lifetime." She told me as she looked over at me with tear-filled eyes but that's not what I wanted her to think. It wasn't charity I wanted to give her; it was everything else that she needed, "After that they couldn't find Phil. They looked everywhere, but he was nowhere. Still is nowhere." She shrugged, "My dad came and got me, and that's when he took me in. And that's when the nightmares started. It's when I disconnected myself from everything. It's when everyone judged me because they didn't know me, because I wouldn't talk, because I looked like death because I didn't sleep, because I was a _freak_." She spat and I instantly felt bad, remembering the day I called her a freak. Because I didn't know the back story, because I didn't look at her completely, because I couldn't see the fragile broken girl who had just lost her mother. Because I was a dick.

I pressed a kiss to the side of her head, closing my eyes as my fingers went through her soft hair, "If I can't apologize on your behalf, can I apologize on mine?" I asked her and she nodded, "I'm so fucking sorry I put you through what I did. For being such an asshole to you."

"You didn't know." She told me and I shook my head furiously.

"It makes no difference. I should have been more sympathetic." I told her as I felt so fucking guilty for everything, _I just didn't know_. But that made no excuse for what I did just because I didn't know. Bella looked up to me as if she had nothing to say, as if she had said everything she needed to and she did. I wrapped my hand around hers as I pulled her off the couch and we went upstairs. We didn't even make it to the bedroom by the time we were being pulled together. I pushed her against the wall of the staircase, kissing her neck and causing her to moan. She kissed my shoulder, biting down hard onto it. It didn't take us long to get on the bed and for some crazy fucking feeling we felt a pull again, and I knew she felt it to because she connected to me right as I connected to her. Our lips met as if it were the first and last time as we kissed desperately. Her tongue slid into my mouth and her nails were grabbing my shirt and she was fucking feisty. And under any other circumstances, I would have found it an opportunity to move forward but considering we had just had that tense conversation, it wasn't the best time. As her hands found my pants I stopped her as I pulled away from her mouth. I laced our fingers together, kissing her lips tenderly we both began to settle down from the frenzy.

"Edward…" She whispered hoarsely to me and I just kissed her mouth again, my hands running down her waist as I muttered a 'hmm?', "I told you my story…" She began, her lip gently nipping at mine before she looked up to me with all this sympathy, "Can you tell me yours?"

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**Author's Note; Alright now that you've read this very long chapter, you must go review! Now? Please. Smokeward would appreciate it. **


	17. The Good Chase

**Authors Note; Yeah I know, it took me forever again. All I can say is I'm fucking sorry! Seriously. I've been working so much that I've barely seen any of my friends this summer, but I need the money so it's worth it.**

**I really hope you guys like this chapter though, because I've been working on it for a month. Of course it's no Picasso but I think it's something.**

**Okay children, go read. I know you want to.**

**** This is a shout out to my best friend Caity and her mom! They added my story to their favorites without knowing it was me who wrote it. Ironic? **

**Also a shout out to my beta Jenn. Would be nothing without her words of wisdom. No, seriously. I made the stupidest mistake because I was so damn tired and she corrected it for me. Had I missed it, or she missed it and it got put in the story you would all think I'm some kind of an idiot. For real. Jenn is my hero.**

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**BPOV**

Before I told Edward my back story I had to know if he knows anything about it because I knew my story was running around the mouths of the students at Forks high due to Jessica having some hatred for me. She spilled out lies from her venom mouth, making sure everyone told everyone, and I didn't know what Edward thought was true. Jessica spread rumors about me being in a mental hospital, me being a psychopath, me being a stalker, and of course the all time favorite me being a serial killer. Where she came up with these ideas I had no idea but the questions and looks I got after the rumors were spread were inevitable to stop, and I just let it take it's course until the students started realizing it was just Jessica spreading lies.

When Edward told me he didn't know what happened – I was relieved because he is the only person who I want to tell face to face because he needed to hear it from me and not from Jessica who always fabricated my story. When I began explaining I could feel something bubbling in my stomach – something telling me I was going to be sick to my stomach when I talked about my past. I held it down and told Edward everything. I told him how everything was perfect until Phil ruined his career and all the way to the accident. Somewhere in the mix of it I started crying – crying because the pain of the wounds I hashed open were stinging my heart keeping me open and out for him to see.

Edward apologized for being an asshole to me earlier when I first arrived and though I accepted I never really wanted him to apologize. I was so used to being made fun of – what was another person? And while in the midst of talking about my problems and him apologizing I began to think that it's not just me who has a story. I looked up to Edward – wanting to ask him about my thoughts but before the words came out I felt his arms around me, helping me up as he directed me towards the stairs.

I went up the first one, biting at my lip as I turned to look at him, still on the living room ground. Edward just smiled at me, my arms wrapping around his shoulders as I brought my lips to his. The kiss was soft and sweet at first – but eventually Edward and I both collided against the wall.

In the walk from the wall to the bed I bit down on his shoulder, causing him to groan and before I knew it my back was against my bed. I felt a spark between us which only caused me to move closer to him as if I wasn't close enough. And through our moans and wet kisses my hands went to his pants but he stopped me quickly, bringing our fingers together. I was a bit upset that I was turned down but I knew that he knew what he was doing and if Edward Cullen, the boy who is known to have sex with every girl he sees in sight, turns me down then I know there is either something wrong with me, or he thinks it's too soon. And to be quite honest I knew it was too soon as well – something came over me.

And once we calmed down, his body moving off of mine and situated next to me I couldn't help but think back to my earlier thought. I told him what I wanted to keep hidden from everyone – which was the truth and I opened up to him so blatantly that I wanted to know about him – I wanted to know his story I wanted to know everything that I could and everything that he would give me.

"Edward…" I said through a shaky voice – wondering how he would react to this. I heard him make a noise, and I continued on as I gulped, "I told you my story…" I paused again as my fingers went to his arms, "Can you tell me yours?" I asked softly, and Edward was silent for a few seconds, and I could see his face flustered into mixed emotions. I automatically regretted asking the question in the first place, my back against my headboard as I awaited for the storm that I just caused.

"Mine?" He breathed, my eyes looking up to him. He looked off in front of me, as if he wasn't paying attention at all – as if this conversation wasn't happening.

"You don't have to tell me." I said quickly, covering myself from this hurricane that I hoped wasn't going to blow in.

"It's nothing interesting." He said through a clenched jaw, his teeth grinding together as his eyes went down to my bedspread. He didn't say anything back which gave me the indication that he was thinking about it. I looked off and away from him, my lips pressing together as I tried to think of the right words to say, something that would make him realize that if he wasn't comfortable then I was fine with that.

"It's okay." I murmured, looking back to him. He turned to me and for the first time since I have known Edward I saw a sincere sadness in his eyes.

Edward situated himself so that his arm wrapped around my shoulder, his free hand grabbing mine as he playing with the rings on my fingers, twirling them around my skin. "It's nothing, Bella." He finally said, and I looked up to see the miserable look in his eye. It was exactly the opposite of nothing, it was something but he just wasn't ready to tell me yet.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, my cheek resting against his chest as I felt his chin on the top of my head. "Whatever it is…" I began with a kiss to his neck, his hands running up and down my spine, "I won't judge you for it. No matter what went down." He looked down at me as I looked up to him and for a moment we just looked at each other.

"How was I such a fucking douche to you?" He laughed, his lips pressing against my forehead as I shrugged with a small smirk.

"Don't worry; I was pretty used to it by the time you took your toll on me." I giggled, his hands coming around my waist to pull me up to eye level with him. My hands went to his cheeks, my fingers brushing against his jaw line as my lips instantly went to his.

"I'll explain myself to you one day." He whispered against my lips, and I just smiled, hoping for that day to come sooner rather than later. I wanted to know everything about Edward – everything from the inside out. Edward's hands went to cup my chin, his lips parting gently against mine as my hand went behind his neck and for hours we stayed like that. In such a tight embrace it felt like nothing could possibly break us.

fxxxx

My back pressed against my bed frame, the bars that flowed in an elegant pattern made marks on my back as I worked on my math homework. I listened to the voice of Jake Coco that hummed beautifully out of my stereo, my lips pressing together as I tried to concentrate on my homework but was drifted by the song. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath as I just let the music take me wherever; this specific song always reminding me of myself of how I was two years ago from how I was now.

_And I can paint you gray – to show how you're empty – to show how you don't care – so the world can all see. _

My eyes opened again as the song stopped, my mind refocusing on my homework as I finished up my last math problem, shoving my book to the side as I adjusted my black glasses, taking them off and setting them in their case. I gripped my pillow – hugging it to my chest as my tongue stuck out to wet my lips involuntarily.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie call out from my open door, my eyes looking to him now appearing from the hallway. I set my pillow down, smiling at him as he walked in, in his work clothes. "Thanks for dinner, Bells."

"No problem." I smiled, my arms crossing over my chest.

"I'll be home in the morning, alright? Call me if you need anything. The –" He began but I stopped him quickly, raising my hand.

"The taser and mace are in the top drawer above the fridge, I know." I rolled my eyes, watching the smile spread across his face.

"Goodnight, Bells." He smirked and I waved at him watching as he turned away and walked down the stairs. I lay back down, hearing the front door open and close, the police cruiser starting and pulling out of the driveway until the sound of tires against gravel was unnoticeable.

After a few minutes of lying down, I decided to slide out of bed to grab my coat. The sun was just now setting and it looked as if it truly wasn't raining for once here in Forks. I knew Edward wasn't getting back from tutoring until late considering he had just horribly failed his Biology test Monday. I felt bad for him during class today when he received it, but instantly showed him the D- on mine. I was never good in Biology. And the thought of him not being alone in that made him happy.

I zipped up my jacket as I walked down the stairs and out the door after locking it, crossing the street after looking both ways. I noted that Alice's Porsche was there and I was thankful. Between my schedule with school, homework, cooking for Charlie and time spent with Edward I felt like I haven't seen Alice in awhile. I stopped on the front porch, my small knuckles going against the wood of the door. When no one answered I pressed the doorbell and within a few seconds the door opened to a smiling Esme.

"Bella!" She erupted, allowing me inside. "So wonderful to see you, how are you doing?" She asked politely and I walked in, zipping off my jacket and hanging it over my arm.

"I'm good. How are you?" I asked, standing awkwardly in their marble hallway.

"I'm great, everything is going wonderfully with the tutoring. You know I have been forgetting to mention…" She paused, her arm brushing me so that we could walk together, "Edward is so eager to go to tutoring now that you are doing in the comfort of your home. He's doing alright?"

"He's doing great." I smiled proudly, because Edward was doing well. Despite him always needing a twenty minute break to kiss me, he was finally getting the gears in his head in motion.

Esme smiled, her hand rubbing my shoulder. "That's wonderful. I think I made a good choice in putting you two together." She gloated happily.

_You have no idea._

"Is Alice here?" I asked and Esme nodded, pointing me to the direction of the staircase. I treaded up them pretty quickly, walking down the hallway and to Alice's room. I knocked on it a few times but no one answered. Finally I heard someone muffling, my ear going against the door as I could hear something rustling behind it. "Alice?" I called out, my hand going on the doorknob.

When I opened it my eyes bugged out, my mouth widening at the sight of Jasper pulling up his pants and Alice putting on her shirt. They both looked at me, and Alice had an expression of relief but Jasper still held his hard look. "Bella!" She breathed, her hand going to her chest as I realized I was still staring. I darted my eyes away, and my cheeks reddening.

"I'm so sorry… I didn't know." I quickly muttered, my hands going into my face as I tried to hide from them still putting on clothes.

"Well, shut the door!" She yelped and I walked out shutting it behind me before hearing her scream, "Get back in here!" I walked back in, shutting the door behind me as they were both fully dressed.

"Alice!" Esme yelled from downstairs and Alice perked up running beside me and out the door as she went to tend to her mother. Jasper was nearing the window, and I wondered how he would have gotten out or in considering Alice's room was on the top floor.

"Jasper, I'm sorry." I said quickly, watching as he stopped his leg from going out of the window to turn to me. "I didn't know." I chewed on my bottom lip instinctively watching as he laughed coldly. His body came at me like a snake ready to attack a mouse – an innocent little mouse that had no way of protecting herself.

"If you weren't one of her friends I'd be madly cussing you out right now." He sneered, his face inches from mine as I could feel some spit hit my skin. "Why she would waste her time with you, I have no idea." He turned back around to saunter to the window just before Alice entered back in. She walked to him as they had an intimate moment together before he crawled out the window as I still shrugged back against the door frame, knowing that he just cut right through me.

Alice skipped back to me instantly stopping when she saw me against the corner, her hand reaching out to touch me. "Bella? What's wrong?" She asked and I immediately shook my head, how could I honestly tell her how much I despised her boyfriend? It would break her little heart and quite honestly I was used to the pain – just another dose of it would make no difference.

"Nothing. I'm alright." I smiled weakly knowing she could see past it. I had to make it more convincing, "I feel bad for interrupting…" I laughed coldly but she just smiled at me, shaking her head.

"We were already done." She smirked, grabbing my hand as she pulled me towards her bed. The sheets were a mess and I had no need to sit at the top where their actions had just taken place. I sat at the end, watching her sit Indian style in front of me. "What brings you here today?"

"I miss you." I shrugged watching as a smile spread across her face. "I've been really busy and I just didn't realize that you as my only friend – I've barely seen. I'm sorry."

"That's alright. I know you've been busy with _things_." She emphasized on the things her eyes looking directly at me and lighting up. I laughed gently, looking away as I shrugged.

"I've been busy…" I began but she didn't have any of that. She rose her eyebrows as she shook her head, stifling a laugh. "You know, with school."

"Is Edward considered school?" She asked quickly, her fingers going to her chin as she then flipped her short black hair. My cheeks reddened as I looked down onto her sheets that were askew on her bed.

"You know." I said blatantly. Alice just leaned against her pillows that sat at odd angles due to her encounter with Jasper.

"Nothing gets past me Bella." She smiled impishly, my lips pressing together to hide the smile because I was relieved she knew – I simply hated hiding it from everyone but if Alice knew and was okay with it judging by her smile then I felt relief. "Plus he's not so much of a dickhead anymore. He's still a dick, but not a dickhead." She laughed and I nodded. "You're softening him."

"No, no, no." I quickly said, shaking my head. "He's still intense, I assure you. I just – I don't know." I smiled, trying to think of the words I was trying to say. "He's different when he's not with his friends. He's sweet." And as I was swept up in the thought of him I had forgotten something – that even though Alice is my friend she has quite a mouth on her. "Alice… You haven't told anyone, have you?"

"Should it matter if I did?" She promptly asked, sitting herself up on her elbows.

"Not to me but Edward…" I trailed off; the subject was touchy for me. I knew his reasons were valid but sometimes I just couldn't get around them. But then again it's only been about two weeks since we've been together – maybe he just needed time for it to warm up to people especially Jasper.

"I haven't told anyone, Bella." She smiled, sitting straight up as her hands went to her knees. "I figured you'd tell everyone when you're ready. Or I guess Edward would."

"He's not ready to tell anyone." I told her, my hands fidgeting together in my lap. Alice noticed – she could sense my vulnerability to the subject.

Alice leaned forward to me, her eyes sparkling with light as if she held secrets behind them. "Bella, Edward has never had a girlfriend. He's had…" She stopped, trying to reword herself, "…Buddies." She quirked and I caught her drift, "Having a girlfriend for Edward is like someone winning the lottery. You just go threw all these tickets until you find the right one. The winning ticket. If he's willing to call you his winning ticket, then don't be so ashamed that he won't tell anyone yet."

"Thanks Alice." I smiled, laughing at her comparisons between relationships and lottery tickets.

Alice and I hung out all evening, talking and laughing, eating and me suffering from her trying to get me to go shopping. It was nice spending time with Alice because for once I felt like I had a friend – something I rarely had back in Arizona. At the beginning of night, Alice and I ended sprawled across her floor as she showed me some of her drawings of a possible fashion dream that she may or may not want to achieve and to my surprise she was an excellent drawer, the clothes that conjured up in her mind were so detailed that even I, the most fashion challenged person in the world, considered wearing some of her things.

As ten o'clock approached I said goodbye to Alice, giving her a gentle hug before exiting her room. I turned back at the hallway seeing that the staircase that led up to Edward's attic-like room was still attached to the ceiling. I wondered if he has been home at all. I turned my back around towards the staircase, carefully walking down to it and out of the door. It was now raining and as I extended my hood I looked both ways before crossing the street. I had forgotten to turn on my porch lights, barely being able to see the mat underneath me considering the moonlight was being blocked by clouds.

I leaned down, trying to find the welcome mat where the key was hidden underneath. My hands searched until I found something – something sharp that sliced right through the skin of my fingertip. I shot back quickly, the impact not hard but alarming. I was confused but found the mat, grabbing the key and sticking it into the lock only to find that my door was unlocked. Had I forgotten to lock it on my way out? No, I couldn't possibly. I opened the door, turning on the light to only see that the glass window next to the doorframe was shattered completely, shards of glass both inside my house and on my porch, one with a tiny drop of blood on it.

I took a step back, my house now all of the sudden looking eerie and frightening my lips trembling as I thought I could see a shadow past my staircase. I turned quickly, slipping on a shard and almost tripping but caught myself knowing this was no time for me to be careless. I ran across the street, back to the safety zone of the Cullen's just before knocking on the door. Within seconds Carlisle was at the door, allowing me in as he saw my terrified face.

"Someone…" I breathed in heavily, pointing to my house, "Someone's in there…" I cried, watching as Carlisle brought his cell phone dialing nine-one-one.

"Bella?" Alice asked at the top of the steps, running down to comfort me. I looked at my house, the darkness shrouding every bit of the inside besides a little ways into the entrance due to the porch light.

It had been matter of twenty minutes before Charlie showed up, pulling into the driveway with his partner. They searched and searched – but nothing was to be found. Just broken glass and an unlocked door. An hour had passed and I sat in the living room with Alice as Carlisle paced back and fourth, Emmett sitting on the bench of the piano as Esme leaned against the wall. Police lights shined through the windows and I was shaking in my seat wishing that Edward was here so I knew that he was alright. Alice could sense my anxiety, her eyes looking up to Carlisle who was still pacing.

"Where's Edward?" She asked aloud, cutting through the silence.

"At Jasper's for the night." Carlisle's voice was crisp and clear and I eased in Alice's arm, my body relaxing instantly. All of us turned to hear the front door open, Charlie coming into view as he looked over me – checking if I was hurt.

"No one was inside." He sighed. "We looked everywhere, everything is safe."

"Thank God." Esme perched from the side, walking to Carlisle as she gripped his bicep to comfort him. Though I was flattered that Carlisle was looking out for me I just didn't understand why he was so stressed out, pacing around the room and never looking anyone in the eye. It was as if he knew something – something he wouldn't tell.

"Bella?" Charlie asked, and I took my eyes off of Carlisle and to Charlie who leaned in front of me, gripping my hand. "You alright?"

"I'm okay." I nodded.

"We found a few drops of blood on a piece of glass, we're going to have it tested for DNA." He said, Carlisle tensing behind him and though I ignored it, my eyes glancing down to my hand as I shook my head, showing him the cut.

"It's mine. When I was looking for the key under the mat I accidently cut myself." I muttered, and Carlisle relaxed returning back to pacing. Charlie looked disappointed as if something like this could have been prevented, as if I cut myself on purpose.

"We that evicts any evidence we had." Charlie sighed standing up as I stood up with him. "Carlisle, Esme. Thank you for watching out for my daughter."

"It's no problem at all, Charlie. Be safe tonight, call if you guys need anything." Esme told him, holding onto Carlisle who looked down to the floor. I turned to wave at Alice and Emmett who waved back, my body turning so I could follow Charlie back to the house.

xxxx

I brushed through my hair in the bathroom Wednesday morning, my eyes heavy with dark circles from the lack of sleep. My panic attacks were horrid last night, every gruesome detail intensified to the extreme. After the first one – I didn't even want to sleep. Charlie was passed out on the couch when I left for school, and when I arrived it was still raining. My eyes fixated on Alice and Jasper who shared an umbrella. Jasper looked tired and restless as Alice tended to his side. They walked with Emmett and Rosalie but there was no Edward to be found.

And I quickly realized Edward hadn't come to school at all.

I was dying for his touch by Biology, hoping he'd just magically show up and make me feel better – make me forget the nightmares I had. But when the school day ended I stopped looking for him and just headed home. I did my regular, finished my homework and made Charlie dinner before he left. I had trouble keeping my eyes open and when Charlie questioned me about my lack of conversation I just shrugged him off.

Hadn't he been used to me disclosing myself from him?

"Bells…" He finally said at the dinner table, my eyes looking up to him even though I had nothing to stare at or distract myself – I wasn't hungry. "I wanted to ask you something before I acted on it."

"Which is…" I trailed off, my voice slightly cold from the lack of sleep.

"This past night just made me realize that maybe it's not a good idea to leave you home alone at night." He said, my eyes nearly bugging out of my tired sockets. I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to plea and ask him not to do that so I could have alone time with my secret boyfriend – one he happens to hates. "I know you're in good care with the Cullen's, but still…"

"No dad, don't give up your job for me. And you even said it yourself the night hours pay more and we need the money." I told him trying to meet him in the middle, my desperation for him to continue going at night hidden by my tiredness.

"I don't want anything to happen to you, Bells." He bellowed as if he were upset with himself that what happened, happened.

"Nothing will. You're getting a security system put in, and I have the mace and the taser." I began, pulling myself forward to grab his hand. "I know you enjoy going at night shifts. You're a night person, I noticed. I'll be fine. It was one accident."

Charlie was quiet for a moment, contemplating my words. He looked up to me, itching his nose just before beginning. "Alright. But I don't feel right about this."

All I could do was smile. I was safe – for now.

When he left I ended up on the couch picking at a piece of bread that Charlie didn't even touch. After the event of last night every sound this old house made intensified, my eyes always looking over my shoulder just to be sure I was alone. I could feel myself falling asleep, but I knew I couldn't. I'd shoot myself up, waking me instantly as I then turned on my TV, trying to distract myself. I heard something then, the ring of the doorbell.

"Bella?" A voice – Edward's voice called out to me. I stood up, tripping over the rug to get to the door, missing the step that went from the living room to the walk-in area. The shattered window had a large plastic bag attached to it until we could repair it which is why I could hear Edward so clearly. I unlocked the door, opening it to see Edward standing in the rain. His hood was put over his head and I noticed his left hand bandaged around his knuckles, my eyes fixating on it carefully.

"Edward…" I let out a soft gasp reaching for his hand, "What hap—" I was quickly stopped when he came barging in, shutting the door with his foot as his hand went to my cheek, "Edward," I quickly muttered, shocking by his actions as I was now pinned against the staircase.

"Are you okay?" He asked me, his eyes attached to mine. He was worried and I was sure it was because of what happened last night. I nodded slowly, feeling him stroke the bags under my eyes. "You didn't sleep."

"I couldn't." I told him honestly, grabbing his hand that caressed my cheek, bringing it down. "I was worried when you didn't show up at school."

Edward laughed, pressing his lips together as he shook his head. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about me. I was just sick, that's all." He murmured, pressing his lips to mine but it didn't make me forget his hand.

"Edward…" I mumbled against his lips but was easily distracted – my arms wrapping around his neck as the kiss deepened, his tongue entering between my lips when I opened my mouth. He was trying to distract me, and I couldn't deny that it was working. Our lips fit perfectly together, like the missing piece of a puzzle. My back pressed against the bars of the stairwell causing marks as he gently but still longingly kissed me. It wasn't until his wrapped up hand touched my wrist that I flinched back.

"What's wrong?" He muttered softly, my hand grabbing his as I brought it up to inspect it. The gauze went across his knuckles and wrapped around his middle finger, my eyes still examining it.

"What happened?" I whispered, my fingers gently skimming over the white bandage, feeling him flinch. He slowly pulled his hand away from me, the depth of his green eyes nearly glaring down at me, though not from hatred; he obviously wanted me to leave the topic alone.

"Just Jasper and I being stupid." He chucked halfheartedly, and I nodded knowing I wasn't going to get any other information out of him. I waited though, searched in his eyes but he just sighed as a hint for me to drop it – that it wasn't worth talking about though I thought completely different. I ducked under Edward's good hand, hearing him walk after me as I went towards the kitchen table. I hadn't forgotten that tutoring was the reason why he came here. I reached for my book bag as I passed the living room, setting it on the flat surface of the table in the kitchen.

Edward didn't say anything as we began our tutoring session, and instead just listened. For two hours I forced him to study and even do a few pages of questions throughout the hours. He didn't refuse or complain because I think he knew that I was upset. Granted our relationship had only been running for two weeks but if he's already keeping secrets from me then how could we meet in the middle? The Grandfather clock in the living room chimed eight loud times for the indication that it was already eight at night. I slowly closed my history book as Edward finished up a short essay on the events of the War of 1812. When he was finished he slid the paper towards me and I set it into my folder specifically for Edward's things, noting I'd have to re-read over it before our next session on Friday.

The silence between us was awkward as I didn't know what to say next. Would I thank him for being so well behaved during this session, or bring up the topic of his hand again? I didn't want to upset him so I stayed still – hoping that he would bring something up. He never did. I stood from the table and went towards the counters as I grabbed myself a glass of water, my throat dry and parched.

"Bella," Edward breathed standing from the table as he made his way to me. I set the glass of water down, my eyes narrowing at him as the small of my back pressed against the cold sink, my arms crossing over my chest. "I know your upset with me, but it really was just Jazz and I being fucking dumb. I swear." He said to me honestly as he was now in front of me, my eyes looking down to his hurt hand once again. I gently snatched it in mine, looking at it once again.

"I don't want any secrets between us." I told him, "If there are, we aren't going to make it very far." I muttered, and his face fell and it struck me, "I just mean – If something happened I want you to tell me. Isn't that what boyfriends and girlfriends do?" I asked awkwardly, shrugging my shoulders. I obviously was new at this too.

"I don't really know." He laughed, taking his hand away from mine so his good one could grab my face, caressing my cheek ever so softly, "I'm just glad your as hopelessly confused as I am." He smirked inwardly and I smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"Neither do I." I comforted him, my hands bravely running across his chest as I felt it go up and then back down. I looked up to him, noting that he was smiling, and I smiled back, feeling as he bent down to kiss me and really kiss me.

"I think we'll get the hang of it eventually." He muttered against my lips, pressing his hand to the small of my back and pressing me closer towards him. There was no space between; no place for air to move. We were stuck together.

**EPOV**

"Having fun?" I laughed watching as Jazz attempted to climb down the rose garden fence on the side of the house. The fucker could have just gotten a ladder, but that would have been too easy. Jasper missed an opening in the fence and I watched as he fell straight to the ground, though he wasn't that far from it. He groaned as his back hit the ground and I just watched, shaking my head at how fucking dumb he truly was.

"Shit…" He hissed, bringing himself up as he turned to look at me. "You could have caught me or something!" He bellowed and I shook my head, smiling like a jackass as I walked past him.

"Nah. That would have required effort." I said as I began towards the front of the house. I could hear Jasper jumping to his feet, clearing his throat as I stopped to turn around. He pulled a baggy out of his pocket, holding it up for me to see. "How are you getting hooked up with this shit?"

"I'm telling you man, when your on James good side, he'll fix you up." He chuckled deeply as I walked to him, snatching the bag away from him. My stomach swelled with excitement but my brain put up the red flags. I looked across the street and to Bella's house. I had every intention on going over there when everyone was sleep – but not if I was going to get fucked up. What would she say if she saw me? I would never even let her get close if I was – I was too aggressive. "You chickening out on me?"

"No, you asshole. I'm just fucking tired." I lied, the fabrication seeping through my teeth. Jazz just laughed at me, and my ego was wounded. I had to think of something – of anything. "What if Alice saw you – you'd be shitfaced and dumped."

"Since when the fuck do you care what Alice thinks?" He slurred – he was already under the influence. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Come on don't be such a fucking pussy." He grinned but he just didn't fucking know I wasn't being a pussy. I guess I was being a good boyfriend, or something along those lines. I'm so fucking lost when it comes to relationships that maybe it wouldn't matter if I did this. What Bella doesn't know won't hurt her. Hopefully.

xxxx

Bella's lips against mine were fucking bliss – something about her shyness appealed to me. And when she became tough it only put me over the edge. Granted, the first of the night was pretty motherfuckin' awkward because she was upset with me but I didn't know how I could explain to her what happened to my hand – she'd hate me. So when I barely said anything she put on this little attitude and only talked if it was about history. I could tell she wasn't sleeping, and partly that was my fault because usually we slept with each other – and for some fucking odd reason I comforted her.

I wasn't complaining – I liked helping her out but it only made me feel that much worse when I was there to help her through her terrors. She got over it and I mumbled on about not knowing what I was doing because I really fucking didn't and it relieved me that she didn't have the slightest clue either – at least we were on the same page.

I had her in my grip, kissing her gingerly as my fingers went through her soft hair. I knew I should have stopped – should let her sleep but Bella's little hands were clutching onto my shirt and it made me forget about everything. It made me forget until I opened my eyes to see hers – they were closed but they were purple from the lack of sleep. "You should get some rest." I muttered against her lips but she shook her head, her fingers moving to my hair. "Bella…" I growled and she slowly pulled away to take a breath but only for a second as she went to my lips again, "Easy there, Tiger." I told her, gripping her waist as I pushed her on top of the counter.

"I don't want to go to sleep." She tiredly said as she tried to hide a yawn but my eyes narrowed at her. She fucking sucked at lying. I helped her off the counter and ushered her up the stairs though she was unwilling to do so. She was so tired she barely made it up the first few steps, my arms securing her tightly as we moved upward. She was so fucking cute.

I put her to bed, setting myself down next to her and it didn't surprise me her eyes were already closed. My fingers skimmed the bags under her eyelids, inspecting them carefully. I wondered if this was a problem – if she was an insomniac and I noted that I had to look through some of Carlisle's files to get the symptoms – or just Google it.

But it wasn't just her eyes or her flushed skin – it was everything that struck me. How could I have possibly gotten so fucked up last night that I didn't even think of tending to her? Just the thought of that scared me because for some reason I felt attached to her – that if I lost her I didn't know what I would do. And just that scared me shitless. I'd never been so close to someone even if we only knew each other for a month. I looked down to the sleeping Bella, my lips skimming her forehead.

How could I be so fucking dumb?

"Alice knows." She muttered, my eyes widening as I looked down at her eyes that fluttered open. I had no idea she was awake. I didn't say anything, but I was curious to know what Alice knew. "About us." Bella finished her sentence and I sighed, looking off into space.

"So does Emmett." I told her reassuringly and watched as she broke a fucking cute smile.

"I'm glad someone does." She told me honestly and just as I was about to say _they won't tell anyone_, I stopped myself because she was happy that they knew. She wanted everyone to know but she just didn't understand how difficult that would be. James is putting the pieces together, which only put problems on me but if Charlie or Carlisle found out…it would be bad.

So all I did was lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead. She muttered something under her breath and I could have sworn she thanked me, though she shouldn't. So far I was being a shitty, drug addicted, lying boyfriend. She just made me feel so good.

She fell back asleep minutes later and I stayed awake the whole night, up until four o'clock hit around and I had to leave her. She mumbled as I got up but I pressed a reassuring kiss to her lips that I'd see her tomorrow.

School just fucking sucked. There is no way around that shit – it's pointless. My lack of sleep only made me become more fucking irritable and I thanked whatever power was above us that I didn't have tutoring with Bella today. Tonight I'd go to her house and just sleep next to her – no having to work on History. All I had was Biology with Angela and with that thought I grumbled to myself as I headed to lunch.

Jazz and Em were already at the table with Rosalie who was fawning over herself in her little pocket mirror as I sat down. "You look like fucking shit, man." Emmett roared and I just glared at him – long and hard because if I opened my mouth it'd be the end.

"I think he looks the same." Rosalie smirked and I still kept my mouth shut – there was no reason to hash open old wounds. She was just too easy.

"No, Alice, please, no." I heard Bella muttering behind me, and I wanted to turn around and wanted to see what Alice was doing to her but I couldn't – not when Jazz was looking right over my fucking shoulder.

"Everyone…" Alice's voice came out loud and booming, "Bella is gonna sit with us today, so be nice." She glared over at Jazz and to me. I didn't even look at her, not even when Alice sat her down next to me. But God did I want to turn and hold her, put my face into her neck and just have her comfort me. But it would only have made it that much more awkward considering two out four people already knew about us. Jazz groaned in Bella's presence which made me tense. Why was he such a fucking jerk?

"Jasper, honey, Bella is going to become a very important part of our life…" She said, my eyes quickly widening as my throat went dry. She wouldn't even fucking dare. Bella was already on it – leaning over to grab Alice's arm. "She's my best friend. You'll have to deal." Both Bella and I loosened our stance, and I watched as she covered her stomach instinctively – feeling as if she didn't belong.

I turned once Jasper cleared his throat, my eyes darting to him as he looked at me confusingly. "Well that may be true but that doesn't mean I have to associate myself with her." Jasper said quite loud and pretty fucking proudly, his chest swelling. I was disgusted by him.

"Stop it." Alice hissed, but Jasper wouldn't budge. He just glared at Bella. And now I finally realized that it wasn't Alice who wore the pants in that relationship it was him. "Bella you want to go get something to eat?" She ushered her but Bella just sat still, she didn't want to move.

"Hello? My girlfriend is fucking talking to you." Jasper spat and Alice turned to hit him. Bella started to shake, and I could have sworn he muttered something along the line of freak under his breath. Alice didn't hear – and I barely heard, but Bella heard.

"That's enough." I finally said, Alice, Rose and Bella all looking to me. "Just leave her alone." I said coolly as if his words really didn't puncture me at all, though it was as if he was shooting her with a pistol. Everyone went quiet then and Jasper stood up – he finally knew. I had to convince him otherwise.

xxxx

"So Alice was right." He laughed. He fucking laughed. We stood in the parking lot next to his car, and I was so bent out from not sleeping, I couldn't even fucking conceive on what I was going to say next. "I fucking knew it; you have a thing for the freak."

"No I fucking don't. Maybe I was just sick and tired of you throwing the poor girl around." I grounded my teeth together, my fist clenching at my side. I wanted to shout that I was with her, wanted to just fucking tell him off but I couldn't because if I did he'd run off and tell James – and that's where the problems would only start to begin.

"Poor girl? You don't even fucking know her, Edward. You know what I heard? She's a fucking psychotic stalker." Her sneered and I just shook my head. He didn't know her like I know her, and his points weren't valid.

"Where the hell did you hear that?" I questioned harshly, "Lauren or Jessica?"

"Who the fuck cares where I heard it, she's a fucking freak. The only reason why I am holding back with her is because for some reason Alice befriended her." He yelled and I just couldn't fucking take it anymore. "Just admit that you're in love with the girl, or better yet just admit that all you want is to get into her pants. She's a good chase Edward – I fucking get it. But I'm not going to stand around and let my friend date a psychopath."

That's what he really thought? He truly and honestly believed that whatever Jessica and Lauren said were true? I wanted to tell him he had it all wrong – that those rumors were false and Bella was a nice and caring person. But I fucking couldn't and it killed me. "You're right." I said, my body tensing. I didn't want to let him win – I wanted to take Bella and just fucking kiss her senseless in front of him, but I couldn't. I was thinking of her. "She's just a good chase."

"Oh, Edward." I heard a voice behind me, and I turned around to see Alice shaking her head – and Bella standing right next to her. Her eyes were wide and glassy as one tear slipped down her cheek.

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**Author Note; I know, I know the whole Jasper-ass-hole thing is getting quite old. Next chapter I'm going to turn it around, I promise. But you do find out eventually why Jasper is why he is. Probably not till much later though, or whenever I decide to put it in the story.**

**Alright well I hope you guys liked it, and PLEASE review! It would make me so happy. And smokeward would be so happy.**


	18. The Coming Clean

**Author's Note; Yeah, I know it took me forever to update. I'm really sorry about that. This between school and my other story it's just very hectic! Hey, I'm only human. What the hell do you expect? **

**Thanks to my beta Jenn, as usual. For she always corrects me when I'm wrong, and if it wasn't for her this story would be a mess. No seriously, I'm not kidding. Typos and I are like bff's. **

**Okay hope you guys like this chapter, as always review. Tell me what you think.**

**here you motafuckin go.  
****love ya.  
****  
xoxo shelby.**

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**BPOV**

"I told you it wasn't a good idea." I grumbled through my tight lips. The moment Alice offered—meaning forced—me to sit at her table with both my secret boyfriend and the boy who hates my guts, I knew something was bound to happen. Hating Jasper would get me nowhere, but being nice to him hasn't gotten me very far either and when he took a couple of blows at me at the table it struck Edward, who thankfully lashed out, though very respectfully. And when Jasper put two and two together, I watched Edward who was calm and collected, his eyes staying on Jasper and never leaving for me. That's when I realized he still wanted to keep it a secret even though we were obviously caught. All I could think was why Edward even trying anymore. Jasper isn't stupid, and now that jackass Edward Cullen just defended the weak new girl, Jasper knew something must be going on. Why was Edward trying to stop the inevitable?

"You know what? You're right." Alice chirped as we made our way through the hallway after Jasper and Edward who stomped off and into the parking lot. "I don't care what his reasoning is, you're my best friend!" She growled, and I watched as she nearly turned red. She was just as mad as I was.

Edward and Jasper were facing each other, Edward's back to us. I couldn't tell if they were yelling but Jasper looked furious as the back of Edward was eased, not tensed up. Alice grabbed my hand, pulling me closer to them. I saw Jasper's furious gaze move to me, and then back to Edward as he yelled something to him. Alice and I then stopped behind Edward, and just before Alice opened her mouth to announce our arrival, Edward began speaking.

"She's just a good chase." Edward's voice echoed in my brain, and I nearly felt my body convulse. Alice muttered something next to me, but I couldn't understand it, I was too much in a state of shock. Edward spun around, his face going bone white as I could feel the wetness on my cheek. "Bella… I…" He began, but I darted around and began walking off as I wiped the stupid tears from my face. I could hear Edward calling my name and at one point I felt him grab my wrist. I gasped at his touch and when he spun me around, I blinked away the tears to get a full view of him. "Come." He told me, his voice strict but soft at the same time, as if he was trying to be sincere. I scowled at him, bringing my wrist back.

"Why? So you can just tell all the rest of your friends what a good chase I am?" I growled, well aware we were now gaining an audience in the parking lot. I felt the anger boiling at me, attempting to overtake the sadness – but even that still wasn't enough. "No thanks, I'd rather save myself from the embarrassment." I seethed and turned again, still trying to act angry even though I was just broken – there was no room for angry.

I then felt hands on my hips, and my body was quickly spun around once again and before I knew it, Edward's lips were on mine. My eyes were wide, and his were closed and I heard people around us gasping – my hands struggling against his chest as I tried to pull away but Edward only deepened the kiss. My body went limp as I could feel him suck my bottom lip between his, my arms at my side picked up to wrap around his neck as I began kissing back. Part of me didn't want to. Part of me wanted to pull away and slap him across the face, but the other part of me (the bigger part of me) kissed him back with just as much intensity because we weren't in the comfort of home. We were in the middle of the parking lot with the whole student body; that had to count for something.

Edward pulled away and I gasped softly, forgetting I hadn't taken a breath. "Breathe, Isabella." He whispered to me, his thumb running across my now plump bottom lip. "You are not just some girl to me. You're more than that." He breathed as I looked up to him, my heart rate settling down. "What I said was shitty, I know. And you can be mad at me all you want but let me show you off before you walk away."

"As the good chase or as your girlfriend?" I said, building up the energy to speak.

"As the girl I can't get out of my fucking mind." He breathed, his thumb stroking over the top of my hand. "And Isabella, you are a good chase." He smirked and I looked up at him with a frown. "But when I catch you, I won't let you go." He told me, and I couldn't help but smile. He gripped my hand, lacing our fingers together as he pulled me through the parking lot. I looked around to see people whispering and staring, my body instinctively going into his as he then stopped, my eyes going forward to Rosalie and Emmett who looked at us with the 'we knew it' expression as Alice was beaming with smiles. I reflected her mildly, but it soon faded when I saw Jasper. His jaw was locked, and his lips pressed together as he glared at Edward.

"Isabella is my fucking girlfriend." Edward told not just Jasper, but everyone, as if he was claiming his territory. And I even wondered why Edward was using my full name and though I'd be completely against it, it felt good when Edward said it. "I know I was pretty harsh with you when you and Alice began dating, but I came around. I only hope you can do the same. And if you can't well then you can fuck off. Because I'm not going to sit around here and listen to you badmouth her when she's done nothing to you. And you being a prick to her is really starting to piss me the fuck off. So, you better watch your fucking back." Edward threatened and I felt him squeeze my hand, reassuring me that everything would be okay.

"Okay." Jasper breathed harshly – and I knew it was hard for him. Though I still don't know the circumstances of him hating me, he was finally giving up. Alice pressed a kiss to his shoulder and rubbed his arm and I felt Edward's lips on the side of my head.

"Dude, when did this happen?" Emmett sarcastically said because he already knew it was happening long before anyone else; Edward just glared at him, letting go of my hand to punch Emmett's shoulder, who was unaffected due to his much larger frame. "Wait until Carlisle finds out…" Emmett blared and Edward stiffened, but looked back to me and softened. I knew that Edward was worried about Jasper finding out – but it was the parents he was more concerned about and quite frankly so was I. Charlie needed to be let down softly, not told by Carlisle. I had to voice our concern.

"Actually…" I began with a dry throat – finally speaking. Edward turned to me, as he shook his head – giving me the indication that it was okay for the parents to find out – but I knew it wasn't. "Can we keep it between us?" I asked the group, and then looked back at everyone who was still in the lot still keeping tabs on us. "And the whole school…" I added. "Charlie won't be happy about it considering you boys know how to leave quite an impression on him." I muttered, watching as Edward, Emmett and even Jasper smirked inwardly together.

"And Carlisle won't understand." Edward finally said. "He'll think I'm trying to corrupt her."

"Isn't that exactly what you're doing?" Jasper smirked at us, the first time he had ever smiled any kind of smile towards me. Edward just laughed, looking back down to me as I stood awkwardly in the middle of the circle, stepping out as Emmett and Edward began talking. Alice came up to my side, rubbing my shoulders and prying me out of Edward's hands as she walked me towards Rosalie, who leaned against Emmett's jeep. For once, Rosalie smiled at me, actually and sincerely smiled. There was no fakeness to it, and to my surprise she even hugged me.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry I was such a bitch to you." Rosalie still smiled and pulled away. "I'm no good with new people."

"You're just a bitch to everyone, Rose." Alice chirped and I was prepared for Rosalie to yell, but she didn't. She smiled and shrugged.

"And though Edward and I do not see eye to eye, I still want him to be happy, so I'll be nice to you." She told me and Alice scoffed at her half-assed sorry. But Rosalie said sorry, and that was all that mattered to me.

"Thanks?" I snorted a laugh just before feeling Edward's arms wrap around my waist. He whispered in my ear about taking me to my car and I waved at Rosalie and Alice, turning with him as he gripped my hand. I glanced at the eyes in the parking lot that still looked at us – still questioned if this was real or not. Edward didn't seem to notice them though. He squeezed my hand, kissing the side of my head and that's when I realized that the Edward I met two months ago was completely different than the one I know now. Was it me? I wondered, pondering on the thought. Maybe I changed him, softened him a little. His vocabulary was still harsh, and sometimes he could be a little misunderstanding but Edward really had changed.

We reached my truck, and I let got of his hand, opening the door to shove my bag in just before turning back to him. I sat up on my seat, sitting towards him. He gripped my knees as spread my legs slowly, standing in the middle of them as he leaned in for a kiss. I smirked, pressing my hands against his lips to push him back.

"I should have been home ten minutes ago, because of your sudden change of heart to tell Jasper." I told him before leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek. He gripped my waist, his hands running up and down as my lips skimmed his jaw line. "Thank you, for that. I know it must have been hard for you to do."

"It wasn't." Edward said immediately, gripping my chin to pull me away so I could stare into his eyes. "I wanted him to know that you're mine." He told me, skimming my cheek with his fingers. "You wanna know why he is such a dick to you?" He asked and I nodded slowly, not really knowing if I wanted to hear this, "He was a fucking douche to you, Bella, because when he and Alice got together it was around the time Carlisle started to date Esme. Usually it was just Carlisle, Emmett and I and then he started bringing home Esme and Alice and they just bombarded the house with their estrogen level, completely fucking up our man cave." He paused and I laughed, watching as he reflected my laugh with a smile. "Alice and I really didn't get along, so when she began dating Jasper, I was a fucking asshole to her. It's vengeance, because Jasper is all about the revenge."

"Well, that wasn't very nice of you." I told him, my eyebrows furrowing together as my nose scrunched up. "You shouldn't have been so mean to Alice." I told him as I gripped his shirt, bringing him closer to me.

"You're right. I shouldn't have. And if I knew that he was going to hang it over my head until I found someone worth keeping, I wouldn't have done it in the first place." He told me, leaning forward to press a kiss to my lips. "It's over now. He won't bother you. I'll make fucking sure he won't."

"My hero." I giggled as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing soft kisses to his lips. He moaned gently against my mouth, his arms embracing my waist protectively. He deepened the kiss, but I knew we had to stop. Charlie would show up with his squad team if I didn't make it home soon. I pressed my hands against his chest and pulled him away gently, "I have to go."

"I'll see you tonight." He promised me before leaving me with the sweetest kiss.

xxxx

"Where have you been?" Charlie asked the moment the door clicked open. He was sitting in his chair, sipping on a beer and not even looking at me. I paused quickly just before shuffling my bag forward and closing the door. Charlie looked back to me, a bushy eyebrow raised as he waited for my answer.

"My teacher was talking to me. And wasn't it you who told me to respect my elders? I couldn't just leave in the middle of the conversation." I lied horribly because my voice was cracking. Luckily, I was good at keeping a straight face that sometimes would save me with Renee, though she usually caught me anyways.

"Bells, would you just call next time? Please?" Charlie begged and I nodded, walking up the stairs and to my room. I threw my bag on my bed as I shut the door and walked to my dresser, grabbing a ponytail to put my hair up. I walked back to my bed, throwing my bag open and watching as my books fell on my neatly made blankets. I sighed softly and began on my homework. At some point, I took a break to make Charlie dinner and then headed right back upstairs to finish my work.

While in the midst of working on math, I heard three low voices outside, and I knew immediately who they belonged to. Emmett was trying to convince Jasper into wrestling with him right on the grass to see who would win – brains or brawns? My money was on Emmett. I stood from my bed when the grunts were audible, walking to my window as I looked across the street. Emmett had Jasper in a headlock as the two fell around the grass, taking chunks out while the heels of their sneakers dug into the ground. Edward sat on the porch, smoking a cigarette as he shook his head at the two.

And for a moment I just watched him – I really wished he didn't smoke but he looked so sexy when he did. His legs were parted, his elbows rested on his knees and his black hood was up – but I could still detect those green eyes. He began laughing – a deep throaty laugh as Jasper was thrown to the floor by Emmett. Jasper didn't care that he had lost round one because he was on his feet, ready for round two. I rolled my eyes and finally opened my window wider.

"Hey!" I shouted and both Emmett and Jasper stopped what they were doing, the three of them all looking up to me. "You know, I know you're all happy just barely skimming by in school, but some of us have work to do."

"Baby Bell!" Emmett hollered, and Jasper dusted his jeans off to go grab a cigarette, lighting it quickly. "Come down and play!" Emmett laughed and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"I've got homework. Plus, a father with a rifle." I said, raising a brow but I knew they couldn't see it. All three began to laugh and my eyes connected with Edward's. He smiled at me and I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"Oh, right. I forgot, well shit Edward, what the hell you gonna do when Charlie does find out?" Emmett laughed and Edward shrugged, taking a hit from his cigarette. He let it out through his nose and looked up to me with a wicked smile.

"Run for my life." He said faintly, and I barely heard it. I smirked at him, crossing my arms over my chest as a cool breeze came through.

And while Emmett and Jasper were laughing, they both stopped when the front porch light underneath me flickered on. All three of them turned, pretending as if they didn't even know I existed. Charlie stepped out, glaring at all three and then glanced up to me. My eyes widened and I quickly grabbed my window, pulling it shut and locking it.

Later Charlie came up to say goodbye to me and reminded me that he was only a phone call away. I waved him off, saying goodbye as I finished my biology homework, listening as the steps down the stairs turned into the door shutting which turned into the police cruiser starting up and pulling out of the driveway. I switched myself to my computer as I began typing my paper on Phytoplankton. I leaned against my chair, going through the pages of my books before typing my next sentence. At one point, I nearly fell asleep from boredom but was awoken at something hitting my window. It was a little click, and I turned to see something small hit my window again. I stood up, shoving my books from my hands and to the bed as I walked to my window, unlatching my window and pulling it open.

I smiled down at Edward who stood below me, looking up with a pile of small rocks in his hands.

"Reenacting Romeo and Juliet?" I asked as I bit down onto my bottom lip, leaning more forward so I could see him better.

"I wouldn't know, I failed that quarter in English." He smirked and I giggled, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "Just trying to be romantic, I guess. But I think I'm really fucking bad at it."

"Well I'm sure Romeo didn't have such a foul mouth." I told him with a quirk of my eyebrow, sucking my bottom lip into my mouth. "And what are you doing out here? Carlisle could see you."

"One of his patients went into labor, and alas, he is no longer home." He told me as he walked closer to the house where the fence scaled up the side of it. "Maybe I should climb to your window, that would be romantic, huh?" The fence used to be a rose garden, much like the ones the Cullen's have and who I have seen Jasper climb up and down numerous of times from Alice's rose, except the difference between ours and theirs is that theirs was actually beautiful. Renee wanted the rose garden on the house so badly, and when Charlie gave her one she took extra care for it. After we left, Charlie let the roses die and now it was just some fence up the side of the house. It was no longer beautiful or pretty, and was old and tangled with vines. I'm not even sure it was stable enough to climb.

"Edward, don't. Let me just come down and get you. I don't need you dying on me." I said, but Edward ignored my words and began scaling up the side of the house. "Edward!" I hissed, and he looked up at me with a smirk as he got closer. "Edward, I swear to God if you fall, I will laugh." I told him, though I knew that was a total lie. If he fell, I'm sure he'd break _something_ and I'd feel responsible for it. Edward was close enough for me to touch and I reached for him, but he effortlessly grabbed a hold of the edge of the window, pulling himself through. I gripped his shirt, helping him though he didn't need it until he landed on the floor.

"Shit, well that was fucking fun." He told me, brushing the dirt from his pants. I scowled at him, spinning myself around. But before I could start walking, Edward had grabbed my legs and I fell backwards onto him. "Was that very Romeo-esque?"

"I thought you failed that quarter?" I asked him, feeling his arms tighten around my waist.

"Oh, I did. But I watched the movie. Which I guess isn't exactly like the play. Which is probably why I failed, because that's all I knew going into the exam." He told me and I laughed, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his jaw. I turned onto his lap so that I was straddling him, and I could hear the deep moan coming from his throat. His hands went to my hips as I pushed my small chest to his much larger one, my fingers lacing through his hair as my lips leaned forward. I barely skimmed them just before I breathed into his mouth.

"Use the door from now on." I said before pressing my hands against his chest, and pushing him down and away from me as I smirked wildly.

**EPOV**

She fucking straddled me, like a fucking horse. And she was so close I could hear her heart breathing. She said something, something stern but sweet but I couldn't listen because I was too busy trying to figure out how to not have a boner at that current moment. And then she barely kissed me, and pushed me away. I was wide eyed when she stood from my lap, and I could see her smirking in victory.

"I mean it." She told me, and I tried to comprehend what she was being so strict about. Bella sauntered away from me, in those tight ass shorts and a baggy sweatshirt where it rode up just a bit, sending me into oblivion. She was fucking gorgeous, and all I wanted to do was kiss her senseless. I watched her like she was my prey, and watched how she organized her books on her bed just before turning to see me. She left me hanging, and I was going to get back at her. "What?" She asked, popping her bottom lip and it drove me insane.

"You are so going to get it." I told her, and I never had stood so fast in my life. Bella's eyes narrowed at me as she began backing away towards the door. She could see the fucking gleam in my eye – it was playful but still was laced with lust.

"Edward…" She warned me as I saw a smile appear on her lips. "Don't you do it." And just like a snap of a finger she was out the door, and I followed her easily. She skipped steps down the stairs and my heart skidded beats because I thought she was going to fall. She made it to the floor though, and I let out a breath of air as I reached the bottom. It wasn't like my house, she didn't have many places to hide, and at one point we made it to the table. We rotated around as we watched each other with perfect precision. She bolted from the kitchen and into the living room but nearly tripped over the rug. I caught her and we both fell onto a recliner.

She giggled as I tickled her, and I could hear her losing her breath as she repeated my name. I finally stopped when she was out of breath, and kissed her throat. She settled down in my arms, and turned her head to look at me. And right then and there, when she looked at me with those big fucking chocolate eyes, I just fucking knew. I knew that if anything ever happened to her, I'd fucking die. I needed her so much, and the thought of it didn't scare me anymore – at least it wasn't right now. Bella smiled at me, her fingers leaning forward as they raked through my chaotic hair.

And as if reality hit her in the face, she looked around the house – as if she had never seen it before. She looked underneath us, and then back up at me. "We are sitting in Charlie's chair." She whispered and I grabbed a hold of her and shot up, hissing softly. I reeked of cigarettes and I'm sure Charlie was part fucking dog or some shit. He could smell anything out, especially if I was sitting on his chair. Bella laughed loudly, releasing herself from my grip as she grabbed my hand, walking me towards the kitchen. "I have leftovers."

"My three favorite words from you." I told her, and she looked back at me with a smile. She let go of my hand and reached down to her oven, opening it up and grabbing the plate. I walked to the kitchen table but she shook her head at me, gripping my hand and leading me away from the kitchen.

We ended up in her room, where she sat at her computer and I laid across her bed, eating at the last bits of the chicken fettuccini. Bella was curled up on her computer chair, typing at her paper that I have yet to start, even though it was due tomorrow – I'd finish that shit over the weekend and get a late grade on it. Angela won't be happy considering she tried to get me to write it earlier today at our tutoring session, but my mind just wasn't there today. It was with Bella.

I finished with a loud burp and Bella looked over and smirked at me. I muttered an apology but she told me in some cultures, that was the way one compliments the chef. My girl was so goddamn insightful. I put the plate on her bedside table next to my phone where I knew I would forget to put it away downstairs, because that was the gentlemen thing to do. I stood from the bed, feeling full and heavy but continued to stand behind her, gripping her shoulders and giving her a soft massage. Bella moaned softly and I swear to God my dick twitched – I winced slightly and decided to just rub my hands up and down her arm – not really in the mood to show off a boner.

"You're distracting me." She told me and I smirked, leaning down to press a kiss to her shoulder. Bella ignored me for the time being, finishing up her paper and once she did printed it off and neatly put it in her folder. Her chair rotated, and she was still curled into it. I smiled at her, leaning down and lifting her from it as she squealed, gripping onto my neck. I took her to the bed, dropping her gently as I landed next to her. She giggled softly as she didn't let go of my neck, and even leaned in to press kisses against my nose.

"Let me guess, you haven't even started your paper?" She asked me and I just fucking loved how she knew me. I shook my head guiltily and shrugged my shoulders.

"Biology and I aren't really on a first name basis." I told her and she rolled her eyes at me, her nails fingering at my shirt and I leaned forward to press a soft kiss to her lips. She pulled away and I fucking whimpered like the little pussy I was.

"Neither are you and history." She sassed and smirked at me. "But I do hope you two will conjoin together and produce that essay I told you to write by tomorrow." She told me and I smirked, gripping her hips as I pulled her closer to me.

"There's only one person I'd like to _conjoin_ with." I told her jokingly, though to me it wasn't really a joke. Bella smiled timidly and raked her fingers through my hair. She went quiet and I immediately regretted my sex joke. "Hey…" I told her, pressing a kiss to her nose. She looked up to me with those big eyes and I nearly broke, "What's wrong?"

"You're happy, right?" She asked me as her fingers raked along the skin of my back. "You're happy that you told Jasper and Alice?" She questioned softly and I smiled at her, nodding my head. "At first – I was beginning to think you liked having a secret relationship with me." She said with a lighter tone, and I shook my head.

"Truth?" I asked her, watching as she nodded her little head. "I was a fucking douche, Bella. I was… I wasn't embarrassed of you..." I said, wanting to clear the air of _that_. "I was just… I didn't want people hating on you. Like Jessica Stanley or Lauren. Jessica and I… We have a past… And I knew if she knew, she'd make your life a living hell because she is still fucking obsessed with me." I told her and Bella smirked, her fingers running down my neck and underneath my shirt. "Then I realized that I want to walk down the hallway holding your hand, and kiss you at lunch, and be all fucking _couple-y_ with you. And then I thought 'fuck Jessica Stanley', because I'll always be around to protect you." _I was so fucking good_.

"Or were you just sick of being surrounded by couples?" She asked me with a smile and I shook my head, leaning down to kiss her nose multiple times.

"I'll admit, it was annoying, but now we can be annoying with them." I told her and she fucking giggled, pulling her chest closer to mine as she kissed my lips. I loved seeing her like this – happy and content. Not the shy and distant Bella she started off as. "And to answer your earlier question…" I began against her lips, and she pulled away to look at me. "I'm more than happy. I'm pretty sure they don't have a word in the dictionary for what I feel like right now." Bella fucking gleamed with a smile and my arms around her tightened.

"You're so soft now." She told me, her hands slipping to my chest. "You were such a hardass before. I mean I still think you are now…but you're so… Nice." She told me and I scoffed, nodding my head.

"Don't I fucking know it?" I told her, feeling her fingers rake around my stomach. "You're changing me. And I don't know how, but you are." I told her. I gripped her waist, pulling her up closer as my lips closed in on hers, "But don't stop, because I think I like this new me."

"Me too." She told me, and I felt her push against my chest so that I rested back against the pillows. She gripped my shirt with her hands, pulling me closer to her as she fucking straddled me – again. Her arms went around my neck as our lips attached together, her tongue immediately peaking out to run across my bottom lip. I moaned against her mouth, letting my tongue slide along hers as I felt feel her warmth through the fabric of our clothing.

Her fingers gripped my chin and my hands skimmed slightly at the skin that was peaking under her sweatshirt as she fucking moaned against me, and I nearly lost it. My boner was straining against my pants and at some point when she rubbed against me, I nearly combusted right then and there. As we continued to make out like the two fucking hormonal crazy teenagers we were, Bella's fingers began playing underneath my shirt and she began tugging it. She was trying to pull it up. I caught her hands quickly, and shook my head.

"I thought…" She began with a soft whisper against my lips, "You wanted to be conjoined with me." She smiled against me and I nearly fucking lost it – again. She was driving me insane, but I couldn't let this happened. Bella wasn't the type of girl you just fucked – she was the one you made love to and I'll be damned if I just fuck her. It won't happen.

"Isabella, it was a joke." I told her and she quickly pulled away, her eyes widening in hurt. "Wait, wait…. No." I began, gripping her face in my hands as I shook my head. "I just… I don't want you to regret this, and I want to wait." I told her, gulping as her thigh grazed my crotch. Bella's eyes glanced down and then back up at me and I knew she knew. She had to know I had a fucking boner; it wasn't like you could miss it.

"You want to wait?" She asked me, and I nodded, gulping. "This isn't the stone ages, Edward." She told me and I laughed, nodding.

"It's only been a few weeks." I said, raking my fingers into her hair as I captured the pony tail, allowing her hair to fall down her chest. "Why do we have to rush into anything?"

"You sound like an old man." She told me, and I nearly choked. I did sound like an old man, and if it were anyone else here I'd fuck them senseless, but that was exactly my point – I'd just fuck them. Bella deserved rose petals, candles and music playing in the background while her body was worshipped. One day – I'd give that to her. But not today, not this day. I've never made love to someone, and I didn't know if we rushed into it tonight if I could do such a thing. And though it's still intercourse either way – fucking is just fucking. There is no emotion to it – just two people trying to feel good. Bella didn't deserve that.

"You're a virgin, right?" I asked her boldly and Bella was taken aback at the question. She gripped my neck and looked at me wide-eyed.

"What makes you think I'm a virgin?" She gasped and I just raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed softly, and hung her head, nodding it at the same time. "Yes." She muttered under her breath, and I laughed – not at her but at the fact that she was embarrassed she was a virgin.

"Hey…" I began, cupping her chin and lifting it up. "Nothing to be ashamed of. But that just means you have all the more reason to wait. If it's your first time, and your willing to allow me, of all people, to take your virginity, then I want it to be perfect for you. I don't want to rush." I said honestly, and I loved how goddamn smart I really fucking was. I began leaning forward to press a kiss to her lips as my fingers skimmed through her hair. "Just do this for me. I know it's fucking ancient, but I don't want you to make a mistake." I told her, and that was my best reasoning with her.

"It wouldn't be a mistake." She told me and I sighed softly against her skin, and her hands left my body.

"I just want a little more time. Because God knows I can't keep my hands off of you." I told her with a smirk and she laughed, pressing her lips to mine. "Just wait, alright? There's no shame in waiting." I whispered and Bella finally went silent in thought, and I knew I just fucking had her.

"Okay…but can I at least get rid of that for you?" She asked, glancing down at my pants. My eyes nearly fucking bulged out as I lost my voice for a moment.

"Uh… Bella…" I began, shaking my head as I gripped her waist, trying to distance myself from her. She gripped my arms quickly, stopping my movements as she bit down onto her bottom lip.

"That's got to be uncomfortable." And she was fucking right, it was. But I was just going to deal with it when I excused myself to the bathroom or something. But here was my girl, willing and wanting to give me some kind of fucking release – and who was I to refuse? And what would I say? "_No thank you, I'd rather do it myself?"_ And while I was lost in thought, Bella was unbuckling my jeans, and I groaned softly, wanting to push her away because this wasn't very fucking romantic. But then again it was just oral. When was oral ever fucking romantic?

Bella stopped to catch her breath as the only thing that was keeping her from my dick was the fabric of my boxers. Bella glanced up to me and I swear to God she was blushing –as if she were embarrassed, but here I was sitting here with my pants unbuckled with a fucking boner in front of my girlfriend who was just begging me for sex and I turned her down. I gulped slightly as she skimmed around it, and she fucking bit down onto her bottom lip.

"Bella…" I began, but she captured my lips with her own – distracting me. She began playing with the elastic of my boxers and if it were possible, I became harder. Then my girl bravely stuck her hand into the fabric and just fucking grabbed me. Her cold hands were a shock at first and I hissed, but they slowly warmed up. And then Bella did the fucking impossible. She looked down and was wide-eyed as if she had never seen a dick before – _or I guess a dick as big as mine._ I smugly smiled and when Bella looked back up at me, I could see the desire in her eyes – she fucking wanted me but I was making her wait. And my dick in her hand was making me contemplate the whole entire no-sex rule to begin with. I shook my head quickly, trying to diminish the thought. I will wait. _I will fucking wait, even if it fucking kills me from being so goddamn fucking horny_.

Bella's hand began moving up and I squirmed under her touch, letting out a soft grunt against her lips once she put them there. She pulled away just an inch, breathing against my lips as her hand went back down against my length, and I almost fucking lost it. "Bella…" I moaned, pressing my lips against hers as I gripped the arm that was latched around my neck. "Faster…" I finally told her, and she looked at me wide eyed. She nodded though and her pace began quickening, her fingers slick against my skin as the heat began to build inside of me. Sometimes she'd stop just above my tip, rubbing it gently with her thumb and I groaned deep from my throat, closing my eyes as her little hands pumped me so fucking quickly.

I moaned her name loudly as she pressed her lips against mine, and the feeling inside of me was building and building and then I fucking realized that I had no where to fucking cum. My eyes widened as I could feel myself edging closer and I wanted to pry her off but she began moaning against my lips and I just couldn't fucking stop.

"Bella… Bella…" I began to warn her and then the fucking impossible happened. Bella scooted back and I watched as she quickly leaned forward and fucking just took me in her mouth. I sweat to god a vein popped somewhere in my forehead at the shock and at the pleasure. Her warm mouth was so inviting and it took all I could not to just thrust myself deeper. Her hand still worked the bottom as her tongue ran along my tip and I knew right there I was done for, "Bella… I'm gonna…" I began to warn her once again but it was too fucking late.

I groaned loudly as Bella stilled and I just fucking released. I tilted my head back, moaning and withering as she just fucking swallowed every fucking bit of it. And when I had ridden out my orgasm, I felt a twinge of guilt that she did that. Bella let go of my limp, but very thankful, dick and wiped her mouth with her sleeve.

And it took all but two seconds for me to reach for her body and bring her to me as I kissed her senseless – not even fucking minding that I could taste myself lingering on her lips. She moaned into my mouth and wrapped her arms around my neck, not forgetting that I was still free out of my pants. Bella's fingers raked along my chest, and I quickly pulled her away, my eyes narrowing at her. She smirked innocently at me as if the past four minutes didn't even fucking happen. I gripped her waist and shoved her gently on the bed as I quickly tucked myself back into my boxers.

"What are you doing?" She breathed, and I gripped her hands and pinned them down on either side of her. Her arms squirmed under my grip in order to touch me, but I would have it. I was going to please her, because it was fucking fair that she could touch me but I couldn't touch her.

"Do you want me to…" I began with a gulp because I didn't want to be a dick and just shove my hands down there if I wasn't wanted. My fingers left her arm as I skimmed her shorts and Bella bit down onto her bottom lip, nodding her head in anticipation. I leaned down and kissed her neck gently, gripping her shorts.

"Edward…" She moaned as my fingers skimmed up her sweatshirt and I fucking nearly had another boner when I realized she wasn't wearing a fucking bra. I couldn't tell in the sweatshirt, but could definitely tell when I skimmed the bare side of her breast. Bella moaned gently as I cupped her from underneath, gently squeezing the skin as I leaned down to press delicate kisses to her jaw line. Her nipple was so hard, I was pretty sure you could cut glass with it – and when my thumb gently rolled across it she let out the sexiest moan and I knew it was too late for me – I was fucking hard again. I wouldn't let her see it though because this was about her and I wanted to please her as much as I could. If I could get her to come now, then she'd be too tired to press on the subject of sex, which I still stood by my first point and want to wait until we were ready for that.

Bella was withering under my hands and I wondered if I could get her off just by groping her – because she seemed to like it a lot. My perfect girl was letting out soft moans as I touched her, and I felt on top of the fucking world knowing that I was doing this to her. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers as my free hand reached for her shorts again. She shook under me and I stopped, in fear I may have hurt her in some way. She moaned in frustration when I stopped and then my fingers continued down and underneath the fabric of her shorts.

I felt something lacy and I smirked at her choice of underwear. I wanted to fucking look but I didn't want to tempt myself – touching would be fine for now. My hands dipped under the lace and I felt hair and when I went lower I fucking just cupped her in my hands. Bella gasped and jerked slightly and I looked back to her. She nodded, still moaning at me touching her breast and fucking goddamn she was wet.

This was all for me.

My fingers gently stroked up and down her slit as I she coated my fingers. Bella squirmed under me as I pressed my lips to her, and slowly but surely I began my assault on the most sensitive part. She gasped as I grazed her clit with my thumb, and once she'd become used to it, I began rubbing her a bit harder. Her eyes widened in pleasure as she let out the softest moan, her lips mumbled something non-coherent.

"Edward…" She moaned loudly and I leaned down to kiss her, one hand stilling at her breast as the other is slowly circled around her sex. She began moaning louder against my lips and I continued to work my magic, and she shook underneath me. Finally, my pointer finger slipped slowly inside and I could feel her walls contract against me and goddamn she is just _so fucking_ tight. I'd have to do this a lot before I even think about putting my dick inside of her. Bella let out a breathy moan and lifted her hips in response and I slowly let my middle finger slide in as my thumb still rubbed her clit. "Edward…" She moaned against and I nodded my head, pressing a kiss to her lips.

"I know, baby. Just let go." I told her as she began to move her hips at the rhythm of my fingers and I just fucking watched; I was so turned on. She groaned and cried for me as my fingers began pumping harder and finally she froze and tightened and released all over my hand and while she did, she let out the most sensual cry I had ever heard. It was a mix between a moan and my name and I nearly ripped our clothes off right then and there.

But I fucking waited and let my girl have her release.

She was panting when I pulled out of her pants and her head tilted back as her eyes closed, giving me access to her neck. I kissed her gingerly, allowing her to come back down to earth as her breathing stilled. I could still feel her heart pumping against my lips as I kissed her neck, and her fingers raked through my hair as her lips leaned down to kiss the top of my head. I then looked up to her, and she leaned forward once more – kissing my forehead before stroking my cheek. And she smiled at me – all fucking wide and just downright beautiful that I couldn't help but smile back.

I leaned up and pressed kisses all over her face. Her eyes, forehead, nose, jaw, and then her lips, where they lingered there for the longest time. Bella stroked my cheek as I kissed her and eventually we ended up at the top of the bed against the pillows as Bella's arms were curled around my waist and her face was buried in my chest. I could tell she was asleep due to her breathing, which I didn't mind and it actually comforted me. My fingers stroked through her long brown hair as I watched her sleep under me and I reached over to set my alarm on my phone, setting it an hour before Charlie got home. I looked back down to my beautiful Bella and leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead just before drifting into sleep.

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**Author's Note; Alright you know the drill. Leave me lots of love, or brutal opinions. Whichever.**

**xoxo **


	19. The Chocolate Cake Shots

**Author's Note; Oh hey. Long time no see on this story. I know, I know. You can scold me all you want, but let me tell you that I'm already HALF way through with the next chapter, so don't be too hard on me. I lost some inspiration for this story, but it picked itself back up.**

**Major love to my beta Lauren who is just fucking awesome!**

**And lots of love to you guys for waiting for long.**

**Forgive me? **

**Okay go read. I know you want to.  
****mothafucking enjoyyyy. love ya.  
-****shelby  
****xoxo**

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"Bella?" I could feel Edward's hand running up and down my arm, his fingers gently skimming my soft skin. I was purring like a cat – content and satisfied as my head gently nuzzled into the crook of his other arm. "Bella?" He repeated softly as my hand wrapped around his middle. His chin lifted and rested on the top of my head as he still rubbed my arm. "Bella, babe. Wake up." He told me, but I didn't want to. I knew what he was going to say. He was going to tell me that Charlie would be home soon and he has to leave. I clutched onto him, I could feel his smirk as he pressed his lips to the top of my head. "I know you're awake." He snickered and I opened one eye, glancing up at him.

His hair was ruffled from sleep, bags growing under his eyes but the emerald color was still as bright as ever. I turned to look over my shoulder at the clock, it reading four forty seven in big red letters. I moaned softly at the tense muscles in my neck and looked back to him. He was smiling at me – and it stunned me for a moment. Not his usual panty-dropping smile, but he was sincerely smiling at me, as if for some reason I had just looked back to him with make up on and my hair lifted and shiny. I knew my makeup from last night was smeared and my hair was most likely ratty and wild.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I murmured softly, smoothing out my shirt in front of me considering it was rolled up to my belly. Edward just shook his head, his teeth taking in his bottom lip before he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my nose.

"No reason." He told me and began to get up from my bed. His warmth slipped away and I shivered at the coldness that enveloped me as he went to the end of the bed to tie his shoes. I awkwardly sat up, bringing my legs to my front and squeezing them to my chest. Once Edward was done, he turned back towards me noticing my position. "Hey…" He began, crawling back on the bed. "What's wrong?" He asked, pulling me towards him.

"Nothing." I smiled, leaning forward in search for his warmth. My hands ducked under his shirt and we had skin-to-skin contact. Edward growled in warning, but I shook my head. "Just trying to get warm." I told him simply, taking my lip between my teeth as I scooted to sit on his lap.

"Charlie will be here very soon, and if you continue to bite that lip of yours I won't ever want to leave." He said as if it was a threat, I just smirked, my hands running up and down his bare sides so the friction could heat me up. "Please, Isabella." He breathed, gripping my wrists. I sighed in defeat and began crawling away, reaching over to turn on my lamp. If he was leaving there was no way I'd be falling back asleep. Edward jumped off the bed and gripped his jacket, zipping it up just before swaying himself over to my side of the bed. He leaned down, gripping my chin to force me to look at him just before he planted a kiss to my lips.

"I'll see you at school." He whispered to me and I nodded, reaching in for one more kiss. He smiled against my lips as he murmured, "Greedy today, aren't we?" I giggled, pushing his chest as he stumbled back, still smirking. I followed him downstairs where he left me with one last kiss before leaving. I shut the door and locked it, turning around to tread back to my room and get ready for a new day.

Xx

I didn't even get to say goodbye to Charlie before I left, he had fallen asleep on the couch, the TV on low as his snoring filled the room. I grabbed a blanket from the side, thankful he had enough time to undo his weapon belt and covered him with the red stitched blanket. I grabbed my book bag and headed for the door, locking it behind me with my key and not failing to notice as I walked towards my truck that the Volvo was still in the driveway. I ignored the temptation of going to him and shoved myself into the truck, starting it up and pulling out.

When I reached school, I threw the truck into park and gripped my bag as I slipped down onto the ground. I looked to my side, seeing Alice and Rosalie both waving me down to come and join them plus their boys. I glanced to the entrance, not seeing a Volvo in sight. I shook my head of thought and knew that I didn't need Edward to be comfortable with his friends – or my friends? I wasn't really sure how to classify them besides Alice. Alice was the only friend I had, Emmett and I were cool but I was still very uneasy with Rosalie and especially Jasper.

"Hi Bella!" Alice chirped as I got closer. She gripped my arm and pushed me into the circle where I was standing between her and Jasper, who tensed automatically next to me. Awkward couldn't even begin to describe how I felt.

"Baby Bell," Emmett began, and Rosalie shot him a glare. "Carlisle and Esme are leaving this weekend, you know what that means?"

"Another party?" I just _had_ to smile because Emmett was already shoving a party flier in my palms. I glanced down at the big bold letter words, and thought Emmett must really be an idiot to throw these around the school, but it didn't have his address or his name. It just said Party at nine. I guess everyone already must know that it's his considering he was the only one who threw them. "You might want to keep this one on the low though. Charlie suspected your last one."

"Shit, I'm losing my touch." Emmett growled, gripping his hair. Obviously Charlie was a nuisance to him, but I could see why. At the end of the day he just wanted to have fun, but Charlie was always there to bust them. "It'll be quieter. Only fifty people instead of one hundred. And we need to charge admission."

Emmett continued on but the corner of my eye caught a glint of silver, and I turned to see the Volvo pulling in. I was trying to hide my excitement, but I my body was just urging me to move to his parking spot. But the voice in my head grumbled at me, muttering something about being too eager. So instead I just turned back to Emmett who continued to rumble on about new precautions. It was only thirty seconds until I felt arms encircle my waist, lips at my temple. I smirked, but continued to ignore him as Rosalie and Emmett began arguing about how many kegs they should buy.

"Just flip a freaking coin already!" Alice chimed in and surprisingly, the two actually flipped a coin – but as always Rosalie won even if Emmett did call it.

"Do I not get a kiss this morning?" I heard Edward whisper in my ear and I smiled, shaking my head as I leaned it back to rest against his shoulder.

"I didn't want you all hot and bothered like earlier." I smirked, feeling him twist me so I was now facing him. The world around us had melted, and Edward and I were the only ones here. My arms slowly went around his neck, watching as he pulled closer to me.

"I'm always hot and bothered with you. It's kind of a normalcy to me now as fucking ridiculous that sounds." He ran his fingers down the side of my face and I wanted to bite my bottom lip out of habit, but I thought better of it – I was afraid Edward would rip our clothes off right here in the parking lot. He leaned in and our lips were barely skimming just before the bell rung, and I felt him sigh against my lips as Alice was calling me to hurry up. "Damn."

I just smiled, watching as Edward turned to Jasper for a moment. I looked to Alice who was at my side, beaming at me with a smile as all four of us walked in. We had a short chat about Emmett's party and what we would wear, but it was mostly Alice talking about that. She rounded me to move in front, meeting Jasper without saying a word to him. They met right in front of Edward and I and I wondered if they had some mind reading power between them. They locked hands and walked along, and not too far in front of them was Emmett and Rose, his long arm around her shoulder as she clung to his waist.

I knew Edward saw it too, and for a moment it was awkward between us. I wanted to reach for his hand, but felt that maybe he should make the first move.

_He should. He's the man. Don't be a doormat! _My subconscious yelled at me, and I shook my head. Edward wouldn't treat me like that. Was he embarrassed by me again? Is that why he's not holding my hand? Of course not, he kissed me in front of the school parking lot! If some didn't see then, then I'm sure they've already heard of it from others who did witness it.

And as if he could sense my distress, Edward gripped my hand and laced our fingers together. I looked down at it in shock for a moment, but the shock faded and the smile was present on my lips. He looked down at me with one of his grins and I leaned into his shoulder, my head resting against his arm as I felt his lips to my temple.

And we walked down that hallway as if we had nothing to hide – because this time we didn't. When Edward and I had to part for classes, he boldly held my face and kissed me deeply – even in front of my teacher who eventually cleared his throat, forcing Edward away. I turned on my heels and walked into my Math class.

The rest of the day was something new. I was still getting used to Edward holding my hand in the hallway, because my instincts told me to pull away when a group of students turned our way – but I couldn't even pull away if I wanted to because Edward wouldn't let go. Lunch was slightly strange, only because I still wasn't use to sitting next to Edward or touching him. It felt even more awkward when Jasper would look our way – but I was assured by Edward the feeling to stay hidden would fade eventually.

The only moments where we didn't act like a couple is when we returned home. Esme was out in the front, watering her lilies as Carlisle sat inside near the window reading the newspaper. I looked at Edward who glanced at me before we both walked into our houses and we smiled just before we turned.

"Bells?" Charlie called out as I shut the door behind me, pulling off my bag and unbuttoning my jacket. Charlie came around the corner and smiled at me, crossing his arms over his chest. "How was your day?" He asked.

"Um…" I began, letting out a soft but awkward laugh, "Good. How about yours?"

Charlie opened the closet and grabbed his officer jacket, sliding it on and zipping it up. "Oh you know, same ol', same ol'." He said and I just nodded, grabbing my book bag and heading past him. "Hey so you know, it'll only be a few more weeks until I'm done with the graveyard shift at work and I was thinking since I'll be back home in the evenings, I can start making you dinner. You know? A thank you for what you have done for me." He said while I was paused in the kitchen, hating the fact that his graveyard shift was going to end in a few weeks because that meant more sneaking around for me, but I had to admit I missed spending time with Charlie.

"Dad, I'd like to live until I'm twenty." I replied sarcastically with a smirk.

"Ha-Ha. Very funny, Isabella. You know I've been doing better. I've been cooking for the boys back at station, you know. They think my cooking is great." He said smugly and I just rolled my eyes, grabbing a water bottle and headed towards the stairs.

"Dad, putting Spaghetti O's in the microwave doesn't really qualify as cooking, just so you know." I told him as I rounded towards the stairs.

"Hey, I make a mean bowl of Spaghetti O's." He told me and I stopped at the bottom stair to look back at him with a smirk. "Look Bells, I know you're going through a difficult time with what happened to your mom…" He began, and I felt the air nearly leaving my throat. "I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll be here for you. And once I get out of the graveyard shifts, you and I will spend more time together."

I played with the water bottle cap, feeling highly emotional over Charlie's sudden change of fatherly ways. I pressed my lips together and nodded, smiling at his attempt to make me feel better. "I'd like that." Charlie smiled at me and I reflected it just before heading up to my room.

As I reached up the stairs I threw my bag onto my bed and took a gulp of water before setting it down on my dresser. I began my homework, knowing I'd have no other time to do it once Edward gets here. While midst working on analyzing one of Emily Dickinson's poems, I felt my eyes becoming droopy, my lips pursing as my cheek fell against my palm. During the time I was falling asleep Charlie came in and asked if I was making dinner, which I apologized and told him I was just too tired to make dinner and there was a frozen pizza in the freezer.

Charlie went into some kind rant on how he can't even make toast, so he'll just get fast food on the way to work. My eyes flew open, and I shook my head in protest and walked downstairs to make him the pizza. It wasn't the healthiest of choices, but certainly better than a quarter pounder cheeseburger. After making Charlie his dinner, I headed upstairs and changed in the easiest outfit I could find before curling up into my bed.

I could have sworn only minutes passed once I hit my pillow, but low and behold there was my doorbell ringing from downstairs. I stood up, checked the time and nearly choked on air. It was six o'clock, and that was probably Edward downstairs and who knew how long he had been waiting.

I walked down the creaky stairs, jumping over the last one before reaching the door. "Who is it?" I asked playfully as my palm went up against the door.

"Your overly eager student." Edward replied, and I smirked as I began unlocking the doors trying to contain my smile. I slowly opened it to peek my head out on the side, biting at my lip as I watched him make eye contact with me. I couldn't help but notice the Cullen's house across the street already filling with people for the party.

"Is it that time of day already?" I giggled, watching as his face flushed red. He nodded slowly and began to step around the door, entering in as he closed it behind him. His eyes took one swift look over my body and my breathing hitched. I glanced down at my attire, realizing I hadn't changed from my large shirt and short shorts from my nap. I felt a lump in my throat and turned beat red. My t-shirt clung to my body and even for as small as my breasts were, you could tell I wasn't wearing a bra, and the fact that my short shorts were so short, my t-shirt went past them and it looked like I wasn't wearing any pants at all.

"Isabella…" Edward began, and I looked back up at him with timid eyes. "Are you trying to seduce me?" He asked softly, I realized that even though he said it softly, his voice was still hard, like he was mad. I was at loss of words, but found the courage to shake my head. "Because when you wear things like that…" He growled, "It makes it very hard for me to resist you."

I felt the smile at my lips because it wasn't my intention to seduce him, and the fact that I could do it on my own without trying – well that that was memorable to me, I had never once made a boy feel the way Edward is feeling right now and that is what made me feel empowered.

"Then don't resist." I tried to say confidently, but it came out scared and weak. Edward raised one brow, and smirked as he shook his head.

"I don't think you are ready for me to give into temptation." He murmured and I rolled my eyes, licking my bottom lip as I reached forward, my palms setting on his chest and running up and around his shoulders. "Please…" He groaned, just at the feel at my hands.

My heart rate was increasing by the millisecond.

But I could see the look in his face – and though it wasn't pain it was something else. He didn't trust himself with me yet, and I had to accept that. He has some crazy idea that I'm not ready for sex, and well honestly I've been ready for the past few years. I wouldn't willingly give it to some stranger, but when I turned fourteen, I decided if I found someone worth giving it to, then I wouldn't wait around. That may have just been my horny fourteen year old girl self talking, I knew Edward was special, the problem was, he didn't think he was special.

_Or maybe, I'm not special to him._

The thought left as quickly as it came, because I didn't want to ruin this moment. I reached forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Its okay." I told him, pulling away as the back of my hand gently stroked the stubble under his chin, "I'll go change." I let go of him and headed upstairs.

Feeling a little defeated I went up the stairs with heavy steps, walking into my room as I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a long University of Washington sweater. It was the exact opposite of what I was wearing before. The only skin visible was my feet, hands, and head – everything else was covered. I didn't want to be mad at Edward, but he made me feel like he didn't want me – though I knew he did because he clearly showed it with the bulge in his pants but I just wanted him to prove it. I smirked at my new attire. I was doing it to spite him, even though I shouldn't be.

I grabbed my books and headed on downstairs.

**EPOV**

_Fuck._

It wasn't even five minutes after I walked in her house that I was already sporting a hard-on. This was fucking ridiculous. But how could I possibly help _not_ have that kind of reaction towards her when she was wearing little to nothing? My resolve was surely breaking down and I nearly almost said _fuck waiting_. It was abundantly clear Bella was not as patient when it came to sex but goddamn, it has only been three weeks since we've been together. If it were any other girl I would have already had her fucked nice and thoroughly but Bella wasn't another girl. She was mine, and I will be mother fucking damned if she doesn't get treated with respect.

With the shitty stuff that's been going down in her life, she deserved it. And even though she herself couldn't see that and she was trying everything to get in my pants, I would wait. She'll thank me later. _I hope_.

I sat down at the kitchen table, pulling out my neatly printed, besides that pizza stain in the corner, essay and set it in front of me, waiting for Bella. And then the most fucking awful thing happened. Bella came back down wearing nearly everything. I wanted to gape at her – wanted to tell her to take that damn sweater off because I couldn't even see her sweet neck, but I knew she was doing it to piss me off. If I didn't want to see her in little to nothing, then she'd give me nothing to stare at. I couldn't help the grin on my lips because my baby was smart. She knew what she was doing, and she was doing it proudly.

But the truth was – I wanted her naked.

And then at that thought grew another thought of her on this very kitchen table, naked and spread open just for me – and if it was even at all more possible I grew even harder. Now it was just painful, I swiftly glared down at my dick in disapproval.

_Fuck you, you over-horny bastard. _

Bella sat down across from me, reaching forward to grab the paper. She read over my work, shoving her little fingers in her hair from time to time but I tried not to look. My eyes swiftly passed over the fruit-decorated wallpaper, trying to get my mind off the fact that my dick was begging for attention. And then my eyes landed on an apple, the apple reminded me of Adam and Eve, that reminded me of bare bodies, then that escaladed to the thought of Bella laying on this table –I let out a soft groan.

Bella glanced up at me in confusion, but I just pleaded with my eyes for not to bring it up. _For everything that is fucking holy and pure, do not ask me what just happened._

"Wow…" Bella began as she grabbed her pen, "This is good. You really captured the concept of the Lewis and Clark Expedition." She smiled, reading through my paper once more. "I'm really proud of you, Edward." Her eyes lit up and my fucking heart soared. She was genuinely happy for me. "If you keep this up, your grade will lift in no time."

I just smirked at her and looked at her with a look that said, _see? I'm not a completely dumbass._

Bella leaned forward and I instinctively leaned in as well, and when our lips touched I fucking wished so badly I could just pull her on my lap. We had work to do, and for once I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possibly so we could go join the party across the street.

Bella talked constantly about pointless shit for the next hour and to be honest the only thing that kept me interested was her voice. Sometimes she'd raise it when she talked about something interesting (or in my case completely fucking stupid) like Jonas Furrer, who was the first President of the Swiss Confederation. I guess when you knew this shit by heart; it was more interesting just because you did know it. Though I hated history unlike my girl, I listened to her and I have to admit that some of this stupid fuckery was actually kind of interesting.

Like during the War of 1812. Those fucking Britain's had _something_ stuck up their ass, trying to make sure no Americans traded with the French. Apparently Britain and Napoleon had some kind of beef and Britain was all fucking seethed at the fact that America was trading with him. And then they would just go on the American's ships and tell the soldiers that they either join their side or they can swim home.

_Dickheads_.

Bella continued to talk about Napoleon's conquests, and I just couldn't fucking believe the information was seeping in my brain and actually staying there. If it had been any other fucker telling me this shit I'd let it go through one ear and out the other but because it was Bella, she was the reason that my low sixteen percent was a fifty five. Still not passing, but I was getting there and she was helping a fucking lot. By the end of the hour the music from my house was thumping so loudly I could have sworn Bella's house was shaking. She began shuffling her stuff away and I just sat back in my chair, watching as she tried to zip the zipper of her bag, but failed when it resisted.

I couldn't help but laugh, and she glared up at me like a mad little kitten – claws out and ready to scratch. I figured I'd lighten the mood.

"You wanna go crash the party?" I asked her casually, and once she finally got the zipper zipped, she looked at me smugly and then relaxed with a shrug. "I'll only go if you go." I told her honestly. It would be no fun without her.

"I kind of had plans tonight." She challenged in a playful tone.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, raising a curious brow because there was no fucking way my girl had plans without it involving me.

"Mhm." She said, standing up from the chair as she swayed away and set her bag on the hook near the couch on the wall. I stood up and bolted for her, grabbing her wrists before she could go up the stairs.

"And what would those plans be?" I asked her, pushing her gently against the wall near the staircase. I was careful with her – knowing she was fragile. I did not want to harm her in anyway, which is why I opted out of holding her wrist and instead ran my hands up and down her covered arms.

"Cuddle in my bed, read a good book…" She began, "And touch myself because my boyfriend is too chicken to do it himself." She said so nonchalantly that I was rather fucking stunned. She was fucking baiting me in with her hook, and I knew that I had to be careful or I'd be hooked and next thing I'd know, I would be fucking her upstairs in her bedroom.

"You're the one who decided to go all fucking nun on me." I growled playfully as I looked up and down her attire. "And you know it's not like that at all." I began, setting my lips near her jawbone as I kissed her up to her ear, "Did you seem to forget what happened last night? Because I sure as hell didn't." I said in a sultry tone against her skin, feeling her shake underneath me, I fucking smirked because I knew I had her back on my side. "I could do that all over again, if you'd like. But I know your trying to fucking reel me in. I know what you want, and I'll be willing to give it to you in other ways. It's all about patience."

"When did you become such a saint?" She asked weakly due to the affect on her. I smirked against her skin once again, lifting my hand underneath her sweater to feel something thin – a tank top maybe? I wanted to investigate and did so by tugging the end of her stupid gray sweater and pulling it up over her head. She obliged easily and I was right – it was a tank top. A black tank top that allowed easy access to her tits, that were just right there, fucking begging to be touched. Then her words set into my mind, and I looked up at her – gazing right into those pools of chocolate brown.

"When I met an angel who was worth waiting for." I whispered, Bella's eyes glinted under the light of the hallway we were standing in. It was so sentimental of me to say such a thing, and so fucking odd because I would have never said anything like that to anyone.

The closet sentimental thing I said to Jessica was _Nice shave. What is that called? The lawn mower wax?_

I'm pretty sure after I said that to her she went to someone to get that professionally done instead of attempting to do it herself. Or at least that's what Newton was gloating about. I really didn't fucking pay attention.

Bella fucking smiled at me. And not one of those little cute smiles she does all the time, but a full on – all teeth and lips smile. She was basking what I just said and I don't blame her. I chuckled at her, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. She gripped my sides and let out a deep breath, "I'll go get changed." She muttered before pressing a kiss to my neck, leaving me to go upstairs.

In that moment I could have excused myself to the bathroom to relieve myself, but my boner had died down a bit and it was easy to cover up – so I'd just wait until tonight when Bella and I were in bed because I had a feeling she'd want to do a repeat of last night, which I was totally up for. So instead I walked up on the stairs, looking at the multiple pictures of Bella as a baby. She was cute in a baby-ish kind of way, it was odd looking at her like this. All I could see her as is my incredibly beautiful, plus fucking hot, girlfriend. Sometimes I forgot that people used to be babies – even sometimes I forget that I was once a baby, but that was normal.

My childhood was shit, so I rarely thought of it.

Twenty minutes later, Bella came down the stairs in a black knit sweater that showed just enough cleavage for me to drool over, and a pair of jeans. At least I could fucking see that neck of hers, and I was dying to taste it. I hadn't even noticed her hair was brushed and all shiny, and she had a little bit of makeup on. Not a lot, just a little bit – because she didn't need that shit. She was naturally beautiful and didn't need to hide herself behind gunks of whatever that shit was that girls put on their faces.

She guided me into the kitchen and I stood behind her as she wrote something on a notepad. My arms instinctively went around her waist as I pulled her closer, smelling her fucking beautiful hair. _Strawberries_. I gripped her hair, pushing it all on one side so I could have full access to the other. I started behind her ear, kissing and nipping it gently as I began my adventure down her luscious milky neck. Bella giggled as I began sucking on her skin, warning me cutely not to leave a hickey.

I would make no fucking promises.

She pulled away from me and I grumbled just before looking down to read her note that was scribbled in her handwriting.

_Dad, _

_Spent the night at Alice's. I'll be home around 10._

_- B _

"You want to stay at my house?" I asked her curiously, and Bella froze at the sink as she put plates in it. She turned on her heels towards me and shrugged, her face blushing furiously.

"I'm sorry. I should have asked… I just figured…" She began but I laughed at her because she was being fucking ridiculous. I grabbed her hands and pulled her towards me, cradling her face with my hand as I kissed her nose.

"Stop it." I scolded gently, "Of course your always welcomed to my house, I just figured you'd rather stay at yours. Who knows how long Emmett's party is going to last this time." I rolled my eyes, smirking as I pressed my lips up against hers, feeling her smile against me.

"I figured we'd change it up a bit." She shrugged, her hands wrapping around my waist, my forehead leaning down to rest against hers. "Ready?" She asked me, I nodded, gripping her hand and leading her out the house.

Xx

Emmett's party was everything to be expected. More people than last time, drunk students everywhere, girls showing off their tits, people dancing on the tables and counters, fucking trash _everywhere_. Bella hated so many people around her, I could just fucking tell. She leaned into me as my arm wrapped around her shoulder, shivering at my side when someone got too close. I glared at them, watching as whomever it was back the fuck off. Eventually we met up with Alice and Rosalie who were mixing drinks in the kitchen, talking over the booming of the music.

Bella still cowered in my side, and I remembered the last time she was at Emmett's party. She was all alone, and I was a complete dick to her – and even worse, James tried to make a move on her. I held my baby tighter against me, kissing the top of her head and ignoring Alice's 'Awwws' because that shit was just fucking annoying.

By midnight people were already passing out in the most random places. I saw Tyler Crowley passed out over a plant vase; Lauren Mallory huddled in the corner of the kitchen. _Fucking lightweights_. I didn't pay much attention to them, because I had Bella at my side, who was still breathing deeply at the vast amount of people around us. We sat at the kitchen counter, and I always leaned against her – pressing a kiss to her temple to make her aware that I was still here.

At one point, Jazz tapped my shoulder and asked me to come outside. I ignored his invitation and stayed by my girl, but she insisted I go, told me she would be okay for a few minutes. I looked at Alice and pleaded with my eyes for her to watch over Bella, and then muttered in Bella's ear if she needed me all she needed to do was just fucking scream. She rolled her eyes at my comment, but I was dead fucking serious. The moment I heard a scream, I'd be by her side instantly.

I left her reluctantly and walked with Jazz outside. We ended up at the edge of the pool that was covered for the winter. We both pulled out our cigarettes and lit one up. I hadn't had one for weeks, I realized, and shrugged taking in the warmth of the cigarette in the brisk cold weather.

"Look man," Jasper began, "I just wanted to apologize for my piss poor attitude." He said, shaking his head.

"I don't think _I_ should be the one _you_ need to apologize to." I glowered at him, wondering why he was fucking talking to me about this shit. Bella needed the apology, and Jasper thought I could pass the message along to her. _Yeah fucking right_. Bella deserved better than that.

"And I will." He told me, though I could hear his voice falter. "I didn't mean to be so fucking cruel… God, I don't even fucking know… I'm sorry, alright? But it's your fault you didn't tell me sooner."

And I gaped at him like a fucking idiot, "What?" I hissed, "You would have only been nice if she was dating me? Meanwhile when you didn't know, you continued to be shitty with her?"

"Dude, I fucking knew something was going on between you two. And all that shit you put me and Alice through, I wanted revenge." He told me, and there were the fucking golden words. I knew it was revenge for him, I knew he wanted me to watch him make Bella's life miserable because I did the same shit when I made fun of Alice. I was dick, and I can't justify it now –I could apologize for it and swallow my pride.

"And I'm fucking sorry for that. I didn't know that Alice was going to be like a sister to me. I just want you to know that Bella is a great girl." I said, the air feeling slightly awkward because here Jazz and I were, talking about how great our girls are and it felt weird because only girls talked about this shit with each other. "I made my peace with Alice, you make yours with Bella."

And those were the last words I said before Jazz agreed to make amends with Bella. We finished our cigarettes and talked about watching out for James this time around. After a good other ten minute talk about fucking nothing, we headed inside. I was eager to get to Bella, but when I arrived, I walked in on her taking down a fucking shot, and didn't fail to notice the empty little plastic shot cups around her. There must have been three of them, and now downing her fourth.

And I didn't know whether to be really excited that she was getting drunk or really fucking pissed off because she wasn't in the safety of my arms to do so.

"Edward!" Alice called out. "Want a chocolate cake shot?" She asked as I moved more towards Bella, keeping my eyes only on her as her face looked relaxed. I shook my head as an answer, because if Bella was getting drunk then I needed to be fucking coherent to see this shit.

"Bella?" I asked her, watching as she turned to me. She smiled lazily, reaching up to kiss my chin as her arms wrapped around my neck. "You okay?" I asked softly against her ear, nudging her cheek with my own.

"I feel good. Warm." She told me and I laughed because she was such a lightweight. I kissed her cheek, and brushed her hair back as I looked to Alice who was downing her fifth shot.

"Have you ever drunk before?" I asked her, pulling away to look at her face. Bella hiccupped before she shook her head. I sighed softly, realizing that she didn't eat before we came here and hadn't eaten at all during the party. I could already see in my future and it involved Bella's head bending over in the toilet while I held her hair. "I think you've had enough," I began, pushing away the lemon, sugar and the shot back towards Alice. Bella whimpered in refusal and my fucking dick twitched at the sound.

_Not fucking now. _

My girl was getting drunk and I'll be damned if I have to even miss a second to fucking jerk off in the bathroom. Hell. No. I could tell Bella was feeling better because she got up and began talking to people who were just as equally drunk. I glowered at Ben Parker who got a little too close for comfort, but I rationalized with myself that he just lost his footing and accidently bumped into her.

By one in the morning Bella was laughing hysterically at a joke Alice said, which honestly wasn't even that fucking funny, but I was entertained at Bella who was doubled over and nearly gasping for her breath. Rosalie and Emmett were cracking up over Bella as well, and at one point she fell to the floor and I tended to her as quickly as possible to make sure she didn't hurt herself, but she was still laughing at that lame ass joke.

By two in the morning she was pushing me to the middle of the living room, grinding her little body against mine. I would have been opposed to fucking dry humping in front pretty much eight percent of the student body, but everyone was so drunk, no one would remember in the morning. Bella turned around, resting her back against my chest and relentlessly shoving her ass into my crotch as she leaned her arm back and put it behind my neck.

I about fucking died.

I gripped her hips and grinded my dick so hard into her, I almost let go right then and there. I controlled myself with calm breathing, and kissing her neck but stopped that quickly when she began to moan.

By three in the morning, half of the people were passed out and I was starting to feel my eyelids droop. Bella was leaning against my arm as we sat on the couch. I turned my attention to my other side as some random girl passed on my other shoulder. I grimaced at her, but Bella just giggled, covering her mouth to hide it. I nudged the girl so she fell back on the other side, and brought myself closer to Bella.

"Can we go upstairs?" She slurred and I nodded my approval, lifting her up and instantly catching her as she dropped back down. We said our goodnights to Alice and Jasper and headed up to my room. I pulled the string to the attic, the stairs falling down as I lead Bella up to my door, careful to watch her make any movement to fall down. I lifted the stairs back up so no one would disturb us. I opened my door for her, leading her in. I groaned softly at the mess in my room, forgetting to clean it before I left to go to Bella's, because somehow I knew we'd end up here.

Bella turned to me instantly, gripping my shirt by surprise and pulling me in for a kiss. I was shocked but turned on by her sudden change from tired to animal. I moaned against her lips, gripping her shoulders as I tried to push her back. She was drunk, and I was tired, those two possibly couldn't go well together.

"What's wrong?" She asked me softly, and I could hear the hurt in her voice and it fucking killed me.

"Bella, your drunk baby. I think you should get some sleep." I told her honestly, as I pressed a kiss to her forehead. She frowned up at me, confused on why I pushed her away and I'm not sure I could justify it. I could kiss her relentlessly, maybe even give her an orgasm by tongue – but still, she was drunk and I wasn't so sure if I'd feel right by doing that to her when she was intoxicated. I wanted her to be coherent – and even more; I wanted her to remember it in the morning.

"What happened to _I could do it all over again_?" She mocked me from earlier and I just sighed as I shook my head. "Geez, Edward. I'm just throwing myself at you, and what do you do? You fucking spit in my face! Do you know how that makes me feel?" She asked, but I was still a bit shocked that she had fucking cussed. "Like you don't want me, or something. I just… You're the only eighteen year old boy I know turning down intimacy with your girlfriend. What are you? _Gay_?" She spat angrily and my eyes widened.

_She's an angry drunk._

And then something inside of me began to quake and suddenly I threw my head back and laughed. I laughed right in front of her, and I could have sworn steam was coming out of her ears. "Fuck you!" She growled and I finally controlled my laughing, shaking my head as I tried to pull her into an embrace. She shook her head and pulled away from me, and that's when I stopped laughing.

"Bella. Please." I frowned, reaching for her again. "It's not that I don't want to do things with you," I stopped, just realizing I needed to tell her how I felt. Maybe then she'd stop pawning all over my dick. "When we do stuff like that together, I want you to be coherent. Not sated with four chocolate cake shots in your system. Odds are, you won't remember this night. And I don't want that." I just shrugged like a fucking pussy. "I want you to remember every single time we are… _Intimate_ together." I told her, and Bella's face molded into something I couldn't put my finger on.

She bit at her bottom lip, her eyes slowly closing as she let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry." She finally said and I shook my head with a smile, bringing her closer as well as fucking letting out a deep breath of air because I was fucking grateful that she understood. If I did anything, even eat her out, while she was drunk – I'd feel like a fucking monster. Because I was sober, and she wasn't.

"Don't fucking apologize." I told her, bringing her in my arms. We stood there for a few minutes, and after awhile I decided it was time to put her to bed. Bella stripped out of her clothes and climbed into one of my t-shirts and shorts, that hung on her skinny body.

I was fucking worn out when we got underneath the covers of my bed. She rolled so that her back was towards me, and I confused at first – maybe even a little hurt, but I felt her hand grab my arm and she brought me in so my chest was against her back, and I was spooning her. It was oddly the most romantic way I had ever slept next to a girl. I kissed the back of her head, and reached for my light switch that was conveniently next to my bed, switching it off and allowing the light of the moon from my window to engulf us.

"Edward?" Bella asked softly, bringing me out of my sleep. I replied with a soft hum, and she was quiet for a few seconds just before she said something that completely fucking rattled me to my very core.

"I love you."

I didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. I just stood still and held her tighter, hoping that she didn't question why I didn't say it back. Because I really did want to say it, I really fucking wanted to tell her she meant the world to me, and I'd do anything for her, but those three words were so hard to get out, because I never used them. They were foreign to me, so fucking alien-like that I would have felt awkward saying it back.

She didn't deserve that. She deserved me to say it and fucking mean it. So instead I pressed a kiss to the back of her head, feeling her breathing slow as she drifted into sleep, while I stayed up and kicked myself for being so fucking heartless.

* * *

**Author's Note; Drunk Bella is the best Bella. Guess she really is an angry drunk. Poor Edward. **

**Let's see if she can hold her liquor. **

**You guys know what to do. Leave me tons of love, you know I really appreciate it.  
****And so does Edward. **

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see you freaks later


	20. The Nightmare

**Author's Note; Hey guys. See? I'm getting better! Not much to say here, except thanks for the reviews. They weren't much, but that's okay, I know there is a lot of you reading. **

**Shout out to my Beta Lauren! Thank you sooooo fuckin' much! **

**Alright read, **

**And please review! Smokeward would love you forever.**

**And I would love you forever *Puppy-dog face***

**xoxo  
****shelby **

**

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**

_Warmth._

It was all over me, enveloping my body and pushing me impossibly tighter to it. I snuggled into the warmth, pursing my lips as I tried to make out what exactly this warmth was. At some point – I gave up. I was too cozy and comfortable to even care. I let the warmth wrap me up once again, pulling me closer, as if it were possible at all. The warmth hugged me, some of it slipping down my side and some point I thought I heard it whimper – as if it was trying to speak to me, or trying to tell me something. I wanted to open my eyes, but all I saw was darkness. The warmth wasn't visible – I could only feel.

This was up until something stirred in the pit of my stomach, which forced me to bolt straight up. The warmth in fact was Edward, who had just fallen off the side of the bed due to my erratic spasm. I clung one hand onto my mouth, the other across my stomach as I bolted across his room and for the door. I leaned down, pushing the stairs down with the hand that was covering my stomach because I was too afraid to let go of my mouth, fearing I would puke right then in there. The stairs hit the floor and I climbed down them carefully before racing towards the bathroom.

At some point in my run to the toilet, I passed Emmett who waved at me with a lazy grin, but he could see the shock in my eyes and didn't keep me for conversation. I reached the promise land of the bathroom, flinging the door open and slamming it shut behind me, figuring the lock really didn't matter. Who would walk in while I was puking?

And that is exactly what I did. I threw up liquids into the toilet, realizing I hadn't eaten before drinking – something rather stupid and I was paying the price for it now. As I finished puking what was left in my stomach, I spit a few times before landing back against the cold wall, feeling my mouth parched and my throat burning. My brain was rattling against my skull, certain sections thumping in pain; I would have done anything in that moment if the pain would just stop.

It was this day that I realized that I am not a drinker.

My eyes closed as I felt something rumbling in my chest once again, this time it wasn't to empty it, but more to feed it. I was so hungry. I didn't want to think about that right now just after puking my guts into the toilet, instead I tried to remember everything that had happened last night. When they say everything is a blur they weren't kidding. I felt like I could remember things but the picture was fuzzy, like a TV with bad reception, and I couldn't see what was actually happening. The last thing I remember was Edward leaving to go talk to Jasper, and Rose, Alice and I hanging around the kitchen.

"_Okay Rose, you ready?" Alice chirped, handing rose a very small plastic cup filled with some kind of yellowish-brown liquid. I knew it was alcohol, I wasn't stupid – but I was curious. With all these people brushing against me I was craving for anything to get my mind off of them. Usually this distraction would be Edward, but since I let him go off to talk to Jasper, I had to deal with second best. _

"_What is that?" I asked, sucking in my bottom lip as I leaned forward trying to get a better look. Alice grinned at me, pulling an extra cup and poured the drink in, as well as slicing a lemon and setting a plate full of sugar in the middle of all of us._

"_We are going to drink a chocolate cake shot." Alice told me, and my eyebrows quirked. Chocolate cake? I wondered if it actually tasted like it, it was as if Alice read my mind, "Yes. It tastes like chocolate cake. Not the liquor itself. But we have Frangelico Liqueur, lemon and sugar." I looked at her quizzically, and set back farther into my chair. I can understand the sugar, but liquor and lemon? That seemed a bit off to me._

"_Look at her!" Rose laughed, pointing at my face. "She has no idea what this stuff is!" She held up the bottle and my cheeks flamed red. "Bella, have you even had a shot of vodka?" She asked, and I shook my head, "Jager?" I shook my head. "Smirnoff?" I've heard these names before, but not once have I actually tried them. "For Christ sake's have you even had a sip of wine?" _

"_Yes!" I said a little over eagerly, trying to prove her wrong for once. "And a glass of Champagne at my cousins wedding."_

"_Well pin a rose on your nose." Rosalie said and I wanted to sneer at her, but I was just too embarrassed. I knew she wasn't trying to be mean, and it came naturally for her, like breathing for most people – but still. Not every teenager is driving on sex, drugs, and alcohol. _

"_Well then I'm glad that Bella is here to do this with us. And not some stranger." Alice piped in, shoving the little white cup in front of me. "What you do is, dip the lemon in the sugar, suck the sugar off, take the shot, and then bite the lemon, and viola! You've got yourself a tasty treat and accompany of alcohol." She smirked inwardly, and I glanced over my shoulder to see if I could find Edward. I really shouldn't be drinking without him, but from the window I saw him out of, he looked too involved in his conversation with Jasper. _

_I turned back to the little white cup filled with the liquor and grimaced at it. It was laughing at me, teasing me because I was being such a baby. Rosalie had already downed her first shot and Alice was in the midst of doing hers. _

_Cover, suck, drink, bite. _

_It didn't seem so hard. _

_It wasn't. I built up the balls to do so, and what I found out was actually surprising. It did taste like chocolate cake. Well as close as chocolate cake as you can get when it's only sugar, lemon and some liquor. It settled well in my stomach, and I bit at my lip as I enjoyed the taste. Before I knew it, I was downing another shot just for kicks because I wanted to show Rosalie that I wasn't chicken. _

After that, it was all downhill. Because I had never had liquor before, or even gotten drunk to begin with the alcohol hit a toll on me, even if I only had four shots. I was so far gone; I could barely even remember what happened. And that was my dilemma. I had hoped – no prayed – that nothing happened between Edward and I last night. God forbid something happened and I missed out on it because I was too drunk.

And then something came rushing into my mind. I remember laughing so hard I was about to pee myself, and then dancing with Edward, and then the next moment being upstairs. Then his voice came filtering back to me, and I remember him denying me, and I mouthing off because he clearly wasn't putting out.

He had told me he wanted me coherent during all of our intimate moments. Once our conversation began repeating itself in my head, I had this stupid grin on my face. He didn't want to do anything with me because he was worried that I wouldn't remember it in the morning. Whether that was because he felt shitty doing that, or would be upset if I forget was beside the point. He was looking out for me, protecting me from not just other people but from the alcohol that consumed me.

_I love this man._

Those words that I thought sent something through me, something that raced back and fourth but I just couldn't remember. I hit my forehead, trying to figure out what was at the tip of my tongue. It was something important too because I remember saying it and also feeling it, and being relieved when I said it. When I said whatever it was, I felt good and something inside of me stirred in my heart.

When my heart started to beat faster, I realized what had happened.

I had said those three forbidden words to Edward last night.

The bile was rising up in my stomach again and for the second time I puked in the toilet. I don't think that this was about the alcohol, but instead my shock when I remembered I had said it. I remember being so warm when he was spooning me, so close to him as I felt his heart beat against my back, that I felt like it was the perfect time to say it to him.

I knew it wasn't the alcohol talking, because it was earlier that day that I realized I was in love with him.

"_You know, we can just go back to your place and go to bed. I wouldn't be opposed." Edward smirked into my hair and I shook my head. I wanted him to have fun at this party, because I knew he enjoyed having these. I wouldn't deprive him of that just because I was a little claustrophobic. _

"_No. I want to be here. With you." I assured him, kissing his cheek once he pulled away. He let out a big gust of air and gripped my hand tighter, opening the front door. My eyes gaped open as just the hallway in front of us was piled with over-hormonal, eagerly horny, and drunken teenagers. Both Edward and I stepped in, still holding hands. _

_That's when I realized this was too many people, and the panic began thumping against my chest._

_As if he could feel it through the energy that cackled between us, he lifted his arm up and wrapped it around my shoulder. His arm felt like a boulder that couldn't be penetrated, and his chest was firm against mine. As we made our way through the hallway and to the living room, Edward had me pushed so far into him that it was hard to breathe. I was trying to not look at all the people, because hearing it was enough – the sight would send me into a panic attack. So instead of looking what was around me, I looked up to see Edward, his jaw set straight and the glare prominent on his face._

_He glared at anyone who came too close, telling them to back off with more colorful words. This didn't affect them at all, because they were all too intoxicated to even notice he had just cussed them out. Edward could sense me looking at him, and right when his eyes met mine his face relaxed into a smile as he leaned to kiss my forehead._

_He was protecting me._

_I was overwhelmed with emotions that rushed through my body; I could feel tears tempting to spill over. I didn't want Edward to see so I shoved my head into his chest as we continued to walk. My tears stained his leather jacket, but he didn't notice because he was too busy throwing daggers with his eyes at the people around us._

_My arms went around his middle as the emotions still swept over me like an oncoming wave. He was so protecting, self sacrificing, so beautiful and just so… Edward. I knew there was a reason that I could sleep soundly next to him without even a hint of a panic attack, and a reason why I felt so comfortable being in his presence and even willing enough to hand him my virginity._

_I love him. _

_You could call me crazy, tell me it is way too early to feel such a thing for someone but I just knew it deep down inside of me no matter how cliché it sounded. I was never the girl to just open myself up to anyone, let my guard down because I thought I trusted them – but I could with Edward. I could talk to him about the incident with Phil and the death of my mom and not feel like I was being forced to do so, that it was just coming naturally as if I was venting. I never vented to anyone. I never spoke a word of the incident unless to the police officers who questioned me about it after it happened. I didn't even talk about it with Charlie. _

_I knew that Edward didn't feel the same way. Though he was wonderful and did all of these great things for me, it was just because he was interested. I wanted to believe that he loved me, but his tough exterior and obvious rough past raised a red flag warning me that if I told him, I would only be left disappointed. _

_I will not tell him. Not even if it kills me everyday because the words were just there on my tongue. I would not breathe a word of it. Not until I was sure he felt the same, which unfortunately may never happen._

Even though I knew he wouldn't feel the same way, it did not cushion the fall whatsoever. If possible, it made the hit harder because somewhere inside of me, I hoped that I was wrong.

I rubbed harshly at the wetness that stained my cheeks, hating the feeling of being so weak when it came to him. I cursed at the traitor tears and stood up from the floor, my knees wobbly as I limped to the sink, running my fingers under the faucet and splashing it in my face to wake me up. And as if it were some kind of potion to unlock hidden memories, I remembered what happened after I said it.

Nothing.

I had said it, and Edward didn't reply. I knew he wasn't sleeping because when I called his name he replied to that. It just confirmed my assumption, and with that my heart broke. I remember him kissing the back of my head, as if it was his way of saying he's sorry that he can't or won't feel it back for me. The tears started again, and I wiped at them furiously, trying not to be so upset about this.

_This is what you get when you fall in love with the wrong person._

I didn't want to think Edward was the wrong person, because I wanted him to be the right person. He made me feel safe and normal, while the other boys made me feel anxiety and pressured me into running away. Why couldn't I be normal? Why did it have to be Edward who I felt like this for? Why was there some kind of cosmic joke on me every single time something good begins to happen in my life? There were so many questions, that I just couldn't answer, but one in particular.

_Why doesn't he love me back?_

That was one question I'm sure I didn't want the answer to. I could only handle so much pain.

"Isabella?" I heard his voice call out to me on the other side, and the tears welled up again. "Hey, you alright in there?" He asked and I bit at my lip to try and suppress my sob that was clutching at my throat.

"Yeah." I said, regretting it instantly because it was strangled. "I'm good."

"Can I come in?" He asked sweetly, and I knew he knew something was wrong, and wanted to tend to me. _Out of what? Pity?_ I shook the thoughts, knowing that it wasn't fair for him. Just because he didn't love me back, didn't mean he didn't enjoy spending time with me. I realized I wasn't just a good chase, and he actually cared – that was enough for the tears to stop.

"I'll just be a few more minutes." I told him, hearing his sigh before his shuffling footsteps. I knelt down in search for anything to wash my mouth with. Luckily I found mouthwash underneath the sink and rinsed for a good minute five minutes before the taste of aftermath vomit was gone. My eyes were no longer red; I had run my fingers through my hair to straighten out the tangles. I glanced over at the clock hung near the shower curtain. It was nearing nine in the morning. It was a good sign Charlie hadn't come over already, I figured he was passed out on the couch, and I had a good hour left till I had to go home.

When I felt presentable enough to leave, I opened the door to find a body lying on the ground right in front of me. I must not have noticed Garrett Parker's passed out form when I made my way to the bathroom. I jumped over him and headed to some kind of noise that was coming from the kitchen. I found Rosalie brewing coffee, Emmett by her side as he began picking up trash along the counter.

"Good morning!" Alice chirped from behind me, her voice not so soothing at eight thirty morning. I cringed slightly, walking to the side as I sat myself down on the counter. Rose then set a cup of coffee and two blue pills in front of me.

"It'll help with the pain." She said with a reassuring smile, and I nodded as I took them instantly. Emmett was unusually quite I had notice as he cleaned around the house – and in fact I had not seen any affection between Rose and him since I've been sitting here for the past five minutes. Usually they were all over each other like rabbits, but now they glowered at each other as if they were secretly killing one another in their minds.

"They got in a fight last night." Alice whispered in my ear, "Right after you and Edward went upstairs." She continued, I gulped – hoping she didn't ask me what happened while we were up there. "You should have seen it. Friggin epic." Alice giggled.

"What happened?" I asked softly, but apparently not softly enough.

"Yeah, Emmett. What happened? Explain to the peanut gallery." Rosalie shrugged, putting her game face on as Emmett glared back at her, giving her that _don't you dare bring this up_ _now_ look. "Why don't you tell everyone how I caught you red handed shoving your tongue down some girl's throat?"

"Whoa, calm down Rose." Jasper said behind Alice, quickly intervening once Rosalie's hand came a little too close to a kitchen knife. We all knew she wasn't going to use it. It was an empty threat, but we all knew she didn't have the heart to damage him.

"I told you this how many times last night? She kissed me! You so happened to walk in when _she_ was shoving _her_ tongue down my throat! And it's not my fault you have such shitty timing!" Emmett roared and the pain was now pulsing in my head. The loud argument continued for minutes, the two bantering back and fourth.

In the end they kissed and made up. Or more like went up into his room and made up.

"Where's Edward?" I asked curiously, glancing around the room to realize that he wasn't there. Both Alice and Jasper shrugged and I stood from the stool, walking to the kitchen cabinet to grab a mug, filling it with coffee. I didn't know how much cream he took, or if he took any, so I left it black. Edward seemed like the kind of guy to drink it raw. I threaded through the hallways, ignoring the moans emanating from Emmett's room, and found the staircase to the attic closed. I reached up and grabbed the string, pulling it down and going up. I knocked on the door softly, hearing a groan as an approval to come in. I opened the door just after bringing the staircase back up and shutting the door behind me.

"I came bearing coffee." I told him, watching as his shirtless figure turned over to his back in the middle of the bed as I came closer. I handed it to him, sitting at the edge as I awkwardly played with the hem of my shirt. I could feel the tension between us. He could feel it too, I could just tell. It was undoubtedly about what happened last night, and I shook my head at the thought.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked me, and I nodded, glancing back at him and giving him a half smile. "Do you remember anything?" He asked timidly, and we locked gazes. He was hoping I didn't remember, hoping that it was something the alcohol crossed off in my memories.

"No." I lied through my teeth, watching as he visibly relaxed while I tried to pretend I wasn't just emotionally slapped in the face. Edward sipped his coffee, the crease on his forehead smoothing and I could even see a small smile on his lips.

It took everything I had in me to not burst into tears.

"So I was thinking you could stay here tonight again. Carlisle and Esme aren't getting back till tomorrow, and maybe you and I could just chill? Maybe repeat what happened a few nights ago." He shrugged, smirking as he patted the spot next to him. I smiled back, but the weakness of it made it falter.

"Um, actually…" I began with a gulp, "I have homework to do. Tons. Piles." I nodded feeling guilty for lying, but the heartbreak was more prominent. Edward's lips fell, and if it at were anymore possible, I grew even sadder. He knew something was wrong because I would never turn down his offer to pleasure me – but here I was trying to make excuses. "It's just; I don't want to fall behind. And I have a headache from last night, and it's just…" I stopped rambling and began finding my clothes and swiftly changing into them.

"When will I see you?" He asked hopefully as I shrugged on my jacket, zipping it up before putting my hood on, turning back to him as I brushed the hair out of my face.

"I don't know." I told him honestly before turning around and heading out the door. Granted, leaving like that wasn't the best way for me to hide my knowledge of what actually happened last night – but I couldn't bear to stay in the same room as him. I didn't want to blame him, and actually eighty five percent of my anger was towards me for being mad at him for not loving me back. But I just couldn't look at him anymore.

I didn't say goodbye to anyone, and instead just left and shuffled back to my home. Once I entered, Charlie stood from the couch, holding a beer can in his hand as he awkwardly shifted from one leg to another. I mentally noted in my head that it wasn't even ten o'clock in the morning yet and he was already drinking beer – I needed to help him kick that habit.

"Hey Bells." He said quietly and I just looked at him, nodding my head and moving into the kitchen to start some breakfast. He followed me, watching as I took of my jacket and pull out the pots and pans. "Have fun?" He asked and I just shrugged, running my fingers through my still messy hair.

"Yeah, it was nice to hang out with Alice." I looked back at him, smiling weakly because I hated lying to him. "And don't worry…" I added before turning back to the pots, "I didn't see the boys all night. They stayed at the opposite side of the house."

"Oh." He merely said, "That's good."

"Hungry?" I asked eager to change the subject. Charlie caught quickly on my change of emotions and nodded with a smile.

"Famished." He replied with a soft smile.

After cooking Charlie breakfast I headed upstairs into my room and laid down on my bed. I turned myself to the side, facing my desk as I let out a deep breath of air. My Paris Calendar was facing me, and I glanced at tomorrow's date. One single tear fell down my cheek and hit my pillow underneath me as I curled into myself.

Tomorrow was March thirtieth. My mother's birthday.

**EPOV**

It was Monday morning, and I was in a fucking irritable mood. I even got ticked at Esme who innocently clicked her nails against her knitting needles on Sunday evening. I growled at her to shut the fuck up and left, but only came back to apologize five minutes later due to both my conscious and Carlisle. There was no doubt that my sour mood was because of Bella. She left Saturday morning and that was the last time I saw her all fucking weekend. I even texted her multiple times, but got no response.

_Hey babe, are you okay? You seemed a little out of it when you left. - E_

_Where are you? Why aren't you responding to my texts? - E_

_Did I do something wrong? – E_

_Will you please fucking answer me? – E _

I got nothing.

Absolutely, positively, nothing. I'd be a fucking liar if I said it didn't bother me at all. Sometime's I'd sneak out to the front porch to have a cigarette and see her light on, her silhouette moving behind the curtain. I would have gone to her at night, but Charlie was home and awake all fucking weekend, till the bright hours of seven AM. The fucker never slept.

By Saturday night I was nervous as fuck, by Sunday morning I was antsy and by Sunday evening I was in a foul mood. She could have at least responded to my text, the simple words _I'm okay_ would have sufficed. So when I went to school Monday morning and was eager as fuck to see her. I pulled up five minutes early instead of five minutes late just so I could have the chance to talk to her, but once I pulled in she was already headed into the building.

It wasn't until lunch that I was able to see her, and when I headed in she was already at the table. I stalked towards her, throwing fucking daggers at the back of her head with my eyes. I slammed my book bag down, causing her to flinch and sat myself down next to her. She looked over to me and my fucking heart stopped. There were bags under her eyes, her face more pale than usual, and her hair was a bit messy.

"Bella?" I asked her, reaching forward to tuck her hair behind her ear and then feeling really fucking guilty for being so mad when she was obviously suffering. "Are you okay? What's the matter?"

"I'm fine." She told me, but I knew she was lying. "I just haven't been sleeping well." She shrugged and poked at her apple that sat uneaten in front of her.

"I've been trying to get a hold of you all weekend, why didn't you answer me?" I asked, leaning forward to wrap my arm around her shoulder and pressing my lips to her temple. She relaxed and smoothed herself into me.

"My phone has been acting up." She lied again, "I have to get a new one." If it weren't for the very fact that she was going through hell, I would have been so fucking pissed off that she was lying to me. Instead of questioning her, I brought her closer and allowed her to rest against me.

We didn't talk much through lunch, and Biology was no different. She didn't seem up for talking so I didn't push her. I just rested my hand on the back of her neck, soothingly rubbing it to let her know that I was here for her. When we parted ways after school I got one fucking kiss on the cheek. Not even on the corner of my mouth.

On the drive home I wondered if she was mad at me about something. Maybe it was something to do with the party. But as far as I remember we didn't fight at all. The only thing that happened that was remotely significant was she said she loved me, and like a fucking asshole I didn't say shit back. I could see where she'd be upset about that, but she fucking told me she didn't remember anything from the night before.

This irritated me to no end and I sat up and thought about it all the way until six o'clock. By this time I was determined to walk over to my tutoring session and just fucking scream until she told me what was wrong with her. Then I realized I wouldn't be able to scream, so I'd fucking plead and beg for forgiveness for whatever it is I had done to fuck this shit up.

When I arrived to her house she opened the door and we walked straight to the kitchen. No stopping on the way to make out, or no dinner waiting for me on the table. I couldn't give a shit about dinner, but I was disappointed I still haven't gotten that fucking kiss. When we sat down she began talking about Napoleon again, and I fucking gaped at her. She didn't even talk to me like she was my girlfriend. It was like she was just the tutor now and that was it.

Oh, I was fucking fuming from my seat.

At some point she left to go to the bathroom, and left her phone sitting on the table. I'd be lying if I said I just glared at the whole time. The moment I heard that bathroom door click shut I reached for that fucker and flipped it open, reading through her text messages. I didn't look at any of them besides the ones with my name. I knew she was lying to me earlier when she said she didn't get my texts messages, but when I saw them in her inbox and saw that they were marked red, I was fucking livid.

I sat the phone down before she returned in exactly the same spot it was in when she left and I tapped my pencil against my book, listening to her ramble on and turn pages. I let out a soft huff when she paused to look up at me just to make sure I was paying attention. I shook my head, looked at the floor and held in the growl that wanted to erupt from my throat. Bella continued talking for the whole fucking hour. She just wouldn't shut the fuck up about this stupid history shit I could care less about at this moment.

"Could you stop it?" She asked me five minutes before seven o'clock. I looked at her with wide eyes and she gestured to me tapping my pencil. "It's really distracting." Her voice was distant and soft, a chilling coldness brought Goosebumps to my arms. And that's all she said. She didn't even say _please_. And though that shit never bothers me, it bothered me now because she always was polite. All the fucking time.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?" I sneered, throwing my pencil to the side in anger. Bella's eyes widened as she watched me stand up from my seat. "What the fuck did I do that was so fucking horrible for you to just not talk to me anymore? Did I say something wrong? Did I look at another girl the wrong way? Or are you just so fucking fed up with me that you'd rather not show me any emotion? What is it Bella? Because I'm fucking lost here!" I finally stopped to take in a deep breath, exhaling it as the tension in my muscles began to relax, though Bella's shocked expression still remained on her face. "And why the fuck did you lie to me about not getting my text messages?" I said, instantly regretting I even mentioned it in the first place.

"You went through my phone?" She was so shocked that I had to hold in a laugh because it was just so fucking comical, because if situations reversed she would have done the same damn thing.

"Don't even fucking turn that on me, why the fuck did you lie to me?" I wasn't making any sense now, but I just didn't even care. I was so angry at her, things were just spilling out like word vomit, "You just leave like you did on Saturday and I thought I did something wrong! Like I said some shit to make you upset! But it seems like every fucking thing I say now makes you upset!"

"You know Edward, not everything is about you!" She screamed, slamming the book down, standing up and heading out the kitchen. I followed her, the tension returning and my hard gaze never faltering.

"Of course it's not about me! Everything is about you!" I replied, so angry that my fucking knuckles were clenched, "Because I held it in for so fucking long today so I wouldn't upset you! And you're still giving me nothing!"

"I don't have to give you anything!" She cried as she spun around to glare at me, our chests just inches apart as her finger poked my chest hard. "Just because I'm having a few off days and you can't seem to fathom why, doesn't mean that you can come into _my_ house and yell at me to get answers!" She growled, pushing me back with her palms. I would have fallen over the couch had I not caught my step, watching as she turned to the stairs.

"You're my fucking girlfriend, Bella! What the hell do you think I should do? Because obviously whatever is going on right now isn't fucking working! You're not letting me in!" I followed her, standing on the bottom step as she stopped in the middle of the staircase, slowly turning around and glaring down at me.

"You are not allowed to use that against me. I've told you everything, Edward. I told you about my life before here, and about what happened to me, yet you haven't shown me one bit of you! I deal with you when you're in a shitty mood, hell I even took the punches before we were dating. All the rude things you said to me, all the emotional slaps you forced on me. And when we finally got together, I still knew nothing about you!" She paused to take a breath, and I noticed her body was shaking, "So you can't sit there and yell at me and act as if you're the innocent one. Because your not."

"You know what?" I fucking chuckled, though it was an empty chuckle as I gripped my hair. "This just isn't fucking working." The words came out before I even thought of them. And I wanted to explain myself, tell her that that's not what I meant but her face had already formed into horror – but she composed herself before she could give any other kind of emotion away.

"I knew you would leave anyways. It's no surprise." She finally said, though I could hear the sadness in her voice. "Get out. _Now_."

I didn't know what to do. So I just fucking left.

Xx

The air was fucking freezing as I brought my coat closer to me, hugging it to my body as I shivered. I didn't know where the fuck I was or how I even got here, but I was just walking. It was odd, not remembering how I got here in the middle of this forest. Maybe I had fucked myself up on some coke and just couldn't remember shit. Obviously I was coherent though, but the normal headache I get after snorting was not prominent. I couldn't be strung out. I just kept walking until the trees opened, and a valley of water just came to view. I turned back around, looking into the woods and then back to the water.

_Where the fuck am I? _

_Thump, Thump, Thump. _

My head snapped towards the direction of the noise, and all I saw was a black car, sitting at the edge of the water line. There was water seeping out of the cracks of it, dripping onto the floor, and the sound of the thumping became more frequently. And then, I could have sworn I heard someone call my name, and I was fucking freaked out. I walked closer to the car, trying to see if anyone was in the driver's seat, but I couldn't see shit. As I got closer, something dark caught my attention from the back seat, and I realized I saw the back of a head. I flung myself at the car, trying to help whoever it was as my palms laid flat on the window. And then the person turned to me, and I gazed into those big brown chocolate eyes and my heart sank.

It was Bella.

Her face was flushed with panic, and the rims of her eyes were red and stained with tears, "Bella!" I called out to her and she just looked down, and I followed her eye sight and caught the water that was to her lap, rising at a fast pace. I nearly bolted myself at the handle, clutching onto it tightly as I tried to open the door but it was fucking jammed.

_God, please. Not her. _

My heart was pounding in my throat once I had given up on the handle and began searching for something to smash in the window. I ran for the woods, hoping to find a branch but as I reached the edge of the forest it moved farther away, and with every step I took, the entrance went back. There weren't even rocks for me to chuck at the glass. There was nothing.

"Edward!" Bella screamed, and I turned to see the car moving, inching closer to the edge of the lake. I bolted for her, trying to grab something of the car to pull it back but it was no use. I just couldn't fucking get to her. "Edward…" Bella cried, as I ran back to the back seat window. The water was now to her chest, and my feet were dipping into the lake.

"Get back!" I screamed, watching as she sloshed to the other side of the car and I began with all my fucking might, punching the window multiple times, over and over again but it just wouldn't break. My hands were beaten up and cut from the force of the punches and I cursed at it, kicking the tire with my foot as I could feel my body weakening. "_Fuck, fuck, fuck_!" I hissed as I tried to control my breathing, trying to think of something to save her with.

But there was nothing I could fucking do. And that fact alone stole the breath from me, making tears spring to my eyes.

I kept moving with the car, feeling the water up to my knees as it was up to her neck. She came back towards the window, the look of fear still prominent on her face but she almost looked…. Relaxed. As if she were accepting the fact that she was going to die in this moment. And it fucking killed me. The water was now to her chin, and to my waist. She lifted her hand, pressing her palm against the glass as tears rolled down her cheeks. I knew what she was doing. She was saying goodbye. My fucking heart broke as I shook my head, feeling tears wet my own cheeks. The water was up to her bottom lip as it brushed across my navel.

I reached my hand up shakily, pressing my palm against the glass right where hers was and I could feel the electric current passing through us, even though we weren't physically touching. She looked at me helplessly, and I felt a strangled sob leave my throat.

I wanted to die with her.

"I love you." I heard her say just before the water reached above both of her lips completely, and within a few seconds it engulfed her head, leaving her without air. And then the car lurched forward into the murky depths and I tried to follow it, but it felt like something was holding me back, like an invisible glass wall keeping me from dying with her.

"Bella!" I screamed, crying helplessly as I tried to follow but it was no fucking use. I screamed her name, watching the last of the car, which consisted of the back window and her lifeless body floating in it, disappear in the water. I couldn't even drop down in the water I was standing in to drown my fucking self in. I just watched her die in front of me, doing nothing but standing there.

And that's when I realized I didn't tell her that I loved her back, and that very thought shot me through a black hole – allowing myself the pain of whatever was going to happen next.

Xx

My body lurched up, my eyes open and wide as I found myself hyperventilating in my bed. My body was sticky with sweat and my shoulder began to shake as I started to fucking cry. The dream was so fucking real that I could still see her panicked eyes, her hand pressing up against mine, but the glass in between our skin. I could still feel the tears and endure the heartbreak as she told me she loved me one last time.

And then it just fucking clicked.

I launched myself from my bed and grabbed my shoes, shoving them on just before grabbing my jacket, and just before I headed out of the door I saw my clock which read only eleven o'clock. _Fuck_, Carlisle would still be up and I knew I couldn't just walk out. That's how I was able to sneak in when I'd get back home at night from sleeping at Bella's. I'd leave the back door unlocked when he was sleeping. But the backdoor was past his study. I tried to think of something to do, a reason for leaving but there was nothing. There was only one way out, and that was through Alice's room.

I pushed the stairs down, throwing myself to the floor as quietly as possible as I flung the stairs back up and ran to Alice's room. I shoved the door open, not even caring that Jasper was in her bed with her. Both shot up and quietly hissed at me, but I ignored them, opening the door to her balcony and climbing myself down the rose fence. I heard Alice yelling for me but I ignored it and bolted across the street. I hit Bella's rose fence and climbed up to it just like I did a few nights ago.

Then the most heartbreaking sound filled my ears as I inched closer to the window.

She was fucking screaming.

I sped myself up and prayed to fucking God that her window was unlocked. I was granted that prayer and I lifted it up with ease, pulling myself up and over her desk. I didn't even have to stop to know she was having a nightmare; I reached the bed, grabbing her arm and hearing her screams quiet as I moved closer, my hand soothing rubbing up and down her skin. I didn't even bother to take off my jacket as I enveloped her in my arms, trying to quiet her. She was fucking shaking once I turned her to me, but her screaming stopped and turned into sporadic sobs as she clung herself to me for dear life. I shushed her quietly and her sobs turned into whimpers and I just nuzzled her closer to me.

My arm went behind her shoulder as I felt her little fingers squeeze my shirt, her forehead against my chest as I could feel a wave of emotions pass over me. And even though I was fucking terrified of what her nightmare is doing to her, I couldn't help but feel relieved because I felt her in my arms. The last time I had saw her; she was a lifeless body floating in the backseat of a car filled with water. I could feel tears brimming around my eyes; I didn't even give a fuck anymore.

It seemed like hours had passed. She never went back to sleep, I really fucking wanted her to get some shut eye, but she was too afraid. At one point of the night she began crying again, but not sobbing – just crying and staining my shirt. I didn't give a fuck though; at this point as long as she felt better she could have done anything to me. Her body began to relax, her shaking ceasing as her breathing grew soft.

"Edward?" She breathed underneath me and I looked down, pushing her hair back to see her eyes on mine. "Don't leave me." She said hoarsely, and I just gazed at her, over her facial expression and most of all, into her eyes. She was so helpless and just so fucking alone. She needed me more than ever, truth be told I needed her. I don't know what I fucking would do with without her. I leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to her forehead feeling and hearing her take a deep breath.

"Never." I promised through a whisper as my fingers went through her hair. She molded herself into my body, and as we laid perfectly meshed into one another, something came over me. The very fact alone that I watched this girl die in my dreams, and felt as if though my life was ending meant something. I realized that I couldn't live without Bella, and even though we had only known each other for a few months, I felt inspired to be better for her, and even more she made me better. She is my better half.

I fucking love her.

All this time I was worried about not loving her back because I felt somewhere deep inside of me I wasn't capable for such a strong emotion, but really I loved her all along. And she loved me back, which was a revelation all in it's fucking self. She loved me despite my tendencies to cuss all the time, and badmouth people she cares about, or put up with my bullshit and my asshole ways. She loved me despite all of that and cared for me, and just fucking made me feel so happy.

I nuzzled my nose into her hair, smelling strawberries as my fingers combed through it just before whispering ever so lightly into her ear, "I love you." I felt her body tense, her head moving so that she looked up to me – her eyes wide and astonished.

"What?" She whispered, completely taken by surprise. I wanted to smile at her, tell her she was so fucking cute when she looked at me with those big brown eyes – but I kept myself composed.

"I fucking love you." I told her again, my hand dipping underneath her jaw line, stroking the curve of it gently with my thumb. "I mean it. I swear I mean it." I whispered, watching as she began to whimper again, tears falling down her cheeks. _Fuck, I did this all wrong_. "No, baby, please. Don't cry." I said hastily as I leaned down to kiss her tears away, my free arm going around her waist to pull her closer to me.

"No one has said that to me in a long time." She cried, sniffling as the tears continued to slide down her flushed cheeks. My fucking heart broke for her. She was so used to being tossed around, thrown in the dirt and left for nothing, and I hated to admit that I was one of those people who partook in doing such a thing to her. She may have forgiven me for my horrible behavior, but I for one would always fucking hate myself for it. She reached forward and gripped my hand from underneath her jawbone and brought it to her cheek where she could feel my warmth. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against hers, feeling her breath against my lips. I moved an inch closer, gently ghosting my lips against her own, not to push the kiss further due to her condition, but to let her know that I am here and I love her so fucking much.

"I was afraid that I couldn't feel it." I began honestly, watching as her eyes went from closed to open and to looking in my own, "You told me the night you got drunk, and I felt so horrible for not saying it back. I didn't realize then what I do now. And it's I love you with all my heart. Every fucking inch of it Bella, it's yours. All of it."

"I love you." She told me with a sniffle, bringing herself closer and crushing her lips against mine. I smiled into the kiss, pressing my hand to the small of her back and pushing her farther into me.

And at some point between love and lust, Bella had pushed herself on top of me and I just fucking let her. The dream had shaken me up so badly that I was ready to just fucking give up on this chastity act all together, "Bella…" I began, trying to gently nudge her back because I almost gave up. _Almost_.

"Please, Edward." She whimpered, and I could see from the silver of the moon, her gripping the hem of her t-shirt, bringing it over her head._ Fuck me sideways_. She wasn't wearing a fucking bra. Her body shifted on my growing erection and I gulped as I flushed, my fingers creeping up her thighs and to the naked skin of her waist. She leaned herself down, sprinkling kisses on my ear and down to my neck, "You've told me," She began in a whisper, "Now show me." And that was all it took to crumble my resolve completely.

I gripped her harder by the waist, but not too hard to leave marks and switched our positions. She yelped in surprise, a grin plastered on her face as I hovered above her. I leaned forward, pressing a kiss and removing the stray tear from earlier that I had seemed to forgotten. Her fingers caught the end of my shirt, dipping underneath so we could have skin to skin contact. I leaned up to her lips, catching her bottom one in between mine as a stray hand slowly skimmed across her stomach as my head dipped down to her neck, grazing lower and to the mounts of her bare breasts. I glanced up to her, seeing her smiling down at me which only caused me to smile back against her milky smooth skin.

Her fingers ran through my hair as my lips began at her right breast, kissing around the pale skin of her nipple just before bringing it into my mouth. Bella groaned loudly, pushing her head back and into the pillows as she tugged on my hair. I swirled my tongue around her, loving the way she taste and see how she was just so fucking turned on just by this.

After a few more seconds of driving her crazy just by my tongue alone, I smirked bringing myself up and hovering my face right above hers, our noses just barely touching as I could feel her smile reflecting mine.

"I love you." She told me, sealing her love with a kiss and her fingers lingering down my waist as she began toying with buttons of my jeans. I closed my eyes, sucking in her bottom lip as I felt her fingers dipping into my now unbuttoned jeans, pushing them down inch by every fucking inch.

_Screeeeeeeeeeech._

Bella and I both halted, the light of red and blue sporadically coloring her room as we heard a door open and close. Both Bella and I flung ourselves to the window, Charlie's fucking police cruiser set in the driveway as he played with his keys down in the front door beneath us. Both Bella and I turned towards each other, eyes widened and mouths fucking gaping.

* * *

Author's Note; I know, ANOTHER cliff hanger. Sorry guys, I just had to do it.

***PLEASE READ***

Alright before I tell you to go review and whatnot, I just want to give a shout out xoxAUDREYxox. She reviewed me the other day and said the sweetest things about how she doesn't understand why my story doesn't have so many reviews, and mentioned that I should use a tactic to get more reviewers by saying if I reach these many reviews then I will update. First of all, thank you Audrey for all the sweet things you say, and thank you for the advice. The reason why I will not be doing that is simple.

I know you guys are out there. I mean within two days I have over a thousand hits on the new chapters. So I know you guys are reading, and you don't know how happy that makes me.

Sure I'd like more reviews, even a simple 'Great job!' would suffice, but the fact that you guys are reading it still makes me happy.

I would love it if everyone wrote a small review for each chapter, and I even set up that you don't have to sign in to leave a review.

I don't want to force you guys into reviewing in a promise of a new chapter, because lets be honest I'm a bit busy and I don't really have time to make deadlines.

Though, I will admit the more reviews I get the more I feel insipired to write. Seriously, I'm not kidding. The more I know you guys can't wait for a new chapter, gives me the urge to write and want to update for you guys.

Thank you Audrey for being so passionate about this story just as much as I am while I'm writing it.

I'll ask everyone who reads to write a short or long review, but if you don't then I understand.

Thanks you guys.  
You know I love you so fucking much, right?  
Good.

also, it would mean a lot to me if any of you have twitter, that you should follow me!

www(dot)twitter(dot)com/xbitterangelx

xoxo


	21. The Corset

**BPOV**

I watched as Charlie struggled with the locks on the front door, my brain was racing with a million different thoughts. I was trying to think of something to do, somewhere to hide Edward, but then I was also thinking why Charlie was in such a hurry to get home, nothing, and I mean nothing, could beat the thoughts of what had just happened in the last hour.

My nightmare was horrible – probably the most gruesome one yet. It was all the same, still in the back of the car, still trying to find the knife that wasn't there, and watching my mother die in front of me from lack of air. But this time, it played out as if time was speeding up and I watched her body decay right in front of me. My nightmare was sporadic after that and new ones began to form. I even had a nightmare that Phil had me tied to the bed, shoving a knife into my skin and marking me everywhere. That was the last one I had that night before I was forced awake by Edward, who seemingly came to my rescue.

I was emotionally scarred, but the fact that he had come back to help me made me reevaluate why I was even mad at him at the first place. I knew for the past few days I was being a bitch to Edward, ignoring his text messages and then lying about it afterwards, but my mother's birthday hit me hard and I just couldn't seem to find the words to tell him about it. Edward was great and patient with me up until tutoring earlier today. It was awkward between us, when he finally snapped – he snapped hard. Granted, I wasn't much help with my yelling.

Then he told me that this wasn't working out, and I contemplated on falling right there – telling him I was sorry and begging him not to leave. But I rationalized with myself that he was going to leave eventually and just decided to get the pain over with now. After he left I surprisingly didn't cry. The pain was numbing me – though I knew it was there, lurking and waiting for me to become most vulnerable most likely at school when I would see Edward with Jessica hanging all over him. But then during my nightmare, I began to settle down – heat and electricity had flowed through me. Edward was there. He had come to me in either regret or pity and at the time I wasn't quite sure – nor did I care.

But then everything I ever doubted with him went out the window because he had said it to me. He had said those three forbidden words and he had told me that he loves me, and reassured me that he would always be here. The tone of his voice made me trust him more than anything, and that is what eased my anxiety of the nightmare.

He was there for me, and will always be.

I was overwhelmed by a truckload of emotions. Happiness, bliss, excitement, love – that it boosted my libido and before I knew it I was on top of Edward, convincing him to show me his love. I wanted to show him my love more than anything. Pure love was driving us, but something had changed which lead Edward and I frozen and staring at Charlie who was unlocking the door in a hurry.

Well eventually, Charlie was able to unlock the door.

Edward was ready to bolt out my window, but luckily I had seen people moving outside to their porches to see why Charlie had just flown to his own house with both lights and sirens still going on, "Edward!" I whispered as I reached for my shirt once I heard Charlie call my name and pushed Edward into my closet.

"What are you doing?" He hissed and I covered my pointer finger over my lips as I shut the door close, putting my shirt over my head and launching myself at the bed. Just as I sat in a normal position, Charlie had busted through my door and my eyes went wide at his panicked face.

"Dad, what are you doing?" I gulped as he searched the room – coming too close to the closet door. He eventually ventured out of the room and into the bathroom – searching for something I still wasn't so sure of. I jumped out of my bed and followed him, watching as he checked the hall closet, pushing down clean towels I had just washed and folded that day before, "Excuse me! What is wrong with you?"

"We got a call," He began with a soft grunt and began down the stairs which I followed right into the kitchen where he checked under the table, and for God sakes even the ceiling above us, "That someone was breaking in the house."

"Dad! I've been here all night! No one broke in the house!" I yelled as I tried to clean up the mess he was making by flinging everything around.

"The caller said someone climbed the old rose fence out front." He turned to me and I could feel all the color in my face flushing. Someone had saw Edward climbing into my window to help me – whoever it was they got it all wrong. I bit at my lip, watching as Charlie looked at me with widen eyes. "Isabella Marie, what is going on?"

"Nothing!" I began quickly as my hands went to my hips. I knew I couldn't falter with this – I had to lie. "Nothing is wrong, no one is here, and you are overreacting."

"But Gale…" He began and my eyes quickly widened.

"Gale? As in Mrs. Peterson?" I said in disbelief and he nodded his head, "That's who called? Dad, she's a ninety six year old woman who can barely see, let alone make sense of anything around her. She's senile!"

"It makes no difference Bella!" He yelled in anger and I stood still, gulping as I tried to reach for him.

"Dad, I'm fine. No one is here. Mrs. Peterson is just confused. You should have called first." I said, watching as he rubbed his face, and then I noticed his body was shaking, as if he were angry – or even upset. "Dad…" I whispered, reaching him as I put my hands on his arm. He looked back to me with wide eyes, and his face softened instantly. "I'm okay. I promise. No one is here." I said. Charlie had then flown himself at me, wrapping me in his arms as he kissed the top of my head. The action was very out of character but moving and I hugged him back, hoping that whatever was causing him stress was dissipating.

"I don't know what I would do if something happened to you, Bella. After what happened with your mother and _him_ still being out there." He whispered as I flinched at his mention of Phil. "When Gale called, I reacted. I thought something was happening to you and I didn't even think of trying your cell phone. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just…" He began with a soft chuckle, "Overprotective dad."

"It's okay." I smiled against his jacket before pulling away. "But you need to not take advice from a woman who is going crazy." I smirked, talking him down until he began to relax.

"I've got to head back. Please get some sleep, and lock the door _and_ your window." He said and as I was about to say something he lifted his hand, "Bella, please. Just do it." He asked and I nodded with a smile, watching as he left. I watched Charlie walk outside and inform the neighbors that everything was okay and just a misunderstanding. Once his car was gone I locked the door and headed upstairs. I reached my bedroom, gripping my window curtains to close them shut before anything else and then made my way to the closet.

When I opened it, I was surprised to see no Edward sitting on the floor where I had left him. I glanced around my room in confusion, hoping he didn't leave. "Edward?" I called out as I backed away, glancing around the darkness of my room that appeared to be getting darker by the second.

"Hey." I heard him say from my closet and I walked back and looked up, seeing him up in the small crawl space the lead into my attic.

"What are you doing?" I scolded as my arms folded over themselves. He reached his hand down for me and I shook my head. "Do you know what's up there? There could be… Animals of some sorts, who knows!"

"I've already checked it out. Come on. Don't be a chicken shit." He laughed and I narrowed my eyes at him, finally reached forward and gripping his hand. He lifted me up with ease as I helped him by setting my foot against the unpacked boxes that still covered my floor. He brought me up through the entryway and into his arms. I smirked as my arms wrapped around his neck, his hands on my waist as he held me tightly. "Hi." He breathed.

"Hi." I replied with a sweet smile just before pressing a soft chaste kiss to his lips. "You're losing your touch. We almost got caught because of you." I murmured against his neck, holding him tighter to bring us closer. I felt his chuckle vibrate from his voice and around my body as he slowly pulled away.

"Who saw me?" He asked.

"Mrs. Peterson." I giggled, watching as his eyes nearly bugged out.

"That old bat? Surely you must be fucking joking me." He said and I shook my head, watching as he clearly wasn't amused by what I said, but more my reaction. "Well then I guess we better be more careful then."

"We?" I asked with a gasp, "You're the one who she told on."

"Yeah but where would we be if I didn't sneak over here?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and I went quiet, my smile still prominent but small as I smoothed down his hair. "I don't regret it at all." He whispered, pressing his lips against the tip of my nose.

"Me either." I told him honestly and we sat there for a few more moments, just gazing at each other like two love-struck fools, because that's exactly what we were. Finally I decided to get off his lap and brush myself off, glancing around Charlie's attic. "Why did you come up here?" I asked, looking down at him as I watched him battle with a cob web that stuck to his face. I laughed just before turning to stacks of boxes near the one window, and the fake Christmas tree against a pile of wood.

"Look at this fucking thing!" He yelled, waving in the direction of the opposite side of the attic. I walked near him, seeing the large table decorated with Charlie's old hobby – his miniature town model of Forks.

"Oh yeah, I remember this." I laughed, walking towards it and glancing at our houses that were still – even before the Cullen's moved into it – across from each other. I picked up Carver's Café from downtown Forks and glanced at its clarity and precision, every detail from the real life thing transferred onto this model. "He did these from scratch you know." I told Edward, handing him the model, though he seemed to be more interested in the cars, which Charlie also did from scratch.

"You know how much people would pay for this shit?" He laughed as he picked up the high school which was much different from the one we have today. "I mean thousands of dollars." He said, glancing over the town once more.

"He loved doing this." I smiled, remembering him staying up in the late hours of the morning up here while I was sleeping – or at least he thought I was sleeping.

"Why did he stop?" He asked, picking up the local church, eyeing it up and down before huffing and setting it back in its spot as if it had burst into flames. I smirked at him, and then turned back to the little models, fingering a small tree near my house model.

"Because of my mother. The divorce hit him hard." I shrugged, remembering when he threw him paints away and kept everything up here in the attic. "I guess when you lose the person who you thought was your soul mate, you kind of just give everything up." I looked to Edward who gazed at me compassionately, as if he were trying to send me a message through his eyes. "He was never the same after then." I tipped the gas station over, glancing over it as I turned it back and headed away from the table. I skimmed over the boxes that were stacked up near the window, noticing that they all had markings on them.

"Don't you think you should sell some of this shit?" He asked, but I was distracted by a box near the opening of the attic. It looked like it came from the others near the window, but it was recently opened. I walked to the box, leaning down next to it and turning to see if it had anything written on it. I finally stopped once I saw Charlie's recognizable handwriting that printed _**Renee**_.

A breath was hitched in my throat as I tried to gulp it down, feeling the now cool breeze hit the back of my neck. I heard Edward's voice but I couldn't make out what he said as I just looked at the box as if I was waiting for it to do something. I felt something against my back and I jumped slightly, only to be reassured by a comforting hand that it was Edward.

"Hey." He said softly against my ear, "What is it?" He asked and I just looked from him to the box, knowing he was following my gaze. He stiffened slightly, but brought me closer to his chest. "Do you want to open it?"

Did I want to open it?

Of course, opening that box that surely had a bunch of things Renee had left here seemed like the right thing to do – like I was remembering her by going through and seeing her things and obviously Charlie had wanted to do that as well. But then again, my mother was such a touchy subject for me and I knew if I saw something that I remember her wearing, or a picture I remember being taken, or a smell I remember her drenched in, I would undoubtedly cry, and I did not want to put Edward in that position.

"Bella?" He whispered but I let out a strangled sob and shook my head. Edward immediately put me in his arms and soothingly spoke words of sorrow. We stood like that for minutes, like two molded statues drinking in each other's presences, trying to fill the voids that would always be there. "Come on." Edward finally whispered, pulling me back to the small opening that dropped down to my closet. Edward went first, then stood right underneath the hole so he could catch me. I looked back at the box once more, feeling something run through my body as tears fell against my cheeks.

I dropped down instantly and felt Edward catch me, just like he always would.

Around three forty five in the morning, Edward and I were tangled in my bed together, still fully clothed, but clinging to each other as if we had just experienced a intimate moment. I knew that soon his alarm would go off, and he would be forced to leave. I rationalized in my head that I would see him in school, but I was scared if for some reason I would fall back asleep when he wasn't here and have another nightmare. I couldn't deal with that, but I knew that if it happened then I would have to.

"Edward?" I asked hoarsely, and bit and my bottom lip. He glanced down at me, his fingers tangled in my hair as he nudged his nose against my forehead to tell me he was listening, "Does this make me a bad daughter? Because I couldn't open the box?" I asked, the thought haunting me ever since we came down from the attic.

"Why would you think that?" He asked me, his fingers brushing against the skin of my cheek, his thumb ghosting over my bottom lip. I looked up into his green eyes that were gazing down into my brown one.

"I should want to remember. I should be strong enough to be able to remember her, the good things, I mean." I paused, shaking my head as the tears welled up again. "Doesn't this make me a bad daughter for not wanting to remember?"

"Hey." He said, forcing my chin up. "Just because you can't open it, doesn't make you a bad daughter." He paused and looked over my face, as if he were trying to decipher a puzzle. Suddenly his face softened, his fingers gently skimming underneath the hollow of my eye. "You're hurting because your wounds are still fresh. You haven't given them time to heal yet. You'll be able to do it one day. You'll be able to open that fucking box with pride and remember her for who she was." He leaned in forward with a smile, pressing a soft chaste kiss to my lips, nearly identical to the one I gave him when we were in the attic, "And I will be right by your side when you do that – if you want me."

I nodded quickly as my hands reached behind his back, my fingers running through his hair as my lips quickly found his. Our kiss wasn't erotic in any way, but more passionate and loving. There was no tongue, but that didn't mean it wasn't deep. He pressed his chest into mine, my lips taking his top and his taking my bottom. We were a perfect fit. He groaned in my mouth, pulling away as he began trailing kisses up my face.

"I love you. So fucking much." He told me, and I smile bringing myself in to lay against his chest. I tilted my head up, kissing the dip in his throat before snuggling in even closer if it were at all possible.

"I love you." I responded, feeling his arm tighten around me. We had gone quiet, and I could feel his hands wrap around my back, his fingers skimming up and down my spine as his lips ran up to my forehead and to my hair, where he took in a deep breath. I could stop myself from smiling, even let out a soft giggle – feeling him smile against my hair. "Edward?" I finally whispered, looking up at him as my hands wrapped around his waist.

"Hmm?" He asked softly, kissing down to my ear. I sucked in my bottom lip, my fingers gently lifting his shirt where I felt the skin on the small of his back.

"What changed your mind?" I asked, feeling him stop suddenly as his hands froze on my back. He brought his head down, his forehead gently skimming mine as he looked at me confused, "You left saying it was over. Why did you come back? What happened?" I asked, curious as my hands dipped farther up his shirt as my palm lay gently against his back. Edward looked down as if he were in pain, his eyes closing as he took in a staggering breath. I looked up at him with narrowed eyes, releasing my lip as I pressed my hand against his cheek. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare…" He began with a shuddering voice, "And it just made me realize that I wouldn't be able to fucking deal with shit if I lost you." He looked up at me with glistening eyes and I instantly reached for him with both hands, cupping his chin as my thumb ran across his bottom lip.

"What was it about?" I asked with a gulp, watching as he quickly shook his head as he looked down, letting out a deep exhale. It was his way of telling me that he couldn't talk about it. I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck as I felt his envelope my waist, pushing me tighter against him as his head went to my shoulder. "It's okay," I cooed, my fingers running through his hair as I felt him shaking. "Edward…" I whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "Baby, please." Finally he pulled away and my hands found his cheeks, cupping both as I could see his cheeks dry but the tears were swirling around the green ovals. "It was just a nightmare." I smiled, brushing a stray of copper hair back.

"It felt so fucking real." He shuddered, shaking his head as he pressed his lips into a hard line. "In it you… I thought you…" He couldn't find the words and I pressed my fingers against his lips, causing him to quiet.

"I'm okay, I'm here." I reassured him and his face relaxed as he nodded. I brought him close to me, resting his head on my chest as we lay peacefully tangled in my bed. In those short moments Edward and I had fallen asleep. It was only quickly disrupted fifteen minutes later when the alarm of his phone went off. We both groaned in unison, but wouldn't let go of each other. I would have taken those fifteen minutes of sleep with him over the three hour I had earlier with my nightmares. I told him so as I stroked his unruly hair, smiling up at him as he smirked at me.

Eventually we slipped out of bed, and just to be safe we walked to the back door where he could sneak around to his home. Before he left he embraced me in his arms, pulling me up from my feet and against his chest. He nearly squeezed the life out of me, I couldn't complain – the closeness made me feel wanted and even more it made me feel loved.

"I'll see you at school, okay?" He murmured against the side of my head and I nodded, pressing my forehead closer to the crook of his neck. "Try and get some sleep, even if it's only for a few minutes." He said, and I nodded, but was well aware that I wouldn't dare fall asleep without him. He leaned in and kissed my lip innocently before walking out to the side of the house.

School was fast and went passed me as a blur. I remember in the morning the distance between Edward made me uneasy and the thoughts of my nightmare set me into a small panic attack. I waited by my truck, arms tucked close and hoped to see that silver Volvo soon. Because I was so distracted by waiting for him, Alice's conversation she held with me was also a blur and I had some how agreed to go shopping with her and Rosalie after school. When I realized my mistake it was too late to take back on my word and I just would deal with it later.

The Volvo had pulled up to the parking lot and I nearly bolted myself to Edward once he stepped out of the car. When he enveloped me in his arms, my anxiety ceased and I was happy again. In those moments though, a red flag stuck itself up, and was the same one that has been up there for awhile, I just had to ignore it. Edward might have said those three words to me, but I knew in the back of my mind I couldn't expect him to be with me forever because I wasn't so sure he wanted that. This whole attachment I have to him could be bad for me, could, at one point if he does realize he doesn't want to be with me anymore, break me into pieces.

The warning faltered when he kissed me, and I felt warm inside once again.

Xx

"Here, try this one." Alice said, her small body squeezing between the bench in the small dressing room and my body as she handed me a blue corset.

"Alice, I really don't want to try anything on." I murmured softly as I abstinently brushed off the non-existent dirt from the bottom of my shirt. Alice grumbled and opened the door to give us more room just before she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Bella, your gonna try this on, and your gonna like it!" She screeched, "You promised you'd try things on."

"When did I promise that?" I asked, setting my hands onto my hips and raised a brow.

"Earlier in the parking lot! Geez, you'd think after a few weeks of dating you'd get over this whole phase of day dreaming about my brother." She shook her head and I opened my mouth to speak, "Try it on. Now. It'll be fun!"

_Define 'Fun'. _

I shut the door to block Alice out, locking it so she couldn't let herself in. I guess I would humor her and just try the thing on, but to be honest I had no idea why Alice even wanted to come into this section of the store. Her excuse was so she could buy something for Jasper for his birthday that was coming up, but that was because the two of them were _involved_.

I slipped off my clothing including my bra and underwear considering both were elegantly tied into the corset. When I pulled it on, I didn't look at the mirror at first, so instead I situated myself by look down and reaching behind me to tie the ends together. It was difficult at first, but I eventually got it. I took in a deep breath and began to turn around towards the mirror and what I saw – well it shocked me.

Edward and I weren't involved sexually, at least not yet – and I don't think I wanted to wear this for our first time. Granted, I don't think I would even want to wear this at all. I knew Edward would like it, the way the lace of the panties showed everything off, and how the corset made my breasts nearly spill over the top – yes he would definitely enjoy this, but I on the other hand would feel shy in front of him and who wears a corset to bed just to be _shy_?

But I had to admit that this made me look… Sexy.

It was the first time I had ever worn something that made me think those words especially about me, but here I was eyeing how the corset leveled all my curves and showed them off perfectly. The blue color looked good against my pale skin, and my breasts looked a cup size bigger and the lace of the panties made it look like I actually had an ass.

Yes, I was definitely hot and in this looked like someone, like Edward, would want me.

But the thought of rejection and hurt if I was turned down made me insecure. Alice was nearly beating down the door to see it, but I had already taken it off, which wasn't as easy as it was putting it on. By the time Alice had pick locked the door I was already back in my clothes, curled in my jacket. I handed Alice the box with the corset in it and shook my head. As I stepped out, I turned to see Rosalie who was decked out in a hot pink corset with garters, making kissing faces in the mirror. She turned to me and winked as she clicked in her heels.

"Sexy, huh? Emmett will be drooling when he sees it." She smiled, turning back to mess with the black lace at the hem. I forced a smile and muttered something about getting a slice of pizza and left the two there to try on their items they would be giving to their boyfriends while I couldn't even manage to think about wearing one in front of mine.

I dragged myself all the way to the food court, not feeling hungry but rather be doing this than moping around in front of Alice and Rosalie. I stood near the edge of the counter, waiting for my pizza as I glanced around the mall. I still couldn't get the look of the corset out of my head – the way I looked in it and then I began to think of Edward's face expression if he saw me in it.

_He would be floored. _

It wasn't egotistical if it was the truth. For some reason he thought I looked sexy with a t-shirt and sweat pants on – I could only imagine what he would be like if I actually tried to look sexy. A smile filtered onto my lips and when the man pushed me my plate and drink, I was still day dreaming.

I didn't get out of it until my body rammed into something – _hard_. I had closed my eyes on impact, and only opened them to see my pizza sticking to someone's shirt. My mouth gaped open, the drink falling out of my hand, skidding and slipping on the floor as people began to laugh around us. I watched the pizza fall from the person's shirt and onto the ground. "Oh…My…God… I am so sorry!" I yelped as we both reached down to clean up the mess. "No, please, don't worry about it… I'll clean it up… Do you want me to buy you a new shirt? Please, let me do something. Oh God, I am so sorry!" I kept rambling until I felt the persons hand rest against my arm.

Their skin against mine was chilled and cold – the feel sending shivers down my spine as my head lifted and came into view of two crystal blue eyes I had seen before.

"Please, don't trouble yourself little girl." The familiar voice whispered, oozing with venom. This was the man from the party that I met weeks ago, the one where Edward intervened and later told me he didn't want me to go near him again – and as if on cue I could have sworn I heard Edward's voice screaming at me to get out. James hair was slicked back and greased into a tight blonde pony tail, his smirk evil and conniving as we both stood up. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" He asked and my voice hitched in my throat as I shook my head. "Wait… You're that Swan girl, right?"

"Yeah." Was all I could say as I began to recline myself into my jacket just after throwing away the smashed pizza and plate. "Well, sorry about your shirt…" I began and quickly went through my bag to find my wallet, "Let me give you some…" James stopped me with his arm on my shoulder and I froze in place, hearing Edward in the back of my mind – screaming and thrashing for me to just run.

"Please, Isabella, do not worry yourself." He chuckled, and the way he said my name sent an eerie feeling through my body, almost as if I had chills that continuously multiplied. "I find this a blessing. I've been meaning to see you again."

"You have?" I asked, watched as James nodded and rubbed his chin.

"I have." He whispered, reaching out to touch my face. "We were interrupted at the party, and I wanted to see if you would like to go out with me some time? My treat." He hissed and I recoiled away from his icy touch.

"I have a boyfriend." I told him, gripping my bag and ready to use it as a weapon if he decided that that excuse wasn't enough. "I don't think he would be too pleased."

"Ah, yes. Cullen. I forgot you were his little _project_." He smirked and I tried to pretend like the words didn't gash me in the heart, "Well, when he has had enough of you – like he normally does with most of his girls, then I would love to take you out."

"That won't be necessary." A voice said behind me, and I turned to see Rosalie who protectively stood in front of me, Alice wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "Don't you have some kind of needle to shoot up, James?"

"As a matter of fact, Rosalie, I do. Would you like to come around back, I can stick you with that certain needle." He laughed wickedly as he tried to reach out for him. Rosalie was quick as she slapped him away, forcing him to set his jaw.

"Not even in your dreams." She responded as her hands set themselves on her waist, "I don't bother with trash."

"Aw, don't be mean Rose. That's not what you said last time you were in my bed." He whispered, and my eyes nearly bugged out. _Rosalie and James?_

"That was months ago. If you haven't noticed, I've changed. I've gone on to _bigger_ and better things. And let me emphasize on the bigger part." She chuckled as she glanced down at his crotch. James fists clenched, but relaxed just as quickly as he shrugged. "Stay away from her. Or you'll have Edward to deal with."

"Now I'm scared." He grinned.

"Plus me." She retorted.

"Is that a promise?" He murmured, trying to reach for her again. She pushed him back, and he had finally given up – but not without an evil smile to all three of us. "Good to see you all again. Alice, tell Jasper I said I have some _things_ for him that he ordered. He can pick it up whenever." He laughed, loving to see Alice turn red. I reached behind her back and rubbed it soothingly, "Oh, and Isabella?" He whispered as I turned to him, "It was good to catch up. I'm sure we'll be seeing each other very soon."

"Don't count on it." I told him with a set jaw and narrowed eyes. He only smirked at me and turned away, walking back to wherever he came from.

**EPOV**

"If you list these classes, I will let you go early." Angela told me and I lifted my head, my lips parting as I glared at her – knowing she could possibly be filled with shit. "I'm not kidding Edward. I'm sick and tired. I want to go home just as much as you do. List the animal classes and you can just go."

"That seems too fucking easy." I retorted.

"Clearly I don't give a shit." Angela said as she began blowing her nose. "Just please do it so I can go sleep." She pleaded and I did exactly what she told me. I didn't even put my fucking pencil down before she lifted herself off the chair and headed towards the door. I smirked inwardly and raced myself behind her, opening the door for her. I caught a glimpse of Bella near her window, and my fucking heart increased beats.

What a fucking pansy I was.

Though, I couldn't help but smile. Just a few more hours and I could go over there and lay with her. It may have been weak and I may be whipped but I just don't give a fuck. I wanted to be with my girl. I headed upstairs until twelve came around but stopped right outside of Alice's closed door to hear her screaming.

"I don't give a fuck on how you got it, but I swear to God if you are doing drugs again we are over." Alice had said and my eyes nearly fucking fell out. How did she find out? She must have found his stash, the fucking idiot. "No, _you_ don't get it. I'm not going to date someone who is slowly killing themselves! I'd rather not watch you wither away, please. I did all I could, but I can't do anymore." She was now crying and I felt an ounce of guilt for spying on her. "I just want you to stop. Please. For me. If you continue, this will be over… And I can't live without you, Jasper. Please."

That's when I decided to move on to my room. As I fell down onto my bed with my guitar laying on my stomach, I began wondering if Jasper was gonna quit. He isn't as bad as me – but that doesn't lessen the fact that he still snorts coke. Though somehow, he still does it when he is with Alice but while I'm with Bella, the thought never occurs to me. The last time I had done it was when I fucking busted my hand open through Bella's glass window. I was fucked up and hallucinating. During those moments I had forgotten all about Bella, and was just doing it to spite Charlie.

But then I fucking saw her picture on the wall, and all my coherent thoughts came back. I ran from the scene of the crime and fucking hated myself – and even more hated it when I had to lie to Bella about what happened to my hand.

But that was the last time and since then we had come so far. We had lost, but gained so much more and I was fucking happy. The thought of snorting was something I laughed at now, because truly it never made me happy – only made me think I was happy when really I was just fucked up.

Eventually midnight came around and I headed myself out of the house. Alice was still on the phone, but was speaking quietly and Emmett was snoring from his room. Carlisle was gone on a business trip and Esme was fast asleep in their room. I snuck around back in the bushes, aware that Mrs. Peterson was watched from her bedroom window diagonal from Bella's house.

_Fucking bitch._

I was pretty sure she didn't see anything and then headed around back to find Bella finishing her homework at the kitchen table. I knocked on it gently, her body turning and nearly bolting herself at the door to open it. I laughed at her eagerness and pulled her into my arms just before kissing her head.

"Mm, I've fucking missed you." I told her before dipping my head to kiss her cheek. She pulled away with a smile and locked the door behind me. "How was shopping?" She just raised an eyebrow with a frown playing on her lips. I smirked, brushing her hair back as we walked to the table. "That bad, huh?"

"I was forced to try on lingerie." She sighed as she leaned up against the counter while my fucking voice was caught in my throat. Bella? Lingerie? I was getting hard with just thinking about it. I gulped down and rubbed my chin as I stepped closer to her.

I cleared my throat and shuffled myself closer, my hands wrapping around her waist as I felt her hands slide up and down my biceps, "Lingerie?" I tried to be calm while saying it but the fucking crack in my voice betrayed me. Bella looked up once she heard, her brown eyes staring deep into mine as she clutched my shirt. "Did you…" I began, trying to act all fucking nonchalant, "Did you buy any?"

"I thought about it." She began with a soft voice but shrugged, "I didn't. I wasn't…" She stopped herself and looked down between us as she bit her lip. "I was really comfortable in it. Not that it didn't fit right – because I thought it looked good… I just… I don't know. Insecurities." She shrugged and I smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to the corner of her lips. She was so fucking cute when she was all shy.

"Well, it doesn't matter. If you're not comfortable, then fuck it. Plus, lingerie can be tricky and I'll be fucking damned if I have to sit there for twenty minutes and untie the damn thing." I laughed, listening to her giggle as she shook her head. She reached forward and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug. My arms embraced her around her waist as I kissed the side of her head. Her arms were held tightly around my neck, her face buried in my shoulder as she let out a deep breath. "Babe?" I asked, nuzzling my nose against her hair, "What's wrong?"

"I didn't know that Rosalie use to do drugs." She whispered and I froze, fucking baffled by her sudden statement. If she knew about Rosalie, then she must know about me, and I fucking felt my insides turn.

"How do you know that?" I asked, pulling away as my hands found her face. She wasn't crying, but I could see the tears in her eyes and she was being a little champ at holding them back.

"Um, I kinda ran into that guy who was at the party I went to a few weeks ago. Um, that James guy." She whispered and I felt my fucking body heat up. My teeth clenched together and my eyes closed as I tried to breath out of my nose. "He didn't do anything. I just sorta ran into him. Rosalie saw him bothering me and she helped me out. He said something about being _together _and then she just told me everything after he left."

"Everything?" I asked softly.

"She told me how he runs some drug house and how she used to be apart of that. How she used to be his girlfriend and she abused drugs with him and his friends." She stopped herself as she brushed her hair back. "She told me Emmett saved her." It was true, Emmett did save her. I knew Rosalie while she was with James because truth be told; I was one of his friends. Rosalie and I were doing drugs together, and I was so fucking glad she had left out that part, because if she hadn't Bella would have already said something about it. I mean, she already knew James and I were friends and I'm sure she knew I used to do _some_ drugs, but she didn't have to know everything.

"She was a different person back then, Bella." I began, helping her move the strands of hair behind her ears. "I remember when she was always high, all the fucking time." _And I was always high with her_. "James is a fucking prick. He shoved things down ou—" I stopped myself, noticing she didn't catch it. "_Her_ throat. She had a bad high one day. Like a really fucking bad high and she ended up in the hospital. Emmett was visiting Carlisle and it was that whole fucking love at first sight with her and Em. She dumped James and stopped drugs. All for Emmett." _Kind of like what I did with you_.

"How do you know all of this?" Bella asked as her fingers gently swam through my hair. I gulped, thinking of the consequences if I lie to her. But I didn't want her to know what kind of person I was, and the kind of person I still am. Even Rosalie fucks up from time to time, but that'll break the allusion that she got clean for Emmett. She did, but like me it's just so fucking hard to stop. I pressed my lips together and decided it was better for her not to know, better for her to just stay innocent.

"I knew her back then. Saw what she did." I shrugged, leaning forward to press a kiss to her lips. "Don't think about it too much. It's in the past. Let it stay that way, alright?" I asked and she nodded her head. "Plus, we are in the present now, and I can think of quite a few things we can do to make it worth our while." I smiled against her lips and wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her off the counter. She giggled and grasped her arms at my neck. I took her upstairs to her bedroom, setting her down onto her bed as I laid over her, my body towering above hers as I leaned down to kiss her neck.

And it was as if the conversation about James didn't even fucking exist. It was just Bella and I in her bed and as I began trailing kisses up her neck, she moaned and lifted her hands behind my shirt so I could feel her warmth. Eventually our lips, like the magnets they were, found each other and our tongues tangled. Her legs were open for me, and I _innocently_ began rubbing myself against her. Her flimsy, thin pajama bottoms made it easy for me to make her moan as her hands traveled to my hair where she tugged.

"Edward, please." She panted when she pulled away. God, did I just fucking want to tear our clothes off and cave in for her. But I wanted it to be perfect for her, which is why I had set a date for this weekend when Carlisle and Esme go out of town for a conference. Carlisle was weary about leaving for a second weekend in a row, but I knew it was something he had to do. Alice was leaving to go spend the weekend with Jazz at his families cabin, and Emmett and Rosalie were going onto a College visit in California for the weekend. It couldn't have been any more perfect. I would do this right.

"Bella…" I groaned, feeling her hands begin to unbutton my jeans. I gripped her hands and knew what I had to do. I had to sate her to get her mind off of my dick, and I had to do it fast. I set her hands above her head, my fingers trailing down her bare arms and to the fabric of her shirt. I cupped her breasts in my hands that were perfectly without a bra. I smirked when she moaned and lifted her shirt up for her, leaving her upper body bare. I leaned down to kiss the mounds of her breasts and found my way back to her neck, pushing my hips back against hers.

She hissed at my sudden movements, but the hiss turned into a sigh as she tilted her head back. I worked my way down to her flat stomach and hands began to embark on the journey underneath her pajama bottoms. And _fuck_ she wasn't wearing any underwear. I groaned inwardly, pressing my lips to her bare stomach as my fingers found their way to her folds. She flinched in pleasure at my touch her mouth begging for me to go deeper, and eventually I did.

I kissed her repeatedly around her body, her stomach, her hip bones, her lips, and her breasts. She moaned every single time before my lips found their way downwards south, and then she began to beg for more. As my tongue worked at her sensitive bud and my fingers entering and stretching, it only took a matter of blissful minutes before she reached her orgasm and began slowly falling down back to Earth.

Sated and pretty fucking satisfied.

After an amazing fucking blow job and one other orgasm for her, we finally found ourselves lying in bed, holding each other in a warm embrace. I kissed her forehead and ran my fingers through her hair as she clutched at my shirt.

"Edward?" She asked just before I looked down at her. "You won't leave me, right?"

I was stunned – and even a little fucking hurt by her question. My eyebrows knitted together, my lips pressing into a hard line as I shook my head, "Of course not. What are you asking?"

"Well, James…" She began and I groaned, pulling away from her and laying on my back.

"Don't fucking listen to James, Bella. He's fucking mad because I didn't want to go back and join his cult." I stared at the ceiling as my hands clenched together at my side. "He thinks I'm trying to use you, trying to manipulate you so I can get on a good side with your dad so he can stop busting my balls. He wanted in on it, but I told him it was legit. He's fucking bitter. That's all. He'll do anything to get you on his side."

"I didn't mean to accuse you – I mean I wasn't… I just… I don't know what I thought." She sighed, her body still facing mine though I never turned to look at her. "You may not see it, Edward, but I do. People look at you in the hallway, and then look at me." She began and I had finally turned just my head towards her. She was staring right at me, her little hands just fucking twirling around in front of her. "They think 'why is he with her? She's just a freak.' And you may not see that because you don't believe it, but I see it."

"Because you believe it?" I asked.

"I don't want to. You just have to understand… Phil squashed the small amount of self confidence I had, so it's normal for me to… feel this way." She shrugged. "You're a bad boy, a beautiful one at that – so a lot of girls like you. You may not notice them, but I do. I see the way they look at you, nearly drooling out of their mouth." She laughed weakly as she shook her head. "Then they judge me, because they think you can do better."

"Well I can't get any better than you." I told her, watching as her eyes found mine. I saw the fucking insecurity and uncertainty drift around her eyes. I reached for her, my fucking heart breaking as she looked at me with such big brown eyes. She brought herself closer as I tugged her to me, holding her against my chest. "James is a prick. He will always be a fucking prick, and he will always try and go after you as long as you're with me. That's why I don't want you near him. And fuck those girls." I stated loudly, seeing her crack a smile. "Fuck the people who judge you. They don't fucking matter. I only matter. Think about how I feel about you." I leaned in and pressed my lips to her ear, "Think about how much I love you, and how much I care about you. I won't ever let you go. That's a fucking promise, Bella. Tell me you believe me." I pushed her hair back and then whispered, "Tell me you trust me."

She was quiet for a moment, as if contemplating it but it only took her a few seconds until she looked up at me, her eyes soft and brown, her lips plump and asking to be kissed. She let out a deep breath and looked at me with such intensity that I just fucking knew I couldn't ever be without her, "I trust you." She whispered against my lips, tempting me to lean forward. So I did.

Needless to say, we didn't get around sleeping until the early hours of the morning.

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**Author's Note; **

**Please Read.**

**So um, WOW you guys. Seriously, I didn't think you were all going to respond so well to my message. I honestly wasn't trying to sound desperate, just letting you guys know that I love you no matter what. **

**You don't know how lucky I am to have you guys and have all of you behind my back.**

**Your responses help me write more. This chapter would have been here earlier but with the Holidays and I had my friend from Florida visit me for a couple of days, I couldn't write as much as I wanted to.**

**But right when I dropped my friend off yesterday, I came home and wrote and continued until today.**

**If you give me the same response like last time, I'm pretty sure you'll get a quick update. Is that me bribing you? Ha, no not really.**

**But I'm not kidding. The more responses the more I am eager to write for you. Um, I've posted like four chapters in the past month. That's more than what I have ever done before. **

**Thanks so much you guys, I love you all. **

**Thanks to my Beta Lauren who cracked this out real fast.**

**And a shout out to my friend Caity and her mom (who is one of my readers). Caity's dad is in the hospital, sending good thoughts to her and her family. Love you guys!**

**Love you all sooo much. Till next time. **

**xoxo **

**shelby **

**p.s. follow me on twitter! www(dot)twitter(dot)com/xbitterangelx**


	22. The Weekend

**Author's Note; Not much to say here, except you know the deal. Read and review and tell me what you think.**

**Fucking love you guys.  
****&& my beta Lauren, big hugs for her!**

**Alright, you know what to do.**

**xoxo  
****shelby **

**

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**EPOV**

I couldn't even fucking believe how slow this week has gone. It's like time just fucking knew that this weekend was _the_ weekend Bella and I would finally go that extra step that we have so patiently waited for. Granted it's only been a few months since we've known each other – but it just felt right. So time decided to be a dickhead this week and go by really fucking slow. But it had finally turned into Friday, and tonight was our night.

I was a fucking nervous wreck. My first time was ruined years ago, but I didn't want hers to end up the same way. I had everything ready and was going to make this as easy as possible for her – but I just couldn't help but listen to that voice in the back of my mind that told me that she may end up hating tonight. What if it hurts her too much and I'm overcome with too much pleasure and don't stop? What if a fucking meteorite hits my house and kills us both? What if one of the candles catch the fucking house on fire?

That's when I realized I was over-reacting, but just in case I decided to nix the candles.

With all this worry, something else was causing me to be weary. I couldn't help but think back to our last fight we had; the same night I told her I loved her. Bella was right, I didn't have any right to pry into what could possibly be wrong with her because she had told me everything, and I have yet told her nothing. Nothing about my real parents and nothing about what happened all those years ago. I decided that tonight, would be the night I would tell her. Just so that we were equal on both sides.

It was Friday evening, and I was cleaning up my room for Bella's visit. She was going to come over for tutoring, give Charlie some lame excuse on how Alice and her are doing something the whole weekend, and just stay with me. I'd be fucking lying if I said I wasn't nervous that Charlie wouldn't just pop over at some certain point of the day, but I knew he trusted her. A knock on my door caught my attention, and I turned to see Carlisle open it.

"Hey." I said, shoving my guitar case next to my bed. "Sup?"

"Nothing." He shrugged, decked in formal wear for his trip. "Just wanted to make sure you're all set for this weekend."

"Yeah," I began with a nod, "I'm good."

"I'm sure if you asked Jasper, you'd be able to go to the camping trip with them." Carlisle suggested and I fucking laughed, sitting myself on my rolling chair at my computer desk.

"Rather not. I get enough of him and Alice sucking face at school as it is." I ran my fingers through my hair, watching as Carlisle stepped forward towards my bed, sitting himself down at the end of it, diagonal from me. It was very unlike him.

"So you're alright by yourself all weekend?" He asked.

"I'm not a fucking child." I glared, "I'll be fine."

It came out harsher than intended, but I didn't regret it. I've stayed by myself plenty of times, that plus I'm eighteen fucking years old. If he was going to suggest a babysitter, then I would have fucking flipped.

"You know, Edward…" He began with a deep gust of air, "You've seemed very… Calm lately."

"Calm?" I asked.

"Yeah." Carlisle nodded, "Not as riled up. I know I'm going to regret asking this, but…" He began with a gulp, "Are you on anything…New?"

My initial reaction was the yell at him. Why does everyone fucking assume I'm on something just because I'm happy? But Carlisle knows my past, and knows some of my present. He's helped me with my drug problem ever since he walked in on me snorting a line of coke off my math book. He was disappointed to say the least, but he wasn't at all that mad, or at least he didn't seem like it – he probably expected it, an orphan with a fucked up background. I couldn't blame Carlisle. He was only going off his judgment from the past.

"No, I'm not." I told him with a hard chuckle, turning in my chair as I began busying myself with something else.

"I mean, its not that it's a bad thing. It's very… Relaxing." He chuckled and I turned back to him, leaning myself further on the chair.

"Relaxing?"

"To say the least," He smiled, "What's gotten you in this mood?" He questioned as my fingers drummed on my knee. I couldn't fucking possibly tell him about Bella. He wouldn't fucking dare let his adoptive son who is also a (former) drug addict date the Chief of Police innocent daughter, who he may mention also is very sick with depression. Yeah, that wouldn't fucking fly with him. I hated lying to Carlisle – as much as I have done it in the past. Now, I can see all of the things he's done for me and all the shit I've caused him. I decided I'd only tell half of the truth, I guess in the grand schemes of things it's better than lying in general.

"I've…" I began with a shrug, "I've met someone."

"Oh?" He asked. "If you don't mind me asking…"

"C'mon Carlisle." I laughed, shaking my head. "You don't fucking expect me to do girl talk with you?"

"No, then. I guess your right." He stood himself up and headed towards the door, "Whoever she is, she's doing a good job." He said, his hand on the doorknob.

I nodded in agreement as a small smile played at my lips, "She is."

Carlisle smiled with a nod, "Don't forget to lock up." He told me as he said his goodbye. I leaned back into my chair, realizing that I was stupidly smiling at nothing – but over everything.

**BPOV**

"So what are you going to do tonight?" Charlie asked just before sticking a mouthful of steak into his mouth. I shrugged as I played around with my salad, moving the lettuce from side to side with my fork, my free hand cupping the side of my head. I was trying to act as non enthusiastic as possible, but inside I was doing flips.

"Going to Alice's for the weekend." I said, finally taking a bite of my salad. Everyone from the Cullen's were gone – besides Edward. He had said he wanted me with him for the night so he wouldn't get _lonely_ and we could actually be together without having to wake up early so one of us could sneak out.

"The whole weekend?" He asked, and I nodded, "And where will the boys be?" Charlie asked, not missing a beat.

"Emmett and his girlfriend are going to some college visit in California, and Edward is going with his friend Jasper to a camping trip." I tried to seem all nonchalant whilst lying, and if I have to say so myself, it turned out very well.

"Oh. So just a girl's weekend?" Charlie asked, pleased to hear that the boys wouldn't be accompanying us.

"Yup." I nodded, hiding my smile as I pressed my fingers over my lips.

Xx

After Charlie left I began packing my bags for the weekend. Apart of me was saying that this was a horrible idea – that somehow Charlie would find out but another part of me couldn't back down. A whole weekend alone with Edward? We only got nights to ourselves, and the rest of the time we were with other people at school. I couldn't my smirk as I zipped up my bag just before turning around and sitting at the edge of my bed.

Maybe this weekend would be our weekend, maybe he'll finally give in and we can show each other just how much we love each other.

I rolled my eyes to myself, knowing that Edward was on the chastity train for who knows how long. It was odd – seeing him trying to protect my virtue when I was willing to shove it in his face and take it without looking back. I'm sure he didn't give it a second thought when Jessica flung herself at him, and that very thought sent me into a spiral of anger. I huffed at my automatic finger pointing to Jessica, and dissipated the thought.

_He loves me, not her. _

I didn't even know why I was so eager to be with him in that way anyways. It was as if my libido had an on and off switch, and it's just been stuck on for the past few months. Maybe it was something to seal the deal – something that we could share together. Of course we could share kisses and hugs, as well as holding each other in our arms, but it was nothing compared to sex. It was an intense and romantic (at least some of time) connection that two lovers had.

Was that what we were? Lovers?

Maybe this was a topic I should bring up to Edward later, but right now – I was too eager to go and see him. I finished packing my weekend bag and brought my book bag for tutoring. He'd be stupid to think we'd be skipping that last part. I looked up the house before walking myself to the street and to the Cullen's yard. Carlisle's Mercedes was gone, but I was thankful that Alice had left her Porsche and Jasper picked her up, because that would just allow Charlie to relax a bit more.

Edward had texted me earlier and told me to just walk in, and I did as I was told, locking the door behind me. I heard music – head banging Ozzy Osborne kind of music, coming from the kitchen. What on God's green earth would listen to _that_ while they were cooking? I put my bags down by the door and wrapped my arms over my stomach as I walked towards the music – the light of the kitchen becoming stronger until I had reached the doorway.

There was Edward, trying to boil noodles even though they were sticking half way out of the pot, attempting to stir the sauce in one bowl, and do something with another pot that sat on the stove. I put my hand over my mouth, stifling my laugh as the chorus went louder, Edward grew more into cooking. I literally had tears forming in my eyes, and it wasn't until he burnt himself when I decided to intervene. I walked up behind him, relieved he still hadn't seen me, too focused on the food and the music.

"How's it cookin'?" I asked from behind him. He yelped out and swung around, his hand over his heart as he took down a big gulp.

"Jesus Christ, Bella. You scared the shit out of me." He laughed, and I smirked, looking past his shoulder. He distracted me though by pulling me into a hug and pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"You're…Cooking?" I asked him, my words muffled by the fabric of his shirt. He pulled away and grinned impishly as he looked back at the pots.

"I don't know if you would technically call this cooking – more attempting to cook." He said and I turned to see that in the pot was some kind of Ravioli and the sauce was undoubtedly Alfredo sauce. "It'll be done in ten minutes. Go into the living room and make yourself comfortable."

"Is that where we're eating?" I asked, hooking my fingers into his belt loops.

"Yeah." He said as his breathing hitched. I smiled and leaned up to give him a light kiss before I released him and made my way to the living room. When I walked into the normally bright, white room I was stunned to see it completely transformed. The blinds were down and the light was dim. The elegant marble coffee table in front of Esme's white couch had a red table cloth over it, one single white candle lit and dimming the room. There were even rose pedals on the floor.

He was good.

I made myself at home, sitting on the couch as I overlooked his hard work. He was really trying to impress me – and it was working. Who knew Edward had such a romantic side to him. If felt like only a few minutes, but Edward had made his way out with two plates, setting one down in front of me, and other on the opposite side.

"Noodles and Alfredo with shrimp ravioli." He said smugly. I smirked and slid myself down onto the floor where I was leveled with my plate. Edward made one last trip into the kitchen and came out with two glasses and a bottle of champagne; he stopped just shy of the stereo and turned up the volume where piano music softly filled the room.

"And where did you get that?" I asked, suggesting to the bottle of champagne.

"I've got connections," He smirked as he popped the top off and filled our glasses, sitting himself down in front of me. "Shall we toast?" He asked and I glanced down at my champagne glass and than up to him, lifting it in acceptance.

"And what are we toasting to?" I asked curiously.

Edward was quiet for a moment, thinking of what to say, but then he stopped – a smile spreading across his lips as he lifted his glass. "To us."

I could feel the blush rise in my cheeks.

"To us." I repeated, and we tipped our glasses to each other just before taking a sip.

And as we got further into dinner I had come to realized that the meal he cooked was surprisingly delicious. Not that I had any doubt that he couldn't do it, but seeing Edward in the kitchen and cooking is as rare as seeing a Nun on a stripper pole. It just never happens. Edward had undercooked the noodles a little bit, but that only meant they were just a bit chewy – and I didn't mind. It was the first time he had actually made a meal and did it well. The ravioli was amazing, and I even told him so. He smirked and nodded, trying not to take in too much glory. I clearly was giving him a big head.

The dinner was filled with conversation about things that really didn't matter like school and Charlie. Edward was clearly that he would find out about this weekend, but I assured him that Charlie trusted me when he clearly shouldn't have. Things began to relax, and the champagne was causing Edward to unwind. Our conversation had turned into a playful banter, the two of us flirting like never before. It was quite cute, actually. Edward would mention how beautiful I looked this evening, then I would comment back on how his cooking made him irrevocably sexy. I could have sworn he blushed. I had downed my second glass of champagne, and Edward was quick to fill my glass once again.

"Are you _trying_ to get me drunk?" I asked with a smirk, taking a sip of my champagne. He chuckled and shook his head, finishing his glass as well as he went back to eating. For a moment I just watched him, the way he cut into his ravioli and ate it, and the way he would wipe his mouth after every bite as if he were trying to avoid getting messy, which was a very un-Edward thing to do. I set my hands into my lap, and continued to watch – until I had to say something. "Edward?" I asked softly, watching as he looked up at me – he looked nervous. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" He asked with a forced chuckle.

"All of this." I explained. His smile had faltered, and I knew I had hurt his feelings, "No, I love it. Really, I do. It's just very…unlike you. And that's not a bad thing at all… I'm just wondering if there is reasoning behind it." I finished and Edward contemplated my words, weighing them, and thinking about his response. Finally he glanced down at my half eaten plate, gesturing if I was done or not. I shook my head and went back to eating. Something was definitely on his mind, and I was going to find out what exactly.

But I decided to change to topic.

"So how do you think you did on your history test today?" I asked him before taking in a large bite of noodles in my mouth. After I had chewed and swallowed, I smirked at him, "Don't think I forgot that we also have tutoring tonight, mind you."

"I'm trying to forget." He rolled his eyes.

"Well are they working?" I asked, leaning back against the couch that was behind me.

"Of course. I think I at least got a solid B on my test today. I knew the stuff pretty well. It was on the Boston Tea Party." He smirked and I laughed. He definitely passed that test – we were on that topic for at least three weeks. There is no way that information _wasn't_ permanently stained in his brain.

"Bella?" Edward finally said through the soft piano music producing from the stereo. I looked up at him, a noodle hanging from my mouth and catching it before it fell. He laughed at me and leaned forward, wiping a smudge of alfredo sauce away from the corner of my lip.

"Thank you." I said.

"Listen, I know you're all confused and shit, it's just… I want tonight to be perfect." He told me, and I cocked my head to the side. "Fuck, I don't know how to do this right."

"Do what right?" I asked.

"Are you finished?" He disrupted, and I was shocked at his sudden change of conversation. Finally, I had just given up. Tonight was not going the way I thought it was going to.

"Yes." I told him, watching as he scrambled up and took both our plates into the kitchen. Something was wrong with him, and I couldn't figure out what. Maybe he regretted the dinner, inviting me over. Maybe he wanted alone time or something, God if I know. I stood from the couch, wanting to go to him but thought better of it. Whatever he was dealing with, he was clearly trying to do it on his own. So instead I blew out the candle before someone forgot and turned down the stereo. I began walking around the room, noticing pictures I had seemed to miss last time I was here. There was a family photo of Carlisle, Emmett and Edward. Edward looked to be only a year younger, and all three of them were dressy clothing. Carlisle wore a suit, sitting at a mahogany desk, and behind him on his left was Emmett who wore an all black shirt and black pants, and Edward to Carlisle's right whore a black shirt with a silver vest over it with black pants. None of them were smiling.

I then walked over to another family portrait, this one freshly taken considering Alice and Esme were now in it. It looked like they were in a studio, Esme and Carlisle wrapped in each other as Emmett and Edward stood off to the side, and Alice sat on the ground. They were all smiling in that photo – everyone except Edward. I mean he was smiling, but it was forced, and I could tell. I knew him well enough to distinguish between real and fake.

"Bella?" I heard Edward call out behind me and I turned to look at him, smiling to see that the stress line on his forehead had dissipated.

"I was just looking." I told him, feeling him come by my side as we looked at the photos together. "You look so serious in this picture." I giggled, pointing to the one that was just of him, Emmett and Carlisle.

"Emmett's idea to not smile. I guess it makes us look more like a mob family." He shrugged, and I looked up at him with a smirk.

"Emmett _would_ suggest that." I laughed, looking back at the picture. "But that one, everyone is smiling. Your not."

"Yes I am." He said, and pointed to his fake smile.

"Doesn't count. You're forcing it." I said sternly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"And how do you know that?" He asked, cocking and eyebrow over to me. I just shrugged and looked back to the picture.

"I've been around you long enough to know when your faking a smile, trust me." I grinned, setting my hand on his shoulder as I turned around and headed back to the couch. But before I could take another step, Edward had grabbed my hand. I turned to see something I thought I would never see in him – heartbreak. "Edward?" I asked, stepping closer to him as our fingers intertwined. "What's wrong?" He brought me closer to him, and I relished in his touch, feeling his hand let go of mine as we wrapped ourselves in each other.

"I have to tell you some things, things that I haven't talked about in a fucking while. That's why I'm so antsy tonight." He murmured all of this against my head, breathing out against my hair as I clutched onto him. "You showed me you're past; I want to show you mine."

Then I immediately felt guilty for what I had said to him when we were fighting – I yelled at him for not telling me about his past when I opened my heart out and told him about mine. Clearly, it was difficult for Edward to open his heart, even if it was to me. It was a scar he clearly wanted to leave alone and not rehash open, and I could tell that he had put it to rest once upon a time and never thought he had to bring it back up – until I showed up. I shook my head as set my hand against his cheek, willing him to look at me.

"You don't have to." I whispered, pouring all of my love into our gaze.

"No, I do. You mean something to me, and I want to tell you everything." He pulled me away to stare down in my eyes, "Plus, I need to get it off my fucking chest."

I reached forward and grabbed his chin in my hands, cupping him gingerly as I pressed a soft kiss to his lips, "Whenever you're ready." I whispered, and I felt him sigh against me just before tugging me towards the couch. Once we sat down, Edward was distant. I felt that he needed to be this way, and my touch could only comfort him when he needed it to, and right now he just needed this to be over with. Like ripping off a band-aid.

"I guess you could say I really haven't had a normal life. My parents – my real parents, they were drug addicts. Still fucking are if I remember correctly." Edward grabbed his chin, rubbing it soothingly as he sighed. "They didn't want me. So they put me in foster care." He paused for a moment, his shoulders slumping as he looked over to me. "I had some nice foster mom's. They took care of me when I needed it. I was pretty much a longer, though even at a young age. I watched all these kids just come and go to families who wanted them, while I just sat there, never fucking moving." He stopped to collect himself because he was getting angry. I just watched from the opposite side of the couch, wanting to touch him and make him feel better, but thought better of it and stayed on my side.

"I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought maybe I fucking smelled or something." He chuckled, running his hands through his hair. "I finally got the balls to mail my real parents when I was about twelve. I asked them why they didn't want me, and what was wrong with me, and why no one else wanted me… I fucking waited for a letter, hoping for some kind of sympathy or hope to look for. It took them a year to respond._ A fucking year_. And you know what they told me?" He asked, but I stood still. "They said I was a bastard child, a mistake and they never loved me. For Christ Sake's my own mother said she couldn't even hold me because she was so disgusted with me. That the only reason she had me is because she hated the idea of killing a baby, even if she didn't want it" He paused, looking away and out to the fire mantel that was left unlit while I could feel tears springing to my eyes.

"She told me that no one would ever love me." He had finally turned to look at me, his eyes jaded and bright, "Who the _fuck_ says that to a twelve year old? Let alone their own child? It fucking scarred me for life. When I was thirteen I started getting into shit. Got in with the wrong crowd because I fucking hated my life. I was doing heroin at _fourteen_. I did it because I wanted to die, and I was too much of a fucking coward to put a bullet through my head." The tears were now pouring out, and I covered my mouth to stifle a sob. Edward had not noticed the change in me. "I got sent to juvie a couple of times, and finally when I was sixteen Carlisle adopted me. It was weird, I'll admit. I mean what fucking single bachelor wants two fucked up teenagers running around in his house?"

"Carlisle saved me." Edward said with clear and stern nod. "He saved me from who I was and what I had become. I owe him everything." He paused, looking to floor before continuing, "But sometimes… Sometimes I still can hear them in the back of my mind, can hear them telling me that no one will ever love me, and I'm better off just being dead." Finally Edward had turned to me, and his expression had changed from hard to soft. He saw the tears that were streaming down my face, ruining my makeup and causing my cheeks to swell, "Fuck," He muttered and scooted towards me. On an impulse I shot myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck – holding on for dear life. "Shit, Bella. I didn't mean to make you cry." He told me honestly, stroking my hair.

I had never given much thought to Edward's back story. Charlie had just told me he fell into the wrong crowd. But never did I imagine _this_. Even if his parents did hate him, why did they have to tell a poor twelve year old, who was already confused in the first place on why no one would love him, that he would never find a family of his own? Who in their right mind would go to such length just to crush a child's dream of being loved? I may have gone through physical pain with Phil, but nothing can top Edward's emotional pain.

This is why he is a jerk to everyone he meets, why he feels the need to put everyone down just because they were breathing and why he won't let anyone get close to him. It's because he was let down so many times before, that he's used to people walking in and out of his life. I clung to him tighter, now finally understanding his heartache and why he is the way he is.

"It's not true." I told him through sniffles. "None of it." I pulled away, wiping my tears with my sleeves just before cupping his chin. "What they said to you were lies, and I know that's hard to believe," I began and Edward looked away. He couldn't believe it because no one has told him differently, "But you have to trust me. You're not a nobody, and you didn't deserve any of that. Okay? You are a good person, Edward. And everything that happened to you is in the past. What you did when you were younger impacts you in no way now. You were hurt, and you were left by the parents you thought loved you because you didn't know any better." I stroked his cheek with my fingers, forcing him to look at me, "There are people here that love you, and who want you." I sobbed, and brought myself closer so our foreheads were touching, "I love you, and I want you. Forever."

Edward had looked up to me, his eyes glinting as he let out a strangled, dry sob. "Fuck." He cried as he shook his head, "No one has ever fucking said that to me. Ever." He looked back up in my eyes, seeing the sincerity and truth behind them.

"I promise you, I will help you forget them." I nodded, feeling his wet cheeks and wiping them instantly just before pulling him to me as we enveloped each other in our arms.

He was a broken child, who needed healing. I would heal him.

We sat like that for hours – and at one point we laid down on the couch. Edward had encircled me in his arms, and I lay against his chest. We were both awake and alert to each other. If one moved, the other moved with them. We were in sync; I felt it was because we were now an equal balance. He knew about my past and I knew about his. It was hard to hear his story, to hear what had to go through, but in the end it only made us stronger. It made me realize why he is the way he is, but I could honestly love him no less. In fact, the story only made me love him more – made me want to care for him and help him. From now on, we would laugh together, and we would cry together.

"I love these moments with you." Edward broke the silence and I smiled against his chest, "Of course I love every fucking moment with you, but being by your side with you in my arms… It makes all the pains of my past just go away."

"Your past means nothing." I told him, "Of course there will always be the scars, physically and emotionally – but it'll never change. The only good thing about your past," I said as I kissed his chest, "Is that it made you into who you are today. And I love every single bit of you." My head lifted so that it was nuzzled in the crook of his neck, and I could feel him chuckle as I sprinkled kisses against his skin.

"I never thought," Edward began with a soft voice, his fingers soothingly running up and down my spine as I drew invisible shapes on his chest with the tip of my finger, "I would find someone like you." I looked up at him with a smile, watching as he glanced down at me. "I never thought I was worthy enough for someone like you."

"You are." I told him instantly, leaning forward to kiss his chin.

"Well, you may think that, but I still think you're above me." He smirked.

"I don't want to be above you. I want to be your equal." I told him as we were now face to face.

"You are. You just so happen to also hold other qualities that make you greater than myself." He grinned impishly and I rolled my eyes. "There is no winning this one. You're better than me – but…" He paused to grab my hand that was on his chest and bring it up to his lips, "It makes me strive to be better. For you."

"You're already better for me." I whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose. He smiled and brought his attention down to my hand, kissing my open palm and trailing his lips to each fingertip.

"I love you." He whispered, his eyes boring down into mine. My arms had encircled around his neck as my hips pressed against the side of his left one. I allowed my lips to ghost over his before finally I put on pressure, and our lips had molded against each other perfectly. The kiss was soft, yet sensual and I could feel the tingles creeping up every part of my body, lighting and lifting me.

"I love you." I told him with sincerity and honesty after pulling away only in an inch so just a wisp of air was between our faces, "I'll always love you." I promised, one hand leaving his neck to splay across his cheek. We were both now smiling like idiots, kissing each other softly with soft pecks – but at some point those soft pecks turned into hard and needful kisses. Edward's hands were at my hips, encircling me and bringing me closer to him if it were possible.

I was on top of him in seconds, feeling his tongue against mine as he leaned up. I was sitting in his lap as he brushed my hair back and groaned into the mouth. It sent an essential shock through me, and I knew that this was our moment – and his resolve was vanished.

"I want you." He breathed against my mouth as I nodded, "But not here." He gave me several other pecks before pulling me up and off the couch. We didn't make it very far after that, and I ended up pinned to the kitchen counter, feeling Edward nearly attack my neck with kisses. I giggled when he began biting, but ceased him immediately.

"How would I explain hickey's after a weekend with Alice?" I raised an eyebrow, my hand on his chest as he began smirking. He shrugged and left the question unanswered and grabbed my hands, glancing over the kitchen as if he were making sure everything was turned off so nothing could ruin this night. He pulled me towards the staircase as we walked up them together, our fingers laced and squeezing tightly because we both knew what was coming next.

Once we reached the hallway, Edward reached up and pulled on the string of the staircase that fell out of the ceiling that lead to his bedroom in the attic. He began up the stairs but I tugged on his hands, "Do you mind if I have some girl moments in the bathroom?" I asked.

"Go ahead." He told me with a smile, but stepped back down to put his hand against my jawbone and indulge me in a soft kiss that turned sensual very quickly. His tongue went across my bottom lip, and I shivered at the feel of it. Finally it had peaked between my open mouth, and softly caressed mine, his free hand wandering around my body shamelessly, running down my backside and gripping one ass cheek in his hand. I gasped into his mouth, feeling him smirk just before pecking my lips softly. "Hurry up." He told me, and I shook my head at him – he was trying to get me in the mood. And it worked.

Once he was up the stairs I bolted myself to the bathroom and began to fix myself up. That's when I realized I left my bag downstairs, and I silently cursed at myself. I didn't want nor have the time to track all the way back down to get it, even if it did have my make up in it.

_It's not like I wore much make up anyways_.

This was when I realized I was shaking. I was so nervous. I mean, I wanted this – did I ever want this, to be able to connect with Edward in ways that was it was just between him and I and no one else. I wondered if he knew all along that this was the weekend we would do this, instead of it just being an impulse. I bit at my lip and decided that I would make him wait no longer, and began combing my fingers through my hair and touching up some of the eyeliner in the corner of my eye that slightly smeared throughout the night. I took in a deep breath, looked myself in the mirror and fixed my gray sweater I was wearing.

_Tonight will be our night._

I stepped out of the bathroom and headed up the creaking stairs of the attic just before hitting his door that was left open just a crack. I knocked on it and opened the door to find Edward busying himself with something at his desk – he looked just as nervous.

"You alright?" I asked, trying to play it off like I had no worry in the world. One of us had to be the one who kept it together.

"Yeah." He said, smiling as he walked towards me, "Bella, you look fucking beautiful." He whispered, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull us closer. I grinned as my arms went around his neck, pulling his face to mine as our heated kiss from downstairs continued. Edward groaned in my mouth as our tongues intertwined, the heat of them together causing sparks to shoot up in my body, sprinkling all around me. My hands began wandering from his neck and down to his waist. I could feel his evident arousal against my leg, and that's when I realized that this was just as good for him as it was for me, and that sparked my libido.

"Edward." I moaned, pulling away from his lips that were now swollen slightly. I gripped his face in my hands, sprinkling kisses against his lips before whispering, "I want you to make love to me. Tonight and into the morning." The words came out before I even realized I said it, and because I did it sparked something inside of Edward. He groaned loudly, pulling me to him and lifting me in his arms. He took me to his bed, and before I knew it my back hit the covers, and I could feel him all around me.

His lips were at my neck and he whispered promises to me, "Bella, I'm going to make you feel so fucking good." He said, his hand against the seam of my jeans as he began rubbing. I was already heated, and this was just added fuel to the fire. I moaned inwardly and tilted my head back, wishing it was skin on skin, but happy that my jeans were so thin. His lips went from neck and began trailing down the fabric of my shirt and lifting it as he did so. His fingers crept underneath the fabric and pulled it off and over my head when I lifted my arms, leaving me in my bra and jeans.

His lips kissing around my upper chest, his tongue diving into the dip between my breasts. I moaned out of pleasure, loving the way tongue drove me wild. He looked up at me with a smirk and I rolled my eyes at him, biting at my lip to suppress another moan that tried to escape when he began trailing kisses down my stomach. His fingers began working at the buttons of my jeans, slowly pulling them down to reveal my black lace panties – that so happened to math my bra. Edward groaned at the sight of them, nipping at the lace as his fingers began rubbing against the very, very thin fabric of my panties.

"Edward…" I moaned, watching in fascination.

"Fuck, Bella. You're already so wet." He told me and my head drove back against the pillows as I moaned loudly, biting on my lip to suppress my screams. I didn't look down at him, and instead just felt him slowly sliding my panties down from my legs. He threw them somewhere, and at this point I could care less. I looked down once I felt his lips against my inner thigh, and it was a sight to see an unruly mess of copper hair between my legs.

My heart was pounding against my ribcage as I waited in anticipation – biting my lip once he bit my soft flesh of my thigh. And then, out of no where. I felt his tongue – _there_. It was if he couldn't wait any longer, but I was not complaining. His tongue could do wonders, and have been for the past couple of weeks. I moaned at the feel of his tongue splayed across my wet folds, and I nearly lost it, biting on my lip as I began whimper. And then our eyes met once I looked down, and the feeling shot something through me. Watching Edward look at me as he pleasured me – it was something all in itself.

And then his fingers came into play, and I was undone within seconds.

I was panting on his bed, coming down from my high as I bit on my lip. Edward had trailed himself back up to me, kissing me and I could taste myself on him. It was odd, but erotic and it was as if I needed no time to recover – I was ready for him again.

I leaned myself up and gripped his shirt, tugging it off of his body as I began kissing his chest. I pushed him down onto the bed, getting on top of him as my tongue grazed his abdominals, "_Fuck_." He muttered as my hand wandered down to his jeans and I gripped him through the fabric. Before I knew it I had his jeans and boxers gone and on the floor. I gripped him, and he hissed at me as I began stroking.

I leaned down and began to kiss him on his lips while keeping a soft pace with him in my fist. Edward moaned against me and as if a flip had switched he pulled away from me, turning me around so that I was back on my back, and he was working at my bra strap on top of me. He had unclasped it and thrown it to the side and out of our way. He was quick to take my breast in his mouth, sucking gingerly on my already hard nipple.

"Edward…" I breathed, watching as he glanced up at me, "I need you."

He stopped what he was doing and looked up towards somewhere and reached for something. I realized he had a condom, something I had easily forgotten in our bottomless pit of passion and lust. He leaned up and I watched as he opened the packet, slowly sliding the condom on. I bit at my lip and knew that this was it. In a few moments, Edward and I would be connected as one, and the thought of it sent an overload of love through me.

Edward had leaned back down, and there was only a wisp between the two of our heads, our noses gently touching as I could feel his breath against my own. He had grabbed my hips and I could feel his tip against me, running up and down my slit. I let out a soft moan, feeling him make another round, and by this time I was begging him with my eyes to just _do it_.

"This will hurt a little bit. If it becomes too much, just fucking tell me and I'll stop." He said and I nodded, my breathing hitched my throat as I felt his tip stop at my entrance. He slowly began to enter inside of me – and I realized he was right. It was definitely not what I expected – the pain wasn't horrible but it was not comfortable. I kept my jaw closed and just looked up into his eyes.

But then I looked up at him and he looked into my eyes, and all of his love an adoration and even fear poured into me, and I took ever ounce of it. My arms wrapped around his neck, and the pain was no longer there – just love. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. Edward hissed as I engulfed him more, and he was stretching me to impossible limits. I let out a soft moan to let him know I was enjoying it, and then he was all the way in, and I felt so _full_. But not only physically but emotionally. He loved me, and we were finally making love with each other. The thought and the feelings sent me into a spiral of pleasure. I looked at Edward whose eyes were tightly closed as he relished in the pleasure.

"Edward." I moaned, and he opened his eyes as he began to slide out. "Faster." I breathed. He leaned down, pressing his lips firm against mine as he pushed back in again, filling and stretching me. I moaned my gratitude, and Edward's response was a low growl, that was almost animal like. It turned me way on. My hands traveled down as my palms rested against his hips, helping and directing him to fasten the pace.

He didn't go as fast as I wanted him too – probably in fear that he would hurt me, but the pace he had set was perfect. He pumped into me with soft but leisured strokes. The pain was no longer there, and I was now finally feeling every ounce of pleasure every time he entered me. Again, again, and again. Edward was growling in my neck, his hands around my waist to help me gently off the bed to give him more access. My legs went around his hips, the heels of my feet pressing into the small of his back as I could feel sweat began to form on both of our bodies.

"God, you're so fucking tight." He told me against my neck, and I let out a soft moan, tilting my head back and into the pillow, "You feel so good." He applauded me with comments again and again, lighting a flame in the pit of my stomach that was slowly unraveling, and I knew the feeling. I was close to my edge, _already_. Edward was groaning against the wet skin of my neck, leaving sloppy kisses as he pumped harder and faster.

My lips trembled and one of my hands went back, holding the headboard behind me. "Edward…" I moaned, just to say his name and repeated it over and over again with every stroke and every caress. He was going impossibly fast and I was tittering over the edge, ready to let go and give into my orgasm. But I waited for him to finish, wanting him to have that great escape with me. "Edward," I began, kissing the soft skin of his ear, "Let go with me." I whispered, and he let out a staggering breath, and with one more erratic pump, both of us had let go.

We moaned and screamed our ecstasy; gripping onto each other for dear life as we shot rocketed into the sky, and slowly began to drift down like a feather, back to earth, and back to each other.

Edward dipped his head into the crook of my neck, still breathing heavily, but as time began to pass our breathing came back to normal and the wonderful clouds that drifted in our heads dissipated, and we could clearly see again. Edward lifted his head, leaning it back down so our foreheads were touching. Our eyes were closed, and we were drinking in each other's presence just after experiencing probably the most satisfying moment of our lives – and there was only more to come.

"That was…" He began with a heavy breath, our foreheads still attached as my arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"Fucking amazing." I completed his sentence and he opened his eyes along with me, letting out a loud chuckle, nodding his head.

"Fucking amazing." He repeated, leaning down to press a soft kiss to my lips. My arms went to his neck, our lips barely skimming as our hearts were still beating a bit faster than normal. "Bella," He began, forcing my eyes to open and look at his. "I love you." He told me as if he were saying a vow – a vow that will keep us intertwined for eternity.

"I love you."

And when I looked up and into him, I could see forever in his eyes.

* * *

**Author's Note; Okay, yeah. You finally got some real lemons. Did you love it?**

**And may I point out, does anyone else find it ironic that the day I post my chapter of the first time my Bella and Edward do it, a picture from the sex scene of the Breaking Dawn movie comes out? Creeeeeeeppppyyyyyyyyy.**

**ALSO, I am ALMOST to 400 hundred reviews, so please, please, please, please review and get me there! I would love you guys sooo freaking much. **

**Alright, that's all.  
****yup, i love you guys so fucking much.**

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**xoxo  
****shelby **

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	23. The Carnival

**EPOV**

"No, your not suppose to use the waffle pan for eggs, Edward." Bella laughed as she took the pan away from me and set it on the stove. I smirked inwardly and walked behind her, my arms stretching around her waist as I allowed her to fucking cook her little heart out.

She worked the stove, cracking the eggs in one pan, as she began with the batter of the waffles in the other. I just watched her contented, my arms firmly on her stomach as one hand left to push her hair onto the other side, allowing myself access to the back of her neck. I kissed the soft skin there and took in her amazing smell as I clutched her waist tighter.

"I'm not going anywhere." She giggled in response to my tightening grip. She turned her head and set a soft kiss to my chin and forcing me to smirk. I was all fucking smiles lately.

Last night was hands down the best night of my life. Not just for the sex – though that was a very, _very_ big part of it. I felt so much closer to Bella, as if our bodies were so in-tune with each other. It was more than a physical way, but we were attached emotionally and even higher above that, something that didn't even have a name.

It was really fucking touching last night as well; because before we could even get into the love making part, I had to just spill everything. I had to show Bella the part of me that I kept hidden from everyone else. Before she came over, I was a fucking wreck. I was worried she would hate me once she realized how much shit I've done, how much of a fuck up I truly was. It scared me when I started talking to her about it, but after awhile it just started coming out. Like fucking word vomit or some shit.

But even when I was so fucking nervous to just tell her all of this, it was nice in a way, to just let it out. I had never told anyone about this life – not even Carlisle. He knew to some extent, but never heard it from me. When I finished Bella started crying, she was _fucking_ crying and I knew I was fucked. I tried to comfort her, but she just wouldn't stop. When she did, she didn't look at me like I was disgusting or some kind of horrid creature.

_She felt sorry for me._

I could remember her words she spoke to me after she had finished crying. I would remember them until the day I died. _No one_ had ever said such things to me – not even my own mother who was suppose to love me. Bella, who dealt with so much shit from me, loved me unconditionally and she made me know that it would never change.

"_It's not true. None of it_." She began, "_What they said to you were lies, and I know that's hard to believe, but you have to trust me. You're not a nobody, you didn't deserve any of that. Okay? You are a good person, Edward. Everything that happened to you is in the past. What you did when you were younger impacts you in no way now. You were hurt, you were left by the parents you thought loved you because you didn't know any better. There are people here that love you, who want you._ I_ love you, _I _want you. Forever._"

I would remember those words forever, maybe even at some point have a little part of it tattooed on my body. It was such a fucking pussy thing to do, but no one has ever said such a thing to me. That's when I realized that she was the one for me. Yes, it may have been a little early to think such a thing, I couldn't fucking help it. I love her, she loves me. It never happened like that before. I've never cared so much for someone beyond my family like I have with Bella. Fuck Carlisle and fuck Charlie. I didn't give a shit about them and what they may or may not think of our relationship. I'd deal with those fuckers later, because now, I had my Bella in my arms and I loved her so fucking much.

I felt myself smiling as Bella continued to cook, kissing the back of her neck to let her know I was here but I doubt she had forgotten.

Last night, after our dinner and conversation we went to the bedroom. I knew it was coming – it was inevitable. I wanted it to happen, I just wasn't so sure she wanted it to happen, I didn't want to fucking push her into anything. Her body was lit with passion, I could see it in her eyes that she wanted to do this. So that's exactly what we did, fucking Christ was it amazing.

I've had sex before, have fucked a few girls in my past, but never had I made love. Now, it may sound like I pussy whipped or some shit, but I'm okay to admit that. Because it was so good, so fucking amazing, that I would take it over anything else. I wanted to make love with Bella until the day I died.

It may have just been the rush of a new experience, I was pretty sure it was mainly because it was with Bella. Not with Jessica or Lauren, who meant nothing to me. It was different, better because it was with someone I love. Now I know what I have been missing out on. Why sex with other girls was pleasurable, but, in the end, meaningless. We only did it that one time last night, though Bella was practically begging me for another round, but I knew she was going to be sore today. Fuck, was I right. She told me it wasn't bad, but I forced pills down her throat anyways.

This was where we ended up, making breakfast together in Carlisle's house – still hung up blissfully on our love making. To an outsider, it may have looked corny as fuck, but to us – this was paradise.

It was very hard for me to keep my hands off her with what she was wearing – my black Ozzy Osbourne t-shirt and a pair of dark blue boy short panties. I pressed my back into her, the only thing I was wearing were my gray sweatpants, my finger hooking into the collar of her shirt and pushed it away slightly; pressing soft kisses to her skin. Bella giggled as she finished the last of the waffles and eggs.

"Now you want to get in my pants?" She asked raising a brow. I knew she was still annoyed with me cutting her off last night after only one round, it was her first time, I wanted her to heal so we could explore more _various_ positions in the very distant future.

"Well, it won't be so hard," I paused, lifting my free hand under her shirt to cup a full ass cheek, "Considering your not wearing any pants." I smirked, Bella huffed slightly, I could feel her weakening. Somehow she managed to push away from me, turning around and shoving a plate full of food in my hands. I rolled my eyes and grabbed her hand, walking to the kitchen table.

"I'm gonna' take you out tonight." I told her as we began eating out breakfast. Bella cut her eggs with a knife, sticking it with her fork before very fucking seductively taking it in her mouth. _Who would have thought – eating eggs is a really fucking turn on_.

"Oh really?" She asked, now taking a bite out of her toast – but of course not before she licked the dripping butter off the side of it. I gulped, feeling myself strain against my flimsy boxers. I didn't know if she was doing this on purpose or just didn't even realize how fucking sexy she looked, but either way – I was about to combust.

"Uhh… Yeah." I said shakily, seeing her smirk.

Oh, she was definitely doing this on purpose.

"What do you say we skip breakfast and – ahem – go have a little fun upstairs in my bed?" I asked, raising a brow. Bella quickly shook her head though, biting at her lip seductively.

"Nope." She told me. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Fuck that shit." I scoffed, seeing her giggle as she began forking at her waffles. She then proceeded to tell me to '_eat up_' and I replied with a '_oh trust me, I will'_. Bella smirked while we sat there and finished our breakfast.

I'd like to say that after eating we went upstairs and hibernated in my room for the rest of the day, but that isn't what happened. I didn't even get a blow job. I wasn't bitter because I knew tonight we'd be right back in my bed. Apparently there was some kind of Carnival going on down in Seattle and Bella begged me to go.

"It would be like our very first date." She told me, her arms tightly around my neck as she pressed soft kisses to my face. This girl had me wrapped around her little finger. So of course, I caved and realized that this would actually be fun. It would just be her and I. No Alice, Jasper, Emmett, or Rosalie, to annoy us.

Since the drive to Seattle was good fucking two hours away we decided to leave around four. I put on a pair of jeans, a black v-neck and my leather jacket; because I knew I was going to get fucking cold tonight and hoped that Bella was smart enough to grab a jacket as well. I sat downstairs in the kitchen, tapping my foot along the island as my hands went through my hair.

What the fuck was taking her so fucking long?

Finally I heard footsteps down the stairs and Bella turned the corner. Either I stopped breathing or I lost my breath – either fucking way this girl was gorgeous. Not that she usually isn't because she is, but tonight, she was so… Hot. She wore skin tight skinny jeans and a tight gray sweater, a black jacket to cover it and one of those choker necklaces with a heart in the middle. I usually don't pay attention to jewelry, but that fucking necklace made her neck look really fucking good – I don't know how it did it, but it did.

"Damn." I whistled, pushing away from the island as I walked to her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "We may possibly not make it to Seattle if you look like that."

"Oh we're gonna make it there. I'm ready for this first date." She told me, pinching my side. "You ready?" She asked and I lifted my keys as we headed out the door.

The drive to Seattle was a long one, but I didn't mind. Mainly Bella just chatted on about school and what not. You would think after so much fucking talking she'd get tired of it, or I would get annoyed, but neither happened. She didn't talk much as it was, so I was happy to hear her tell me about things that were kind of just fucking pointless. Plus, her voice always made me happy. As sappy as that sounds, it's true. It was comforting in a way that I had become accustomed to it – and I don't ever think I could part with it.

"You gonna' buy me some cotton candy?" Bella asked from the passenger seat as we pulled up near the parking lot. The place was already fucking crowded, I was worried that she would have some weird freak out with everyone here but my girl sat next to me, all grins and fucking giggles. She was excited. I'd do anything to see her act like this more often.

"Bella, I'll buy you whatever the fuck you want. I'll even throw in a few stuffed animals in there too." I smirked, grabbing her hand and lacing our fingers together.

"You gotta win those." She challenged. "I hope you've got a good aim."

"Oh baby, I've got a great aim." I looked over at her once I shifted the Volvo in park, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her neck. She let out a soft laugh, her hand on my shoulder as she began pushing me away. I just clung onto her, pressing a hard kiss under her ear just before turning away and stepping out of the car. We in the middle of the lot, and it wasn't much of a walk to the grounds. The sun was already setting, the lights of the Carnival began flickering on. As I stepped around the car, I felt Bella latch onto me, I looked down to her to see if she had any hint of discomfort. The crowd was already coming into our view and I wondered if she would be okay.

Bella looked happier than ever, I felt relieved – bringing my arm around her shoulder and holding her close to me, just in case, as we entered in the Carnival grounds. The different assortments of lights lit up Bella's milky skin. She looked like a kid in a candy store – I wondered if she had ever been to a Carnival before. I had been to one a few times when Carlisle adopted me and worked at one for a weekend, before I got fired for taking advantage of my employee discount. If I work at the hot dog stand, then I should have been able to eat all the hot dogs, correct? Well, that didn't seem to fly with my boss.

"What do you want to do first?" I asked over the music, watching as Bella glanced around the area. "Bella, have you even been to a Carnival?" I asked her and she turned to look at me sheepishly, shrugging as she shook her head. "Shit, I've got a virgin on my hands?" I asked, and she grinned, hitting my side playfully. "Well baby, be prepared for me to fulfill your every needs."

"I'm sure you could." She joked, latching on around my waist and brought her lips against mine. "What first, teacher?"

"Well, how are you on rides?" I asked, rubbing her shoulders.

"I'm okay. Nothing _too_ big." She shrugged; biting onto her bottom lip as her hand gingerly stroked my side. "As long as your there to hold me, I'll be okay."

"Baby, I'll always be here to hold you." I told her with smile and walked her towards the rides. First we waited in line for the Twister, which was a ride that suspended you to a wall and spun really fucking fast. Bella held my hand through it all, screaming once it began to hold our heads back. She was all laughs though when it was over. Next we went to the second biggest roller coast called; The Rocker. Bella had the guts to sit in the front and nearly shit herself and completely regretted it after we got off – I could tell she really fucking enjoyed herself.

After that we went on several other roller coasters before finding ourselves to Mount Everest. It was the biggest roller coaster here; I told Bella we didn't have to go on it, though I was fucking hoping she wouldn't be scared, because I for one was a roller coaster addict. Bella gulped hard and gripped my hand, telling me that she could do it. This time we sat in the middle and Bella cowered into me as we began up the first hill.

"If I die, Charlie is going to kill you." She teased jokingly – I think.

"I won't let you die." I laughed. She looked off on the side, the Carnival looking like small dots underneath us. Bella gasped, bringing herself back forward as we inched to the top.

"Shit." She muttered softly, I only brought her closer to me. As we reached the top, Bella shut her eyes so tight I could have sworn they may have possibly been permanently stuck like that. She screamed all the way down, gripping my hand so tight that it began hurting.

At the end she was laughing at herself for making such a big deal out of it, and apologizing profusely for screaming my right ear off. I rolled my eyes at her and just brought her close to my chest as we ended the rides and headed to get something to eat.

Later, Bella and I were sitting at a round table, I was stuffing my face with the greatest fucking tasting corn dog in my life, as Bella sat and ate her cotton candy across from me. Everything so far had been going great. Bella was enjoying herself; I was enjoying myself because Bella was enjoying herself and because this corndog was _really_ fucking good. I stared down at it like it was a fucking million dollar bill or some shit, hearing Bella giggle and distract my attention away from it.

"Would you like me to leave you two alone?" She asked, slipping a piece of pink cotton candy between her lips, and it was like a rubber snapped and I was all fucking hard. Sometimes, it really sucked being a fucking teenage male.

"I'm open to a threesome." I shrugged and smirked, watching as she shook her head with the cutest grin.

"Well I don't know if I'd join you, considering I don't share and all, but I see you have some groupies that probably wouldn't mind." She gestured off behind me and I turned to see a group of girls, maybe a little younger than us – smirking and waving right in my general direction. The old Edward maybe would have gone up to those girls – actually, the old Edward would have gone up to those girls to show them a good time, this new Edward, couldn't give a shit.

I turned back to my girl who continually picked at her cotton candy. The lights behind her twinkled and caused her skin to look nearly silky, her brown hair cascading over her shoulder as her big brown eyes glanced up at me. How could anyone even possibly want any of those other girls when there was an angel right here eating cotton candy? I stood from my seat and walked to her side of the table, sitting next to her and slinging my arm over her shoulder.

"You know you're the only girl I love." I told her, not even taking a second look to the other girls. Bella glanced over there and then back to me, smiling.

"I think you've upset them." She told me.

I shrugged innocently with a smirk still playing on my lips. "I really couldn't give a fuck." I told her honestly, watching as she smiled shyly as the same color of the cotton candy coated her cheeks. I picked off some of the cotton candy and lifted it towards her mouth. Bella looked up at me, opening slowly and allowing me to set it on her tongue. Before I pulled away, she reached up and grabbed my hand and ever so fucking slowly enveloped my pointed finger in her mouth.

My jaw nearly dropped to the fucking floor.

She sucked the remaining cotton candy off of my skin, her tongue gently circled around the tip of my finger, sending the sensations through my body and one part in particular. I let out a soft groan once she pulled away – fucking smirking.

"What…The…Hell?" I breathed, "You can't do that to me. Not when I can't…" I traveled off,Bella only smiled her hand reaching forward as she began playing with my shirt.

"Do you remember when James came to your party? And you had your hands all over me?" She asked softly, her fingernails gently raking over my covered chest. I remember James making a move on Bella, and she wasn't exactly my girlfriend at the time, but I had a need and a want to show him to back the fuck off of her because she was, or was going to be taken. I only nodded my head, glancing down to see her fingers teasing me. "You were marking your territory. Making sure no one touched me." She whispered, I then looked into her eyes, holding my breath. "I just marked mine." She then gestured to the side of us, and I turned to see the girls who were staring at me now gazing off in the distance, trying to keep their eyes as far away as me as possible.

"Bella, I'm not even going to fucking lie…" I gulped gently, "That was _really_ hot."

"Well, I have to make sure no one touches you." She smiled, fixing my pockets as she then grabbed my hand. "Come on; let's go on the Ferris wheel." She smiled, standing from her spot and tugging me along with her. I fixed my pants situation very quickly as we waited in line at the Ferris wheel. During this time I had caught some guys who were eye fucking my girl as she leaned against the banister of the line, talking about something that I wasn't really paying attention to, due to glaring at these guys. They didn't seem to fucking notice me though, so I did something impulsive. I put my hands on the banister, on each side of Bella and caging her in my arms. She stopped talking to me, glancing up in confusion.

"What are you doing?" She laughed, setting her hands on my arms and rubbing them up and down. This is when the guys had noticed me and I made sure they caught my killer gaze. They did and turned away, leaving my girl alone.

"Marking my territory." I smirked down at her, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to her nose. She smiled, wrapping her arms around my waist and bringing herself closer into me, allowing me to wind my arms around her shoulders. We began moving, finally we had sat down in our seats of the Ferris wheel, bringing the bar down over our laps.

"Did I ever tell you I'm slightly afraid of Ferris Wheels?" She told me and I lost my breath.

"Why the fuck are we on one then?" I asked, throwing my hands up. Bella just smiled and shook her head, grabbing my arm and wounding it around her shoulder.

"I never had anyone to go on them with. And I was always afraid I was going to slip out and no one was going to catch me." She snuggled herself closer into my body, and I realized why she didn't tell me. She felt safe with me.

"I'll always catch you." I whispered in her hair as the Ferris wheel began to move. Bella tensed for a moment, but I held onto her tightly just to remind her that I wouldn't let her go. As we began up to the top, the Ferris wheel stopped and Bella exhaled a breath. "Calm down." I smirked down at her, rubbing her shoulder. "It's suppose to do that." At that time it began going again, and then right as we hit the top it stopped once again.

Out and below us were the lights of the Seattle, the water of Elliot Bay and the moon and stars that lit up the night sky. I wasn't very sentimental when it came to things like these, but now I realized how much I've been missing out on. It was really fucking beautiful out here – and it made it even better that I had my girl under my arm. It was really moments like these that everyone should go through – being able to see the world from a different view.

"What are you thinking?" Bella asked me, I turned to look down at her. I took in a deep breath, looking back out at the view as my arm tightened around her.

"Everything." I said, looking down to see her staring up at me. "Everything that has happened to me in the past few months."

"A lot has happened." Bella stated; her face pressing into the curve of my neck. I turned my head to press my lips against the side of her forehead as I hummed my agreement. "Are you happy?" She asked against my neck, clutching me closer as I didn't even have to think about my answer.

"You know, before you…" I began, stopping to take in a deep breath. "I could tell anyone that I was happy with my life. But I didn't sincerely mean it. I had no reason to be happy." I paused, looking down to my girl who pulled her head from my neck to look up at me. "But now I can look anyone dead straight in the fucking eye and tell them that I have never been happier."

Bella cleared her throat, as almost if she were choking back tears as she reached her hand out to run along my upper chest. "Really?" Her voice was a squeak, and if it were someone else, they probably wouldn't have been able to hear her – but I did.

"You can't tell?" I asked, she shrugged. "I guess you can't. You weren't around when I was a fucking mess. I can tell you honestly, that before I met you – before you even came to Forks, there was nothing going for me. I was a man without a purpose. I was just cruising in life. Everything to me – it just seemed pointless. That's a shit way to see things, because I have it good. Like you said before, my past is my past, and I should have gotten my act together when Carlisle brought me in – but I never did. And then you showed up." I cupped one hand against her cheek and brought her closer to me. "Bella you changed me. Even Carlisle can see it. Did you know that yesterday, he thought I was on drugs because I was happier?"

"Did you…" She trailed off.

"No. I didn't tell him. But I told him I met someone. And he told me to tell that whoever it was to keep up the good work. He likes the change in me. I like the change in me. And that's all you." I told her, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Whatever you're doing to me, don't stop. I want to be better. For Carlisle, for Esme, for everyone who deserves to be treated better by me. But especially for you."

"I don't know what I'm doing." She shrugged, "But I'll keep it up." She smiled and I looked down to her, smiling along with her.

"I won't ever hurt you Bella. I will always love you." I whispered against her forehead. "You have my word on that."

"You promise?" She asked softly, her arms coming up and wrapping around my neck.

"I swear." I murmured just as the Ferris wheel began moving once again.

Xx

Once off the Ferris wheel, Bella and I headed out towards the game section of the carnival. I promised her I would win a giant stuffed Penguin for her, and we headed towards the game section. As we walked together, my arm draped across her shoulder as hers was around my waist, Bella turned her head to the side and then suddenly she had grabbed me by my arm and shoved me with her through a door.

"What are you doing?" I asked, glancing around the room we were in. It looked like a janitor closet or some shit, with walls of different cleaners and mops in the corner. Bella shut the door, locking it behind her. Her back pressed flush against it as she bit down onto her lip – and her look was mischievous. "Bella…" I trailed off, but she only stepped closer to me, her arms wrapping around my neck as she leaned in to kiss me.

And then it just fucking clicked.

My hard on grew impossibly harder as she pressed herself into me, kissing my neck and biting at it gently. She grabbed my jacket and began to shed it off my body, allowing it to fall to the floor.

"Bel…" I stopped, letting out a soft groan as I set my hands onto her hips. "I don't even have any condoms on me."

"Check my back pocket." She whispered huskily and I gulped, reaching down putting both hands in her pockets and sure enough, in her right one was one of my condoms. She must have gotten it when I was in the bathroom or some shit. She was planning this. And as much as I wanted to do this with her – as much as I have been needing a release all day and just wanted to bury myself inside of her – a fucking janitor's closet? It wasn't very idealistic.

"Bella, I just… You don't… Wouldn't you prefer my bed?" I asked softly, "I mean, this isn't very… Romantic."

"Just because I look like the girl you can take home to mom and dad, doesn't mean that I'm not the type that you can't fuck in a closet." Her words had literally forced my mouth to gape open and my eyes widen. "You made love to me last night. And as much as I enjoyed it – and I mean, really, _really_ enjoyed it… I'd like to try something different. I know whatever we do will be out of love. But that doesn't mean it has to be romantic."

"I just…" I gulped, wondering if this was just some kind of fucking test or some shit. I don't know why she would test me – but this was Bella. Little innocent virgin Bella. Well I guess the virgin part isn't true anymore – but still.

"Unless I've misread your evident arousal for a corndog?" She asked as she stuck her hand right on me. I let out a breathy groan – not really sure on how to take this conversation. Part of me must be thinking that this couldn't be Bella – because I've never seen her act this way and it _must_ be a figment of my imagination or some shit. The other part of me was screaming '_shut the fuck up and give the woman what she wants!_'

During this time I hadn't said anything – and Bella had pulled away, her eyebrows raised as a look of defeat washed over her. She thought I was denying her. And I wanted to tell her that it wasn't the case but my fucking brain was like putty. It wasn't even working at the moment – I was still trying to process everything that had just happened. And just as Bella turned to open the door my brain kicked it into high gear and I stepped forward, my hand slamming the door shut as my chest pressed flush against her back. I leaned down with my free hand, locking the door and I could just feel her smirking.

"I'm sorry." I breathed, pushing her hair to one side of her neck so I had access to the other. I began kissing it, leaving small bite marks as I pushed my boner up against her ass. At this point – I was totally fucking gone. "I just… What you said… It did something to me…"

"That's the point." She giggled, reaching her hands back as they wrapped around the back of my neck. "God, you feel so good."

_Fuck_, was she trying to kill me?

I grabbed her, turning her around so that she was now clearly facing me. "You are going to unman me, Bella." I breathed, bringing my head down as I pressed my lips against her neck once again, one hand reaching forward and unbuttoning her jeans with ease. "This is not going to be like last night," I warned.

"I know." She moaned at the feel of my hands that now pressed against her fucking hot and wet sex. "You can make love to me later. Right now… I just want you. Hard and fast."

_My little sex minx_.

I groaned against her skin and new that we wouldn't have much time until a janitor decided to come for his supplies. So as quickly as we possibly could we began shedding off our clothing. I took my hand out from her panties and pants at the same time. Her shirt came off, but I didn't have time to take off her bra, and instead just pulled her tits out instead. I kissed them gingerly and then finally just dove right in, nipping and sucking at the skin around and on her nipple. Bella let out a breathy moan, struggling to take my fucking shirt off. I didn't have time to get undressed and instead we just pulled down my pants.

Once my boxers were around my ankles I reached for the condom that was sticking half out of her jean pocket on the floor. I tore it quickly with my teeth and then rolled into onto my very fucking hard dick. I was so fucking gone I don't even think there was ever a point of return. But I knew I had to come back before I lost myself – just for a moment – just so I could warn her.

I lifted her up, her back pressed against the door. "Wrap your legs around my waist." I ordered and she did. And I was just right fucking there – her fucking hot, wet entrance was just right there. But I had to snap out of it – I had to put this side of me away just a second. "Bella." I began with a low voice, "I don't know if you're fully healed yet. So if this in any fucking way hurts you…"

"I know, I know… I'll tell you." She mocked, but I was fucking serious. "Edward, just don't worry about it. Lose yourself. I want you too." She pleaded, leaning forward and kissing me hard and fast. That sent me into a spiral of pleasure and soon enough I had cupped her ass and as gently as I could entered myself in even though I wanted to pound into her so fucking hard. "Edward," She growled impatiently. I nodded and pulled out – redoing it but this time I fucking rammed inside of her. The amount of pleasure that shot through the both of us was so fucking amazing.

She was still so tight and I was just bigger than I expected and it was just – fucking Heaven. Bella moaned loudly, gripping onto my shoulders as I repeated my actions.

Again.

And again.

And again.

It was like I took some super charged energy supplement and I was just plowing into her like there was no tomorrow. I looked up at her, seeing if there was any kind of sign of discomfort because if there was I was going to force myself pull out even if it fucking killed me. But Bella just moaned loudly, nearly screaming as her nails dug into my shoulders.

It would have hurt if I was shirtless, it would have hurt if I wasn't drugged up on her body and the gratification of her fucking pussy enveloping my dick. It was like it was hugging me so tightly, in either as a hello or a '_don't you fucking go anywhere because I'm not done with you yet'_. I growled hard against the skin of Bella's neck, continuing our movements. The door rattled and I fucking prayed that no one could hear.

"Fuck." I snarled, feeling my shirt stick to my sweaty body.

"Edward…" Bella cried above me, "Please… Faster…"

With her words another surge of energy went through me and if it were at all possible I went faster. Bella and I moaned and groaned our enjoyment together, sometimes they even sounded a bit incoherent. "Fuck, Bella… I can't…" I began, feeling the coil in my stomach start to tighten even more as if it were warning me.

"Me too." She whispered hoarsely, her hand lifting so that she pressed her palm on the door above her head, glancing down to look where we were connected. I followed her time and at the same exact time both of us had muttered, "_Fuck_."

I looked up to her, seeing her looking back and suddenly had this overwhelming feeling to tell her that I loved her. Right when I was fucking her into oblivion, I wanted to tell her how much I fucking love her and how happy she makes me. And that's exactly what I did. After confessing my already known love for her, Bella had reached up to grab her own tits and the sight was just right fucking there and I knew I had nothing but seconds left.

But she beat me to the punch and I felt her tighten around me and her voice raising an octave higher than normal as she grounded out a few profanities. That was what set me off. Not the profanities, though it was pretty fucking hot to see my little Bella cuss – but her cumming right on me. My coil then burst and I released myself, leaning forward and pressing my mouth to her neck to try and control my very loud moans. My lips fell down to her shoulder and I gently bit down onto her skin, enough to leave a mark.

"Edward…" Bella moaned, her fingers running through my hair as we both drifted down to the ground that was skewed with our clothes. I looked up to her, her hair sticking against her forehead from the sweat and ever so lightly I brushed it away just before pressing a kiss to her lips. "Thank you." She whispered against my lips and I let out a soft chuckle.

"No problem." I smirked seeing her reflect it. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers.

"I know we have to get up…" She began, "But I'm pretty sure my legs are gonna feel like jelly." She giggled and I snickered.

"Don't worry. I'll help you." I stood up, holding out my hand for her to grab. Once she did, I lifted her up and helped her get dressed just before pulling up my boxers and pants just before removing the condom. And then suddenly, as we began opening the door Bella had flung her arms around my shoulder and brought me in a fierce hug.

I didn't question it and instead just wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her from her feet slightly above the floor. "I love you." She told me in a whisper against my ear. I smiled and ran my fingers through her hair just before turning to kiss the side of her head.

"I love you." I told her.

Xx

After we left the closet all sated with hot Carnival sex, we walked hand in hand to the games. I ended up winning Bella a medium sized teddy bear. I apologized for not being able to win her a giant penguin but Bella fucking loved her teddy bear. She pressed it to her chest like a little girl and pressed a kiss to my cheek, thanking me profusely for the new friend. I just smirked down at her and grabbed her hand, lacing our fingers together.

The ride home was quiet and Bella had fallen asleep against my shoulder as her bear sat on her lap. Our fingers were still laced together; occasionally I turned to look at her sleeping form. She was just so fucking peaceful, and so serene. She was beautiful and I was entranced by her. I looked back to the road, my thumb brushing across against her own as I gazed in front of me.

And then something came over me.

I couldn't see my future without this girl – and I couldn't see me with anyone else. I glanced back at Bella who shuffled slightly but only squeezed tighter on my hand. I looked back to the road and took in a deep breath – thinking of what would become of me if I lost her. An invisible hole appeared in my chest and it twitched slightly – forcing me to wince.

_I couldn't lose her._

_It would fucking ruin me. _

I realized now that Bella was my better half, she was my soulmate. It was odd to think about it because never once before her did I ever fucking think I'd be in this situation. But here I was, picturing being with her forever – putting a ring on her finger, exchanging vows, starting a family – growing old with her. It excited me but terrified me at the same time. Excited me because I knew this is what I fucking wanted, something I needed. It terrified me because if I ever lost her – the thought shook me to my very fucking core.

The thoughts followed me all the way back to Forks. Once we reached back home, Bella was still sleeping and I shifted the car in park and just sat there. I looked over to my girl who was snuggled up at my side, her ribs lying against the console as the teddy bear was clutched in her other hand right in her lap. I leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, feeling her stir gently.

"Baby?" I asked softly, hearing her moan from sleep. "We're back."

"Okay." She said sleepily and stretched out. I stepped out to open her door for her, but she was already out. I locked the car when we shut our doors and wrapped my arm over her shoulder as she held her teddy bear to her chest.

"Have you become attached to him?" I asked with a soft chuckle at the way she was holding him as if someone were going to snatch him away.

"Mmm." She smiled up at me. "I've decided to name him Eddie." She giggled and I just rolled my eyes and brought her inside. After locking up the house we headed up into my room. I fell down onto my bed with a large sigh, rubbing my eyes as I felt her then crawling up my body. "Are you tired?" She asked innocently, I shrugged, looking over at her.

"Depends. What do you have in mind?" I smirked, leaning over to press a kiss to her chin.

"We'll it's our last night together." She whispered, her fingers trailing down my neck. I pulled away and shook my head, running my fingers through her hair.

"I'll still come over the weekdays." I told her with a soft chuckle. "Nothing can keep me away from you." I told her with a grin, enveloping her in my arms and shoving _Eddie_ to the side.

"Edward?" She asked softly after a few minutes of passionate kissing. I pulled away to look down into her chocolate brown eyes, her fingers gently caressing my cheek as they lifted to behind my shoulders. "Will you show me how much you love me?" She whispered softly, her eyes not looking at me accusingly as if I hadn't been doing so, but just generally asking.

I smiled and covered her body with my own and showed her just how much I truly love her.

* * *

**Author's Note; Yeah, sorry for the wait guys. Maybe this will make up for it? Hopefully? You got some lemons and fluff. What could be better?**

**Mmkay, I'll try to not take so long next time!**

**thanks to my beta lauren :D**

**Hope you guys enjoyed, and as always –  
****Review!**

**Tell me what you think.  
****Love you guys.**

**xoxo  
****shelby **

**p.s. follow me on twitter www(dot)twitter(dot)com/xbitterangelx**


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